Chapter Ten: Beautiful
I sighed, walking through yet another clothes shop which might as well be empty.
“Ailia, if you don’t start trying clothes on soon, I’ll start picking them for you,” Mikayla threatened.
I shrugged. “None of them would look good on me.”
Mikayla shook her head. “Your last guy must’ve been pretty bad.”
“Huh?”
Mikayla led me out of the store. Instead of going straight into another one, she took me to a cafe. “Sit down,” she instructed. We sat and Mikayla ordered a coffee for both of us. “Your last relationship. Tell me about it.”
I immediately felt the discomfort which came with thinking about my life with Joel. “I don’t like talking about it.”
“I know, but it’s still affecting you. Especially while you don’t talk about it.”
I shrugged.
“Ailia, this is what I do. I want to help, but I can’t if you won’t help me to understand.” She stopped speaking when the waitress came with the coffee. Mikayla thanked her and waited for her to leave. “Was he abusive?” she asked.
I nodded.
“He hit you?”
I nodded again, taking a sip of my coffee and wondering how much I should tell Mikayla.
“So he made you feel special. You thought he was the most amazing guy in the world, and then he started to hit you. Yet you still thought he loved you?”
“That’s pretty accurate.”
Mikayla smiled. “It’s not as uncommon as you think.” She sipped her coffee. “How long were you with him?”
“Seven years.”
Mikayla’s eyes widened. “For how many of those seven years was he abusive?”
“Four. It only started when I moved in with him.”
“And how old were you when you first got together?”
“Eighteen.”
“I have to ask,” Mikayla leant forward. “Did you lose your virginity to him?”
I gulped. This was exactly what I didn’t want to talk about.
“Ailia, I won’t judge you for anything that you tell me.”
“He kind of...forced me.”
“Oh,” Mikayla leant back. “No wonder you’re not very open about it.” She sat in silence for a couple of moments. “Come on,” she suddenly said, standing up.
Confused, I stood and waited as she paid for the drinks. She smiled and led me into another clothes store straight to a mirror. She placed me in front of it. “What do you see?”
“Me,” I replied, taking in my perfectly boring appearance.
“That’s it?”
There was nothing I liked when I looked in the mirror. My hair was black. It would fall in waves if I left it down, but I generally wore it up so it didn’t annoy me too much. I hated the fact it couldn’t decide whether it was curly or straight.
There were a small amount of freckles on my nose and my cheeks were dimpled, which made me look like a child. My eyes also annoyed me. I could never tell if they were blue or green. My body wasn’t that bad, but I felt the constant need to cover it up. It was just a reminder of the things Joel did. “That’s it,” I sighed.
“Do you trust me?” Mikayla asked.
“Why?”
“Come on.” She walked around the shop picking up random items, all of which I would never look at twice. She handed them to me.
“Mikayla, I’m not sure about this.”
“Trust me,” Mikayla picked up a top and held it up to me. “By the time I’m done, Egan will be giving up Christianity so he can have you.” She shook her head and put the top back.
“That’s not going to happen.”
Mikayla looked at me. “Just because he won’t admit it, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you.”
I shook my head. “He’s just trying to get rid of me.”
“Yes he is. That’s because he likes you. He’s scared of getting too close and putting you in danger.”
“Right! Because of the demons and protecting me from his way of life and all of that.”
Mikayla smiled. “Annoying, isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“He’ll come to realise that you’re strong enough to cope.”
I looked at her doubtfully.
“Seriously, you’ve got a demon attached to you and you’re not freaking out! You also got out of an abusive relationship which is more than most women in that situation could do.”
“That was all my brother.”
“You’re the one who moved countries. You should be proud of the fact you can stand up for yourself. A lot of people wouldn’t or couldn’t.”
I shrugged.
“Try these on,” Mikayla commanded. “And don’t tell me they look horrible. Show me.”
I sighed and walked into the changing rooms. I tried on different outfits and let Mikayla approve or disapprove them. We did the same thing at a shoe store, cosmetics and...
“Lingerie?”
“Yep,” Mikayla grinned.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I am not going shopping for underwear.”
“Why not?”
“What’s the point? No one’s going to see it.”
“It’s about how you feel.”
“I’m pretty sure underwear will not change how I feel.”
“You might be surprised.”
I shook my head, but went along with it anyway. When we were done, Mikayla took me back to her house rather than Egan’s. She threw a black dress and some of the lingerie we’d bought at me as we walked in the door.
“Put those on,” she instructed.
By now I was over arguing with her, so I just did as she said. I was feeling very unsure of myself when I emerged. Mikayla smiled and sat me down at her kitchen table, laying make up products in front of her.
“Have you worn make up before?” she asked. I shook my head. “What did you do with your teenage years?” she sighed, wiping stuff over my face.
“What’s the point in all of this?” I asked, cringing at the strange feel of muck covering my skin.
“You’ll see,” Mikayla replied, moving on to my eyes. “I’ll teach you to do this later.”
“Why are we doing this here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why aren’t we at Egan’s house? I mean, we have to get all this stuff there anyway.” I pointed at the bags of clothes which Mikayla talked me into buying.
Mikayla smiled. “Because I want to see the look on his face when he sees you. It won’t have the same effect otherwise. And it’s your house now too.”
“I’m just staying there until we get rid of the demon.”
“Is that what Egan told you?” Mikayla asked.
“Yes.”
“Close your eyes,” Mikayla instructed, continuing to apply different sorts of makeup, none of which I could name.
“You live with Samuel, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t that weird? Living with a psychic.”
Mikayla smiled, “He respects my privacy.”
“Yeah, but he knows everything about you. What if he saw you two breaking up before it happened? Wouldn’t that make things really awkward?”
“I’ve never thought about it,” Mikayla answered. “I guess I just assumed we’re not going to break up.”
“You didn’t think about all of that when you first started dating?”
“I didn’t know he was psychic when I first started dating him. Even then, it was only on the odd days he could do it. His power just about doubled when you got here.”
“How does that work?”
“I’m not sure. It’s unusual. Actually he started getting kind of weird.” Mikayla carefully dabbed stuff on my lips. “He’s probably still getting used to it.” She shrugged.
Mikayla stood up, and walked around me to pull out my hair tie. She fiddled with my hair until it was what she believed to be perfect.
“Last thing
,” she reached around and placed a pair of high heels in my hands.
“I can’t walk in these.”
“Try.”
I sighed and slipped the shoes on my feet.
“Go on,” she encouraged.
I stood and walked around, quickly becoming used to the height.
“You can do that way too easily,” Mikayla commented. “It took me weeks to learn.”
I shrugged.
“Come,” Mikayla grabbed my arm and led me through to her bedroom. There was a full-length mirror, which she placed me in front of.
“Wow,” I whispered as I took in my reflection. I wore a tight black dress which showed off my figure perfectly. Between the dress and the matching heels, my legs were very prominent.
My hair fell down in front of my shoulders. The makeup which she applied hid my freckles and made my eyes stand out. I realised I would no longer be the only person questioning my eye colour – everyone who looked at me would.
I stared at the woman in the mirror, wondering how it could possibly be me. My uncertainty faded away, replaced by a feeling of confidence. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would look like this.
“Like it?” Mikayla asked with a smile.
I nodded.
“That is you,” Mikayla told me. “You’re not some little girl, Ailia. You are a woman. Don’t dwell on the stuff you’ve been through; be proud of how far you’ve come. Be proud of who you are. You’re strong. Use that strength. Be confident. Show Egan you can handle the life he lives.”
A warmth settled in my stomach and I smiled. What if I managed to prove I could handle it? If I could learn to fight the demons and defend myself, would Egan be more open to me? To us? Would he stop trying to throw me away and instead accept me into his life? It seemed too much to hope for, but looking at my reflection right then, I felt as though I could do anything.
Mikayla grinned at me. “Let’s take you home.”