1st Question: Why me?
Why am I able to see the book and know my future? Isn’t that like cheating? Why can’t other people do the same thing? Have other people experienced this before me? Am I the only one? Why is it me?
I cannot answer any of these questions. I wish I was reading the ‘Book of Knowledge’ then I wouldn’t be asking these questions.
I can see the book and my future because I am allowed to. It’s not cheating because whoever allowed me access to the book obviously knows what they’re doing. Other people aren’t allowed to see it because their souls are not at the same spiritually level that I am. Others experience different things but somewhat similar. I might be the only one I know of. And I have no idea why me.
2nd question: What does this mean for me?
What should I expect out of myself? What does God or the Gods have in store for me? Why am I enlightened to this information when I cannot do anything with it? Do I have a significant role to play? What happens when I get to the end of the book? Does my past or my past lives need to be remembered in order to move forward? Am I changing my future for better or worse? What does this mean for me?
After The ‘Why Me’ phase there was the what is the meaning of this phase. And after searching for answers, I’m at the point where, it is what it is and that’s what it is. This is just what was meant for me. I am only human and therefore I am imperfect. It doesn’t really matter what I think or expect it’s all written in the book and that’s the way it is. What does this mean for me? This defines me at every moment in this life. I only hope I do things right because in my next life maybe I’ll have access to more books in the library.
3Rd Question: Where am I?
Where do I go when I am in this dream? Is this where I am from? Where am I? When am I? What time is it? Am I dreaming?
Where do I go when I am dreaming? My body is sleeping in my bed, in a state of unconsciousness. I am dreaming I am somewhere. In my mind am I really there? If I dream about a physical place I am still in my bed? If my soul is in the spirit world wouldn’t my body look unconscious? We only dream when we fall asleep or are about to wake up, at these times our minds are active, but between dreams it like hibernation mode. Why when I dream of flying over the checkerboard will I dream the same dream over and over before ever getting there? Sometimes it’s many different times dreaming and waking up in a row others times it might be a series of flying dreams for a week. It may be one or two dreams in week for a month with many different dreams between. All my other dreams are normal, between the flying dreams, the journey always seems to take place over more than one flying dream.
The flying dreams stand out every time I have one, while other dreams always seem hazy or are hard to remember at all. The reason they stand out because they bring me the best feeling of happiness and joy and also bring the worst darkest and most dreadful feeling I’ve ever experienced anywhere.
Imagine your start dreaming, you’re flying as you look around you can’t see anything. You drop down and notice you were flying through a cloud. The sky is full of stars for as far as your eyes can see. You’re flying with yours arms and can veer left and right, up and down with just a little lean of your body. You feel so free and happy! Your mind is clear from everything. Below you there is a black and white checkered board pattern laid out as far as you can see in any direction. Even though you are flying you can only fly forward you cannot stop or turn around.
So you decide to fly closer to the ground but as you get closer to the ground a fog starts to surround you until you cannot see at all. You’re still flying forward but are enveloped in this fog. The fog gets darker and colder, you can feel something is wrong here. The hairs are standing up on your neck, it’s getting harder to breath. The fog keeps getting colder, the feelings get more intense. You can hear noises that sound horrible. Horrible Whispers of pain and anguish are coming from every direction. Imagine the worst feeling you have experienced or felt that is how it feels and when it feels like it’s going to hurt you, the fog start to lift there’s hope that you can make it out of this fog. You start to fly faster until you break through the fog and all those horrible feelings are drained away from your body, or since you’re in a dream wouldn’t it be your soul? You look around and you’re still flying over the same black and white checkerboard. Stars are over head and again the best feelings start to overcome you making you feel the greatest ever. As you are enjoying the moment you see another fog developing very far ahead of you this one is bigger and darker than the first one. You try to veer left but you realize that there is no avoiding this one. You’ll have to go through the coldness and feel all that pain and misery again. Everything that’s bad all at once again. You feel it immediately as you enter the fog, its worse and way more intense. It feels like you’re going to die this time. There is so much negative energy that you’re not going to be able to hold long enough to make it this time. Just as you think you’re not going to make it the light starts to shine through giving just enough hope to hold on until you break through again.
That is the dream sometime it’s not too intense or I guess I’m used to it by now. And then there are times where it’s feels so bad that it physical weakens me after I awake. I don’t how many times of the cycle of flying through the darkness and back into the light happen for one dream. I would guess a couple times in a dream to tens or hundreds in a dream. Then that happens over multiple dreams, sometimes as few as three or four and other times over weeks and months at variable frequency and intensity.
Am I flying somewhere? If my soul could journey into the spirit world how would that feel? I would imagine that it would feel like you soul is traveling over and through feelings and emotions on a long road to an unknown destination over an unknown road. There is nothing to distinguish where you’re at or where you’re going. There is no concept of time or space, no way to tell how fast your moving or where you are going. Since the checkerboard is infinite so is the time and space. Looking at the checkerboard you understand your moving with great velocity but cannot grasp when you will get to wherever it is your going.
Then I am there. Where I am I do not know. Most times it looks like a very familiar place to me, but every now and then it’s something unfamiliar to me. It doesn’t really matter cause even though I am in a familiar place it is clear to me that I am not really at this place. It is also clear that I am not dreaming. I am here. That this is a place only possible to be at without your soul in your body, that this place is not physically possible to be at. How do I know this?
I know this because I’ve employed a simple technique used for dreams. It’s so easy you can begin doing it right now. Say to yourself “Am I Dreaming?” Say this to yourself out loud or in your mind but you must do it many times a day. Repeat it over and over for the reputation but realize what you are asking yourself. Do this more before you lay down to sleep for the night or for a short nap. The goal is to ask yourself “Am I dreaming?” while you’re dreaming. While you’re dreaming you usually watch your dreams and react to what’s happening around you. If you can get yourself to say “AM I DREAMING?” while your dreaming, you will becoming conscious that you are dreaming. This usually wakes you up the first few times, which will feel like a major fail but its common. Once you realize you are dreaming and don’t wake up you can accomplish amazing things. I once broke into my subconscious and got kicked out of my own dream by myself trying to protect me against me. Like I said 'Amazing dreams'.
When I get to the book I ask myself “Am I Dreaming?” And I always hear myself, telling myself “This is not a dream.” but I know this is not real either. Time has stopped it feels like everything has stopped and is waiting on me before it will resume again. The book is always on a table waiting for me. It’s always where it needs to be. I cannot turn it to the end or the beginning only to where I am at now. As I look into the picture I can see myself and can see through my eyes in the picture. Which is weird it’s like I’m there hovering over myself wat
ching me as I’m also seeing through my eyes as its happening. I can hear all the same noises and smells. I feel the sun and the wind, my feelings and emotions are the same, if I’m hot and sweaty then I am that hot and sweaty. It’s exactly identical to the moment when it happens. Right then I am not there looking at a picture I am at that time and place. Right then I am not sleeping in a bed dreaming or looking at the picture right then I am the one in the picture. Those pictures are real and it feels like when I look into them I go there. All the pictures are like this and then suddenly, I’m awake. I ALWAYS get suddenly woken up out of this dream.
I usually feel a lot better after this dream. I remember the flying over the never ending checkerboard, I remember getting there and where there was this time. I remember looking at the book but I only remember something small from the first picture like a smell of something. The second picture I can only remember a really odd sound. The third was a feeling that was very strong but it’s too fuzzy. The next one was a person but its way to fuzzy. What I can remember from each picture always differs. The next days are kind of a blur due to the fact I’m usually really deep into thought. For some reason I do my best and clearest thinking after this, it’s like my mind has been refreshed sometimes my body feels drained or sometimes my body gets over being drained.
Then it happens. It has been hours after awakening from a dream. The faster it happens the more impactful it will feel, although it will feel very impactful every time. It could also happen months later, when it happens it happens. Time slows to a crawl a split second before the picture happens. You can see the picture about to come together just before it happens. Maybe a split second or one or two seconds it’s not long but there is just enough time to realize that you’re about to see this again that you’ve seen this before it is going to happen.
You know the smell, can anticipate noises, it is all coming together like you had already seen. Then the exact second the picture was taken happens, time does freeze. It stops or is moving so slow it is unrecognizable. At that split second I am not seeing it through my eyes. At the second I am watching myself through the book looking at a picture through the book. At this time I’m in a dream watching reality happen while my body is in reality doing this. At that split second if I would be able to ask myself “Am I Dreaming?” The answer would be yes. If I ask myself “Am I awake?” he answer would also be yes. I cannot ask myself this because even though time feels stopped It returns faster than before trying to make up for the paused second. It’s like time stretched to stop and will be fling back like a rubber band.
The first time in the dream I experience that one second like I am there in the future in that second. And when that particular second happens I am experiencing it for a second time watching myself through a book while dreaming in the past. If in that particular second I could just look over my shoulder and up I might be able to see myself watching myself. I know that’s doesn’t seem possible but it feels like that’s what’s happening.
At one point I thought that I was a time traveler, traveling through time and space but I later knew this to be untrue to the fact that it seems to be that my conscious and subconscious are in different places, a time traveler’s subconscious and conscious are time travelling together. I also thought that I could change things at this split second but it happens to fast to react.
I ask myself “Am I Dreaming?” now during the day with the question “Am I Awake?” my hope is to be able to ask myself while I’m asleep looking at a picture in the book “Am I Awake?” So at the split second I can know if I’m really awake and at that place in the future. This is a lost cause, I fear I will not have any control over the time and split seconds the book shows me. I just want to know “Where am I?”
4th Question: What is my Destiny?
Do these dreams and this book hold my destiny? Am I supposed to do something great? How can I use this to help people? Why would I be given this if it was not meant to be used to help people? Will trying to help people only push them towards the future I’ve seen? Can I save the world in a split second or two? What does this have to do with my destiny?
It seems that if the future is dangled in front of me with no real way to react to it in order to change it, then what’s the point of all this? If I was to see for instance a murder and could not remember anything before it happens then in that split second how could I possible change the outcome? If it is my destiny to use this to change something significant in the world, how could it possibly be any help? There must be a way to use this for something other than messing with my head. I always bring myself to the same conclusion that is if I’m meant to save the world then that is my destiny. That one time when I see the book and all the picture stay in my memory. That one time I should be able to recall everything about that split second in order to prevent it. Everything else is practice until I’m ready.
5Th and Final Question: The Spirit world Or Heaven?
Is this the spirit world? Is this Heaven? Where is ‘This’?
I can only answer this for myself by using real world references. As Edgar Casey could see many different things I cannot. Casey saw people’s illness with great accuracy. The only thing that is similar is that we were both in a state of unconsciousness. People see their life flash before their eyes while they are unconscious. Many native rituals involve a beating drum to help usher someone to the spirit world. If here is the spiritual world or 4TH dimension then am I in two places at once? Or is it possible to occupy to places at once? When I’m awake here is here, but is my subconscious still physically here? When I’m asleep my subconscious is in the 4TH dimension while my body is still on earth. Is the 4TH dimension on Earth?
My understanding of space and time as a continuous straight line is fading. Time and space are more like overlapping transparencies of each other. If I had to draw a timeline of my life it would stop and jump forward, then jump backwards. It would look like my timeline ends and restarts on a regular basis. If I had to draw a map of the space I occupied during my lifetime it would be drawn it two different places. The first would be Earth in the Physical universe, the second would be outside the known universe. It would look like I’m teleporting back and forth. Or it would look like I’m occupying the same place twice. My first dream of the book I was sleepwalking outside in my dream while I was at the very same place in reality.
I know to some people I will sound delusional or insane, and believe me I understand why they would think that of me. I thought I was insane for the greater part of my life. The fact of not being able to tell what’s past present and future is enough to drive someone insane. Add to that the feeling of responsibility when something bad has happened and I had prior knowledge of it, yet could do nothing to change it. I really don’t know how to explain this without sounding delusional. I’ve tried everything in my power to change what I know cannot be changed. I’ve only made these things happen unintentionally.
I once had a seen in the book that a kid in my neighborhood would crash my bicycle into a tree. For weeks I refused to ride my bicycle and would stay away from interacting with the neighborhood kids thinking that if I did this I could prevent it from happening. I even locked my bike up and refused to ride it or play with these kids. After weeks of being cooped up inside I was ordered out by my parents, they unlocked my bike and put it in the yard for me. I was feeling very depressed and walked my bike over to where the tree was, sitting on rock thinking about what was to happen. That’s when the kid grabbed my bike and rode off with it. They were teasing me thinking I was afraid of it. Before I had a chance to react the kid is flying down a hill and crashes right into the tree in front of me. It happened like my dream. Time had stopped again for that one second. The rest of the kids and I picked him up and ran him home to his mother.
Did I cause this to happen by trying to keep this from happening? If I had done something else would this not of happened? Was I there to help carry him home? Is that why I saw this, was to help after it hap
pened? Were my weeks of moping about what lead to this? Why couldn’t I pinpoint this before it happened? Was I to self involved that I couldn’t recognize the situation before it happened? Was this the wakeup call I needed to realize what I’ve actually been going through? Was this so I could realize my destiny?
I have a million more questions but do not have the time to write them. These are not questions a young person should be contemplating. The kid turned out to be okay a couple broken bones and lots of scrapes and cuts. This wasn’t a very serious incident it was a rather tame on the dark side of events that I’ve experienced. What I did take away from this, was I did see this previously to it happening. It was the first realization that what I have been experiencing was a real thing.
There are other events that are more significant then that one time but they do not hold the same weight this one held. This had a profound effect on me physically and spiritually. I became deeply depressed felling responsible for what had happened. I barley ate, I secluded myself from everyone. I refused to sleep for fear of other dreams that would be worse than this one. I didn’t want to even acknowledge the event occurred. This went on for months until I had another dream. The next one was almost just as significant but for different reasons.
It was completely different then the last incident. It didn’t involve pain and misery, and no one got hurt. It was the alpha to my omega. It was rather simple in comparison. It was about one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life. It happened as I was still in my overly depressed state of despair. I couldn’t remember it before it happened but I felt the true power of pure happiness before it happened and recognized it. It involved an act of kindness I rarely see.
There was a lady crying on the street corner waiting for the bus. I was on my way home from school and was walking home with some of my friends. As we passed the lady my friends asked her what was wrong. She told them that a family member was sick and thought they were going to pass away at any second. She said she had no way to get to the hospital but by bus and it would take three different buses and a few hours to get to her family member. My friends asked where she had to go she said it was on the other side of the city. Someone at the bus stop asked why she couldn’t take a cab to her destination. She told them that that the cab was too expensive for her and didn’t have time to find a ride. My friends began giving her money so I chipped in but what we had wasn’t enough, strangers at the bus stop began giving her money. This still wasn’t enough she thanked us but refused our money.
As we were getting ready to walk away a man said his brother drove a cab and he would phone him to see if he could help. His brother was busy and phoned a friend. The friend showed up in almost no time, he offered a ride to her destination. The moment of utter happiness the second she realized that she had gotten the help she was looking for. That second stopped in time for me. I had seen that in the book. I had felt that moment in my soul weeks before.
That moment, the feeling in that moment will be something I never forget. It felt as if the dark fog I’ve flown thru so many times in my dream was lifted. It felt like true happiness and sheer joy. It felt like all the best things in life all at once. That incident was very uneventful in itself. I mean don’t get me wrong it was one of the greatest acts of kindness I’ve ever seen. That moment was what I needed to pull me out of my depression. I realized that these dreams held for me times of pain and misery and all the bad things in life but also held the keys to all the good things in life. Some of my questions were not so concerning any more. I still wondered why but I now looked forward to all the good things that lay ahead of me. The bad was still in the back of my mind but at least I had seen a bright hopeful event. If I hadn’t seen, or experienced that moment of joy I don’t know where I would have gone to. I was at such a low point that the only thing that could have raised me up out of that was something so pure and good.
Maybe it was fate. Fate showed me how this happens then thru me into the deep end. The bicycle crash made me spiral down to such a low point that fate had to bring me back up. It wouldn’t have felt so good and pure if I hadn’t been so low. If my friends hadn’t asked her what was wrong nobody at the bus stop was going to ask her. Fate put us together at that moment but the acts of kindness by everyone is what brought it all together. Our choices are what made the moment of joy possible. Maybe we had to ask in order for people to get involved. We had to offer money so others would offer also. We had to offer money so someone would make a phone call. These are the choices the book cannot see. There the pictures that are fuzzy and unclear. Although they are fuzzy and unclear the feeling was vivid and real.
It made me think, just how many times have I walked past and said nothing and done nothing? I really didn’t do much it was my friends and strangers that made this picture clear. I was more of an observer than anything. If we had just kept on walking and said nothing would this have happened with a different group of people? I don’t know if she got to her family member in time or if her family member was alright. I like to think that everything turned out for the best because of the random acts of kindness by strangers.
CHAPTER 5
THE DARK TIMES