Page 18
Author: Nyrae Dawn
"At least you didn't wuss out on me," I tell her. I can see how happy she is. "What do you want to do first?"
"My choice?" She gives a fake sweet voice.
"Absolutely. "
"That's what I thought. " Priscilla gives me a wink and then loops her arm through mine as we start to walk. "I want to go miniature golfing. "
"What? You're a cheater. I thought we were riding rides. "
"It's not like there are a whole lot here. "
I shrug. "True. "
Quite a walk later we're at the golf course. After paying we start the game. On our first hole I get a par three in four shots. Priscilla gets it in two.
On the second hole it's another par three and she somehow gets a hole in one while it takes me three. She beats me on the third too. "Dude, what are you? An undercover golf pro or what? Are you hustling me, Mendoza?"
"Hustling insinuates I pretended to be bad, which I didn't. If you would have asked, I would have told you I happen to be amazing at mini-golf. You, Jay, just assumed you would win. "
"What?" Instinctively I grab her wrist as she's pointing at me. My fingers ring around it. "I didn't assume anything and you haven't won yet. I'm just getting in the swing of things. " I pull her to me, "Get it? Get in the swing of things?"
Priscilla rolls her eyes, laughing. "Do you realize how corny that was?"
"I made you laugh, didn't I?" I'm sort of chuckling too and it feels good. Right.
"True. " She nudges me with her hip. "I love it when you're like this. "
There's a second when I want to ask her what she means, but I get it. I know what she means and I like it, too. "Who wouldn't? I'm pretty damn good company. "
She laughs again when a family steps up behind us. "Excuse me? Are you going to play?"
We let them pass. Anyone who catches up to us, we let pass too. We're not in a hurry. I shoot a ball in the water, lose one, and have to steal another. Priscilla laughs so hard at me she trips on a fake rock. The whole time, we laugh.
And when she beats me, it doesn't feel like I lost at all.
***
From golf we head to this crazy maze thing. Priscilla holds onto me the whole time through twists, turns, mirrors and all sorts of things. It doesn't take long for me to get us out of there. I considering beating on my chest, but figure it might be a little overkill since the thing was probably made for kids.
We have these huge cheese steak sandwiches for dinner that are bomb. I seriously want to eat in Chicago for the rest of my life.
It's getting dark out now—even more people than earlier littering the place as we head back up to Pier Park to ride the Ferris Wheel.
She leans against me as I wait in line and I can't stop myself from holding her. From thinking about the fact that we'll be in New York soon and I'm supposed to leave.
Jesus, what if it hurts her worse now? What if she thinks this means more than it does? No, I don't mean to think of it that way because it means more than anything, but I don't know if it means I can stay.
"Pretty soon they'll get tired of picking up your slack, kid. It won't take them long to realize what I've always know. You're not worth it. You're not worth anything. "
"Your real dad didn't want you either. "
I shake my head. I don't want to think about them getting tired of me—about them walking away. Realizing that I'm not worth it. No. I can't stay.
"Tickets?" The man working the line holds out his hand and I hand him the tickets.
Priscilla and I climb in and she curls up right against me, smiling. Damn this girl is strong, fierce. She's not afraid of anything and I love her for it. The ride starts and I man-up enough to link our hands together. We watch the park as we go higher and higher, lights and water and people.
"It's gorgeous up here. " She drops her head to my shoulder.
"For sure. " It sounds freaking stupid, but it's like we're invincible up here. No one can touch us and we can do anything, be anything. Problems are so far away. Mike's voice only a faint whisper in my head that I am actually strong enough to block out.
Up here, I could be something.
There are buildings in the distance, so much to see. As we circle around and around I take it all in. Look at it all and it doesn't matter that my thoughts are seriously girly right now.
All too soon the ride is over and we're walking through the crowd again.
"Today has been perfect," she tells me without looking my way.
"It has. " And then I realize I need to lighten the mood. It has been perfect and I don't want to ruin it like I always seem to do, with too many bad thoughts in my head. "I mean, how could a day with me not be perfect? When you think it about it, it's practically impossible. "
Priscilla tries to hit me, but I dodge her. "You can't catch me," I tease. We're getting closer to the exit. I'm glad our hotel is within walking distance.
"Stupido," she says in that playful voice I love so much.
I stop and she lunges for me, only for me to twist out of her reach again. "Don't try to best me, Priscilla. I'm perfect. "
As I try to get past her, she grabs my shirt. Damn it. She's good. Trying to pull away, I stumble a little. Priscilla trips after me and I fall against one of the buildings.
"Mr. Perfect isn't too good at staying on his feet. " She steps closer. My back is to the wall and she's standing right in front of me.
And she's gorgeous. Dark, stormy eyes. Sexy lips.
"I stayed on my feet. If you didn't notice, I caught you. "
Shaking her head, she says, "No, the wall caught you. I was never in danger of falling. "
I can't stop the grin that spreads across my face. My skin feels hot, tight almost. I feel her eyes like they can somehow scorch my skin. "Whatever you need to tell yourself. " Without being able to stop myself, I pull her toward me. She comes easily.
I want to kiss her as bad. Want to feel her lips against mine with the force of the need surging inside me. With everything in me, I slam the door on all the other thoughts that plague me and I do it. My hand slides to the back of her neck and buries deep in her hair.
Then, my lips find hers. She tastes spicy. Feels perfect as our tongues play tag. Her hands squeeze my sides. Her scent surrounds me. There are no people, nothing, except for her.
Pulling back slightly, she kisses the side of my mouth, then the other. I take her lips again in short little close-mouthed kisses when my whole body is jonesing for so much more.
"See? Perfect," my words whisper against her mouth.
Priscilla laughs and shakes her head. My arms are on her shoulders, locked behind her neck. I don't know what makes her do it, but hers slide down my body and then she sticks her hands in my pockets. The paper crumples as she touches it.
A smile tilts her lips and she says, "What's this? Do you have some girl's number in your pocket, Jay? Don't make me hurt someone. "
Jesus, it's stupid. I don't even know why, but my whole body freezes. The door in my head swings open and Mike's words come tumbling out. How can I tell her I'm a big enough loser to carry around the address of the dad who didn't want anything to do with me?
"What's wrong?" her voice is concerned now. Usually it makes me feel like someone that she can read me so well. This time, I hate it.
"Nothing," comes out of my mouth while my brain is screaming, stop being so weak! Open your mouth and tell her. You can tell her anything. Didn't I think about telling her days ago? It's so much easier to think about something than it is to actually do it.
When I try to pull away, her grip on my pockets won't let me. It feels like an eternity before I hear her whisper, "Why?"
Before I get a chance to reply her hands are out of my pockets and she pushes me. "Why!" This time with more anger. "Why won't you ever trust me?"
She gives me three heartbeats to reply. I actually count because I c
an't speak. I hate the hurt in her voice. The pain in her eyes. And then she turns and walks away.
Chapter FifteenOne second later I'm pushing off the wall and right behind her. "Pris—Priscilla! Wait!" I jog after her. I don't get it—why this one thing made her so mad. Or maybe it's everything. Maybe what Mike said is true and she's finally had enough. Finally realized I'm not worth it or it's too much work or—I don't even know. The only thing I do know is I have to catch her. Have to try because this is Priscilla and I can't stand the thought of her hating me.
"Wait!" I call , but I've already caught up.
She whips around and yells, "No!" and then storms away again.
People are looking at us. Clearing the way as we push through the rest of the park. I don't care about any of them. The only thing that matters is fixing this.
We clear the park and we're on the street heading toward the hotel. Her feet move so quickly it's almost hard for me to keep up with her. She's pushing herself, I can tell, so I push myself harder.
The hotel door hits the wall she pushes it open so hard. Everyone in the lobby stops to stare—probably wondering what I did to hurt her. I hate that they're right.
"Why are you like this?" Her voice breaks as I push my way into the elevator with her.
"I'm sorry. " The words make me feel weak. They sound weak. All I do is apologize and I never do anything to fix it. Why can't I fix it? "That's why I didn't think it was a good idea for us to mess around. I didn't want to lead you on. "
By the way her eyes widen and then start to glisten, I know I've said the worst thing I could say.
"Lead me on? Lead me on?" Her hands meet my chest and she shoves hard, making me hit the back of the elevator. "Fuck you, Jaden!"
Ding!
The elevator doors open and she's out. I know I have to catch up or she'll lock me out of the room. Priscilla shakes as she opens the door before trying to close it on me. Maybe a better man would let her, but I know I can't let her lock me out. I need her to understand. Need it more than anything.
"Ugh!" She rips her hands away from the door and walks farther into the room.
I close it behind us, searching my head for the words. Trying not to concentrate on the crazy thump of my heart or the pain spreading through my chest. "I didn't mean that, it's just. . . it wasn't really a girl's number, Priscilla. " Why did I say that? It's not what I wanted to say.
"You really think I don't know that, Jaden? I know you better than you seem to know me. That's not the point. "
What is? I want to ask her. Tell me what to say or how to fix it and I will.
"You know I didn't think that, either. It's just easier for you to focus on that and I can't. . . " She shakes her head, puts her hands to her forehead. "I can't do it. It's so hard. Why is it so hard?"
She's crying now. Priscilla. The girl who can take anything is crying over me. How many times will I hurt her? How many times will I make her cry? "It's me. Not you. " I lean against the table, trying not to look at her. "That's why I didn't—it's not—I knew I would screw it up. I knew I wasn't good enough for you. "
How can you fully believe words, but hate to say them so much at the same time? My pride is punching me, wearing me down because I want to be good enough. How can I say those words in front of her? Prove to her everything I've always known? It's easier to pretend I think I'm more than I know I am.
"Huh. " She crosses her arms. "I don't think it's you, Jaden. Obviously it's me. You wouldn't kiss me at the party last summer. We were so close, but you stopped it. "
How can she think that? How could I not want her? "What—"