Dear God, help the police find us so I can go home with Mr. Stovall Please let them catch this mean man and take him to jail. The car turned suddenly, and Amanda struggled to keep her balance.
“I prayed that the police would c-c-catch you.”
The man squinted his eyes at her. “If they catch us, I’ll tell them you’re my kid.” He laughed at her, and his loud voice hurt her ears. “Or maybe I’ll just shoot you and them, too. You don’t want that do you?”
“I’ll k-k-keep praying for you. Did you know that Jesus loves you, mister?”
A strange, sad look came across the man’s face…maybe he was feeling the burning coals after all. Make him change, Lord, please.
She didn’t know where they were driving. Where was he taking her? She sank back in the seat. Maybe he really would shoot her. Maybe that was God’s plan for her. She considered that and realized she was not afraid. If he killed her, she’d be with Jesus right away. And then she’d have the best forever home of all.
The only sad part was that if she went to be with Jesus, she’d never find her real mom, never hug her or touch her face or ask her if she’d been looking all her life for the little girl she gave up.
And Amanda still wanted to do all that. Very, very much.
Hisel and Reed were cruising Broadway, checking side streets and scanning the horizon for any hint of a gold Acura. Ten minutes had passed since the APB went out, and both men were feeling a sense of urgency. Statistically, the odds of finding her alive decreased with each passing minute.
“I’m worried about her.” Hisel clenched his jaw and kept searching the road.
His partner cocked his head to the left and pressed his foot down on the gas pedal. “Wait! I think I see him.”
Almost two city blocks ahead of them was a gold car! Within seconds, Reed maneuvered their police car directly behind it. “Gold Acura, all right. Run the plates.”
Hope surged through Hisel as he grabbed the radio and checked the number with the one scribbled on his notepad. “It matches!”
“Notify dispatch; request multiple backup units.” Reed kept his eyes trained straight ahead. “I’m afraid the guy’s going to take off if he sees us.”
Hisel picked up the radio and made the request. “I can’t believe he hasn’t noticed us yet.” The man was driving the speed limit and seemed almost oblivious to his surroundings.
“Looks like he’s talking to the little girl.”
“Come on, let’s get this thing over with. Hit the siren.”
Reed shook his head. “No. Not yet. I’d rather have backup, just in case. We’ll follow him until he sees us or until other units show up. I don’t want him panicking and hurting the child. A few more squad cars and he’ll know he doesn’t have a chance. Just stay on the radio and let dispatch know which way we’re headed.”
The strange feeling that everything was falling apart had taken root the moment John laid eyes on the child. And now the feeling was so strong it was making his chest hurt. His face was cool and clammy and his left arm ached.
Probably a heart attack.
He kept driving. Something about the girl’s quiet calm, the serenity in her eyes, and the way she insisted on talking about Jesus was making him crazy.
Look at me. I’m a loser! After this I’ll spend most of my life in jail. I must have been nuts to take the kid and think it could make things better. He stroked his chin. Now what do I do? Kill her? Leave her in an alley somewhere? Go back to the warehouse and pick up business where I left off?
The pain in his arm intensified. None of it made sense anymore. No wonder the kid doesn’t want me as her father. Look at me. Drug dealer, wanted by the police. Yes, sir, a real Mr. Good Guy.
He thought about his home and the three used sports cars parked in his garage and he felt…dirty. Go figure! Almost like someone had walked up and plastered him with layer after layer of pure crud. His language, his friendships, his business dealings—everything he was had been bought with dirty money.
And now it had come to this.
He and his very own daughter were outrunning police so that he could blackmail an attorney into dropping charges against him. The whole situation was so rotten it stunk. And it was all for nothing. John had the unnerving feeling that the foundation of his reputation and his drug empire were crumbling as quickly as it had taken Amanda to say, “I’m praying for you.”
He tapped the steering wheel and glanced in his rear and side mirrors. No cops; not yet. If he heard another word about prayer or God or Jesus loving him, he would explode! It was stupid. No God would ever love him now. He’d made his choice long ago, sealed his fate. All he could do was find ways to make the path he’d chosen stretch out as long as possible, because one day…
John shut the thoughts out of his mind. Death wasn’t something he had to think about for decades, so why was it on his mind now? He shifted positions to ease the discomfort in his chest. If only he could forget his kid’s innocent eyes or her words about Jesus…
Let her go…turn to Me and let her go.
The voice was almost audible, and John spun his head around and checked the backseat. No one. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. His heart pounded through the wall of his chest. I’m losing it. Five days off work, and already I’m going crazy. That’s all this is. Stress. Too much going on back at the warehouse for me to he driving around Cincinnati with some wise-mouth brat.
Let the child go…
He gripped the steering wheel tightly to prevent his hands from shaking. It wasn’t a real voice, not one that sounded through the car. It was more like a silent echo in his mind, his soul—
The girl’s prayers! Maybe this was some kind of answer to Amanda’s prayers. The thought sent chills down John’s arms, and suddenly the pain in his heart eased. He had to let her go; it was that simple. Otherwise that God of hers would make his heart explode inside him, and he’d be left with nothing. No estate, no cars, no dirty money…
No life.
“You still praying?” He heard the fear in his voice as he let the gun drop to the floor of the car.
Amanda turned to him and nodded. “Yes, very hard.”
There was a gas station up ahead, and John jerked the wheel of his car, turned into the lot and pulled to an abrupt stop. He stared straight ahead. “Get outta here, kid. Go on, get!”
But just as Amanda was opening her car door, a siren sounded behind them, and in his rearview mirror John saw the flashing lights of a police car.
Kathy’s confession came as soon as Ben Stovall hung up the phone after calling the police: She had a terrible feeling in her gut that she was about to lose Amanda. The woman’s tears came slowly at first, and then as the minutes passed they came in silent torrents. Ben positioned himself beside her as if by doing so he could stop her body from shaking.
“It’s okay, everything’s going to be fine. The police will find them.” He heard how his voice lacked confidence, and he knew he was trying to convince himself as much as her.
“What if I lose her? She’s the sweetest, most trusting child I know. After all she’s been through, I couldn’t bear it if—”
“Shhh. Don’t!” She was scaring him, making him picture terrifying scenarios where Amanda was being hurt or worse. The love that gripped his very soul was so strong it stunned him. He had only met the girl once, but he loved her like his own daughter. And now she might be gone forever.
No, he couldn’t think that way. Without saying another word, he closed his eyes and reached for Kathy’s hands. “Come on now, let’s pray. God knows where she is; He’ll get her back safely.”
Kathy’s quiet weeping continued while Ben begged God for mercy, asking that the police find McFadden and Amanda, that no harm be done to the child. “God, we know that where two or more are gathered, there You are also. Please, Lord, save Amanda from harm. Bring her back safely We beg You. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“I’m so afraid…” Kathy collapsed against Ben, seeming
too distraught to do anything more. They remained that way as Ben’s eyes fell onto a framed picture on the wall of Amanda and Kathy, smiling and holding hands. Suddenly he was struck by the realization that Kathy had been the closest thing to a mother Amanda had ever known. Even if the police were able to rescue the girl from McFadden, and if somehow Maggie was willing to meet her daughter and take them both back…no matter what happened, Kathy Garrett would come out the loser.
She remained in his arms, crying for several minutes until finally she pulled away and reached for a tissue. “We have to hear something soon. This is driving me—”
The phone rang. Immediately she lunged for it. “Hello?”
Ben waited breathlessly. Please, God, let it be good news. Please.
“Yes. Okay.” Kathy’s swollen, tearstained face lit up, and her smile made Ben’s heart soar with relief. “We’ll be right there.”
Then she pulled him into a tight hug, exhaling as if she hadn’t done so all afternoon. “She’s okay.”
Ben drove, and along the way Kathy cleared her throat and turned to face him. “I think you should tell Amanda the truth about your wife.”
His heart skipped a beat. “Don’t you think I should wait? Until I’ve talked with Maggie? I mean, what if she—”
“It doesn’t matter.” Kathy’s voice was sure and strong, as though she’d given this careful consideration. “Amanda is seven, almost eight. That’s old enough to know the truth, and the truth is she’s been praying that she’d find her real mother for as many years as I’ve known her. No matter what Maggie does, Amanda deserves to know the truth.”
There was something so final about telling Amanda. And what if Maggie didn’t take him back, didn’t want to meet her daughter?
Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Me and I will make your paths straight.
The verse from Proverbs stopped him cold. That was it. He needed to trust God, because once he told Amanda the truth, he’d be in way too deep to find any other way out.
They pulled into the gas station and parked behind six police cars. McFadden was there, sitting in one of them, cuffed and looking—of all things—strangely sad. A distance away on the sidewalk, Amanda stood beside two of the officers, her eyes searching the road anxiously.
“She’s looking for us.” Kathy led the way, and in a moment Amanda saw her.
“Kathy!” The child ran the remaining steps that separated them and flung herself into Kathy’s arms. Ben stood beside them and placed his hand protectively on Amanda’s shoulder.
“I prayed and Jesus s-s-saved me.”
“I know, honey. He always does.” There were fresh tears in Kathy’s voice, and Amanda pulled away and kissed her on the cheek. At the same instant, she looked up and spotted Ben.
“Mr. Stovall! You’re here!” She moved away from Kathy and wrapped her arms around Ben’s waist—and he thought his heart would burst with joy. “I knew you’d come. I thought if God was going to let me live with you, and if maybe you and your wife were going to be my for always family, then of course He’d bring you here to find me.” She leaned back and beamed at him. “And here you are.”
Ben caught a look of unfathomable pain in Kathy Garrett’s eyes as she took in the scene, but it only lasted a moment. Then the woman smiled and put her arms around both of them. “I have a feeling God’s going to answer all your prayers, Amanda.” She met Ben’s gaze with a wink. “Every single one of them.”
Kathy moved away and motioned to the police. “I need to check on the arrest report and make sure they’ve contacted Social Services. That’ll give you two time to talk.”
Despite all the bad that had come from Amanda’s time in the Social Services system, at least she’d had Kathy Garrett. Ben watched the woman go and knew without a doubt that losing Amanda was breaking the woman’s heart. He respected her deeply for the job she’d done with the girl, for allowing herself to love Amanda like one of her own, all the while knowing that someday she’d most likely have to say good-bye.
Ben pulled Amanda close and knelt down on one knee so they were eye to eye. He studied her eyes and saw the light of God there. No matter what happened, this child would always be his. Maggie might not forgive him, but, God willing, he would hold tight to Amanda as long as he lived.
Right now, though, he needed to tell this wonderful little girl about her mother. Help me, God. I’m trusting You on this.
“Amanda, there’s something I want to tell you.”
Kathy Garrett checked with the officers, making sure her department had been notified of Amanda’s status.
“Sweet little girl,” one of the officers said, nodding toward Ben and Amanda.
Kathy followed his lead and looked at them. “Yes, she is. She’s something.”
For a moment her gaze lingered, and she saw that Ben was having a serious discussion with Amanda. He’s telling her the truth about her mother. She watched Amanda nod several times, then saw how her face burst into the biggest smile Kathy had ever seen.
Her sweet Amanda knew the truth now: God had answered her prayers and brought her together with her real mother.
Kathy watched the two hug for a long while, but the happiness she felt for Amanda was no match for the pain she felt deep in her heart. The premonition she’d felt earlier had been right after all.
She was going to lose Amanda. And even though she was sure it would be good and right and the greatest answer to prayer Amanda would ever know, the thought of living life without her was enough to break Kathy’s heart in half.
Thirty-four
AFTER MOVING FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE IN THE FOSTER SYSTEM, Amanda had precious few belongings to pack. There was the photograph of her and the Brownells taken on Amanda’s first day of kindergarten.
She wrapped the photograph inside a T-shirt and stuck it in her suitcase. Then she gingerly took hold of a scrapbook Kathy had made for her. The first part held pictures of Amanda as a baby and a little girl, of happy times with the Brownells. The rest of the book was pictures of her and the Garretts.
Amanda sat cross-legged on the floor and opened the book, flipping quickly to the back. She smiled at the memories in the pictures. Kathy’s family gathered around, celebrating Amanda’s seventh birthday; she and Kathy on the back of a horse at the stable two blocks from the Garrett house; the two of them roller-skating at the park across the street.
The foster homes she’d been forced to live in didn’t matter—she had always belonged to Kathy. But now God had answered Amanda’s prayer about finding her mother, and Amanda was going to have to say good-bye.
She closed the book and felt the sting of tears. For several minutes she held it close to her heart and let the tears come. Then she set the album carefully into her suitcase alongside her few clothes and things. So much had happened the last few days. Now Kathy said a whole new world was waiting for her.
Amanda wondered what that world would be like.
Mr. Stovall said that her mother was sick right now. That she was in a hospital, and that they would need to pray very hard for her. But Amanda was sure that one day very soon her mother would be well again. Then they would meet. And Amanda’s life would truly begin.
But even though she knew it was all going to be okay, Amanda just couldn’t imagine her life without Kathy and the Garretts.
She could hear Kathy in the other room, talking with Mr. Stovall. After today she wouldn’t hear Kathy at all. Amanda closed her eyes and it was suddenly hard to swallow. She always knew God would answer her prayers.
She just didn’t know it would hurt so much when He did.
The children were playing kickball in the front yard so the house was quiet as Kathy and Ben sat at the kitchen table and talked about the coming week. Sitting across from Ben, Kathy felt a peace that ran deep in her veins. There was something in the way this man was so willing to rearrange his life for Amanda that made Kathy know it was the right thing for the child to be with him.
&nbs
p; He must love his wife very much.
Ben grew quiet, his eyebrows lowered. “Have you ever worked around people with depression?”
Kathy thought of the number of times she’d been forced to place a child in foster care because one or more parents was paralyzed by the effects of that illness. “Yes. But usually the people I work with have other problems, too. Drugs, alcohol addiction, criminal behavior.”
“Okay.” Ben set the mug down and looked at Kathy. “Tell me what you know about depression. I know we talked about it a little at the pizza place, but how can someone be a believer all her life, then wake up one morning and check herself into a psychiatric hospital?”
Kathy drew a steadying breath. “I’m not an expert, but from what I know depression is pervasive. People like to think it only happens to weak individuals, those without faith or character or inner strength. But nothing could be further from the truth.”
Ben ran his thumb around the rim of his still-warm mug. “Someone like Maggie, for instance. I loved her all those years. We had fun, we laughed, we prayed together. I thought our life was good. So how does it happen?” Ben braced his forearms on the table and his eyes grew watery.
“Lots of reasons. Our faith can help us through the valley, but it won’t always give us a way around it.”
Ben shook his head and stared at the table for a moment. When he raised his eyes, the pain there took Kathy by surprise. “What about the Bible? I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.’ Or giving your burdens to God? Why wasn’t that enough for Maggie?”
Kathy folded her hands in front of her and thought for a moment. “I don’t know your wife, Ben. But from what you’ve told me, my guess is Maggie never allowed herself to really believe those verses. She was too busy pretending to be someone she wasn’t. At least in her mind.” Kathy leaned back in her chair. “Imagine living nearly eight years with the kind of secret she kept from you. The pressure of that grew until she couldn’t take it anymore.”