CHAPTER XII
WE GET A DOCTOR
I had my hands full the next day. We'd had another snow-storm duringthe night and the trains were blocked again. About ten o'clock we gota telegram from the new doctor we'd been expecting, that he'd fallenon the ice on his way to the train and broken his arm, and at eleven adelegation from the guests waited on Mr. Pierce and told him they'd haveto have a house physician at once.
Senator Biggs was the spokesman. He said that, personally, he couldn'tremain another day without one; that he should be under a physician'scare every moment of his fast, and that if no doctor came that dayhe'd be in favor of all the guests showing their displeasure by leavingtogether.
"Either that," Thoburn said from the edge of the crowd, "or call it ahotel at once and be done with it. A sanatorium without a doctor is likean omelet without eggs!"
"Hamlet without ham," somebody said.
"We're doing the best we can," Mr. Pierce explained. "We--we expect adoctor to-day."
"When?" from Mr. Jennings, who had come on a cane and was watching Mr.Pierce like a hawk.
"This afternoon, probably. As there is no one here very ill--"
But at that they almost fell on him and tore him to pieces. I had tostep in front of him myself and say we'd have somebody there by twoo'clock if we had to rob a hospital to get him. And Mr. Sam cried,"Three cheers for Minnie, the beautiful spring-house girl!" and led off.
There's no doubt about it--a man ought to be born to the sanatoriumbusiness. A real strong and healthy man has no business trying to runa health resort, and I saw Mr. Pierce wasn't making the hit that I'dexpected him to.
He was too healthy. You only needed to look at him to know that he tooka cold plunge every morning, and liked to walk ten miles a day, andcould digest anything and go to sleep the minute his head touched thepillow. And he had no tact. When Mrs. Biggs went to him and explainedthat the vacuum cleaner must not be used in her room--that it exhaustedthe air or something, and she could hardly breathe after it--he onlylooked bewildered and then drew a diagram to show her it was impossiblethat it could exhaust the air. The old doctor knew how: he'd haveordered an oxygen tank opened in the room after the cleaner was used andshe'd have gone away happy.
Of course Mr. Pierce was most polite. He'd listen to theircomplaints--and they were always complaining, that's part of theregime--with a puzzled face, trying to understand, but he couldn't.He hadn't a nerve in his body. Once, when one of the dining-room girlsdropped a tray of dishes and half the women went to bed with headachefrom the nervous shock, he never even looked up, but went on with hisdinner, and the only comment he made afterward was to tell the headwaitress to see that Annie didn't have to pay breakage--that thetrays were too heavy for a woman, anyhow. As Miss Cobb said, he wasimpossible.
Well, as if I didn't have my hands full with getting meals to theshelter-house, and trying to find a house doctor, and wondering how longit would be before "Julia" came face to face with Dick Carter somewhereor other, and trying to keep one eye on Thoburn while I kept Mr. Piercestraight with the other--that day, during luncheon, Mike the bath mancame out to the spring-house and made a howl about his wages. He'd beenlooking surly for two days.
"What about your wages?" I snapped. "Aren't you getting what you'vealways had?"
"No tips!" he said sulkily. "Only a few taking baths--only one daily,and that's that man Jennings. There's no use talking, Miss Minnie, I'vegot to have a double percentage on that man or you'll have to muzzlehim. He--he's dangerous."
"If I give you the double percentage, will you stay?"
"I don't know but that I'd rather have the muzzle, Miss Minnie," heanswered slowly, "but--I'll stay. It won't be for long."
Which left me thinking. I'd seen Thoburn talking to Mike more than oncelately, and he'd been going around with an air of assurance that didn'tmake me any too cheerful. Evenings, when I'd relieved Amanda King at thenews stand, I'd seen Thoburn examining the woodwork of the windows, andonly the night before, happening on the veranda unexpectedly, I foundMike and him measuring it with a tape line. As I say, Mike's visit leftme thinking.
The usual crowd came out that afternoon and drank water and sat aroundthe fire and complained--all except Senator Biggs, who happened in justas I was pouring melted butter over a dish of hot salted pop-corn.He stood just inside the door, sniffling, with his eyes fixed on thebutter, and then groaned and went out.
He looked terrible--his clothes hung on him like bags; as the bishopsaid, it was ghastly to see a convexity change to such a concavity inthree days.
Mr. Moody won three dollars that day from the slot-machine and wasalmost civil to his wife, but old Jennings sat with his foot on a stooland yelled if anybody slammed the door. Mrs. Hutchins brought him outwith her eyes red and asked me if she could leave him there.
"I'm sorry if I was rude to you the other night, Minnie," she said, "butI was upset. I'm so worn-out that I'll have to lie down for an hour, andif he doesn't get better soon, I--I shall have to have help. My nervesare gone."
At four o'clock Mr. Sam came in, and he had Mr. Thoburn tight by thearm.
"My dear old chap," he was saying, "it would be as much as your life'sworth. That ground is full of holes and just now covered with snow--!"
He caught my eye, and wiped his forehead.
"Heaven help us!" he said, coming over to the spring, "I found himmaking for the shelter-house, armed with a foot rule! Somebody's got totake him in hand--I tell you, the man's a menace!"
"What about the doctor?" I asked, reaching up his glass.
"Be here to-night," he answered, "on the--"
But at that minute a boy brought a telegram down and handed it to him.The new doctor was laid up with influenza!
We sat there after the others had gone, and Mr. Sam said he was forgiving up the fight, only to come out now with the truth would mean sucha lot of explaining and a good many people would likely find it funny.Mr. Pierce came in later and we gave him the telegram to read.
"I don't see why on earth they need a doctor, anyhow," he said, "they'renot sick. If they'd take a little exercise and get some air in theirlungs--"
"My dear fellow," Mr. Sam cried in despair, "some people are bornin sanatoriums, some acquire them, and others have them thrust uponthem--I've had this place thrust upon me. I don't know why they want adoctor, but they do. They balked at Rodgers from the village. They wantsomebody here at night. Mr. Jennings has the gout and there's the deuceto pay. Some of them talk of leaving."
"Let 'em leave," said Mr. Pierce. "If they'd go home and drink threegallons of any kind of pure water a day--"
"Sh! That's heresy here! My dear fellow, we've got to keep them."
Mr. Pierce glanced at the telegram and handed it back.
"Lot's of starving M. D.'s would jump at the chance," he said, "but ifit's as urgent as all this we can't wait to hunt. I'll tell you, VanAlstyne, there's a chap down in the village he was the character manwith the Sweet Peas Company--and he's stranded there. I saw him thismorning. He's washing dishes in the depot restaurant for his meals.We used to call him Doc, and I've a hazy idea that he's a graduate M.D.--name's Barnes."
"Great!" cried Mr. Van Alstyne. "Let's have Barnes. You get him, willyou, Pierce?"
Mr. Pierce promised and they started out together. At the door Mr. Samturned.
"Oh, by the way, Minnie," he called, "better gild one of your chairs andput a red cushion on it. The prince has arrived."
Well, I thought it all out that afternoon as I washed the glasses, andit was terrible. I had two people in the shelter-house to feed and lookafter like babies, with Tillie getting more curious every day aboutthe basket she brought, and not to be held much longer; and I had a manrunning the sanatorium and running it to the devil as fast as it couldgo. Not that he wasn't a nice young man, big, strong-jawed and all that,but you can't make a diplomat out of an ordinary man in three days, andit takes more diplomacy to run a sanatorium a week than it does to besecretary of state for four ye
ars. Then I had a prince incognito, andThoburn stirring up mischief, and the servants threatening to strike,and no house doctor--
Just as I got to that somebody opened the door behind me and looked in.I glanced around, and it was a man with the reddest hair I ever saw.Mine was pale by comparison. He was rather short and heavy-set, and hehad a pleasant face, although not handsome, his nose being slightly bentto the left. But at first all I could see was his hair.
"Good evening," he said, edging himself in. "Are you Miss Waters?"
"Yes," I said, rising and getting a glass ready, "although I'm notcalled that often, except by people who want to pun on my name and mybusiness." I looked at him sharply, but he hadn't intended any pun.
He took off his hat and came over to the spring where I was filling hisglass.
"If that's for me, you needn't bother," he said. "If it tastes as itsmells, I'm not thirsty. My name's Barnes, and I was to wait here forMr. Van Alstyne."
"Barnes!" I repeated. "Then you're the doctor."
He grinned, and stood turning his hat around in his hands.
"Not exactly," he said. "I graduated in medicine a good many years ago,but after a year of it, wearing out more seats of trousers waitingfor patients than I earned enough to pay for, and having to have newtrousers, I took to other things."
"Oh, yes," I said. "You're an actor now."
He looked thoughtful.
"Some people think I'm not," he answered, "but I'm on the stage.Graduated there from prize-fighting. Prize-fighting, the stage, and thenwriting for magazines--that's the usual progression. Sometimes, as asort of denouement before the final curtain, we have dinner at the WhiteHouse."
I took a liking to the man at once. It was a relief to have somebodywho was willing to tell all about himself and wasn't incognito, or inhiding, or under somebody else's name. I put a fresh log on the fire,and as it blazed up I saw him looking at me.
"Ye gods and little fishes!" he said. "Another redhead! Why, we're asalike as two carrots off the same bunch!"
In five minutes I knew how old he was, and where he was raised, and thatwhat he wanted more than anything on earth was a little farmhouse withchickens and a cow.
"Where you can have air, you know," he said, waving his hands, whichwere covered with reddish hair. "Lord, in the city I starve for air! Andwhere, when you're getting soft you can go out and tackle the wood-pile.That's living!"
And then he wanted to know what he was to do at the sanatorium andI told him as well as I could. I didn't tell him everything, but Iexplained why Mr. Pierce was calling himself Carter, and about the twoin the shelter-house. I had to. He knew as well as I did that three daysbefore Mr. Pierce had had nothing to his name but a folding automobileroad map or whatever it was.
"Good for old Pierce!" he said when I finished. "He's a prince, MissWaters. If you'd seen him sending those girls back to town--well, I'lldo all I can to help him. But I'm not much of a doctor. It's safe toacknowledge it; you'll find it out soon enough."
Mr. and Mrs. Van Alstyne came in just then, and Mr. Sam told him whathe was expected to do. It wasn't much: he was to tell them at whattemperatures to take their baths, "and Minnie will help you out withthat," he added, and what they were to eat and were not to eat. "Minniewill tell you that, too," he finished, and Mr. Barnes, DOCTOR Barnes,came over and shook my hand.
"I'm perfectly willing to be first assistant," he declared. "We'll putour heads together and the result will be--"
"Combustion!" said Mr. Sam, and we all laughed.
"Remember," Mr. Sam instructed him, as Doctor Barnes started out, "whenyou don't know what to prescribe, order a Turkish bath. The baths are toa sanatorium what the bar is to a club--they pay the bills."
Well, we got it all fixed and Doctor Barnes started out, but at the doorhe stopped.
"I say," he asked in an undertone, "the stork doesn't light around here,does he?"
"Not if they see him first!" I replied grimly, and he went out.