Where Weather Comes From
Legend of the Giant Weather Corp
By Tevin Hansen
Copyright Tevin Hansen 2013
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I
Most people know that weather comes from the sky. And if you are one of these intelligent people (which I am sure you are) you would agree. Rain comes from condensed water vapors. Thunder comes from air contracting and expanding. Lighting comes from electrical fields within the clouds. Rainbows come from refracted light. And earthquakes are caused by the shifting of the earth's plates-and if you are as intelligent as I think you are, you will know that I'm talking about tectonic plates, not the plates you eat from.
But that's only because the giants who used to make the weather decided to give it up one day, putting an end to their company: the GIANT WEATHER CORPORATION. At least that's what the six ex-employees of the G.W.C. tell their families, friends, and general inquirers. What the former members don't tell-and won't tell-is that they were relieved from their positions by their Employer. To put it another way, they were given the ol' boot.
But they were the ones who used to control the weather-not Mother Nature.
Here's a little-known fact: people who live in the next world are much taller than those who live in the known world, our world, this world.
One of the next world's tallest inhabitants was a man called George, a retired gardener. In his socks, George the gardener stood just a hair over a mile-and-three-quarter's tall. If he was standing in America, travelling from one state to another could be done in a dozen steps or less, that's how big he was. If George got a running start, one hop, one skip, and one long jump could get him from one coast to the other. He was bigger than any creature that has ever roamed the earth, including the dinosaurs, which were small enough for him to reach down and pet.
When the ad appeared in the classifieds, announcing that a new Rain Maker was required down on the freshly created planet earth, George-being an ace with a watering can-applied for the job. He marched right in to the CEO's office and politely asked if he could have a crack at being the designated Rain Maker.
"Very well," said the CEO (Controlled Environment Overseer). "You have the job, George. However, I must remind you that this is a temporary assignment. An experiment, let's say . . ."
"No matter. I'll take it," George told him. "When do I start?"
And just like that, after putting on his work clothes, his boots, and picking up his trusty old metal watering can, George left his home in the next world and went down to where things were very small. (At this point in creation, humans hadn't been invented yet).
George the gardener excelled at his job as Rain Maker, using the clouds to help him along. He was given specific times, and specific amounts of rain to make. George was put on a tight schedule, and he kept to it. If he ran, he could tilt his watering can in what would one day be called Mexico, and then boogie on up to the future place of Canada long before the first drop ever hit the ground. He could make it rain, or drizzle, or absolutely pour using his watering can-which, by the way, was big enough to contain a small lake.
On busy days, he had to hurry over to the place that would someday be called England, and make it rain there too. Thankfully, getting across the Atlantic Ocean for a giant was no different than a human jumping across a puddle in the street. With one big jump, George would land in what would one day be called London Square. Another big jump from there, he could land on the island that would eventually be called Australia.
II
Unknown to George, Rain Maker was not the only job advertised.
While watering an area that would end up being Seattle, George spotted a woman nearly as tall as him. As she drew closer, George could soon see how beautiful this lady was. She had an exotic face, wore beautiful clothes, and she moved in a nice way-not clumsy and wooden like George himself. Instantly, he was all aflutter. He quickly straightened his hair and made sure his breath didn't smell.
"Who're you?" George asked. Then he immediately smacked his forehead. "My apologies, ma'am. I didn't mean to sound rude just then. It's just that your showing up here was a bit of a surprise. I've been making the rain down here for quite some time, and up until now I haven't had any company."
"My name is Xiu," she said. Her voice was like waves crashing on the beach. Her movements, even the simple ones, were like dancing. "Xiu rhymes with shoe. I have come down here to make beautiful arcs of color. The ad in the newspaper said they shall be called rainbows."
"Oh. I see," said George, even though he didn't see at all. He was good at making rain, not beautiful arcs of color. He had no idea how a person, even one as tall as her, would go about doing such a thing.
"Back home I was a painter," Xiu said, then produced a paintbrush and an assortment of paints from her travel bag (which, by today's standards, would be as big as a hot air balloon). Then she went to work painting the sky, creating the most beautiful arc of color George had ever seen. The rainbow was full of different hues of yellow, green, purple, blue, and several shades of red; much different than the consolidated rainbows of today.
"It sure is pretty, ma'am!" George said cheerfully. He was taken in by the sheer beauty of the rainbow. He was also happy to have a companion, a co-worker, somebody to talk to.
"I have an idea," George said. "How 'bout when I'm done making the rain, you could whip up one of your color arcs? Rainbows, I mean. What do you say to that?"
Xiu smiled. "That is a wonderful idea, George."
And that's how things got started. Things went smoothly for a while.
George would make it rain in all the different spots on his checklist, and afterwards, Xiu would make a rainbow that was just perfect for each rainstorm.
Then one day a new voice said, "Hola! I am over here!"
When George and Xiu turned around, they spotted a young man rushing over to them. He was shorter than both George and Xiu, but compared to a human he was still very tall. He was dressed nicely, in clothes that might be worn to a job interview.
"Good morning!" said the young giant, slightly out of breath. He had dark and perfectly-combed hair, with skin the color of coffee with cream. He had the greenest eyes and the brightest smile.
"What might your name be, young fella?" George asked.
"My name is Jorge," the young giant said. "Jorge rhymes with door and hay."
George shook hands with him, as did Xiu. Then George asked, "So, what brings you down to these parts, Jorge?"
Jorge said, "The newspaper ad said that down here there are tiny creatures causing all sorts of trouble. I was hired to come down and stomp them out! You see, s?nor, and beautiful s?norita, I was once a snake-stomper. That was my first job that I ever had. I worked very hard for a nice man and his beautiful wife. I was hired to stomp this one nasty snake that kept coming around and bothering that nice lady. That snake was very hard to catch-a tricky snake, that one. I always tried my best, but my best was never good enough. I never could stomp that snake. But my new boss-who is also my old boss-said that was okay, because he told me that one day he would provide someone to stomp that tricky snake. Then he said I could have the job!"
"Well, we are happy for the company," Xiu said after putting the finishing touches on her latest work of art: a double-rainbow, one color-arc above another. It was a real eye-catcher.
"Well, congratulations!" George said. "You look like the perfect man for the job!" Then he scratched his substantial head, and asked, "So?what job did you say it was, Jorge? You're not another rain-maker or a rainbow-maker, per chance?"
"No sir. I was hired to get rid of all the little fighting creatures. The ad in the newspaper s
aid that this place needed a new Stomper-a Dinosaur Stomper! All the special stomps I am going to create will be called earthquakes!"
"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle," George said, which got a quizzical look from Jorge because monkeys had not been invented yet (or uncles).
"Sir? Do you know where I am to report to?" Jorge asked. "This is my first day on the job, and I want to make a good impression. That is why I showed up to work fifteen minutes early."
"Well, Jorge, I believe all those bothersome little critters live over that-a-way," George said, pointing roughly to the spot that would one day be called South America.
Xiu said, "There are also many of the small fighting creatures over there." She pointed in the general direction of the area that would one day be called Montana, Wyoming, and Utah.
"Thank you, s?nor! Thank you, beautiful s?norita!" Jorge said as he jogged off to begin his new job as Earthquake Specialist.
"Good luck, Jorge!" George shouted as he and Xiu watched the young man race off to start his new job.
III
George nearly lost his balance while making it rain in the place that would one day be called Hawaii. One loud noise was followed by another, even more terrible noise. Then the ground began to tremble violently, forcing the rainmaker to steady himself.
"What in Sam Hill?" George said, long before people said things like this.
Not far