Clayton’s eyes burned into hers, and a moment later, he lowered his head. Jackie back-pedaled as fast as she could go, a hand to his chest as she moved her head back.
“I don’t think I meant to say that.” Her voice was in a panic.
Clayton didn’t push the point, but his eyes were eating up every inch of her face.
“Why can’t I kiss you?” he finally managed.
“Because you can’t know if you love me in five days’ time.”
“How much do you want to bet?”
She really wanted to run then, but he caught her and held her by the upper arms.
So much had happened in the last few days. Jackie had worked at the store some, but Clayton was with her even there. They’d talked of everything under the sun, and Clayton had finally come to realize that the only thing he could be feeling for this woman was love.
After the picnic the first day, they’d walked home talking all the way. With the passion of the moment behind them, they were able to discuss the possibility of kissing. Clayton told Jackie before they reached her house that he would not kiss her unless he was certain he loved her. Jackie had thanked him, knowing it was going to be hard, but very grateful for his honor in the situation.
And now they were outside after dinner. It was still quite light, but they could feel evening descending. They had walked around the side of the barn and stood talking. Clayton had surprised Jackie when he turned and kissed her brow, but she enjoyed it.
Now the hands that held her upper arms went around her back. Clayton pulled her into an undemanding embrace, and Jackie laid her head on his shoulder. How long had she dreamed of being held by him? But nothing could have prepared her for the real thing.
Clayton’s shoulders were broad, and his chest was hard. He didn’t press his advantage in any way, but Jackie felt cherished and desired. It was a lovely time for the two of them, interrupted only by his next statement.
“I need to leave in a few days.”
Jackie raised her head. “So soon?”
“Yes. I’ll miss a little class time as it is.”
“When will I see you again?”
Clayton sighed. “I won’t be done with school until next spring, and I know your father would never agree to your coming and finding a place to live in Denver now.”
“But you will come back?”
“Jackie,” Clayton sounded stunned. “If you can doubt that, then I haven’t told you how I really feel.”
The sun was setting just behind Clayton’s shoulder now, and he had a perfect view of her face. She looked utterly vulnerable at that moment and he asked God to help him be the husband she needed. He didn’t think that now was the time to propose, but he could tell Jackie that he loved her.
“I love you, Jackie, and if you’ll have me, I’ll return in the spring and show you how much I mean it.”
“Oh, Clayton, I’ve loved you forever.”
She sounded young and ardent, and Clayton’s heart felt very tender. He did kiss her then, but it was a gentle kiss, a kiss of promise for things to come.
“I’ve got to discuss this with your parents.”
“Yes. I’ll go with you.”
But when the time came later that evening, Clayton was honest with Jackie and told her he’d rather she wait in the other room. She agreed, but it wasn’t easy.
“I haven’t asked Jackie to be my wife,” Clayton told her parents, “but I have told her that I love her. We plan to continue our letters to each other, and when I do propose, it probably will be by mail. I’d like to come next year for a spring wedding, but it all depends on whether I get work.
“I haven’t told you all of this in complete disregard of your wishes, but now that you know what I’d like to do, I’d like you to tell me if you think I’ll suit. In other words, may I court your daughter, Jackie?”
“Yes, Clay, you may,” Morgan answered immediately and surprised Addy into staring at him. “I’ve already given it great thought. It would please me beyond all reason to see you settle here, but whether or not you do, I know Jackie loves you, and I know you’ll take care of her.”
“Thank you, sir.” Clayton was a bit choked up, but he managed the words. Not long afterward he joined Jackie in the kitchen.
“Well, I didn’t ask for your hand in marriage, but I did tell them that I hoped it would come to that. The only thing I really requested was to court you.”
“What did Father say?”
“Yes.”
“Yes? Just like that?”
“He didn’t even hesitate.”
Jackie threw her arms around him for just an instant, and then they sat at the table, heads close and talking.
“Father’s been more gentle in the last few days than I’ve seen him in a long time.”
“Months ago now Eddie told me that she prayed for his salvation every day. I’ve prayed for him as well, Jackie. I wanted you to know that.”
Jackie’s face looked troubled. “It’s funny you should mention it, Clay. Mother came to my room just two nights ago to kiss me good-night and questioned me for a long time. I must have said something to make her worry about my going to heaven.”
“Did you clear things up?”
“I think so, at least I feel all right about it.”
“Good. When did you come to Christ, Jackie? Were you a child?”
Jackie shrugged. “I’ve just always been, Clayton. For as long as I can remember.”
Clayton had never heard it put that way before. He was thinking on the subject when Jackie started to talk about Robert and Eddie. The young couple visited for another half hour in the kitchen and then joined the rest of the family in the living room.
Clayton left three days later, but there was no grief on Jackie’s part this time. He loved her, and if he was hired somewhere to teach, then in the spring they could be married. God had taken care of every other need, and Jackie knew He would bring them together. She also knew that nothing in the world could dim the happiness she felt right now. God had been so good, and she was walking on a cloud.
Clayton loves me, Eddie. I didn’t think I would ever be able to say those words, but he does. It had taken Jackie a few weeks to come back to earth, but now she had to write and let her sister know that she was in love with a man who loved her in return.
I never completely understood the way you floated around after Robert had been here, but I do now. I’m 17½ and I’m in love. I can’t believe it. It feels so good to write to you about this.
When Eddie received the letter, she could only shake her head. She read it to Robert, and they both laughed. Every paragraph was about Clayton or his time with Jackie. She had written about everything they’d done and talked about.
“And how long does it say they’ll need to wait?”
“Next spring,” Eddie told her husband.
He now shook his head as well. “It’s going to be a long winter.”
Jackie began school with much the same feeling as ever. Danny, Lexa, and Sammy were all glad to be back, but Jackie’s heart was not in it. Her mother had had a talk with her about attitude, and although she was still struggling, she was working on it.
“I don’t feel like a schoolgirl anymore, Mother. I’m contemplating marriage, and I just don’t want to study math.”
Addy stroked her hair. “I can see that it’s going to be hard, dear; indeed, it’s going to take a real step of maturity to deal with this.”
Addy inadvertently challenged Jackie with those words. More than anything else, Jackie wanted Clayton to see her as a mature woman. She thought about the letter she’d already started, the one that did nothing but complain about returning to school. She decided then and there to tear it up and start another one.
It took a few weeks, but by the end of September she was doing well. Her father had cut her hours in the store, but she still worked all day Saturday and two afternoons during the week. She really did enjoy it, especially when she could rearrange the stock ro
om.
“I can put this heavy stuff at the top,” Morgan told her when she arrived one Tuesday after school, “but please work on these lower shelves.”
“All right. Call me if you need me out front.”
Morgan suddenly hugged her.
“What was that for?” Jackie was very pleased.
“I don’t know. You’re so cheerful and helpful these days. I think being in love suits you very well.”
The young woman beamed at him and went to work. She was fast and efficient, and because her father didn’t call her to the front at all, she was finished with the low shelves very swiftly. Morgan had said he would do the top shelves, but Jackie saw no need. She positioned the ladder and climbed up with the heavy tins of syrup and pails of river salmon. She was getting tired after two or three trips, but she had only two to go and stuck with it. Jackie had not faltered a single step in the last two hours, but suddenly, before she could put the tin in place, she was falling from more than six feet in the air, the tin coming down on top of her.
Morgan heard the crash from the front and walked swiftly away from the customer he was serving. Seeing Jackie unconscious on her back was nearly enough to make his heart stop. He ran to the front long enough to send the customer for the doctor and then back to his daughter’s side. Bile rose in his throat as he saw that her nose and mouth were both bleeding. He couldn’t stand the thought that she would be in pain, so he didn’t try to wake her. He left her lying flat, praying for the doctor to arrive soon.
He wished he could have warned Addy before they arrived, but Jackie never awakened, not even when, accompanied by young Doc Edwardson, they took her home in the back of the wagon and carried her to her room.
An hour later, the screams that came from Jackie’s room so terrified Sammy that Addy took her downstairs. Lexa and Danny stood huddled in the hallway while the doctor and their father remained inside.
“Try to keep her still,” Doc Edwardson gasped as he grabbed for Jackie’s flailing arms. Morgan would have been better at that position, but he’d grabbed her legs and still tried to reason with her from further down the bed.
“Jackie, it’s all right,” he called to her. “I’m right here.”
“Help me!” she replied hysterically.
“Jackie,” he tried again, but at that moment, she swung her own arm against her head and went completely still.
Both men froze, Morgan’s pale face going even whiter. He looked at his daughter’s still form, and then his eyes flew to the young doctor.
“What happened?” He demanded, his voice hushed.
“She’s fainted,” the doctor told him. Both men were panting.
Morgan’s tortured eyes went back to Jackie and then to the doctor once again. “Please tell me it isn’t so.”
“I can’t.” The younger man rose slowly, his voice hushed as he gently put Jackie’s arms at her side. “I saw this just recently, I’m sorry to say. There’s not a thing that can be done.” He looked at Morgan.
“I’ll sit with her, Morgan. Go and see your family. They need to know, and you need each other right now.”
“You’re sure?” Morgan asked, tears filling his eyes, and the doctor knew to what he referred.
“I’m sorry, Morgan,” he said resignedly. “I haven’t seen much of this, but enough to know. The way she fell and then woke up—it can’t be anything else.”
Morgan stumbled to the door and then out into the hall. Danny’s and Lexa’s soft cries met his ears, and he went to them. He held them close for a moment.
“Where’s your mother?”
“She took Sammy to the kitchen.”
“Come on. I’ve got to see her.”
It was a pitiful group that huddled close and descended the stairs. Addy came to her feet as soon as she saw them, her hand going instinctively to Sammy’s shoulder.
“Oh, no, Morgan,” Addy gasped when she saw his face. “She’s not dead. Please don’t tell me she’s dead.”
“No, she’s not.” He looked at Addy, but didn’t really focus. “But she’s blind, Addy. Completely blind. She’ll never see again.”
Dark spots danced before Addy’s eyes. One minute she was standing and the next she was crumpled into a heap on the floor.
27
“Mother! Mother!” the terrified voice called, and Addy rushed to her daughter’s side.
“I’m here, Jackie. It’s all right. I’m right here.”
Jackie clung to her mother, trembling from head to foot. Jackie’s fear of the dark had begun during childhood. Now she’d been plunged into a sea of blackness, and the slightest change set her off. Just now the wind had kicked up outside, and she’d heard a strange noise. It had been happening off and on for days. Addy’s face was drawn with exhaustion, but Jackie couldn’t see this.
“Here,” Addy suggested, “the sun is shining right through this window. Move to the sofa now, and you’ll be able to feel it.”
“Help me,” Jackie whimpered.
“I’m here. Take my hand.”
They made the move with Jackie clutching at her mother’s arm. Addy’s skin was already bruised and scratched from Jackie’s clasping hands, and she winced when Jackie hit a sore spot.
When Jackie was settled, Addy sank into a chair of her own and just stared into space. She wasn’t certain how much longer she could do this. It was three weeks to the day since Jackie had fallen in the store, and although her headaches had abated, Jackie was terrified most of the time. The rest of the household had finally learned to sleep through her cries in the night, but Addy went to her every time. She never calmed down in less than two hours, and the days were not much better.
One afternoon just that week after a particularly difficult night, Addy fell into such a hard sleep in a living room chair that by the time she heard Jackie’s cries the younger woman was inconsolable. Jackie had been almost impossible to live with since, terrified that she was being left alone in her blackness. Attempts to comfort her with Scripture, God’s promises to never leave His children, fell on deaf ears. Jackie had nearly reverted to infancy.
Addy had thought it hard to have little ones under foot, but nothing could have prepared her for having a 17-year-old baby. She was dressing Jackie, giving her baths, and helping her eat. Addy didn’t know how much more she could take.
From where she sat in the chair, she now rocked her head and looked at Jackie. The blind girl just sat there. Addy tried to understand but couldn’t. Jackie didn’t talk anymore or ask questions. Her world had shrunk until she was the only one who existed.
It’s too soon, Addy told herself, but then an unfair thought came to mind. Jackie had always been more self–centered than any of the other children. Blind or not, Addy didn’t believe she herself would be so unreasonable. A minute later guilt poured over her. She felt terrible for thinking this way. She was praying, trying to explain her weary heart to God, when she heard someone knock at the front door.
“What was that?” Jackie was instantly afraid.
“Just someone at the door.” Addy rose to answer it.
“Are you leaving?” Jackie’s hands were outstretched, and Addy rushed to her.
“I’m just going to answer the door,” Addy answered. Jackie calmed a little at her touch. “Just sit tight; I’ll be right back.”
Jackie was shaking again, but Addy left her and rushed to the door. She was rather startled to see Mrs. Munroe standing on the small porch. Pastor had visited twice, but his wife, who was often busy with the town orphans, was the last person Addy expected. However, she was not unwelcome.
“I hope I won’t be intruding, Addy, but I thought I could be of some help.”
“Oh,” Addy’s manners returned to her in a rush. “Of course, Ora, please come in.”
Ora Munroe was just two steps into the house when Jackie set up a hue and cry. Addy didn’t explain, but turned and ran to her. Ora followed slowly. By the time she calmed Jackie down, the other woman was standing silently in the do
orway.
“Come in, Ora,” she bade gently, telling herself to forget the dust and grime that seemed to pervade the room, indeed, the whole house.
“Thank you.”
“Mrs. Munroe is here, Jackie.”
“Hello, Jackie,” Ora greeted her softly.
“Hello.” Jackie’s voice was dull.
“How is your shoulder?”
Jackie didn’t answer. Addy looked apologetic and spoke for her.
“It’s fine really, just very bruised. Those tins of syrup are quite heavy. Doc Edwardson was rather surprised she hadn’t broken any bones.”
Ora nodded, and a momentary silence fell on the threesome. It didn’t last, however, as Jackie suddenly lost her mother and began to call to her in terror. Addy was standing to go to her when Ora spotted a bruise and a scratch on her arm. She caught Addy’s sleeve and shook her head.
“Answer her from here,” she said quietly. For a moment, Addy only stared at her. “Sit back down, Addy, and answer her from your place in the chair.”
“Mother! Mother!”
The cries escalated, but Addy made herself sit back down. “I’m right here, Jackie; right in my chair.”
“Mother.” Again Jackie’s hands were outstretched, unseeing eyes searching frantically.
Addy began to panic herself and turned to their guest, but Ora only shook her head.
“Jackie.” The strange voice caught her attention. She’d forgotten anyone else was there. “Your mother is right here. She’s going to answer you from her seat.” Ora urged Addy with her head.
“I’m right here, Jackie. Can you hear me?”
“Yes, but I need to touch you.” Jackie was crying now.
Ora shook her head vehemently.
“I’m right here.” Addy’s voice wobbled with her own tears, but she managed the words. “You can hear me.”
Jackie’s hands began to twist and flap. She was on the verge of hysteria.
“I have to touch you,” she sobbed.
“No,” Addy now said on her own. “I’m right here. Just listen to the sound of my voice.”