Clayton pulled the watch from his pocket. He really didn’t have time this afternoon, but when he returned to town, he would put things out in the open. Right now, however, he had to think of his mother and what would please her. He didn’t have a lot to spend, but Milly had mentioned his mother’s interest in a collar pin to go at the neckline of her lace blouse.
Clayton didn’t move directly to the jewelry counter as he longed to do, but wandered around a bit, hoping that Mitch or Morgan would appear. He stepped to the large doorway that led to hardware, but that side of the store was empty. He knew he was going to have to get down to business.
With a soft sigh he turned back and stepped to the jewelry counter, which was separate from the others and sat in the middle of the store. He looked down through the glass and began to peruse the goods. He spotted the pin Milly had described almost immediately, but Jackie showed no signs of coming to help him. He considered going home, giving Milly the money, and asking her to return the next day, but the snow was very deep these days and he didn’t want her struggling with the sleigh. At last he heard Jackie’s footsteps and steeled himself for the worst. She did not disappoint him.
“Did you want to see something? Because if you don’t, I have things to do.”
In that instant, Clayton had had enough. Anger leapt onto his back so swiftly that it nearly took his breath away. What had he done to deserve this? How could she hate him this much? These were just two of the questions that exploded in his brain, and his feelings must have shown on his face because Jackie looked rather startled.
“I am a paying customer in hard times, Jackie,” Clayton bit out, doing nothing to disguise his outrage. “Now are you in the business of selling goods or not?”
Jackie blinked several times before saying in a much subdued tone, “I’d be glad to sell you something. Was there something special you wanted to see?”
“That pin, please.” His voice had calmed, but he was still tense.
Jackie unlocked the cabinet and brought out a black velvet square covered with pins. She placed it gently on the counter and watched as Clayton picked up a gold pin. Both ends were rounded and there were roses etched in the center. It was lovely. There was another one, nearly identical to the first except that it had a tiny diamond set in the center.
Clayton would have dearly loved to buy the one with the diamond but it was $2.50. The one without the stone was only $.78. Clayton lifted both in his hands and studied them, unaware of the fact that while he concentrated, Jackie was moving into a fine fury over the way he’d just put her in her place. Indeed, it was Jackie’s impatient sigh that brought Clayton’s head up and reminded him of the time.
“I’ll take this one.” He gestured toward the pin in his right hand, trying hard to ignore her returned ire.
“Fine,” Jackie said shortly and reached to nearly tear the other pin from his left hand. Even in her anger, she noticed the way Clayton jumped slightly.
Both sets of eyes, one huge and the other intense, dropped to his hand and watched as a drop of blood welled to the surface. Clayton calmly placed the pin he had chosen on the counter and reached for his handkerchief. He wrapped his finger and then looked at Jackie. He blinked with surprise to see tears standing in her wide eyes.
“I’m sorry, Clay,” she whispered.
“It’s all right, Jackie,” he told her, the sight of her tears touching his heart. “I’ll take this one.”
For a moment Jackie looked at him as though completely unaware of what he might be talking about, but then she looked down and saw the pin before him. With trembling hands she replaced the other pins, locked the cabinet, picked up Clayton’s choice, and moved to the cash register. Her hands were still shaking when she took his money and made change from the drawer.
“Is it a gift?” The question was nearly whispered.
“Yes,” Clayton told her simply and then watched as she placed it in a small box and painstakingly wrapped it in crisp, yellow paper. When it was ready, she held it out to him, her eyes still troubled.
“Thank you, Jackie.”
“You’re welcome, Clay.”
Clayton stood for just a moment. Replacing his hat, he put the small parcel in his coat pocket but didn’t walk away. He looked back at Jackie, his eyes serious.
“I’m headed out in the morning, but when I get back I think we should talk. I don’t know what’s brought on this hatred, but it’s not right.”
Jackie’s heart clenched. Treating Clayton like she hated him had become almost a habit. Why had she acted this way?
Now, still speaking very low, she said, “I don’t hate you, Clayton—not really. And I am sorry about your hand.”
Clayton nodded his acceptance. “I’ll see you later, Jackie.”
“Goodbye, Clayton. Have a good trip.”
“Thank you.”
With that he turned away and moved out the door. Jackie stood still long after the sound of the bell faded away. A noise in the back finally made her move. She reached for the feather duster and turned to work on the shelves behind her. Tears slid down her face. This was turning out to be the worst birthday of her life.
The older woman closed the bedroom door firmly and gestured to the bed. She waited until her daughter took a seat on the edge and then moved to sit beside her.
“You’ve been quiet for a week now, Jackie. What’s going on?” The question came from Addy, and it wasn’t the first. However, this time she was not going to be put off. When Jackie was not in the mood to talk she was like her father. She told people to leave her alone and expected to be obeyed. This time Addy was not going to go away until she had some answers.
“Was it your birthday? Was it a terrible letdown for you?”
“It was,” Jackie admitted, her eyes averted, “but not from anything you did. I had a bad day, but it was all my fault.”
“Can you tell me about it?”
“I don’t really want to.”
“I would accept that, Jackie, but you’ve not been the same since. What is going on?” Addy’s voice was just firm enough to tell her daughter that she wanted answers. Jackie gave a very light sketch of what had happened in the store.
“I nearly cried when I saw that blood,” she said, looking at Addy. “Oh, Mother, I’ve treated him so badly, and now I just want to forget it. I don’t know what I’ll do if he wants to talk.”
“So you still hate him?”
Jackie shook her head. “I don’t think I ever did, but I don’t want to talk it over with him either. I think I’d die of embarrassment if I had to explain. And Mother,” Jackie wailed, “I just don’t feel that comfortable around him! If we talk he’ll think I want to talk and joke with him like Eddie.”
“Would that be so bad?”
The question totally disarmed Jackie. She stared at her mother in complete bewilderment.
“Jackie,” Addy went on gently, “I can’t help but notice that you don’t make friends easily. If Clayton is offering friendship to you, why can’t you accept it?”
“What if he wants more than friendship?” The question came out in a tortured whisper, and Addy knew they had finally come to the crux of the matter.
“Oh, honey, acting like you hate a man is not going to make your feelings for him go away.”
“But what if he finds out that I kind of like him, and he’s not interested that way? I’d never be able to look at him again.”
Addy reached for Jackie, gently putting her arms around her lovely daughter. She didn’t know if Jackie had ever faced her feelings as she was now doing. Addy chose her words carefully.
“You are so afraid of being hurt that you never take risks. Love is a risky thing, Jackie, but we can’t live without it. If you stay somewhere in the middle, you’re never going to find out.”
Jackie sniffed, and Addy just held her. The younger woman’s head was against her mother’s chest, and she spoke softly from that position.
“Eddie is so selfless, Mother. She puts o
thers ahead of herself all the time, just like you do. I feel like I have to take care of myself. So many people have taken an instant dislike to me over the years that I found it was easier not to have anything to do with them. That way they couldn’t hurt me.”
Addy hugged her almost fiercely. “You’re growing up, honey, and you’re finding out that it doesn’t work that way. Yes, we might be hurt, but we have to trust God and be willing to love and give of ourselves.”
“Do you know how it all started?” Jackie pulled slightly away and looked at her mother. “Clayton stared at me the first time we met in the store last summer. I pretended that I didn’t like it, but I did, and when we walked out with his purchases, I tripped.” Tears filled her lovely eyes. “I felt like such a fool, but he laughed and only made it worse. It wasn’t a cruel laugh—I think Eddie might have laughed too—but I decided then and there to hate him forever. But if I hate him, why do I want to look at him all the time? And why do I really care what he thinks of me?”
Addy smoothed Jackie’s hair from her face and tenderly stroked her cheek.
“You still have some thinking to do, honey, but you’ll find your answers. God does not want you lost and hurting. Trust Him for this. I’m not trying to push you and Clayton together. In fact, he doesn’t even plan to stay in Georgetown that long.”
“You mean his schooling?”
“That’s right, but I do think he could be a good friend to you whether he lives here or not. I’ve seen how kind and tender he is with all your sisters, and I guess I trust him to be kind with you as well.”
Jackie nodded.
“We’ll just keep praying,” Addy said softly, hugging her daughter once again.
11
My Darling Eddie,
Today I write from our bedroom. I sit before the window, looking at the snow and wishing as you have in the past that we could be here together. I know as I write this that you are picturing my apartment above the bank. This time you are wrong. I now sit with paper on my knee in our new home, having just moved in yesterday.
I fear we will hear nothing but echoes for the first year, until we can afford some more furniture and rugs, but I’d rather shop with you and at a time when it will not cause a financial burden. The only thing I truly fear is loneliness for you. As of this writing we have only one neighbor. They are an older couple, very dear, but you are used to being surrounded by loving family, and I do not wish you to pine overly for them.
At that point Eddie had to stop reading. She was too overwhelmed to go on. The house was finished! She was not going to be married for six weeks, but her home was waiting for her. She smiled when she thought about the lack of neighbors. Didn’t Robert understand that she was coming there for him? Eddie understood that she might be a bit naive about the future, but she was going to be married to the man she loved, and a lack of neighbors seemed of very little importance at the moment. She had to read on.
Our home sits on the road that leads to Travis’ ranch, so I expect we’ll see quite a bit of him. Maybe he will take a wife from one of the women at church and you will have a special friend in her. In any event, I know you’ll meet some women of like interest, and I shall always have a buggy at your disposal. You might feel a little shut-in during the winter, but our snow does not remain on the ground as long as it does in Georgetown. Maybe God will bless us with children our first year, and I will never have need to worry for your loneliness again.
I count the days until we can be together and look forward to my return trip to see your family. You have all been in my prayers. How are things with Jackie and Clayton? I have praised God many times that her heart has become kinder.
Please tell Sammy that I received her letter and will be writing her soon. She told me about some cookies she was baking. I hope she’ll make some more after I arrive. Thank your mother for setting things up with your Uncle Mitch so that Travis and I will not have to stay at the hotel. I will book a room for our wedding night, but the apartment above the store is much more practical for the week before the wedding.
A verse from Philippians says, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” My heart could feel no less. I love you, Eddie.
Yours always,
Robert
Eddie’s eyes slid shut, and a huge sigh escaped her lips. He was so wonderful, and if he thanked God for her, Eddie nearly shouted her praise to God for him. She would have liked to lay on her bed and pray for the next hour, but Jackie came in. Eddie wasn’t angry over the interruption, but she decided right then to write Robert after she’d asked Jackie his question.
“Hi,” Eddie said, sitting up. “What’s up?”
“The sky” was Jackie’s reply before she grinned. Eddie laughed and wondered at the change in her in the last few weeks. She wasn’t anywhere near as moody as she had been, and her attitude was softening toward everyone in the house.
“Robert asked about you in his letter,” Eddie told her.
“He did?” Jackie seemed very surprised.
“Yes. I talk to him about everyone, and he wanted to know how you were feeling about Clayton these days.”
Jackie looked away for a minute. “I had a long talk with Mother about it, but I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I was going to be kinder to him; I mean, I wasn’t going to hold his hand or anything…” Jackie’s face was comical. “Mother made me see that he didn’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve been treating him.”
“So what is it that you don’t know now?”
Jackie shrugged. “He hasn’t been around. I think I’ve only seen him twice in the last month. The first time he was all the way across the church, and the other time he walked by the store but didn’t come in.”
Eddie nodded. “This really isn’t a very good time of year for socializing.”
Jackie’s gaze turned to the window. “I think the snow is going to be here forever.”
They were quiet for a time before Eddie spoke.
“What changed your mind about Tag, Jackie? What was it Mother said?”
“She didn’t really say anything.” Jackie now looked at Eddie, her voice quiet. “I waited on Clayton at the store one day, and I was so irritated that I grabbed a collar pin from his hand and poked him in the finger. He bled, Eddie.” Jackie’s voice was tortured. “I’ve never been so ashamed in all my life. He didn’t get angry or anything. He just wrapped it in his handkerchief and went on his way.”
Eddie thought that sounded like something Clayton would do, but Jackie wouldn’t have known that about him. It was very exciting to Eddie that her younger sister might be giving the man a chance. Not that she was hearing wedding bells or anything quite so dramatic, but Eddie saw Clayton for the fine man that he was, and she knew that Jackie was going to be lonely when she moved away to Boulder.
“The time will come for you to talk,” Eddie predicted. “Probably at church or maybe at the store. You’ll see.”
Jackie nodded, and her gaze went back out the window. It was hard not to know, but at the moment she was amazingly calm inside. The meeting probably would be when she didn’t expect it, but maybe that was best. A spark of fear and then anger lit in Jackie’s soul. Fear threatened to choke her—fear of his rejecting her, laughing in her face, or treating her like a child. The only way Jackie knew to fight that kind of fear was to get angry at it and everyone around her, but she didn’t want to do that again. With one small hand clenched in the folds of her skirt, she managed to tamp the feeling down. It took a few minutes, but at last she was calm.
There’s no point in getting all shook up, Jackie, she said to herself. It’s impossible to know when or where, so you might as well relax. But Jackie found that this was easier said than done, and as the end of January gave way to early February, which gave way to the middle of the month, Jackie wrestled almost daily with her feelings.
“We have a special guest this week,” Miss Bradley announced on Monday morning. “Mr. Clay
ton Taggart is going to be observing us all this week.” She looked at Clayton. “I’m proud to tell you, Mr. Taggert, that this class is full of the brightest students I’ve ever taught. They do not always apply themselves,” she added almost dryly, “but their potential is tremendous.”
“Now,” the teacher’s voice turned more serious as she again faced the class. “Many of you may know our guest on a first-name basis, but this week he is Mr. Taggart. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Miss Bradley,” chorused the occupants of the room.
“Now, to start off, Mr. Taggart is simply going to observe, but beginning this afternoon I will be choosing students from each form to sit in the back with Mr. Taggart and explain a subject to him. You will speak clearly if you are spoken to while still at your desk and answer all questions to the best of your ability. Let us begin.”
Jackie had never had such a hard time with concentration. She was as aware of Clayton’s presence as anyone could be. Questions plagued her, tortured her even. Would he try to humiliate her or get back at her for the way she’d treated him? If only she’d had a chance to talk to him before.
Jackie was completely unaware of the way her thoughts showed on her face. She felt as vulnerable as if she’d been asked to sit in school in her underclothing. Her tormented thoughts eased a little when she saw Clayton put a hand on Paddy’s shoulder, and more so when she saw him smooth Lexa’s hair, but she was still in a panic. In fact, she was so troubled that unknown to her, her eyes pleaded with Clayton when he came by. He hadn’t planned to stop, but her eyes were so miserable that he paused.
“How’s it going?” he asked, his voice low and completely normal. Jackie trembled with relief.
“It’s fine,” she told him softly and was rewarded by his kind smile before he passed on to the next row.
The day got better from that point, and Jackie even managed to thank Clayton for the ride home. His eyes were warm but not teasing as he acknowledged her words, and Jackie went into the house feeling like she’d been given the day.