Rebecca couldn’t believe that she could feel compassion for someone who had just spoken so cruelly to her, but there were tears in Angel’s eyes and Rebecca’s heart was moved.
“You’re not going to believe this, Angel, but I don’t hate you. I can’t imagine how you could cast them off, but you’re right—they’re not your responsibility.”
“What will you do?”
“I don’t know if I need to do anything.” Rebecca’s voice turned just a bit testy. “Yes, I’ll agree with you that I might have died, but I didn’t. I’m here, and I’ll take care of my sons.”
Angel nodded and stood. “I know I must have hurt you just now, Becky, but I am glad you made it.”
“Of course you are.” Rebecca’s voice was now cold. “Otherwise you’d be stuck trying to find some way to dispose of my sons.”
Angel looked at the floor. “I deserved that, Becky; I know I did, but I thought you should know how I feel.” She moved to the door, and Rebecca came to her feet. She couldn’t stand to have it end this way.
“Thanks, Angel,” she said softly. The tall blonde turned.
“I’m sorry, Becky. I wish it could be different. I’ll see you.”
“All right. Don’t be a stranger.”
“I won’t. Good night.”
With that she was gone. Rebecca stood still for just an instant and then took the stairs on swift, quiet feet. She lit a lantern and stood over her boys, both sound asleep. Garrett’s face was turned away from her, but Wyatt’s baby-soft cheek was toward the light, his pale hair shining in the glow. Their foreheads were nearly touching, and against the pillow between them the fair hair mingled with the dark.
Rebecca felt her throat close. They were so precious. They never did a thing she told them, and they slapped at her, shouted, and threw horrid tantrums when they didn’t get their way, but Rebecca loved them to distraction. Most of the time they were more than she could handle, and she found it easier to give in than fight them. But no one else saw the way they came to her when they were hurt or frightened, or how cuddly they were when they were sleepy.
Rebecca tried not to picture them alone and helpless, but it was impossible. She saw them in the street after dark, terrified and cold. She had to rush from the room so her tears would not awaken them. She closed the door of her bedroom and sank down onto the floor, her heart tearing in agony as sobs racked her body.
It was the start of a sleepless night and several sleepless nights to follow. Rebecca knew she couldn’t go on as she was or she’d be sick again. Finally, on the fourth day, she faced what she must do.
26
What a time it’s been, Travis thought as he headed toward town. The date was October 28, and he was going to Clayton Taggart’s house. That summer Clayton had been hired as the new schoolteacher in Boulder, not knowing that Jackie Fontaine now lived with her sister or that she had gone blind. Theirs had been a tempestuous meeting, but Christ’s love, which never gives up, as well as Clayton’s own devotion, finally broke through. Now Clayton and Jackie were getting married. Travis had offered to take Clayton to the church, but he hadn’t bargained on how nervous the groom would be. When Travis arrived, the younger man was beside himself.
“I can’t stop shaking,” he admitted.
“Second thoughts?”
“No,” he smiled, laughing a little. “None of that, just … I don’t know.”
Travis smiled compassionately and decided that now was not the time to tell him his hair was on standing end. Once they got to the church, he would hand him a comb.
“What if she’s having second thoughts?” Clayton suddenly asked Travis.
“I don’t think she is,” he said calmly. “I think she was ready to marry you weeks ago.”
This arrested Clayton’s attention as nothing else could.
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s just something I’ve observed, Tag,” Travis replied, calling him by his nickname. “I’m no expert on women, but when a lady blushes every time she’s in your presence, there’s something going on.”
“But she doesn’t do that.”
“Not now, but a few weeks back, before she really got comfortable with you, she was beside herself to say the right thing every time.”
Clayton nodded. He had seen some of this, but not the way Travis would have observed. Things always looked different when one’s own heart was involved. Clayton told himself to ask the older man what else he had noticed, as Travis was a very observant man. The conversation would have helped Clayton’s nerves, but instead he started to pace again. There was less than an hour to go, and it felt like an eternity.
It was not a large wedding. The church family had been invited to a reception in a week’s time, but today’s gathering was small. The short guest list included the Langleys, Pastor Henley and his wife, Beryl, Raymond and Lena, and, of course, Travis. Everyone was already inside the church when Robert stopped the wagon that carried the bride and Travis came out to lend a hand.
“Is Clayton here?” she wished to know.
“No,” Travis teased her. “He jumped on the stage and ran for it.”
“Oh, Travis, you have to stop” she told him and giggled, her face already red.
The rancher hustled her inside where Eddie and Lena were ready to make adjustments to her dress and to hand her over to Clayton. She had not wanted to walk up the aisle and have to grope about to find Clayton, so he was going to walk her up himself.
It took a few minutes, but Travis watched from the front where he stood next to Robert as Clayton turned with Jackie and started up the aisle. Jackie had not wanted music, and she’d asked everyone to stand for the ceremony. It was all rather unusual, but Travis found it very special. The bride and groom stood opposite Pastor Henley, and the rest of the party stood to the sides of them, forming a half circle around the clergyman.
It was not a long service, but serious and unique. Clayton and Jackie turned to each other and said the things that were on their minds. They wanted these special friends and family to witness their vows and hold them accountable. Eddie bawled her way through the proceedings, and even Robert was overcome a few times. As it had with Robert and Eddie in Georgetown, Travis’ mind went back to his own wedding. Thankfully he wasn’t given much time to ponder over it. Soon there was much laughter and talking as everyone filed from the church to head to the Langleys’ for a special dinner.
Out at the wagons, they watched as Clayton helped his bride get comfortable in the buggy. Robert was going to ride with Travis in order to give Jackie and Clayton some time alone. Eddie went ahead with Lena and Raymond. Pastor and Mrs. Henley were on their way as well.
The two men had just come to Travis’ wagon when two girls, looking to be around 14 years old, passed by. That they found the big rancher good-looking was more than obvious, and as they climbed aboard the seat, they shared a smile.
“You get stared at by a lot of women, Travis,” Robert suddenly commented.
“Do I?”
“Yes. I just never realized it before now. Maybe it’s time you get married,” Robert teased.
Travis, who had raised the reins, went very still. He forced himself to turn and look at Robert, who looked right back.
“I’m already married, Robert. I’m sorry I never told you before.”
Stunned, the banker stared at him. “You’re married?”
“Yes.”
Robert was silent for a full 30 seconds.
“Where is your wife?”
“I don’t know,” Travis replied painfully. Robert only nodded. “Maybe someday I can tell you about it.”
“Sure.” Robert’s voice was kind. “Whenever you want to or don’t want to, Travis.”
Travis thanked him and slapped the reins. Robert was a good friend, and he felt relief at finally having told him. Maybe someday it could all come out, but not now. Now he needed to go and help Clayton and Jackie celebrate and get off to a good start. His prayers were that their ma
rriage would be far different than his own.
“The first thing I need to do, Robert,” Travis began, “is tell you that I’m not sorry.”
Robert looked at his friend in confusion but stayed silent.
“I know that must sound odd, but a long time back I asked the Lord to help me know the right time to tell you. Then yesterday when it came out, I apologized. It does feel good to have you finally know about Rebecca, but I never felt the time was right before.”
“Of course, Travis,” Robert assured him. “I certainly don’t hold any hard feelings toward you. I’ve never wanted to pry, so I’ve never pressed you about your private life. I can’t say that I haven’t been curious, but there was no point in digging into your past if you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I appreciate that, Robert.”
The men were doing what they often did—talking by the wagons after church. Other people were grouped off as well. Eddie was with Beryl Henley, and Travis hoped he could gain a few more minutes of privacy.
“Did you say her name was Rebecca?” Robert now felt free to ask.
“Yes, and her father was the owner of the Double Star. It’s hard for me to believe it, but we were practically strangers. Andrew Wagner asked me to marry his daughter because his health was failing and he wanted her protected and cared for. He died just days after we were wed. It was a strain, but I thought we were going to make it work. I came in off the range a week after we said our vows, and she was gone. I haven’t seen her since.”
“How long ago was this?”
“Over five-and-a-half years, six years in February.”
Robert looked thunderstruck. “I’m so sorry, Travis.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” the tall rancher agreed. “It’s taken a long time to accept that she’s not coming back.”
“Did you ever look for her?”
“I only stopped looking for her last year. I even put ads in the Denver Daily News. I’ve ridden from town to town, sometimes for miles. And when we take cattle into Denver, I can always feel myself looking. I’ve searched, Robert, even when it became clear she wasn’t coming back.”
“And she left you no note, no word of any kind?”
“No. Lavena was beside herself by the time I came in, but when I got into town here, she was gone.”
Robert was still in shock but said quietly, “It must have caused you such pain to see Eddie and me married, and then Clayton and Jackie yesterday.”
“Yes and no, Robert. I did think of my own marriage, but I couldn’t have been happier for the four of you, and that’s the truth.”
Robert glanced up to see Eddie coming toward them, so he spoke softly to Travis. “Just so you know, I haven’t told Eddie anything. I didn’t want to do that without talking to you first.”
“I have no problem with your telling Eddie; I know she’ll be discreet. If Rebecca were here, it would make sense for people to know, but as it is—” Travis ended the sentence with a shrug, and Robert’s hand went to his shoulder.
Eddie joined them just seconds later, and although he could see that their offer was genuine, Travis declined to join them for lunch. He rode home to Lavena’s cooking, Rebecca very heavy on his mind. As always happened when he couldn’t get her off his mind, he ended up in the study. He didn’t know why he came to this room; it had been Andrew’s room, not Rebecca’s. Maybe it helped remind him as to why he stayed on at the ranch.
In the blink of an eye he had become a wealthy land owner in Colorado Territory, now the state of Colorado, but that had never been important to him. Keeping this place active and profitable, spending long days in the saddle, hiring or firing men, making it through days when he thought his hands would freeze to the reins, losing cattle, and having costs run higher than he figured—all of this for that moment when he might face Rebecca again. At times it had been all that pushed him on. But now, suddenly, he knew it wasn’t going to happen. He still didn’t think her dead, but neither did he think he would ever know what had happened to her.
Lavena told him that his meal was on the table. He followed her to the dining room, watched her pour his coffee, thanked her, and bowed his head over the plate to thank God for all He had provided. Travis realized that there were no holes in his life, no gaps—God had filled them all. Travis ate with the pleasure and warm serenity of God’s grace, and even though he still prayed for her every day, for a time he put his wife from his mind.
Travis stood with the letter in his hand, too stunned to move. It wasn’t possible. Not 24 hours before, he’d been convinced he would never hear from Rebecca again, but the letter in his hand now mocked that assurance.
Usually working the range, Travis had stayed in the barn today seeing to some repairs. He’d come in midmorning to get a cup of hot coffee. Lavena had parked the buggy by the back door when she’d returned from town. She had brought the mail with her. Hannah Ellenbolt had never mastered Rebecca’s handwriting, but it was close enough so Lavena recognized the letter. When she handed it to Travis, she came right out and said, “This is from your wife.”
Travis looked at the postmark for Pine Grove and wanted to argue with her—he’d searched there—but something told him Lavena was right.
“What did she say?” Lavena suddenly appeared again but stopped when she saw he hadn’t moved. “You haven’t opened it.” For once she didn’t sound bossy, just resigned. “I can’t think that it will be easy, Travis, but you should just get it over with.”
Travis’ head turned as he watched her walk away. The sound of her steps had barely died away when his hand went to the corner of the envelope. He had not taken off his coat or moved from the entryway, but stood and read.
Travis,
I know it’s been a long time, but I thought I should write and see where we stand. It is my assumption that you’ve made a new life for yourself, and along with those thoughts, I wonder if we are still married. I live in Pine Grove and am known by my married name. I would appreciate hearing from you about this matter.
Rebecca
Travis thought it sounded more like someone addressing a letter to a catalog company than correspondence between an estranged husband and wife. Travis read the short missive again. She was all business, no emotion, but he couldn’t say the same. His heart pounded in his chest, and he felt his face flush. Reba. Reba was alive and wanting to know if they were still married. Having given up or not, Travis had always known what he would do if she ever got in touch. With a swift decision to go by horseback and not on the train, he turned toward the kitchen.
“Pack me three days’ provisions, Lavena. I leave in less than an hour.” With that he hurried upstairs to prepare. He didn’t even hear Lavena mumble to herself that the job was already half done.
“That’s amazing, Travis,” Robert told him. “Why just yesterday you’d resigned yourself. I told Eddie about it last night and we prayed, but I never …” The banker’s words trailed off in wonder.
“I’ve put Lucky in charge and I’m headed out now, but I would appreciate your keeping this quiet. I’m trying not to have expectations. My only hope is that we can open some line of communication so I can know if she’s all right.”
“I’ll pray, Travis; in fact, let’s take a moment right now.” Travis bowed his head and prayed along silently with his friend.
“What a blessing it is, Father, to know that You know what lies ahead. We thank You for Rebecca, Lord, and pray Your blessing upon her. Guide Travis’ steps as he rides, and keep him safe on the trail. Help him to be loving and kind when he sees his wife. The unknown can be so hard, Lord, but You will go before Him. And if it be Your will, Father, let Travis’ wife be restored to him. In Your name I pray, Amen.”
“Thank you, Robert,” Travis said, knowing he’d been a little too stunned through the recent events to say some of those things to the Lord.
The men shook hands, and Travis left Robert’s office. The banker’s prayer prodded Travis’ mind, and as he covered the miles o
n the way to Denver and beyond, he poured his heart out to the Lord. It didn’t make the trail smoother or the saddle more comfortable, but Travis knew that God was going before him.
27
Travis remembered Pine Grove but also saw that changes had been made. There were signs of new housing and several new storefronts. Travis remembered checking with a man on the street concerning a small, blonde woman, but the man hadn’t seen her. His next stop had been to inquire at the Cradwell Tavern and Dance Hall, but he had also come up empty there. It wasn’t what he would have called an exhaustive search, but he hadn’t had the impression she would go so far out of Denver. Obviously, he’d been mistaken.
Travis stayed on his mount as he rode through town, his eyes scanning the houses and streets. He spotted the post office but decided to leave that possible resource until he’d had a look around. He didn’t know what compelled him to turn, but a block past the stage office he turned down another street. The houses were simple, almost all two stories, some kept up and others left in disrepair. Nothing stood out to him. In fact, while on this street Travis realized that Rebecca might not live in a house at all. It was more likely she lived in a boardinghouse somewhere in town. Just then he heard the voice.
“No! Now stop that. Stop that this instant!”
Travis’ head whipped around, and he craned his neck to see through the backyards in time to see a blonde woman go into a two-story white house. His eyes did not catch the two little boys that took off the other way because he was too busy moving Diamond in the opposite direction. He rode back to the main street, counting houses by the backyards, and then counted front yards as he moved down that street. It was the only white house on the street, and the paint looked new. It was remarkably easy to find. Travis tried to think calmly and slow the furious pounding of his heart. What if it hadn’t been her? He heard his pulse in his ears as he tethered Diamond to a bush and went up the front porch to the door.