“Say thank you to your father,” Rebecca repeated, but the boys only cast mutinous looks at her. This had been one of Angel’s biggest complaints. “It’s common courtesy, Becky,” she would say when the boys refused to thank her. Rebecca agreed with the complaint, but the boys were very stubborn about it.
“Actually,” Travis spoke up when he saw their faces, “I think we should thank Lavena. I’ll call her back in, and you can thank her. Okay, boys?”
There was complete silence at the table. Rebecca, knowing how bullheaded the boys could be, was silently begging Travis not to make an issue of this, but she could see that he expected better.
“Well.” His voice was still calm. “Either way, I’m going to call Lavena back in. You can thank her, or she can take the cake back into the kitchen. Little boys who can’t be thankful when they’re given something do not deserve to have it.”
Travis watched the boys exchange a glance and look back at him.
“Lavena,” he raised his voice just enough. “Will you please come back for a moment?”
The older woman appeared, her brow knit with confusion.
“Are you ready for coffee in the living room already?”
“No, but the boys have something to say to you.”
Lavena glanced crossly at Travis, but he leveled her with a look. He turned to his silent children.
“Thank you for the cake,” Travis prompted them.
“Thank you for the cake,” Wyatt said, but Garrett sat quietly, his eyes going from his father to Lavena and back again.
“Now, Garrett,” Travis said softly.
Wyatt’s face was tense as he stared at his brother, but Travis was done waiting. He picked up the top dessert plate.
“We’ll only need three of these tonight, Lavena. Thank you.”
The plate was in the housekeeper’s hand, and she was headed away from the table when the little boy blurted out a desperate thank you. Lavena turned to tell him he was welcome, returned the plate to Travis, and then slowly moved from the room.
“Good job, Garrett and Wyatt,” their father told them. “I knew you could do it.”
Rebecca had to work at keeping her mouth closed. She had never seen such looks of pride on her sons’ faces. Why, they nearly beamed at their father. Rebecca ate the cake mechanically, but as with the rest of the meal, she barely tasted it.
“That was good,” Wyatt said, the chocolate frosting and cake on his mouth attesting to that fact.
“Go tell Lavena you liked it.”
“All right. Come on, Gary.”
The boys shot off, and before Rebecca could guess his intentions, Travis moved to the seat beside her. He leaned close, his arm on the back of her chair.
“If I help you put the boys to bed, will you join me for coffee in the living room?”
Rebecca looked into his warm eyes and wanted to melt. She was so tired of doing everything on her own, and Travis was clearly waiting to catch her if ever she fell. But he’s taking over, Rebecca reminded herself. And if you don’t resist him, there will be nothing left of you.
“All right,” she spoke outloud and then sat up very straight. “Actually, I have some things to say to you.”
“Great.” Travis smiled and touched her arm before he rose. He went after the boys and a moment later walked back through the dining room, one son flung over each shoulder. Listening to their high-pitched giggles, Rebecca rose slowly and began to follow them from the room. However, she stopped and looked at the mess on the table. Travis had taken a few dishes with him when he’d gone out, but most of them were still there. Right now Rebecca couldn’t find a reason to go upstairs. The boys were delighted to be taken off by their father, and Rebecca, with no reason for her poor mood, was feeling put out about the whole thing. She turned to the table and gathered some dishes into her hands. From there she went to aid Lavena in the kitchen.
“And it’s a true story?” Wyatt asked.
“Yes. That was a story from the Bible, so we know it’s true.”
“How big was the man?” Garrett asked again.
Travis smiled. They had missed his main point, but he was still delighted with them. They were more awed by the size of Goliath than by David’s actions with God on his side.
“He was very big.”
“Bigger than you?”
“Much bigger,” Travis assured them, and watched their eyes widen.
“I think it’s time you slept now.”
“Where’s Mama?” they wanted to know.
“I’ll get her. You sit tight,” Travis told them, but they made to follow him when he rose. He turned and looked at them, and without so much as a sound they scrambled back into bed. It was becoming more and more clear to Travis that his sons never obeyed, not even the simplest commands. Rebecca was so hard and angry with him, but with the boys she was so soft it was ridiculous. They were bright children. It wouldn’t take them long to figure out who the pushover was. As he walked back down the stairs, he prayed a prayer of thanks that they had asked for her. The last thing he wanted to do was to replace Rebecca, but the boys were only going to have contempt for her if she didn’t make them mind.
“The boys tried to tell me some story about a giant man,” Rebecca spoke as soon as she entered the living room.
“Right,” Travis said calmly, although he was feeling anything but calm. “I told them about David and Goliath.”
Rebecca blinked. “From the Bible?”
“Yes.”
Rebecca would have stood staring at him, but Travis was offering her a large mug of coffee. Rebecca welcomed the warmth and the distraction as she took the cup from his hand and sank down into the other chair in front of the fire. The flames danced and crackled, and for a time she kept her eyes on the logs.
Travis kept his eyes on Rebecca. With the reflection of the flames in her spectacles, he couldn’t see her eyes, but her mouth looked sad. What was all of this doing to her? Was she miserable or confused or both? And how did a man go about telling his stranger-wife that he had come to a saving knowledge of Christ? Travis simply didn’t know. He did know, though, that if they didn’t learn to talk, their relationship was never going to work.
“Are you still upset about this morning, Rebecca?”
She looked at him. “No, I think I understand why you did what you did. The boys can be rambunctious.”
Travis wanted to tell her to face facts, but he refrained. The boys were not rambunctious, they were … Travis’ mind hesitated. What were his sons? He wanted to call them brats or monsters, but in truth they were sinners. Self-seeking sinners, as all people are.
Please, Lord, let me show them You. Help my attitude and care of them to be such that they will see a difference. Travis would have prayed on for his family, but he suddenly noticed Rebecca’s scrutiny of him.
“Will you miss Pine Grove, Rebecca?” He asked the first question that came to mind. “Or should I not assume you’re staying?”
Rebecca’s eyes went back to the flames. “I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t say as I’m sorry we married, Travis, because I have the boys and I can’t imagine life without them. But you have to admit, ours was not the best of beginnings.”
Travis nodded. “Do you believe in second chances, Rebecca?”
He heard her sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t know you anymore, Travis.” She now looked at him. “I’m certain you would say the same about me.”
“Can I ask you some things?”
“Sure.”
“I don’t really want answers from you right now, but I want you to think about some of this.”
“Okay.”
“You grew up without your mother, is that right?”
“Right.”
“And your father moved away when you were, what?”
“Eight.”
Travis nodded. “I think I understand your reason for leaving, Rebecca, and I won’t try to convince you that I didn’t marry you for this ranch. I think you’ll have to find that out on
your own. But I hope you’ll give us another chance. You basically grew up without your parents, and for different reasons, I did the same. I want better for our sons.” He could see that he had her attention. “I’m not saying I don’t care about you and me, because I care more than I can say, but if you need a reason to stay, Rebecca, please stay for the boys.”
Rebecca’s lower lip went between her teeth. This was the last thing she’d expected. She was glad he didn’t want answers right then, because she couldn’t have come up with any.
“We’ve both changed,” Travis continued. “We’re not the same people we were a few years ago, but we are husband and wife. I’d like us to try again.” He wanted to tell her that he had no choice. He wanted to say that before God they were husband and wife and not to work on their marriage was not an option, but he feared putting too much pressure on her. Instead he left it as it was and waited for her to comment. When she didn’t, he asked about what she’d said earlier.
“Did you say you had some things to talk to me about?”
“Oh.” Rebecca seemed to come back to him from a faraway place. “I, yes, I wanted to tell you that—” but the words had left her. What had she wanted to say? Don’t correct our sons, Travis, because I’m jealous of the fact that they obey you rather than me? It sounded as ridiculous in Rebecca’s mind as it was sure to sound if she voiced it outloud.
“I guess I don’t have anything to say. I was a little concerned about your treatment of the boys, but they seem to be all right.”
“Are you satisfied with their manners and obedience, Rebecca?”
She hesitated. No one had ever asked her that. They had called her children brats and threatened them if they stepped out of line, but no one had ever asked her if she was happy with the job she’d done as a mother.
“I don’t know, Travis,” she told him honestly. “After all, they’re only five, and I want them to be happy.”
Travis could have told her she was going about it the wrong way, but something stopped him.
“I want them to be happy as well,” he said, “and I think the best way to accomplish that is to let them know their boundaries and do whatever I have to do to keep them there.”
Rebecca could hardly argue with that because it had worked so far, but the day had been long for her because she’d been afraid to let the boys outside.
“I could tell they felt very cooped up in the house today,” she mentioned almost absently.
“Why didn’t they go out?”
Rebecca’s brow creased in sudden anger. “Because no matter what you said this morning, Travis, they would have gone to the barn. Also, I don’t know what else is off limits for five-year-olds on a working cattle ranch. For all I know, there’s some big hole out there that they could fall into!”
“It must have been a long day for you.”
But Rebecca didn’t want his understanding; she was suddenly in the mood to argue.
“Yes, it was,” she said tersely.
Travis let silence fall between them for a time. Rebecca was looking bitterly into the flames, and Travis was watching her.
“I’ll take the boys out in the morning and show them what’s allowed. I’ll also tell you what they can get into, so there will be no argument. If my orders are not followed, they won’t be given a second chance. It’s too dangerous for that.”
Rebecca looked thunderstruck. “But Travis, they’ll never make it. They’ll be inside for the rest for their lives.”
Travis stared at her. “You expect them to disobey, Rebecca, do you realize that? I give them a command, and I expect them to carry it out to the letter. Here on the ranch, that could mean their lives.”
She looked so defeated by his words that Travis stood. He moved to the front of her chair and, taking her by the hand, lifted her from her seat. He was very close as he looked down at her.
“I’ve overwhelmed you after a long day. I’m sorry.”
Rebecca didn’t reply. She did feel overwhelmed, but over his presence, not his treatment of the boys. She didn’t mention any of this to her husband. Still holding her hand, Travis reached with his free hand to draw a finger down her cheek.
“Your skin is still so soft.”
Rebecca’s heart sighed, but then Travis lowered his head and she stiffened. There was no need. Travis pressed only a soft kiss to her forehead.
“Why don’t you go get some rest?” he asked softly, his voice full of caring. “I’ll stay in long enough in the morning to talk with the boys. Do they have warm enough clothes to wear to play outside?”
“Yes.” The word was barely audible, but his question was enough to snap her back to reality. With a soft good-night she left the room, her head in a muddle. Dan had waited for years to get as close as Travis had just been. Why hadn’t she wanted his attention? And why did she still feel warm all over from Travis’ simple kiss to her brow?
32
Travis lay on his bed for what felt like hours. He had been so tense in the living room. Rebecca hadn’t sensed this, but he’d been so nervous about what she might say and how he might respond. At any moment he was certain she was going to walk out of his life again. He wished there were a way to know what the next few months would bring. He had said so much to her, given her so much to think about. If Rebecca came to him and calmly asked to be taken home to Pine Grove, could he do it? And what was Rebecca hiding in her heart? Did she hate all of this or him? Was she repulsed by him? He couldn’t read her face anymore. Too often the glasses hid her eyes, and even when he could see them, he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. And the boys—right now they were in awe of him, but what about the days to come?
Travis suddenly heard his own heart. I’m in a panic, Lord. To hear me, You would think I’m the one in charge, and that I’ve got to figure all of this out in one night. Please help me to trust. You’ve already brought us so far. I know You’ll finish the job.
Travis knew that confessing his anxiety was right, but he also knew he had to get his mind off his wife and the days to come. He wasn’t worried about the next day and showing the boys around the barn, but Saturday made his gut clench in dread. Saturday was the day he had to tell Rebecca that he went to church on Sunday, but that wasn’t all—he wanted the boys with him. He wasn’t going to tell Rebecca she had to go, but the boys would be going to church with him no matter what.
Years ago Mitchell Fontaine had told him about a little trick he practiced whenever he was worried or couldn’t sleep. Travis now put it into effect. He arranged himself as comfortably as he could in bed and closed his eyes. He then began to list the attributes of God and any verses he could remember that pertained to the attribute. He fell asleep somewhere between “righteous” and “omniscient.”
Just down the hall, Rebecca could have used such a system. The boys had been sprawled all over the bed, so she had had little choice but to tough it out in her own room. This room had been a haven of comfort and warmth when she arrived from Philadelphia, but now it held only painful memories.
Rebecca turned yet again, but felt no comfort. The quilts were warm and the mattress soft, but she felt sore all over. She continued like this for nearly an hour before giving up. She threw the covers back, wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, and moved to the hallway. A quick peek at the boys told her they were sound asleep, so she padded barefooted to the stairs. Travis’ door was open, but she didn’t hesitate or look toward the room. The downstairs was dark, but Rebecca remembered where everything was and made her way to the kitchen. Lavena had left a lantern on the table. Rebecca lit it and put the kettle on to warm. The heat from the huge woodburning stove and oven felt good, and she stood close to it in the semidark room. It took awhile for the water to heat, and in that time Rebecca let her mind wander.
I can’t believe I’m here. I’m in Boulder. It’s barely been 24 hours. I walked away from Pine Grove in a day’s time. I didn’t love it so much that I’ll ache for it, but will I ever see Angel and Preston again? Do I
want to see Angel and Preston again? Rebecca shuddered a little at the thought of going back on her own. How had she left it all those years ago? With the boys it now seemed impossible. She suddenly felt trapped, as if in prison. Travis was the jailer, and she was in the cell. Rebecca shook her head free of the image. It wasn’t strictly true. He had acted nothing like a jailer. He wanted to give her whatever she wanted. The problem was, she didn’t know what that was.
“Travis, is that you?”
Rebecca started violently at the sound of Lavena’s voice. The older woman’s bedroom was off the kitchen.
“Oh,” Lavena said when she came fully into the room, “Rebecca. Can’t sleep?”
“No.”
“You want something to eat?”
“No, I’m just going to make some tea.”
Lavena snorted. “Don’t know if I have any tea. Let me look.” She sounded as grouchy as ever, but Rebecca took little notice. Indeed, she was content just to stand with her hands over the stovetop. As the kettle was heating, she heard Lavena mumble, “Well, that’s better anyhow.”
Rebecca glanced at her. “What’s that?”
“Your hair. You don’t look like a skinned rabbit.”
Rebecca’s hand went to the hair hanging down on her shoulders, but she didn’t comment.
“Where are your glasses?” Lavena now asked, but again, Rebecca didn’t answer.
Rebecca picked up the kettle. Lavena had unearthed some tea, and Rebecca now prepared herself a cup.
“Do you want some?” she asked the older woman.
“No. I’m going back to bed. Turn that lantern off when you head up,” Lavena warned her unnecessarily and went back to bed.
The tea was bitter to Rebecca—she hadn’t had any in ages—but tonight she didn’t mind. In some ways it went with her mood. All her life she had looked to other people to make her happy. First her aunt and uncle, and then her father. Her husband hadn’t had much time to even try, but Rebecca was certain that she would expect it of him sooner or later. All that had changed when she met Angel. Angel had been a kind friend, giving her a home when she had none and putting up with the boys when they were tiny. Angel had been the first person Rebecca had known to be happy on her own. Even before she got involved with Preston, she had been a complete person in her own right.