My skin chilled over. I knew that sound. It was my curse, the whispers of the damned. It was lurking in the shadows of my ER room daring to explode from the darkness. Like crickets on a summer night, they hummed louder when my attention fell on them.
I never should’ve trusted Bianca. ‘No big deal—just a few people. Your mom will never know.’
Why did I give in to her?
I had a reason. I had a plan. Somehow my plan went wrong—really wrong. Obviously, I’m in an ER, and my mother was very aware a party went down. What reason? What plan? Hate and love for Bianca went to war inside of me.
I wanted my headphones. I needed my music. It was my weapon against the blaring whispers—against life in general. They’ve never been this loud. I was pretty much forced to read my mom and the doctor’s lips.
I reached my hands to my ears rubbing them. If someone told me I’d just spent hours beside a blaring amp at a metal concert—I’d believe them. The separation between the real world and me, the bubbling echo of the whispers, was unreal.
The doctor shined her light in my ear once she drew my hand away. My mother stood up a little straighter; a glint of warning hit her eyes as she glanced to me then said something to the doctor.
Did I go to a concert?
No. I was home.
Logic told me the pit in my gut that was twisting as it sunk lower was because I was in trouble. I have the strictest, most overprotective mother ever and I pulled the classic ‘party at my house’ gig. Logic also said I shouldn’t hear whispers others couldn’t hear. I might’ve been in trouble with my mom, but I was pretty damn sure she was the least of my worries right about then. Not knowing what you’re petrified of puts the word anxious in all caps.
Rewind, rewind, my mind wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t get it to backtrack, and when I did—I denied what it showed me. It felt too fake.
Why did I have a party? Graduation, yeah that’s happening. Wait. This approaching day felt epic to me, beyond the obvious reasons. Why?
A shooting pain sliced through my head and in the next beat I remembered sitting on my bed with Bianca, listening to music. She started to talk about our summer trip to Cancun...
Cancun? Was I going to Cancun with her?
No, no way.
If this was a legit memory, I wasn’t going. The beach sounded like an atrocious idea. I don’t know why, it was like I was too wrapped up in something to take chill time. I didn’t know what—exams were done. I didn’t have a job or anything.
This. Sucks.
I let out a frustrated breath then scooted toward the end of the table to climb off so I could get my hoodie—headphones, aka my sanity, were in the pocket. A wave of dizziness and a searing pain in my head caused me to sway.
Okay, maybe this was a bad idea, I thought.
The dark whispers laugh at me. Asses.
They started to chant my name like this was a rock concert and they were waiting on my next big move. I was out of moves, and out of tolerance.
I closed my eyes and tried to remember a sound, one with a screaming guitar, one that could take me away. The second I had one playing in my head, my fingers began to move against the table like I’d magically learned to play music and knew what I was doing.
As my mind chilled I thought back over my short, now over, friendship with Bianca. She was kicked out of some private school and landed in my school in the last semester of senior year. The chick had every single class with me, her locker was below mine, and her parking space was next to mine.
She was a triple threat to any girl: beautiful, seductive, and smart in a manipulative kind of way. If I had a guy there’d be no way I’d let her land in his zip code. That is exactly why Bianca setting me up with her guy friend Britain was a no go. One day, very soon, Bianca was going to figure out I mean what I say when I say it. Her stubborn determination to get Britain and me to hook up was the plot behind the party that landed me here.
He was an all right guy, I guess. Britain was easy on the eyes, athletic, and filthy rich. His edges were a little too polished for me.
Another sharp pain sliced through my head. The thought of Britain being an ‘all right guy’ crashed into a vision of a stranger with jade eyes laced in black, my heart thundered as they stoically stared back at me like I was the creator of their destruction.
Get it together, Charlie, I scolded myself.
For an instant I felt isolated, on the outs with my mom and the two people who had lingered the closest to my life over the last few months. Then I thought of Madison. She didn’t live in the city, but our hometown, Salem. We talked every day through text, face time, posts, all the ways possible. When we could she’d come here or I’d go there. We’d been tight since before we knew how to talk.
Maybe I was channeling her ‘hater’ vibe when it came to Bianca. Madison couldn’t fake it—if she thought you were a poser, you knew. I needed to call her. I’d heard my mom on the phone with hers a bit ago. We usually took responsibility for each other. Our parents knew that. Madison was probably in as much trouble as I was even though she wasn’t at the ‘party’ that turned out to be Bianca and Britain and a few guys I’d never seen before. They’d blame Madison for not saying something. At the very least they’d make her feel guilty as hell. I’d been drugged. If my mom hadn’t of showed when she did—I can’t say for sure what would’ve happened to me. I can’t even say what DID happen to me.
I don’t know where whoever put whatever drug. I just knew that I was never—ever—going to put my guard down again.
The doctor gave up on looking for something in my ears or a reason I kept rubbing them, she moved her small flashlight to my eyes, then she listened to my heart and had me take in deep breaths.
“Do you have pain in your ears?” the doctor asked me.
“Just my head,” I said under my breath.
The doctor put her tools away. “That’s normal. I’m sure everything is a little foggy right now. It’ll take a few days to completely overcome this experience. You need to stay hydrated and get substantial rest. I’ll schedule a follow up with your primary in a week.”
The doctor entered a few notes into her computer then looked at my mom. “I’ll look at the test results again before I send the file to her doctor, but I do not think she ingested very much. The effect on her was powerful because she’s so petite.”
I rolled my eyes, like I could help it that I was short.
“I’m going to let her go home…” the doctor said, looking at me again. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else troubling you?”
I heard the whispers laugh. My cheeks blushed.
“She’s not acting like herself,” my mom said. “Could these drugs have affected anything else— caused permanent damage? Is she going to remember tonight?”
“It’s hard to say,” the doctor said as her eyes filled with sympathy. “Our mind has a way of blocking out trauma. I assure you, her body wasn’t assaulted. The others that were with her are suffering from the same ailments. Keep her in routine. With your follow up you can speak to your primary about counseling.” She eyed me. “Sometimes ‘almost trauma’ resonates as deeply as transpired trauma. You’re a lucky girl. Don’t test fate twice, protect yourself out there.”
She was acting like I was at a bar and let someone buy me a drink. I was at home, with people I knew. I grimaced when I realized that was her point. I was living in a generation where trust was a luxury afforded to few.
When the doctor ducked behind the sheet that divided me from the rest of the ER, I scooted off the table, pulling the IV with me. I wanted my headphones and clothes, and I wasn’t going to wait for some nurse to finish her coffee break and decide to take it out of me.
“Sit down,” my mother said firmly.
She walked over to the chair and picked up my skirt and top and tossed them at me. I slid them on then reached for my hoodie, pulling my phone and headphones out.
“Have I not taught you
anything?” she asked, reaching to turn the volume down before crossing her arms as she loomed over me.
“You’re in trouble now,” the shadows taunted.
Anger washed down my expression. “Whatever,” I mumbled to them before turning the sound up again.
“Don’t ‘whatever’ me. Do you have any idea how hard I work to give you the life you have, the sacrifices I’ve made?”
I bit my lip. I knew if I told her that I wasn’t talking to her, but to an invisible darkness, she’d think I was insane. I had no choice but to act like I meant to say that to her.
“Heard the speech a few million times,” I said dryly. “I guess my dad should’ve died before he got you pregnant. Then you could’ve moved on without the burden of me.”
My dad died before I took my first breath. His tour bus crashed killing everyone aboard. The crappy part was it was his last tour. My mom loved his talent but hated his lifestyle. For her, for me, he was going to produce music, find the talent—he’d already launched his company. A new life was waiting on him when death stole him from her.
She glared at me with disbelieving eyes. “You...you’re us. When I see you I know he’s real.” She winced. “Charlie what have you gotten yourself into?”
I couldn’t help the angry tears that glazed over my eyes. I didn’t know.
The nurse walked in and the moment I was free from the IV, I bailed.
“Wait for me in the lobby,” mom said as I left.
I pulled the hood up on my hoodie and walked out of the room as fast as I could. The lobby was swarming with people. There was nowhere to stand. The crowd pushed my anxiety button. A sick feeling came over me.
I bolted.
I didn’t go very far, just to the entrance where I could feel the air of the sliding doors whoosh by me.
I fumbled with my phone, fighting with my trembling hands. My sister, Kara, had called me three times—the text messages were pages long. Kara was the result of my mom’s first heartbreak. Mom had her at seventeen and struggled through school and work, all alone because the guy ditched them. Right when my mom had become a ‘responsible adult’ and shed the shadow of ‘teenage mom’ my dad came around. Kara remembers a man I’ll never know. The ten years between us pretty much makes her a second mom to me. Most times she was the middle ground mom and me used to communicate even though Kara was in Salem and we were in the city. Kara got us both and did her best to explain where the other stood.
Before I dug myself out of the pit of shame my mother had buried me in I had to check on Madison. I didn’t want her burned because of me, of all freaking people, became a victim of peer pressure.
I texted, Are you up?
Madison texted back immediately, Yeah!! I was on my way there but your mom told us to stay here. Are you on your way home??? Wth.
I furrowed my brow, when Madison said ‘home’ she meant Salem. Why would I go home? It was hours away. I had graduation.
I texted back, Home? What? No. The only place I’m going is to bed.
A second later, my phone rang. It was her.
I answered and said, “Hold on, it’s loud in here.”
I saw a cop outside the door and figured I’d be safe close to him. It was the dead of night, and a breeze was blowing. As I felt the wind, I saw the shadows across the ground begin to move, almost slither, in my direction. The stress of everything I’d been through tonight supplied the glare I gave them.
“Are you there?” I said as I put my phone to my ear.
“How loud?”
“I was in the lobby of the ER. I couldn’t hear over them.”
“What did you do? Is it quiet now?” she asked like I was defusing a bomb.
I glanced to the shadows across the ground, hearing their echoing laughs. I tried to remember if talking about this defect of mine with Madison was the norm. How would she not know about them? I wasn’t saying anything until I was sure clarity was back.
“Um...I walked outside?”
She hesitated before she spoke. “Your mom said she thinks...she said you’re not you. Like you’re erased or something.”
“My mom said that?” doubt was weighing down every word.
“In your mom’s way, she did. I don’t know what she walked in on but it scared the hell outta her. She said she asked you to explain but you didn’t know what she was talking about.”
I squinted my eyes closed. I remember my mom crashing into my bedroom; she pulled me away from Britain. We were...we were on my bed.
I choked down the sick sensation in my throat. No, I couldn’t see myself explaining that one to my mom on a good day. What the hell was I doing?
Madison didn’t say anything for a minute or two. I thought she was giving me space to fess up but I heard her whispering to someone. I was pretty positive anything I said then could and would be used against me in the court of mom. Madison’s mom would relay it all after she sucked every word out of Madison.
“Madison. I’m tired. I’ll just call you tomorrow,” I said giving us both a way out.
“No. Wait. I think we should come get you. They’re talking to your mom. I’m trying to see what she says.”
“We? They? What are you talking about? You’re not driving two-and-a-half hours in the dead of the night to see me. I’m fine. It was no big deal. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Did you seriously just ask me who ‘we’ was? Oh my God, you really are messed up. Wrong place? You were at your house!” She paused. I heard her open and close a door then she began to whisper. “I told you this was a bad idea that you needed all of us.”
I hardly heard her as I braced through the shooting pain in my head “Madison, I don’t remember much of anything now.”
My phone beeped. I glanced at the screen to see Bianca’s name pop up on the ID.
I stared at the number for a second. There was no image on the screen. I could’ve sworn I had it to where her image showed up when the phone rang. Come to think of it, there was no image with Madison either. Where the hell are my photos?
“Charlie? Charlie, where did you go?” I heard Madison say.
I pulled the phone to my ear, ignoring the incoming call. “I’m right here. Bianca was beeping in. Madison, something is wicked wrong with me. I think my phone was janked with, too.”
“Don’t talk to her,” Madison said firmly. “If this girl wants to play mind games, then she’s going to have to play them with all of us. What did she do? Tell me right now. What do you remember?”
“Nothing good. I think those drugs dropped my friend zone. It could’ve been bad if mom didn’t come.”
I’d told Britain we could be friends, without cool benefits, but he wasn’t my gig. He got me; at least he said he did. I just knew there was something too draining about Britain and Bianca. I wasn’t me with them and I was determined not to lose me.
With that thought another sharp pain promising the migraine from hell shot through my head.
“Oh, crap, Charlie. Not good,” Madison said. “It’s not your fault—it’s not like you were looking to hook up.”
“Nothing happened,” I stressed, like it was critical for her to believe me. “Nothing like that.”
“Come home, Charlie,” Madison said in a soft voice.
“Soon as I can,” I swore hanging up. My ‘soon as I can’ meant after graduation, after my head cleared up. I knew if I stayed on the phone she would convince me her soon—ASAP—was the better idea.
At once, the whispers became silent and the shadows took the normal shape they were meant to. I canted my head to the side. That’s right...they’re always quiet when—, I glanced over my shoulder right as Britain reached to get my attention. I was glad it was him and not Bianca.
Critically, I stared up at him questioning why my curse was silenced around him and her. Maybe that was why I put up with them; my subconscious needed the silence, the breath of sanity that moments without fear supply.
“I go
tta go,” I said as I cagily looked through the doors to the ER, willing my mom to push through the crowd.
“Charlie, I swear I didn’t know. I didn’t do this,” he pleaded as his steel blue eyes drew me in. It wasn’t allure or seduction that trapped me. It was an obsession I had to understand the weirdness of him. Guys that look like him don’t notice edgy girls like me. They don’t stick around when they figure out there’s a missing ‘benefit’ package. This made him odd in the normal world. The silence around him, the old soul with endless patience, made him stick out in the darkness of my reality.
“Right,” I said distantly, like I knew he wanted to hear that and it was best that he did. “Mom’s coming.”
He refused to give me anymore room. “Bianca told her dad the Chinese delivery guy must’ve given it to us. She claims he was going to come back and rob us.”
“And your high-powered defense attorney father believed that?” I asked sarcastically.
“I’m sure he didn’t, but her version leaves us all innocent,” Britain said as he dared to smile.
“’Innocent’ is not a word in my mother’s vocabulary. She isn’t going to buy that story.”
“Clearly,” he said, cocking a brow and trying not to laugh.
“What?” I asked, dreading to know the answer.
“She threatened to sue our parents, but they countered that they would sue her for hosting the party. It was a screaming match, but once my father started citing case history, she stopped arguing and went back to you.”
I felt my stomach turn. I could only imagine how my mother felt standing up to those men. We didn’t come from old money like they did. We were a middle class family from Salem. Everything we had come from my mother’s strides in the business world. She had literally climbed every ladder there was in her company. Which was great except I never saw her. Even when she was home, she was working. I’m sure she felt belittled by them, and I would bear the brunt for that as well.
“Perfect,” I said sardonically, stepping away from him.
He closed the gap between us and put his hands on my shoulders, trying to get me to look into his eyes.
“Why are you so mad? This is not our fault. She’ll get over it.”
I didn’t know if he was talking about my mom or Bianca sinking to a new low when it came to getting Britain and me nice and tight.
“Not cool,” I said through my clenched jaw. “I need space from this.”
“The meds still bothering you?” he asked tilting his head like he could see the damage inside.
“Charlie,” I heard my mother say as the doors whisked open.
I felt her clinch my wrist before I could respond.
“Step away from my daughter before I give your father a believable excuse to sue me,” she warned as she grabbed my arm and pulled me away.
The whispers made themselves known paces away from him, echoing a sinister laugh. I fumbled to turn my music up and put my headphones in as my mother hailed a cab.
My mom talked to Kara almost the entire ride home, not about what she saw when she came for me but what the doctor had said, what Britain’s parents had said, others things too, I wasn’t paying attention.
My phone was my lifeline. All my music was on it, my photos, conversations that I liked to re-read. Like me, it had been jacked with. All my photos were gone. Most of my music was. There were less than ten contacts. Britain and Bianca were at the top; mom, my sister and Madison were the others. I struggled to get the case off so I could make sure my phone wasn’t wet or cracked.
Right as I popped the hard plastic shield off a paper floated down onto my lap. The sensual addicting aroma of a guys cologne wavered up. Rapid-fire images rushed through my mind. All of eyes, lips, arms. Nothing whole that I could grasp, I picked up the paper with shaking hands.
“No matter what ocean is between us, you’ll always be in my heart, my dreams, and on my mind. Fly safe, baby. I love you. Oh, and when you wake, hold fast to the dream you think you never had. Because that’s me, holding you there.”
Wide eyed I stared at the note, crumbling it when I felt my mother’s attention hammering into me.
What the hell happened to me?