know this.
"I interrupted you; go on."
After just an instant, Stacy did. "I did lose a good deal of
blood and was down for two weeks, but after that I never
looked back. I have a peace, Tanner. I certainly have no
guarantees concerning life, but if I had to make some type of
guess concerning the future, I would say that I'll be here to be
your wife and a mother to the children.
"If in fact God's plan is quite different from that, I still
have peace. I know where I'm going, and I trust that He will
take care of the three of you in my absence."
Tanner refused to believe in something he couldn't feel or
see. Her peace and trust were a mystery to him, but he admired
her tremendously. At one time he'd thought of her as weak, but
now he saw that Stacy's faith made her stronger. However, he
had no desire to discuss any of this with his wife. He knew she
would gladly talk of it at any time, but the subject made him
334
uncomfortable, and so he turned his attention to the baby.
Stacy saw his eyes go to her stomach.
When Stacy first arrived back at Winslow, and Tanner
seemed so fascinated with her shape, Stacy thought he would
be taking a more consistent interest, but this was not to be.
She finally understood the reason he had put space between
them; he'd been afraid of losing her.
Without asking this time, Tanner lowered the covers just
enough. The fabric of Stacy's gown was sheer, but even this
was too much. With tender movements and eyes centered
wholly on Stacy's extended abdomen, he moved the garment
aside, baring her stomach for his touch,
The baby had been quiet for quite some time, but Tanner's
gentle touch roused a response. Soon the baby was kicking
and making Tanner's face light with wonder. Tanner thought
he could stay in such a position all night, feeling Stacy's soft
skin and the child within her, but a glance at her face stopped
all movement. She was sound asleep.
Tanner stared at her a moment and then bent and quietly
kissed the skin of her stomach before softly restoring her
gown and the bedclothes. He quickly readied himself for bed
and climbed in beside her. Stacy moved only slightly when he
shifted close and put his arm around her. He didn't know
when anything had felt so good as to lie beside her and hold
her close.
Oh, Tanner, he said to himself as sleep crowded in. How
much you've missed.
"MAY WE GO FISHING TODAY, MUM?"
Stacy's attention was elsewhere, so she did not answer her
son. Tanner, who was breakfasting with his wife, heard
Drew's question and simply waited to see how she would
respond
"Mum?"
"Yes, darling," she now acknowledged him.
"May we go fishing today?"
"Oh, I think that would be fine. This morning?"
Drew nodded anxiously, and Stacy smiled at him before
glancing at her husband. Tanner's look was a bit stern, but
Stacy met his ga2e, her chin rising in the air ever so slightly.
Tanner quickly lowered his gaze to his own plate before she
could detect the gleam of amusement.
He'd wondered from time to time what it would take to
make a tigress out of his wife, and now he certainly had his
answer.
"When exactly will you be going?" This came from Tanner.
Even though Stacy's heart was pounding, she answered calmly.
"In about an hour."
Stacy sounded like she was addressing a servant. Tanner
felt like laughing, but kept it well hidden. He simply nodded
and went back to his breakfast.
336
Stacy contemplated his bent head for a moment and i
speared a slice of tomato from her plate. The last three
together had been incredible. Tanner couldn't have
more attentive. He ate every meal with Stacy and Drew
even lay down with Stacy when she took her nap. She knew!
never slept, but he was there when she drifted off and th when she woke.
One such afternoon, before Stacy fell asleep, she ques-1
tioned him as to his recent business deal. His answer sur*l
prised her.
"I've turned the entire thing over to Edmond."
"I didn't think you trusted Edmond with business details."
Tanner shrugged. "It's his money as well as mine. If he
wants to mess it up, he'll be out as well."
"But what about your money?"
Again Tanner had only shrugged, causing Stacy to stare at
him until he kissed her and told her to go to sleep. She had
given way to slumber, but the memory came back so strongly
now that she paused in her eating.
"Is your food all right?"
"What?" Stacy gave him a blank look.
Tanner stared at her and stated the question again.
"I said, is your food all right?"
"Oh, yes. I was just wool gathering."
"Are you in pain, Stacy?" Tanner's voice was low.
"No," Stacy answered in surprise and wondered what her
expression had been. A glance at Drew told her he was attending
every word, so she smiled to reassure him.
"If you're done eating, Drew, please go with Mrs. Maxwell.
I'll come for you when I'm ready to go."
"Should I change into fishing clothes?"
"Yes, Mrs. Maxwell will know the ones."
Tanner spoke as soon as Drew had left the room.
"I'll meet you in the foyer when you're ready."
"You're going with us?" It had crossed Stacy's mind that he
might, but she had immediately dismissed the idea.
"Yes. I'll drive you out and bring you back."
337
"Thank you, Tanner," Stacy said with a smile. Tanner's
warmed noticeably in the light of her pleasure.
I Tanner went back to eating, but Stacy was thoughtful.
(What a strange marriage they'd had thus far, but it seemed to
be coming around Stacy thought of how many other times she
had expected her marriage to improve only to be disappointed,
but swiftly pushed the thought away. This was here
and now, and this was what she would work on and pray for,
not dwelling on the aches and mistakes of the past.
Husband and wife parted soon after with plans to meet
and go fishing. Stacy took herself back to her room, and
Tanner, after ordering a small, enclosed buggy, told Price he
needed warm hunting gear. Less than an hour later, Tanner
stood wearing knee-high suede moccasins and buckskin
pants and shirt as he stared out the window at the pouring
rain.
He wasn't completely convinced that the sudden rain
would deter Stacy and Drew's plans. They were, he realized, a
hearty pair, and Stacy was most determined to please her son.
With a sudden, brilliant idea that he hoped wouldn't land him
in trouble, he moved toward the door.
Stacy moved toward the nursery, ready to find Drew and
start on their way. She knew it was pouring but told herself it
could stop anytime. If Tanner had ordered a covered coach,
they could just wait out the rain. The thought of being outside
in the rain at all gave her a sudden chill, but she pushed it away
and told herself to buck up.
Knowing that Tanner would be waiting, she walked on to
the nursery, a long, narrow room done in all shades of green
and filled with every conceivable type of toy. When she
arrived, however, she found that Tanner was not downstairs
but had reached the room ahead of her. He and Drew were in
338
deep conversation on the rug. Tanner was stretched out on his
side by the fire, seemingly miles of him, and Stacy for once
was able to sit down and listen.
"What is it called?" Drew asked again, as he ran a hand
over his father's shirtfront. He was sitting cross-legged near
the older man's chest and speaking directly into Tanner's face.
"Buckskin. Made from the hide of a deer."
"It's soft. Do I have buckhide clothes?"
"Buckskin," Tanner corrected him. "I'm not sure that you
do. Would you like some?"
"Yes," Drew's eyes stared into Tanner's. "Then I could
wear them fishing."
"Do you and your mother fish in the rain?" Tanner's voice
was a study in casualness.
"Oh, yes," he answered simply. "Sometimes you catch
more fish."
Tanner nodded. "I think that sounds like good fun, but you
know your mother needs a little extra care these days."
Drew nodded. "She has a baby in her tummy." He held out
small hands, about ten inches apart, to show his father the
baby's size.
"Yes, she does," he said with a smile. "And until the baby is
born, which will be very soon now, she needs to take extra
rest. Most of the time fishing is fine, but in the rain she could
catch a chill."
"And then the baby would catch a chill. The baby feels
what Mum feels and eats what she eats."
"That's right, so maybe for today we had better not fish."
"All right." Drew sounded neither happy nor sad, but
accepting.
Stacy watched Tanner scrutinize Drew, knowing that he
was trying to read his son's thoughts.
"So what shall we play instead?"
Drew's mouth dropped open in a way that shamed Tanner.
"You're going to play with me?"
"Anything you'd like," Tanner stated softly.
339
Delighted with his father's offer, Drew made a lunge for
Tanner's neck, and a moment later they were wrestling on the
nursery room rug, something Tanner had never done with his
own father.
The morning passed in great fun that went from wrestling
to trains, boats, pretend fishing, and back to trains again. They
included Lady Richardson in their play, and although she
didn't wrestle, both of Stacy's "men" laughed when Tanner
helped her to the floor and she groaned all the way down. The
three were not disturbed until just an hour before lunch.
"I'm sorry, my lord." This came from Reece as he soundlessly
opened the door. "Lord and Lady Hawkesbury and their
sons are here to see you."
"Sterling and Preston?" Drew had come to his feet.
"Yes, Lord Drew."
"Go ahead with Reece, Drew," Tanner told his ecstatic son
when he looked to his father. "And tell them your mother and
I will be right down."
Tanner helped Stacy to her feet and then to their room so
she could freshen up.
"You can go ahead, Tanner. I'll be right down."
"I'll wait for you," he told her simply and sprawled in a
chair while she sat before the mirror and repaired her hair.
After just a moment, Stacy caught Tanner's eye in the glass.
"That was quick work on your part when the rain began."
Tanner grinned. "I'll admit it was impulsive, but after your
outburst a few days ago, I thought I stood a better chance with
Drew."
"You make me sound like a shrew." Stacy's voice was dry.
"Maybe it would be easier if you were."
This comment made Stacy take her hands from her hair
and turn to her husband. She watched him for a moment but
didn't know what to say. Tanner finally shrugged
"Don't mind me. It certainly isn't your fault that at times I
forget I have a wife and son."
"Are you trying to tell me you want me to nag you?"
"Maybe just a gentle reminder now and then."
340
Stacy knew this needed no reply, so she turned back to the
mirror and just moments later stood.
"You could have called your maid to do that," Tanner
commented as they moved out the door.
"True. But I didn't mind doing it myself."
"Are you really up to seeing anyone today?"
"Certainly. I feel fine."
They were at the top of the stairs when Stacy looked up to
find Tanner studying her.
"What is it that you expect to see, Tanner?"
"If only I knew," he admitted "You will tell me when your
pains begin?"
"I think you'll know."
Tanner slowly shook his head. "You rarely ask for help, an'd
you never complain. I'm afraid you're going to excuse yourself
from the dinner table some evening, and by the time I get
upstairs it will be all over."
Stacy put a hand on her husband's cheek and stroked softly.
"You probably won't want to be anywhere near me when I'm
giving birth, but I will tell you when things begin. If you're not
here, I'll send word if I know where you are."
"I'll be here," Tanner assured her in a voice that only a fool
would argue with before he captured the hand on his face to
lead his wife downstairs.
"How can you believe the Bible to be God's Word? What in
your opinion gives it merit?" Tanner asked Brandon after
lunch, when both men had settled in the study. The children
were with Mrs. Maxwell, and the women were in one of the
small upstairs salons.
Brandon could not say how they'd come onto this discussion
of God and the Bible, but because it was a first, he wanted
to remain amicable and keep the door of inquiry open.
341
"I'm rather glad you asked that Tanner," Brandon complimented
him.
Tanner stared at him in surprise. Knowing Brandon's
stand on the Bible, he'd been expecting some sort of attack or
rebuke for questioning the Bible's validity. Brandon's openness
caused him to wait almost anxiously for a reply.
"If the Bible is not entirely from God, then the basis of
authority for most of what I believe is cracked and unreliable."
Tanner was clearly listening to every word, so Brandon went
on.
"You asked what gives it merit; I'll tell you. Some 3000
times the Bible specifically, directly, claims to be from God-- not man's word about God, but God's word about man.
"I'm also amazed how so many prophecies made hundreds
of years before their intended fulfillment actually came
to pass."
"What does that prove?"
"Have you read the Bible, Tanner?" Brandon challenged
him quietly. "Written by many men, each author agrees about
problems and themes that are very controversial. For instance,
the world
culture in Old Testament days overwhelmingly
believed in many gods; yet the Old Testament authors
unanimously affirm the existence of one God and creator of
all.
"They also affirm the universality of man's sinfulness and
the need for the blood of an unblemished sacrifice to remove
the guilt of sin. One author's theology never contradicts
another's--all contribute to one single system of belief."
This was new to Tanner, and he took time to think about
what Brandon was saying, but he was still not persuaded. After
a minute he asked a question that had long disturbed him.
"What about the inconsistencies?"
"What inconsistencies?" Brandon pressed him.
"Stacy told me once that she takes the Bible literally when
it talks of the whole earth being flooded or Jonah being
swallowed by a huge fish, but the Bible also says God has
feathers. Am I to believe He's a bird?"
342
Brandon smiled and answered gently. "The charge that
the Bible is strewn with inconsistencies is hardly a new one,
Tanner. But I have found it necessary to distinguish between
inconsistencies and problems. There are many problems, to
be sure, but I've found that with objective bias and careful
research, the apparent inconsistencies dissolve in the face of
honest study."
Tanner could not argue with this because he had never put
in any time of "honest study." He was deeply impressed by
Brandon's knowledge, but the real impact came from his deep
conviction and the way he'd spoken of it. However, Tanner
was not convinced. He believed himself more than capable of
handling his own affairs and taking care of his own. Why
would he need God? It was a question he wouldn't have been
so comfortable with if eternity had come to mind
Had Brandon been able to read his thoughts he would
have questioned him on that very subject. But as it was he
could not read his friend's thoughts, and when Tanner changed
the subject, Brandon felt he had little choice but to let the
matter drop.
"You look wonderful," Sunny commented as she took in
Stacy's healthy glow and round figure.
"I look huge," Stacy corrected her. "Sometimes I find
Drew staring at me, and I know he's trying to decide which is
larger, his mother or his pony."
Sunny chuckled, well able to remember how Stacy felt. At
this point in any woman's pregnancy, it felt as if her condition
was going to last forever.
"I'm so glad you felt free to come by," Stacy told her friend