“It’s humming.”
“That mean it’s working?”
“Can’t tell until we try.”
“Have to wait for Mr. Swerdlow to come back.”
“When’s that going to be?”
“Should be before lunch. Skipper, I’m telling you, that evil genius will be out of that room so fast … You see, Skipper, all it takes is a little American know-how. The kind of thinking that our enemies — who forever despise our way of life — can never seem to get right.”
“Hope we don’t blow a fuse.”
“Let’s go sit out on the stoop and wait for him.”
“HELLO, BOYS.”
“Oh, hi, Mr. Swerdlow.”
“Nice day, isn’t it?”
“You bet. Hey, Mr. Swerdlow, how’s your grandfather?”
“Fine, thank you.”
“You going to do any operating this morning?”
“Not today, Frankie. I’ve got exams to study for. See you fellows later.”
“See you.”
“YOU READY?”
“I’m really nervous.”
“Mario, if we fail, it will be the end of us all. If we’re successful, we’ll be saved from defeat.”
“Cut it out, Frankie. Just makes me more scared.”
“Okay, here we go. Ta-dum! Chet Barker, Master Spy!”
“Da-dum, da-dum!”
“Shredded Bran Chips brings you another thrilling adventure with Chet Barker, Master Spy! Chet Barker, ruthless, clear-eyed, fearless, and smartly dressed! Chet Barker, thundering out of the dim past in a constant search for his own true identity! Chet Barker, fighting hand to hand for what’s important on the land!”
“On the sea!”
“And in the air! Da-dum! With his faithful sidekick, Skipper O’Malley — known for his nervous but crackerjack scientific mind — Chet Barker believes in the American way!”
“Da-dum!”
“And now for today’s adventure, The Skull Speaks! As we join them, Chet and Skipper are kneeling beside their Atomic Radio Relay Radio Station somewhere deep beneath the bowels of the earth. Night, like a black blotter, sucks up their spit, leaving their mouths dry with a crust of fear! As we join them, Chet turns and whispers, ‘Skipper, this is it. The moment we’ve all been waiting for.’ You say —”
“Frankie, I really don’t think we should do this.”
“Come on, Mario! No fair going back. I gave you all that stuff. Now, soon as you turn the ARSR on, make the wind noises.”
“Three R’s. Atomic Radio Relay Radio Station. You never get it right.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It does!”
“Anyway, I’ll do deathly howls. And the words.”
“Frankie, maybe he’s not in his room.”
“We just saw him go up, didn’t we?”
“He could be in the bathroom.”
“Not going to stay forever.”
“If he were reading one of those huge medical books, he might. Did you see how big they were?”
“Mario!”
“Okay. It’s on.”
“Start….”
“Wooooooosh…. Wooooooosh….”
“Ooooooooooo! Ooooooooooo! Ooooooooooo!”
“Wooooooosh….”
“Who knows the awful things that evil scientists do? The skeleton knows! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
“Wooooooosh….”
“Ooooooooooo! Ooooooooooo! Ooooooooooo!”
“Wooooooosh….”
“Yes, this is the voice of your skeleton speaking from beyond the grave.”
“Wooooooosh….”
“Yes! This is an evil place! A haunted place. Give it up! Be gone. Be gone. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. The skeleton knows! Okay. Turn it off.”
“Think it worked?”
“Skipper, at this very moment that varmint is shaking in his boots.”
“He doesn’t wear boots.”
“His shoes, then.”
“Just hope he doesn’t figure it out.”
“They never do.”
“He might.”
“Skipper, I’m a telling you, once a man like that gets afeared, there is nothing on earth a going to stop him from — Oh, hi, Mr. Swerdlow. You looking for something?”
“I thought so.”
“What?”
“Is this your idea of a joke, Frankie?”
“What’s that?”
“This speaker was under my bed.”
“It was?”
“And the wires ran out the window right down to this basement.”
“They did?”
“And you’ve got the rest of the apparatus, I see. Don’t you kids have the slightest regard for privacy? How many times have I told you, Keep out of my room!”
“Just an experiment.”
“Experiment?”
“Well, Mario here is a genius like Thomas Edison, and when he invented the Remote Atomic Radio Relay —”
“Frankie, I’m sick of your nonsense. Absolutely fed up. Now get up out of there! We’re going right to your parents. Come on — move!”
“MR. WATTLESON?”
“Oh, hi, Mr. Swerdlow. How you doing? What’s up?”
“Mr. Wattleson, I’m sorry to disturb you on a Sunday, but Frankie and his pal were in my room again.”
“Oh, Lord….”
“And this time, Mr. Wattleson, they went so far as to place a speaker under my bed and begin spouting gibberish.”
“Frankie! How many times have I told you! Keep out of there!”
“We were chasing a rattlesnake —”
“A rattlesnake!”
“Mr. Wattleson, when I rent a room, I have a right to expect privacy. I keep my valuables there. My books. My —”
“Mr. Swerdlow, I promise. He’ll be severely punished. You have my word. It won’t happen again. And I’ll tell you what: I’ll buy you a lock. A Yale lock.”
“Mr. Wattleson, I’m afraid there have been too many promises. Look, there are just two days left before the end of the month. I’m all paid up, and my exams will be over Tuesday. I think I’ll just pack up and leave. I’m sorry. I must have privacy. This isn’t working.”
“Mr. Swerdlow —”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Wattleson. You and your wife and your older son have been very pleasant. I’ve no complaints on that score. But these boys. When I get home on Tuesday afternoon, shortly after five, I’ll be packing up.”
“Mr. Swerdlow —”
“Please tell your wife. Good afternoon.”
“Mario, get out of here, fast!”
“Yes, Mr. Wattleson.”
“And don’t come around here again! You hear me? Beat it! Amscray!”
“Yes, sir.”
“As for you …”
“Pop, honest, Mr. Swerdlow is really evil.”
“What?”
“A public enemy.”
“What are you, some kind of nut or something?”
“It’s true!”
“That’s ten bucks a week we’re losing! Where do you think it’s going to come from now?”
“Pop, the fate of the entire universe depended on it!”
“Let me tell you something, Frankie. When your mother comes home from church, we’re going to figure out a punishment you ain’t never going to forget. You understand? Never! I’ve had it with your fate of the entire universe! Now get down into your room. Fast! And don’t even think of coming out till I say you can!”
“But —”
“Move it!”
“HI, MA.”
“Don’t ‘Hi, Ma’ me, young man. Just listen to your father.”
“Frankie, sit down. This is serious. A family meeting. Just you, me, and your mother.”
“Isn’t Tom in the family?”
“Frankie, for once in your life, don’t give me any lip. Just listen!”
“Can I eat a bowl of cereal while you’re talking?”
“Frankie …”
“Or drink a glass of Ovaltine
?”
“Frankie, that was a terrible thing you did to Mr. Swerdlow.”
“Ma, he appears harmless. Don’t be fooled —”
“Frankie, he paid his rent. We needed that money.”
“Pop, it was just ill-gotten gains, an affront to all true Americans.”
“What did you say?”
“Never mind. You don’t care.”
“Now you listen to me, Frankie. We’re not going to take this junk you dish out anymore. Once and for all, it’s got to stop! First off, no radio! No Mario! No playing outside! No nothing. You go to school. You come home. You do your work. That’s it!”
“Can I eat breakfast?”
“Yes, you can eat!”
“If Mr. Swerdlow really goes, will Tom get back into his old —”
“Get into the basement!”
“But, Pop …”
“Frankie, your father is really angry!”
“Go! Go!”
“For how long?”
“For fifty years! But first I want to hear it from you: no more nonsense, right?”
“Pop, okay, I promise! But can I say just one thing?”
“What?”
“Don’t forget that meeting Thursday night.”
“What’s he talking about?”
“The very, very important, absolutely crucial, desperate, exciting meeting with Miss Gomez, my teacher.”
“Get down there and stay there!”
“WHO’S KNOCKING?”
“It’s me, Mario. Frankie. Let me in quick!”
“How come you’re so dirty?”
“Climbed out through the coal chute.”
“Why’d you do that?”
“My parents locked me in the basement as punishment. I have to stay there for the rest of my life. But guess what? Mr. Swerdlow’s really moving out.”
“Oh, wow.”
“See. Told you kids could do things.”
“Yeah, but if your parents tell my mother, she’s going to kill me.”
“Mario, you’re always saying that, but — be honest — has she ever done it?”
“No.”
“Well?”
“It only takes once.”
“Don’t worry — she’s not going to kill you. Anyway, here’s the Remote Atomic Radio Relay Radio and some more wire. We can keep running it from here back down to the basement.”
“Is that why you came?”
“Don’t want to miss any shows.”
“COME IN, Skipper! Come in. This is urgent!”
“What is it?”
“Mr. Swerdlow’s about to leave.”
“So what?”
“He has to be watched!”
“Why?”
“To see if he reveals anything.”
“You do it.”
“I can’t. I’m locked in this dungeon. It has to be you.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Just sit on the stoop, and when he comes out, cloud his mind.”
“Do what?”
“Cloud his mind. Like the Shadow does.”
“Frankie, I don’t know how to do that stuff.”
“Mario, all you do is look at him and then laugh that special way. It’s the laughing that does it. You know — ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”
“I don’t feel like laughing.”
“Skipper, we have to demonstrate forcefully to old and young alike that crime does not pay.”
“Frankie, I’m no good at that!”
“Come on, Mario. Try! I’ll be listening. And if you get it wrong, I’ll call it to you up the coal chute.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, promise. Just hurry. I hear him. He’s coming down the steps with the last of his stuff. Try it.”
“Ha-ha-ha.”
“No, it’s ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”
“That’s it. Now go on — do it. And Godspeed.”
“AH, HI, Mr. Swerdlow.”
“Oh, Mario, hello. Well, I’m all set to go. I suppose I should say good-bye. Where’s your pal?”
“In the basement. He’s not allowed out.”
“Well, I’m sorry….”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha.”
“What?”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha.”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
“Who said that?”
“Said what?”
“That other sound.”
“I didn’t hear anything.”
“Mario, I’m going to give you some advice. Find yourself another buddy.”
“WHAT HAPPENED?”
“Nothing.”
“You know why?”
“No.”
“Well, what did you say?”
“All them ha-ha’s.”
“Mario, I told you — it’s supposed to be five ha’s. Didn’t you hear me? I was trying to cue you.”
“I got confused.”
“Mario, I don’t understand. You’re so good in math. You could get it right. Well, anyway, we got rid of him. That’s the important thing. And Skipper, there’s still a lot of work to be done.”
“That’s what worries me.”
“HEY, FRANKIE, I thought you weren’t allowed out.”
“My father’s working. My ma went to the market. I need some fresh air. Keep a lookout.”
“Where’s Tom?”
“In his room.”
“When’s Miss Gomez coming?”
“Thursday.”
“Still think the plot will work?”
“Got rid of Mr. Swerdlow, didn’t we?”
“I suppose.”
“We’ll do the rest.”
“Hey, Frankie …”
“What?”
“There’s an old guy across the street. He keeps staring at us.”
“Where?”
“Over there. See him?”
“Yeah.”
“How come he’s watching us?”
“I don’t know. Looks like a tramp.”
“He’s coming over.”
“Probably wants a handout.”
“I’m going upstairs.”
“Mario …”
“Hey, kid. This number one fifty-two Willow Street?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“I don’t have any money.”
“I wasn’t looking for money. Just want to know if you live here.”
“How come?”
“Well, I … What’s your name?”
“Chet Barker.”
“Well, Chet, sonny, you ever hear of a Mary Wattleson? Married. Couple of kids. She still live here?”
“What about her?”
“She around?”
“Well … sort of.”
“Not inside, is she?”
“Well, no….”
“Don’t misunderstand. I don’t want to see her or anything. Fact is, be better if she wasn’t here. You see — you say your name is Chet?”
“Chet Barker.”
“Well, you see, Chet, what it is, I’m this Mary Wattleson’s brother.”
“You are?”
“I know. She’s a nice lady. And I probably don’t look so great. But it’s true. She’s my sister. My kid sister. Oh, sure…. We go back a long ways. But I haven’t seen her for a few years. You say she’s out?”
“Yeah.”
“She used to have a husband. Albert. Big guy. Strong feller. I introduced him to my sister. But her husband and me, we didn’t get along too well. Used to call me a chiseler. Which I was, in a way. He around?”
“No, sir. He’s working.”
“Okay. Mind if I sit down? Take a load off. Thanks. But you say they still live here?”
“Yeah.”
“She had a couple of kids. A boy and —”
“Two boys.”
“Two boys. Right. Boys. They must be pretty old by now.”
“One is a general in the army.”
“Big shot, huh?”
“Bu
t he got wounded.”
“You don’t say? I’m telling you, people grow up. Change. They do. What about the other one?”
“Became a Secret Service man.”
“Is that a fact? Amazing….”
“Mister, if you’re my … her brother, how come you don’t know about her?”
“Well, I’ve been away awhile. Yup, been away.”
“Then how come you don’t want to see her?”
“Truth is, sonny, she’d get all upset if she saw me. I mean, you know, I might be an embarrassment. See, years ago — long time ago — I used to take care of her. Big brother, understand? When we was kids. She used to call me Chucky. Actually, Charley’s my name. We grew up together.”
“You did?”
“Right. Over by Park Slope. But I just wanted to find out that she’s doing okay. Where do you live?”
“In the basement.”
“Well, it’s not easy to find rooms. Hey, sonny, wouldn’t have an apple or something around, would you? Some bread?”
“Got lots of cold cereal.”
“With milk?”
“Sure.”
“That’ll be something. You could bring it outside? Or, say — Chet you say your name was? — I could go around to the back. I mean, looking like this — not shaved, my clothes looking not too clean and all — people might call the cops. And I don’t want any trouble. Oh, I’m telling you, sonny, I’ve had enough trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“Tell you what: you bring me some food, and I’ll tell you all about it.”
“HERE you are, mister.”
“Hey, a whole box!”
“It’s good-tasting golden rice flakes with loads and loads of valuable vitamins, minerals, and other vital food elements that help build strong, healthy bodies. It’ll give you the pep and energy to be wide awake and husky. And you can have as much as you like. I just want the box top.”
“What is that you just said, a poem?”
“Something I heard.”
“Well, excuse my manners. I’ll eat.”
“Mister, can you tell me what kind of trouble you had?”
“Really want to know?”
“Yes.”
“See, Chet, between you and me — I can trust you, can’t I?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well, truth is, I just got out of prison.”
“You did?”
“It’s true.”
“Were you a … public enemy?”
“Public enemy? What’s that?”
“You know, a big-time crook.”
“Big-time crook…. That’s a good one. That what I look like? For me, little-time crook is more like it. That’s what the law thought. Bookie, actually. Little-time bookie. That’s what I was. You know what a bookie is?”