My cheeks grow hot. “I wish I could take credit, but my mother feels that excellent manners and proper grammar are vital to being a successful, high-end whore,” I bite out.
He cringes. “Did you mean it when you said you wanted out of that life? Because I married you thinking that’s what you wanted. And I’m gonna be honest—I know we’re going about this backwards, but I’m hoping one day, you might even want me.”
“I never thought I could get out,” I answer. “I haven’t even known to wish for that. And I never would’ve believed someone like you existed. I’m still not fully sure you do.”
“You’re not sure I exist? Here—pinch me.” He holds his arm up. When I tug his skin between my fingers, he leans his forehead against mine. “See? Real.” His hand holds my cheek and it’s immediately comforting. “Do you think maybe we were put into each other’s lives for a reason?”
“I never would have thought so until meeting you,” I admit, “but yesterday, the whole day, everything felt … possible. I don’t deserve any of this, but even I can see that I’m being handed something really … beautiful … in the middle of something really awful.” I look up at him and want to kiss those cushiony lips. I blink and sit back a little. “I don’t just get handed something for nothing. I don’t have that kind of luck. Everything costs something. So far, I can’t see what this is going to cost me. I can see that it’s costing you plenty, though.”
“I don’t see it that way,” he says.
I want to hear more, but he just smiles and I know the moment has passed for talking. He’s such a strange mixture of fearlessness and caution. Despite his loopy reasoning, it’s intoxicating to know he’d do anything for me. No one has ever put me first, and the way he seems to be treading very carefully with my feelings—the combination makes me trust him more than I want to admit.
He leans over and lightly touches his lips to mine, still tentative. I wrap my arms around his head and dig my hands into his waves, pulling him closer. For a moment, he loses all inhibition and kisses me until my body feels like goopy honey, seeping into the bed, heavy and thick. When he pulls away and stands up, I’m disappointed and know my face shows it. I want more. Another new feeling for me.
He kisses my forehead. “Why don’t we go find some lunch?”
“What?” I can’t quite pull out of my haze. “Lunch? Did we sleep through breakfast?”
“Sure did.” He smiles. “Let’s get some food in you, then maybe grab some groceries too.”
“This is so weird. We’re married!”
“Yep. Honeymooners.”
“We’re not supposed to leave the bed for days on a honeymoon, you know,” I say under my breath.
His mouth drops a little; he closes it and pauses before speaking.
“Let’s keep getting to know each other, and if there comes a time when you want to stay in bed for days … I—” He rubs his hand over his face and groans. “I … don’t want you to think I’m only about that. Even though both times were earth shattering…”
He leans down and lifts my chin to meet his eyes. These gentle touches he does—I’ve never known anything sweeter.
“I’d planned on holding out longer, so you’d fall in love with my amazing personality,” he says, trying to hold back his smirk. “But who am I kidding? My body is your wonderland.”
I cover my mouth as I let out a loud laugh. He’s smiling before he straightens again.
“Seriously though, I’ll follow your lead. Okay? I just want to take care of you, in whatever way you need to be taken care of.” His hand lightly presses my cheek.
“I appreciate it, I really do, but I might be in shock for a while over the fact that we actually got married.” I shake my head. “And I was your first. And we’ve had … ‘earth shattering’ sex.”
He grins so big, I have to laugh.
“Tell me you’re not in a little bit of shock right now!” I yelp.
His chuckle rumbles low in his chest. “Things have a way of working out.”
He looks at me with that adoring look again and I feel my face flush. What is happening to me?
His hand drops to my arm and he rubs it. “I know we’ve been quiet about Nico since yesterday—I want to talk about what we’re going to do … just not today.”
I nod. I could never talk about Nico again and be so happy.
He lifts a thumb over his shoulder. “There’s another bathroom down the hall. I’ll hit that one and get a quick shower. Take your time.”
“Okay. I’ll be quick too.”
I watch him walk away, enjoying the view.
I point out a little hole-in-the-wall seafood restaurant not too far from the house.
“You really want to go there?” He pulls over.
“I bet it’s delicious. It has to be, to look that bad.”
He chuckles. “Not exactly what I had in mind, but…”
“Pretty sure neither of us signed up for predictable.”
“True.”
The restaurant is nothing to look at, but it’s clean. A pile of spicy boiled shrimp, crab legs, boiled potatoes and slaw comes out on two platters. We dig in.
“Oh my goodness, you were so right,” he moans.
My hands are a mess, but it’s worth it. “Best crab legs I’ve ever eaten.”
The waitress keeps coming over and chatting for long stretches. She’s friendly and curious. Soti keeps trying to get me to answer her questions, but I just smile and let him do all the talking. When the plates are finally cleared, he takes a deep breath and leans in.
“Looks like we’re gonna have to leave to get a word in edgewise,” he says.
I lean in too, and surprise him by reaching out and touching the scar on his forehead.
“Tell me one thing you haven’t done yet, but you really want to do,” I say.
“I’ve never lived with my wife.”
I frown. “Come on. That’s cheating.”
“How is that cheating? It’s true. I’ve … wanted to bring you home with me for a long time. Never wanted you to leave. The nights you’ve slept in my bed were just a tease.” His cheeks turn that darker shade they get when he’s nervous. “I’m … looking forward to it.”
I narrow my eyes.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“That you’re the hardest person I’ve ever tried to read. I don’t know why. You seem so sincere…”
He frowns. “This is me. If I don’t mean it, I don’t say it.”
I don’t respond, just study him.
“You do that a lot.”
“What?” I ask.
“Look like you’re trying to read my mind.”
“I wish I could.”
“I know the feeling.” He grins. “So tell me yours.”
“My what?”
“The one thing you’d do, if you could.”
“Have babies,” I answer immediately. As soon as it’s out, my cheeks flame. “I can’t believe I said that out loud.”
He reaches across the table and traces circles on the top of my hand. “Are you not able to have children?”
I clear my throat and grip a napkin. “As far as I know I can—I’ve been on birth control for a long time and have never had sex without a condom, so there haven’t been any scares. It just … wouldn’t make sense to bring a baby into my life.” I gasp and look at him in panic.
“What?”
“I didn’t bring my pills! I’ve never forgotten to take them, ever.” I put my head in my hands. “I didn’t even think about it until this minute!”
“Hey—things were crazy when we left. It’s okay. We used condoms.”
He laces our fingers together, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. He shakes my hand until I do.
“Thank you for telling me what you want. I’d like a family, too.”
I can’t even answer, I’m so embarrassed.
“How many kids should we have?”
I roll my eyes. He laughs.
“I’m serious,” he says, just as our waitress comes back.
I focus on the waitress, who asks if we need anything else.
“I’m trying to convince her to have my babies,” he tells her, still looking at me.
I giggle and pull my hand away.
“Girl, if I’s you, I’d take him up on that, like, yesterday.” She puts her hand on her hip and stares Soti down. “Look at him!” She waves her hand emphatically in my direction. “And look at you! Y’all are gonna have some pretty babies.”
We laugh and I mumble about Miss Jez under my breath. I put my hands on my icy glass and then on my cheeks, trying to cool off.
“You’re adorable,” he says. “A conversation about having my baby has you more flustered than when someone tried to kill you.”
I laugh and shrug. He’s right. “Hey, I’m shocked I’ve lived this long. I’ve always had one eye looking over my shoulder, knowing the life I live will catch up with me eventually. A husband and a baby have never been a consideration. I’ve never seen that coming.”
“Well, let’s change that, starting right now.” He grins and I die.
Chapter Twelve
SOTI
One day with you is better than a thousand tacos.
“Would you like to find some live music? Take a walk? Sky dive? Swim?” I ask after we’ve unpacked the groceries.
I hate grocery shopping, but she even makes that fun.
She laughs. “So many choices. A swim sounds nice,” she says.
The thought of her in a tiny bikini immediately puts my head in the gutter. I try to get a grip. She wiggles her eyebrows like she can tell what I’m thinking. I’m so screwed.
“All right. I’ll check in with JT and Zed and be right out.”
Both JT and Zed assure me everything is running smoothly. Zed has finished installing new deadbolt locks, security cameras, and a better alarm system than our previous one.
“It’s ready for ya,” he says before we hang up.
I thank him and breathe easier knowing I’ll be taking Lili back to a safer place. JT doesn’t have any news for me, just keeps reiterating that I need to enjoy my time away. I don’t tell either one of them we got married. I’m not sure how everyone will take the news. Before Lili, I’ve never even brought a girl to the community center, preferring to keep that part of my life completely separate. I chuckle to myself at the thought of bringing a wife home, but it quickly dies in my throat. A wife.
I allow myself a few minutes of internal panic. I knew it would come eventually, and it hits me with a punch. I’m already in too deep. It scares me how much I want this, how much I see forever with her. I count backwards from fifty, breathing slowly. Our paths were designed to intersect—that’s the only way I can make sense of this. I forced the issue a bit, bailing her out of jail and bringing her home with me. And being on the hunt for her all these years … it makes me sound like a man obsessed. Maybe I am. Maybe she’s the only reason I haven’t been able to commit to anyone—I’ve spent all this time consumed with her. I can still picture her in that bed, that very first time, and the way her vulnerability gripped my chest so tight. It’s always been her.
Sleeping with her last night took it to the rawest level. I should have waited for her to actually reciprocate feelings for me before going there, but there are times when I imagine that she already does.
I’m doing the right thing by protecting her. I won’t let her live in fear of Nico, or anyone else, for that matter. If it costs me everything to do it, it will be worth it. I exhale an unsteady breath and splash cold water on my face.
She’s already swimming by the time I venture outside. The sunlight casts an indigo shade to the water, and when she comes up to take a breath, her eyes glow the same color. Her skin looks especially luminous against the water and her dark swimsuit.
“You coming in?” she asks.
I want to devour her, but I don’t say that. I hope my eyes don’t look too wolfish when I look at her. I’m fighting a constant battle to show her, and myself, that I’m not like every other hot-blooded pervert who looks at her, but my body betrays me. My heart confuses me. It’s foolish to be in love with her, but I can’t deny the fact that I never want to be without her. I want to give her every luxury. Worship her mind and body and never let her doubt my … love.
Fuck. I put both hands on top of my head.
“Soti?”
I blink and focus on her. I don’t have time for fear. She comes first.
It’s all about her.
I give her a shaky smile and she returns a faint one. I kneel down and sit in front of where her arms are resting on the tile. The water splashes as I put a leg on either side of her.
Her hands drag leisurely up my legs until they reach my waist, and then she pulls hard, until I slip in the water with her. Her smile is full of mischief. My chest might cave in, it’s pounding so hard.
“There. Doesn’t it feel good in here?” She puts her arms around my neck and wraps her legs around my waist.
I grip her thighs, drawing her closer. “Like heaven,” I mutter.
Her hands dig into my hair, as she leans in and gives me the barest whisper of a kiss. Her eyes seem shy, but then she traces my bottom lip with her tongue. She smiles when it becomes obvious just how much her touch controls me.
“I like you, husband,” she whispers.
“I like you, too, my wife,” I whisper against her lips.
Our kiss deepens and I can’t tell if she’s trembling or if it’s me. Our hands are everywhere at once. My tongue twists with hers like it has finally found its favorite place. Our bodies leave no room for doubt. She engraves her name on my heart; I know exactly when it happens. She leans back just long enough to look in my eyes, as if checking to see if this is real. What she sees there reassures her, and we both shake with the knowledge of it. Two lost souls, found.
I don’t venture from her lips for the longest time. I could kiss her for an eternity, and hope to, but our bodies crave more. Eventually I carry her out of the pool and lay her on the canopy daybed next to the water. Then I make sure I don’t miss an inch of her body.
She writhes under me, impatient and greedy. I continue tormenting her with my mouth, heady with the power her whimpers give me. She begs me for more and I wait until I don’t think I can stand another second. I slowly lower into her and we both let out a relieved breath when I sink all the way in. When I lean over her, she looks like an angel. But I go completely still when I see that her face is wet with tears.
She cried earlier when we kissed but begged me not to stop. This time it’s more than a tear or two.
I lean on my elbows and wipe her tears. They keep falling. I try to lift off of her, but she clutches me tightly.
“Talk to me, love.” I brush her hair out of her eyes.
She draws a long, shuddering breath and licks her swollen lips. Her face scrunches up and she lifts her head to nestle into my neck. I’m shocked to hear her weeping. She won’t let go of me, so I hold her and whisper, “It’ll be okay,” even though I’m not sure it will be. When she quiets, I pull back just enough to look in her eyes. She has a wobbly smile.
I kiss her forehead and cheeks and feel another tear meet my lips. I don’t know what to do, so I just keep stroking her hair. She puts her hands on either side of my face and blows out a deep sigh. Her mouth parts, like she’s going to say something and I wait, barely breathing.
“I’ve … never … felt … like … this,” she chokes out. “So h-happy.” She gasps as another sob comes out. “Sorry!” She rolls her eyes and covers her face.
My eyes fill even as I laugh. “You make me happy too.” I lift her hands and put them back on my face. “We deserve to be happy. Do you believe that?”
She blinks and nods, her eyes never leaving mine. “I want to … I want to believe it.” Her voice gets higher as she says the last words and I kiss the new tears. A breeze blows the canopy curtain into us and she shivers.
I pick her up. “Hang on tight.”
When we reach the bed, I sit and lean against the headboard, still holding her. I pull the comforter over us. Her fingers tickle my chest and her tears are drying up.
“I’m sorry for losing it. Worst timing ever, huh?” she says.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s all been a whirlwind.”
“Is it crazy that I feel completely peaceful, with all the junk going on at home?” she says. “I know it’s not over. Yet here I am, lost with you, and it feels … perfect.”
I pick up her hand and run my fingers over each long, slender finger. Every part of her is graceful.
“I’m glad you feel safe with me.” I kiss her fingers.
“I’ve never been kissed the way you kiss me.” Her voice is timid. “It … gets to me in a way I didn’t expect.” She buries her head in my chest. “I want you to know, with you, I forget … I don’t think about…” She stops and shakes her head. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” She repeats my line, laughing. Her eyes skirt away. “It’s like magic. You make everything new.”
“Together, we’re magic,” I tell her, grinning. I put my hand on her heart. “What’s in here speaks to what’s in here.” I put both of our hands on my heart.
She laughs. “That’s another thing. I’ve never brought out the mush in someone. The sleaze, yes, but not the cheese.”
I turn and have her on her back in seconds. I nip her ribs with my teeth and she howls, pushing me away.
“You making fun of my mushy side? Huh?” I taunt, leaning over her. I find her ticklish spots and am relentless.
She laughs until she can’t breathe and holds up a hand. “I like it! I like it.” She catches her breath. Her face grows serious as she looks at me. “I love it,” she says, pulling my face to hers.
Her eyes hold a thousand secrets, threatening to spill over; I want to unlock each and every one.
Chapter Thirteen