I lay there for a while, then open the door and walk into the hallway. I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I do.
“I set up a phone call with Nico.” His voice is so low, I lean closer to the doorway to hear him.
“How did you manage that?” Soti sounds surprised. “How are we going to keep him from finding us?”
“It wasn’t that hard. He wants the girl,” Zed says calmly. “The call will be untraceable. I’ll talk to him, find out why she’s so important to him.”
“Let me talk to him. I’m sure he already knows about me and if he doesn’t, it’s time he’s made aware. We’re married, Zed. I … married her.”
I wish I could see Zed’s expression. It’s quiet for a couple of minutes.
“I don’t even know who you are right now,” he finally says. “What the ever lovin’ … start from the beginning.”
Soti goes for it. From our first time—I’m still having trouble processing that he’s the boy I chose to be my first customer—to the time he saw me again, to bailing me out of jail, to my mom’s visit, to our honeymoon…
I want to hear him talk about us forever. He makes us sound like a beautiful love story instead of the twisted tragedy we really are.
“I know it’s too soon and ridiculous—I know all that—but I want to be with her. You know me, Zed. I don’t get involved like this—I don’t do relationships. There’s something about her. I need her and she needs me. I want to do right by her, take care of her … prove that she’s worth every ounce of good I can offer. I want to give her … everything.” He runs out of breath and pauses, and I nearly go through the door and crawl in his lap to thank him for meaning even half of that.
“Well, shit,” Zed says. “Looks like she found the right man to captivate.” His voice is equal parts laughter and sarcasm. “Be careful, my friend.” The smile leaves his voice and my heart starts pounding. “If anyone can turn someone’s life around, it’s you. I’ve seen you do it countless times. I’ve also seen a lot of beautiful women’s hopeless attempts to catch you. How this one managed, I’ll never—”
I don’t give him time to say another word. Spying time is over. He looks over his shoulder and Soti glances up. I walk into the room and lean against the wall.
Soti walks over and takes my hand. “I told him we’re married.”
I glance at Zed.
“Congratulations to you both,” he says.
“Thank you,” Soti and I murmur at the same time.
I’m grateful he leaves it at that.
“I wish you hadn’t done this,” I say, when they tell me about the phone call. “It needs to be me who calls him.”
“No, I don’t want you talking to him ever again,” Soti says. “He tried to kill you.” He looks to Zed for backup, but Zed is watching me. “Zed, tell her.”
“I think it’d be best if I talked to him, but if we record the conversation and you don’t pull any tricks with us…” Zed’s voice trails off.
I flush and Soti squeezes my hand. “I’m not pulling any tricks. We just don’t know it was him. I really don’t think he’d ever hurt me,” I say softly. I picture Bentley’s eyes the last time I saw him and shudder. “I think we need to stay quiet and let him forget about me for a while.”
Bentley’s words keep running through my mind. The Santellis never let anything go. He’s obsessed with you. I saw him murder someone—I think that’s why Nico won’t leave me alone at this point. He wants to ensure that I keep my mouth closed. As for why he came back into my life before the fire, I’m still confused, but I’m desperate to hold onto any time I can keep with Soti. Maybe if I assure Nico I’m not going to tell anyone what I saw … maybe he’ll have mercy on me and let me walk away. It’s a delicate line to balance: to remind him of our past and also reiterate that we have no future.
“Don’t give him any indication of where we are. Try to find out what he wants and get off quickly.” Soti kisses my hand.
“I can do that.”
I’m shaking as I dial the number, but I close my eyes and do my best to relax, hoping he doesn’t hear the shakes when he answers.
“Hello?”
“Nico? It’s Lilith.”
“Why did you run from me, Lilith?” I hardly recognize his voice. He sounds like a stranger—it’s time I realize that’s all he is to me. “You’ve made all of this much more complicated than it needed to be.”
“Why did you try to kill me?” As much as I try, the quiver is still in my voice.
“You should know by now that if I tried to kill you, you would be dead,” he says with a chuckle and I start sweating. “If you prolong being with me, it might come to that.”
“Why now, Nico? We haven’t been together in so long. I’m not coming back,” I sputter.
“I know your mother told you about the marriage arrangements. I’m simply trying to collect you.”
“By sending guys to shoot me? That doesn’t exactly win me over.”
“I don’t need anyone to do my dirty work, Lilith … as you witnessed with Bentley. What I do need is for you to stop being so childish and agree to this marriage before it’s too late.”
“What happened to you? Have you always been this heartless?”
“I gave my heart to a child and she threw it in my face, so you’ll forgive me, if yes, I am a heartless fucker. You made me this way, mia piccola puttana.”
“You can’t put this on me, Nico. I begged you—begged you—to get out. To take me with you. Instead, I found out you were responsible for half the murders in the Quarter … and that you’d slept with half the women, too.” My voice catches and a tear rolls down my cheek. I hurriedly wipe it off before Soti and Zed see. My hurt needs to stay dead and buried.
“What, I couldn’t play too?” he scoffs. “You knew you mattered to me where it counted. I would’ve married you back then, if you hadn’t thrown your little fit. Stella meant nothing. It’s always been you, always will be.”
“You’re too late. Didn’t my mother tell you? I’m already married! What made you think I’d ever marry you?”
Silence.
“Hello?”
“Why are beautiful women always such fools?” He sighs. “Such a waste of beauty.” He blows air into the phone and my blood churns. “I will make sure no one touches you, Lilith Fontenot. I need you alive. We will be watching. But I promise you, when the time is right, nothing will stop me from taking what is mine. You were always going to be mine. Nothing’s changed. You’re just prolonging the inevitable, and you will pay for that, trust me.”
“What do you mean? What is inevitable?” I snap.
The line goes dead.
Soti and Zed are both watching me. They heard everything, and I can see the skepticism on their faces.
“I have no idea what he’s talking about,” I say, putting my head in my hands. No one says anything for a while and when I look up, their eyes are still on me. “I don’t. You’re looking at me like you don’t believe me, but I’m just as clueless as you are about what he wants.”
“He wants you, that much is clear,” Soti says, looking at Zed.
“Don’t look at him. He doesn’t know me.” I can’t stop the bitterness from leaking out. “You barely know me either, Soti, but why would I lie to you? I have no reason to. I never asked you to do any of this!”
“No one is saying you’re lying. I believe you,” he says, moving next to me. He pulls me into his side. “We’re just trying to figure this out. Do you think it’s possible Nico wasn’t the one behind the shootings?”
“I have no idea who was behind the shooting. I know Nico is capable of it, but why would he want to marry me if he’s already tried to kill me? It makes no sense.”
“You seem to have a way about you—you got this guy to marry you. Before today I would’ve never believed that was possible either,” Zed says, trying to read my mind with his soulful eyes.
I turn around and leave the room before I bash their too-good-looking-for-thei
r-own-good faces together.
I fall asleep hearing them continue to strategize in the other room. My mother is the only person I’ve ever tolerated making plans for me, but I’m too tired to put up a fight. I’ve already decided to trust Soti. I don’t really have anything else to lose.
I wake up to Soti coming in the bedroom and softly shutting the door behind him. Once he gets in bed, his arm wraps around my stomach and his chest feels warm against my back. I take a deep breath, and the second before I drift off again, I think: it’s all been worth it. The fear, losing everything, being completely misplaced—to feel this right now—whatever this is … I would go through it all again to be with him.
The next morning I wake up and stare at Soti sleeping. His body looks like a Greek god carved into granite, but his face and the slight smile even when he’s sleeping softens all the hard edges. I reach over and grab a piece of the cinnamon candy I left on the nightstand, popping it in my mouth while I enjoy the freedom to watch my husband as openly as I want.
He stirs and opens one eye, looking right at me. Caught.
“You okay?” he asks. His hoarse voice makes my stomach tumble over itself.
I nod.
“Mmm, you smell good,” he says, smiling. His mouth opens slightly and I put a piece of the hard candy on his tongue. “I’d rather have yours. Come here.” He leans his forehead onto mine and winds his fingers through my hair. “Good morning.”
“What do you think about going back to your place today?”
“I think it’s too soon.”
“I have no idea what to do anymore, but I don’t want to keep stalling your life. Whatever Nico’s going to do, I’d rather just get it over with and live our lives, now. He says he needs me alive, so I don’t think I’ll be dying anytime soon.”
He puts his arms around me and kisses my forehead. “It’s not stalling my life when we’re together. And I am not letting you die, ever. Don’t even talk like that. I just found you. You can’t go anywhere.”
I don’t tell him Nico usually gets exactly what he wants; I just didn’t realize until now that I’m what he claims to want. Instead, I lean into his kiss.
“I guess we do have as much security coverage there as we could possibly want. Trouble is, whoever is after you will know you’re back. Unless we keep a low profile, which we can do for a while, see how it goes. We could continue the honeymoon over there,” he says, grinning.
“I don’t see you really having time for a honeymoon at the community center. Seems pretty busy to me,” I say, smirking.
“Oh, you think I can’t multi-task?” he says, nipping my neck and then kissing further down my chest.
My breath quickens. I wish he didn’t have such mastery over my body, but he does. Just as I’m thinking I need to gain the upper hand, his mouth finds mine and every sane thought floats away.
His lips are an invitation I can’t refuse. Tasting, teasing, promising. My mind and heart flutter to the same beat:
I. Am. His.
He. Is. Mine.
I roll on top of him and he guides my hips, driving deep inside. My head falls back and all my “experience” falls away as his fingers explore every secret place. He’s unrelenting and I give over to his onslaught, gladly. He wins. Every part of me wants to be consumed by every part of him.
“Soti,” I whimper over and over.
It only spurs him on. The pleasure becomes almost unbearable. And still he doesn’t stop. When I can’t take anymore, he pulls us into a sitting position, burrowing deeper yet, and kisses me to heaven. His eyes burn into mine, and I know he’s leaving a permanent mark.
“I love you,” he whispers.
I start trembling, first on the inside and then deep shudders on the outside. I shake until my teeth are chattering and I cannot stop. Every rejection I’ve known flashes through my mind. My mother daily choosing someone—anyone—over me. Nico pummeling my innocence. Regulars I’ve let myself get attached to, only to never see them again. Even the girls I thought were the closest thing I have to family can turn on me for the right price.
Face-to-face with Soti’s unfettered heart, I crumble. If I could be even an ounce as good as he is…
I will never be.
“Lili…” his voice catches. He pushes my hair back and I take deep, gasping breaths. “Your heart is safe with me,” he says so softly I can barely hear him.
Tears stream down my face as I shake and he continues to whisper sweet promises in my ear. When the tremors have stilled, he slowly lifts me off of him and my body feels empty without him inside.
“I love you,” he whispers again.
“How can you love someone who will never be whole?” I choke out.
He takes a breath and then it all comes rushing out. “All of us are just fragments trying to grasp onto the next broken piece, trying to be a little more complete.”
His hands hold my face and I try to hold onto his gaze, even though I want to hide.
“I love all the pieces of you I see and the ones I know you’re holding back.” His lips brush against mine, he’s so close. “Let me in, Lili. Together, the sum of our broken parts makes something pretty damn powerful.”
I feel his smile against my skin and my lips curve up in spite of my tears. My cheesy husband. It’s hard to not adore him.
His arms wrap around me, holding me tight. The hope … the passion he evokes in me … I don’t know what to do with it. Is this love? I don’t know love well enough to recognize it. I only know I never want this to end.
“Let’s go home,” he says, kissing me again.
Zed isn’t as easy to talk into letting us leave, but he finally gives in when Soti reminds him of all the security cameras in place.
“Just don’t forget us over there. Keep someone on us at all times. If it isn’t Nico after us, I want to know who it is. Maybe us going back will draw them out. Ideally, Nico would take them out for us. In the meantime, find out what he really wants with her, besides marrying her. Because that’s out.”
Soti’s voice gets more forceful the longer he talks to Zed. It lets me know he’s not as calm as he’s letting on. I hear the fear in his voice, but when my eyes catch his, he smiles and smooths over his expression like there’s nothing to worry about.
For a moment, I want to convince him to run with me to the other side of the world, but then I remember all the work he’s invested in the community center. I’ve already been selfish enough with him—I can’t ask him to give that up, too. But if anything happens to him, I’ll never forgive myself.
Chapter Fifteen
LILITH
Let me lie to myself a little longer.
I expected the anxiety to continue or even build when we got back to Soti’s apartment, but instead I’m instantly calm. When we walk through the door, he sets our overnight bags on the floor and takes me in his arms. I almost forget we’ve been running for our lives.
“Welcome home,” he says, eyes crinkling with his smile.
He tilts my head up and kisses me weak. His tongue still tastes faintly of cinnamon. My heart thumps out of beat, remembering our time earlier and anticipating what he’ll do next. He picks me up and carries me to the bedroom, pulling my shirt over my head and letting it drop behind us.
When we reach the bed, he tosses me on it and leans over me, grinning. It’s infectious and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to not go full-on beaming.
“We’re home,” he says. “Let’s get naked. We have a honeymoon to continue.”
“You get naked.” I point to my bra. “I’m already halfway there. You’ve got some catching up to do.”
He pulls his shirt off in one tug and throws it across the room. My bra quickly follows, then my jeans, his jeans, until eventually, nothing is left. I let him do all the work, entertained by how fast he can move when he wants my clothes off.
It’s hard to believe it’s only been a few days since my mother was in this room threatening us. I quickly shove thoughts of her a
side. My past doesn’t belong in our bed. That’s become my constant motto when we’re together.
“Are you still with me?” His voice is raspy and makes my stomach clench.
He tilts my chin up to meet his eyes and I lose my breath. The sun streaming through the window hits his amber eyes just right and reminds me of a late night summer bonfire. I can’t look away.
The playful mood is gone. He lowers his bare chest onto mine, propping his elbows on either side of me while we stare at each other. Something is shifting and I don’t know why, but it feels bigger than both of us.
I nod.
“Say it,” he whispers.
“I’m with you. Just you—”
His eyes stay locked on mine as he slowly fills me.
“And me,” I whisper.
I get lost in him, not sure if he’s hypnotizing me with the fire in his eyes or if I’m wide awake and willingly going under.
Over the next few weeks, I live a life I never dreamed I could have. I wake up and fall asleep with Soti by my side. We cook meals together and talk and laugh over everything and nothing. We hang out with Miss Jez and JT throughout the day, doing whatever needs to be done around the community center. I stay busy with the behind-the-scenes jobs—helping get art supplies ready for Miss Christine, chopping all the vegetables for Miss Jez, cleaning the community center after it closes—yet I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough to contribute. Soti says he doesn’t know how they survived without me. I think he’s just being his sweet self; clearly, I’m the one who could never survive without him.
JT, Miss Jez, and Miss Christine take the news of our marriage a lot better than Zed, after the initial disappointment that we had a wedding without them. Once we tell them the risks involved with me being here, they understand and seem to accept me without question.
I look in the mirror and can hardly believe the change. My eyes are bright. My cheeks are flushed. I have a constant smile ready to break out into a laugh at any moment. I’ll never be able to fully show Soti how happy he makes me. But I try. And so does he. He goes out of his way to please me. Too much, even. He noticed that I like my toast buttered on both sides, so he beats me to it every morning. The exact amount of sugar I like in my sweet tea. My favorite ice cream—mint chocolate chip—is always in the freezer. After he’s worked out, I have an ice pack ready for him. I make sure the laundry never fills up the basket, even though he fusses at me, saying I don’t need to do it. I love taking care of him.