slightly, and a strangled sound came out of me as I angled my hips.
"Ah, that's the spot, right?" He sounded proud, smug as he worked with an ease that was actually impressive. "I want to hear you scream my name when you come. Remember that."
I didn't think I'd ever screamed a name, but then his mouth clamped down on the bundle of nerves. Mind blown, I was a writhing heap on the mattress, my hips shamelessly thrusting up to meet what he was doing. My head thrashed as he pressed against a spot deep inside me and sucked on the tiny piece of flesh that seemed to become the epicenter of everything.
The tension inside me snapped, and I did scream his name as release powered through me, starting from my core and radiating out to the tips of my toes and my fingers. I was shaken and panting, his name echoing over and over in my head even as he slowly eased his fingers out of me.
He got up and I could see the bulge in his pajama pants. Caught up in the pleasure he gave me, I met him halfway, gripping his hips as I found his mouth and kissed him. Tasting myself on him, I think I might've been a little drunk on pleasure, a little out of control with the idea of giving him what he'd just given me.
He groaned into my mouth, and my heart pounded as I balled the material of his sleep pants in my hands and dragged them down his lean hips, stopping just below his belly. "Ivy, what—?"
Freeing him, I wrapped one hand around the thick, hard base. His hips jerked and he rasped out, "Fuck, Ivy." He stared down at me, his eyes hooded, his taut stomach rippling with tremors. "You want to do this? You sure?"
Instead of answering, I showed him. Dragging my hand up his length, I reveled in the way his back arched.
"Damn, girl. I didn't do that for this."
Finding my voice, I tightened my grip on him. "I want to do this."
He groaned as I stroked him with my hand. "Move back," he ordered in a gruff voice. "Against the headboard."
I scooted until my back was against the wooden frame, and he moved, placing his knees on either side of my hips. His body caged me in. One hand landed on the headboard behind me and the other curved around the nape of my neck.
I'd done this a handful of times before with Shaun, but that had been so long ago, and it seemed like nothing compared to this. Ren was a man, and Shaun . . . well, he never got the chance to become one.
Pushing those troubling thoughts aside, I kissed him like he kissed me, and at the first taste of him, Ren's hips moved and the hand on my neck tightened. He made a deep guttural sound that told me that even though I was sure there were a whole lot of chicks that could do this better than me, he was right there with me.
I drew him in as deep as I could, and though his body shook, he was careful as he rocked his hips in short, quick motions, holding back even as I found my rhythm. "God, Ivy, you sweet, sweet thing," he groaned. "I can't take . . ."
Ren tried to pull away, but I was latched on to him, and he shouted my name as he came, his large body shuddering as his release rolled through him. I stayed with him until his body arched and he slipped out of my hand and mouth. He kneeled in, capturing my head and tilting it back, kissing me deeply despite what we'd just shared, and he didn't stop as he shifted off of me, dragging me down beside him.
Ren gathered me close, tucking me to his side as he rolled onto his back, his arm furthest from me thrown over his face. All I could see was his warm, sated smile.
His curls were mussed from sleep, adorably disheveled from what we'd just done as he turned his head to me. "Can I keep you?"
My heart skipped, and the first thought that flounced into my head was that I wanted to be kept by him.
I stiffened and my skin chilled like icy water had been doused over my head. The pleasure that I'd been given—that I'd given—cleared, and as I lay burrowed close to Ren, the most horrible thought crossed my mind.
How could I go back to what life was like before Ren when I lost him? Not if, but when, because I would lose him eventually. That was how things worked for me. I loved and I lost, and I cut off that train wreck of a thought before it could become something more, something entirely too powerful.
"Hey," he murmured softly.
My heart was pounding in my chest again, but for different reasons. Nausea turned my stomach. Back before I lost my family and Shaun, I hadn't thought my days with them were numbered. It hadn't crossed my mind, but things were different now, because our days were not infinite, they were most likely numbered down to one day.
Wednesday was a haunting shadow that never truly faded away, and I knew it was the same for him. After all, why else had he asked me to stay the night? There was a chance that we were going to see a lot of death—we might not even come back from it. Ren might not survive.
Panic seized my insides, sinking its bitter claws into my skin. I couldn't do it—couldn't face the soul-crushing grief again, and if things with Ren carried on—hell, even now, losing him would have a shattering impact.
I sat up, tugging my shirt down so my lower half was covered. Oh God, I really had screwed up—fucked this up. I wasn't supposed to let him get close. We couldn't be normal. Order members didn't have normal. Out of everyone, I knew that, and here I was, in bed with a guy who could very likely die by the time the moon rose tomorrow.
"Hey," he said again, following me. "What's wrong?"
"I . . ." In the back of my head, there was a part of me telling me to stop, to take a deep breath, but acid filled my mouth. I needed to get out of here. This was a mistake. "I have to go."
"What?"
Tossing my legs off the bed, I stood and headed for the dresser. I stopped halfway, but didn't see my panties, and decided I really didn't need them.
"Whoa. Wait a sec, Ivy. What's going on?" Ren was off the bed, hitching up his bottoms. "Talk to me."
I grabbed my jeans off the dresser, tugging them on without looking at him. "I just need to go home. That's it."
"Okay. That's so not it. You were fine, fucking sweetness in my hands a couple of seconds ago, and now you won't even look at me." Ren came toward me, and I backed up, bumping into the dresser. A look of confusion poured into his face. "What the hell?"
Turning away, I pulled his shirt off and slipped my bra and shirt on faster than I ever put clothes on in my entire life.
"Did we move too fast?" he questioned, putting his hand on my shoulder.
I reacted, born out of a keen sense of desperation. I spun around, swiping my arm, knocking his aside. "Don't touch me."
He took a step back, hands at his sides. Concern filled his emerald gaze. "Okay. Can we just talk for a second?"
"There's nothing to talk about." I started for the bedroom door.
"Did I hurt you? Dammit, Ivy, answer me. Did I hurt you somehow?"
Pushing my hair out of my face, I shook my head. "No," I croaked, turning to the bedroom door. "You didn't hurt me. Not yet." I pulled on the handle, found it locked, then cursed under my breath. Unlocking the door, I threw it open.
"Not yet?" Ren followed me into the living room, staying back a distance as I sat, grabbing my socks and shoes. "Baby, I would never hurt you. Why would you—?"
The words burst out of me, coming from a dark place I tried to stay away from but could feel myself slipping into. "You wouldn't mean to. You'll promise me that everything will be okay, and then it won't be because you can't control it."
His brows knitted as he moved to the other side of the coffee table. "Ivy, I'm not following you."
"It doesn't matter." I slipped my shoes on and stood, swiping the stake off the table and shoving it in my back pocket. I pulled my shirt down to cover it.
"Let me get dressed. I'll take you home, okay?" he reasoned gently. "Just give me a couple of—"
"No! No. I don't need you to take me home. I don't need you to do anything, all right? You're a great guy, but this—whatever this is—isn't going any further. This was a mistake."
Ren straightened as he eyed me. "Dammit, Ivy, what the fuck is going on? This was a mistak
e? This morning was anything and everything but a fucking mistake."
I wrapped my fingers around the handle, heart racing, and I stopped for just a second, my throat burning. "Maybe for you it wasn't," I said and then walked out.
As I crossed the hall and hit the button for the elevator, part of me expected, maybe even hoped, that he'd come after me, which was so sick and twisted. But the elevator came, and as I stepped inside, the door across the hall didn't open.
Ren didn't come after me.
The elevator doors slid shut and I backed up, hitting the wall of the elevator. I smacked my hands over my face, smothering a raw sob. I pushed it down, I pushed it all down until there was nothing.
Until I felt nothing.
Chapter Nineteen
Tuesday was a fucking mess and a half that went from shitty to shittastic in a matter of minutes. I tried to get a hold of Val, but she wasn't answering her phone, and I thought about calling and dumping all of this on Jo Ann, but she had a pretty packed schedule on Tuesdays.
Tink was still holed up in his room, and the only reason I knew he was in there was because he had The Cure and Morrissey on repeat, and I was about to lose my ever loving mind if I had to spend another second in my apartment.
After showering and changing into fresh clothes, I still couldn't get rid of the scent of Ren or the taste of him. What we had done this morning, what I'd done . . .
My body heated even as my chest ached. I'd never felt like that before, never so out of control and turned on, but those feelings stirred up this morning had run deeper than lust. And maybe I could've handled it if it was just about getting off, as crude as that sounded, but it was more than that.
More. Hadn't I wanted more out of life? If so, this was like taking a class on stupid and excelling at it.
I sat at the edge of the bed and placed my head in my hands. Okay, I couldn't go back and change anything that had happened between us. I just had to deal with it, and I had to be stronger. I had a job to do and I needed to focus.
I'd done what I needed to do, right?
There was no answer, only the droning of The Cure. I got up and strapped the iron stake into one boot and the thorn stake into the other. Picking up my phone, I tapped the screen. There were no texts or missed calls from Ren—not that I expected any to be there. Not after telling him that the morning was a mistake. I slid my phone into my back pocket and hooked my keys to the loop on my jeans, starting toward the front door, but I stopped. Turning around, I faced the hall that led into the kitchen and Tink's bedroom. I started toward his room, but I still had no idea what to say or do with him. I wasn't even sure if I was angry anymore or just disappointed.
I left my apartment without saying anything to him.
With a couple of hours to waste before the meeting David had called, I took a cab to Canal then slowly made my way toward Royal. Skies were overcast, the clouds fat with rain that would soon fall, and the streets weren't nearly as congested as they normally were. I ended up in front of the nondescript brick building.
Based on what Merle had said about the spirits, did that mean the ghosts of the mansion beside it had traveled into this house? Or maybe it was the gate that affected the area; after all, the gate would've been here before any of the houses were built.
I lingered under the painted green iron balcony of the house next door. I wasn't sure about ghosts. I'd never seen one, but that didn't mean they didn't exist. I mean, fae were real and so were halflings, so why not ghosts?
There were iron bars on the windows and the door, and to the untrained eye, that might look like the custom of the houses in the Quarter, but those bars were made out of iron for a reason. I hadn't even noticed the little old house before. God, how many times had I hobbled up and down Royal Street, walking right past this gate? The same with the church?
I would fail as a detective.
Who was in the house right now? Would they answer the door? Probably not. There was no space between the buildings, and the only way to get to the back of the house was through the home itself.
I lingered around Royal until it was time to head to headquarters, my stomach in knots knowing I was going to have to face Ren. As I passed the front of the gift shop, I saw that Jerome was behind the counter, flipping through a magazine. I hurried by in case he caught sight of me. I really owed him a cake.
Upstairs, the second floor was packed with Order members, most in groups of two or three. I lingered on the fringes, away from the door as I kept an eye out for Ren. Avoiding him would be pointless since we had to work together tonight, but I was in total delay mode.
David and Miles were at the front of the large open space, both conferring with each other quietly, and I slinked over to a window, leaning against the ledge until I caught sight of Val walking out from one of the rooms, her chin down and her curly hair falling forward, but that didn't hide the dark purplish bruise circling her right eye.
"Oh my God." I pushed off the window. "What happened?"
Val reached up, touching the skin under her eye. "I was going for a new look. What do you think?"
I gaped at her as I grabbed her arm, pulling her aside. I dropped it the moment she winced, and I realized there might be more bruises, ones I couldn't see. "Seriously. What the hell happened, Val?"
She sighed as she folded her arms across her fuchsia colored shirt. "I ran into a fae last night that didn't want to go down easy."
"When you were with Dylan?"
"No. It was after my shift. It's not a biggie, though." She smiled, but it sort of looked painful. "I'd say you should see the bitch, but there's nothing left of her to see."
"God. Do you need anything?"
"Nope," she said, then her gaze drifted over my shoulder. Her features were pinched. "Odd."
"What?"
One dark brow rose. "Yesterday you and Ren were locking lips, and today he's standing over there, against the wall, looking like he wants to put his fist through said wall."
My stomach dropped, and I almost looked over my shoulder. Val's gaze moved back to mine, and I sighed. "It's a long story. I called you earlier."
"Yeah. Sorry." She patted my arm. "We can talk later?"
I nodded. David clapped his hands together, drawing everyone's attention. I was surprised to see his wife was here, standing at the front of the group. Compared to his grumpy ass, she looked serene.
"We have a potential emergency situation," he began, and then he launched into a rather blunt breakdown of what could happen tomorrow night. Basically a Fae Apocalypse for Dummies sort of explanation, leaving out any discussion about halflings, which was understandable. At this point, that wasn't relevant.
Needless to say, the proverbial poo hit the fan. The Order members knew all about the ancients, and apparently some had even believed that the almost fabled form of fae had been hanging around, but none of them seemed prepared for the idea that there were several in the city that could be gunning for the gate Wednesday. Neither David nor Miles mentioned the clubs, and keeping that on the down low made sense. If someone among us was working with the fae, we didn't want them to discover that we were on to them.
"The equinox happens at 9:29pm, give or a take a few minutes," David said, arms folded across his chest. "We have to be prepared for anything. Nothing may happen. Or we may be facing the ultimate fight. We cannot allow an ancient to get near the gate. Their blood will open it. No matter what, we need to keep them back."
Both gates were discussed, and I wasn't surprised when names were rattled off, half assigned to the church and half going to the house on Royal Street. Val and Ren were assigned to the house, along with me and twenty other members. One look from David warned me to keep my mouth shut about the belief that the gate at the church was destroyed. Even knowing that he wasn't ready to accept that or take a risk and leave it unguarded, I still bristled.
Nothing seemed to shock the group more than the locations being openly discussed, but at this point there was no risk because th
ere was no doubt that the fae already knew the locations. The only small hope any of us could hold on to was that they'd go for the gate at the church, not knowing it was be destroyed. Still, even if that happened, there'd be a significant loss of life tomorrow night no matter what.
My stomach dropped as what I was thinking seemed to settle across the group. Everyone knew what was at stake.
David cleared his throat. "With all that being said, there will be no patrols tonight."
In front of us, Dylan scrubbed a hand over his jaw and cursed under his breath while I openly gawked at the sect leader. Damn. Surprised, I glanced at Val, but she was staring off into nothing. David and Miles were giving us all the night off. Holy crap, I couldn't remember when that happened. We even patrolled on Christmas.
"If you have families, I suggest you go home and spend time with them," David continued. "If you don't have anyone special, I suggest you use tonight to find someone. Some of you will not be