The wind had just a hint of winter chill that night. I steered the four wheeler off the path and onto a flat area, while Lisa stayed pressed against my back. Her head nestled against me, her arms securely around my waist even though we were no longer on the steep trail. She didn’t stir until the engine rumbled to a stop. Even then, she seemed content to stay wrapped around me. I was the one to move first.
Turning so my back was against the handles, I pulled Lisa into my lap. She smiled and touched my face. My world had been nothing but chaos during that time. Oscar’s erratic behavior had everyone scared. I had just spent two months locked up in my room because my hunger was so out of control I couldn’t be trusted to be around my own family. I was so behind on my school work that I was in danger of losing eligibility to play sports. If that was taken away from me, finding an outlet for my hunger would get even harder. I felt like I would buckle constantly. Lisa was the only one who gave me any balance. She anchored me to the good still left in life. I knew it wasn’t easy for her. It scarred her almost as much as it did me.
But for that one night, we had left the fear and uncertainty behind. It was only the two of us under a blanket of stars that held no judgment. I wanted to show her how much I loved her. My fingers slid across her delicate skin and tangled in her hair. She responded at once, leaning toward me and accepting my kiss. Her arms held me so gently at first. It was just meant to be a thank you for how much she had helped me through the previous difficult months, but pent up emotion made it something more.
My arms tightened around her slender body as my desire increased. Lisa’s fingernails dug into my skin in her eagerness to pull me closer. My hunger had no specific desire for her, but those small pinpricks of pain roused it that night. I was too consumed to pay it much mind consciously, but my subconscious grabbed hold of my flickering hunger and nursed it, pushed me to intensify my grip, the force of my affection, the need to be sated. My hand slid up her back, holding her at the nape of her neck. In my mind, all I could think about was how soft her lips were. There wasn’t an inch of space between us, but I felt myself pulling her closer all the same. My grip grew tighter as my hunger built.
Maybe Lisa was as caught up in the moment as I was. Maybe she didn’t want to tell me I was hurting her because she didn’t want me to stop kissing her. Or maybe her trust in my ability to protect her made her think I would stop myself before it went too far. I don’t know what was running through her mind in those last few moments. I only know that I had no idea my hunger had taken total control of me before it was too late.
I heard her gasp a split second before my fingers crushed her windpipe.