All I could do was gape at Bishop. “Why would you cut yourself like that?”
“The pain helps me concentrate,” he said through clenched teeth. “It takes my confusion away. I need to be able to keep my focus, no matter what.”
I clasped my hand over my mouth, stunned. This is what he’d discovered during the days we’d been apart. This is why he hadn’t needed me to touch him to help clear his mind.
Instead of sympathy for his struggle, hot anger surged through me. “That was an unforgivably stupid thing to do!”
His gaze hardened. “I found a solution. I used it.”
A strangled sound escaped my throat. “Yeah, fantastic solution, Bishop. Self-mutilation. Really brilliant.”
Kraven snorted.
It was as if someone had just drawn a blade over my skin as well and pressed down hard. He’d chosen to inflict injury on himself rather than seek me out. The realization stung like hell.
He lowered his shirt, frowning deeply. “I didn’t want you to know about this.”
“Such a martyr,” Kraven drawled. “Spare me the drama.”
“I assume you used the Hallowed Blade to do this. Otherwise, it would have healed by now.” Cassandra was pushing Bishop’s shirt back up. “Hold still.”
She placed both hands over his wounds and a few moments later, with that soft pulse of light from before, the cuts disappeared.
She didn’t let go of him right away, standing intimately close to him.
“Better?” She smiled up at him.
“Better. Thank you.”
“I know how hard it must be for you to deal with the side effects of your soul. I wish I could do more to ease your pain.”
I literally trembled with the effort it took not to close the distance between us and wrench her hands away from him. Even though I knew she’d helped him, I didn’t like how she was touching him.
I’d known Cassandra the Perky Blonde Angel for an hour now and I was insanely and irrationally resentful of her immediate connection with Bishop. I hated feeling this way, all these gnawing doubts in my gut joining my ravenous hunger pains.
Cassandra was beautiful, capable, smart and strong—and she could heal injuries with a mere touch. She was an angel, too. They had everything in common with each other.
Irrational or not, I hated her stupid blond guts.
“Do you give everyone this kind of personal attention?” I asked. “Or just Bishop?”
She glanced at me and gave me a small smile. “I healed Roth, too.”
I felt the heat of Bishop’s gaze on me, but I didn’t look directly at him. I knew every word that came from my mouth made me sound like a petty, jealous girlfriend. I’d always hated girls like that.
I fought hard to keep any discernible emotion out of my eyes. Despite our undeniable connection, Bishop wasn’t my boyfriend. I had no real claim on him at all.
I mean, I didn’t even know his real name.
That’s what my brain knew—that Bishop wasn’t mine.
My heart, however, had a totally different opinion on the subject.
Before anyone could say anything else, the side door clanged shut and a few seconds later, Zach and Connor entered the church sanctuary with us.
Great, I thought drily. The gang’s all here.
Zach was tall and thin, with red hair, freckles on his nose and clear, green eyes. He was kind and thoughtful, and typically did the healing in the group. I knew this from personal experience. Connor was an inch or two shorter, with dark skin, and hair so short I considered it shaved. He always had a joke to help lighten the mood. The two had forged a close friendship since they arrived, and usually went out on patrol together.
“Patrol” was the term for their endless city walks in search of grays who’d lost their minds, their control, who were so driven by their hunger that they became a true and monstrous threat to anyone they crossed paths with. Those grays were targeted for death—their bodies swept away to the Hollow after the deed was done. The golden dagger wasn’t required to kill a gray. They might be supernatural, but they were still mortal.
If I gave in to the kiss much more, I’d also become one of those zombie grays. Which was why what had happened with Colin had frightened me so much. Once a gray turned to that zombie state, there was no coming back from it. The horrible thought of losing myself completely kept me awake at night staring at my ceiling with my sheets pulled right up to my neck.
“We have a visitor,” Connor said with surprise as he noticed Cassandra—and it was very hard not to notice the beautiful blonde. “Hi, there. I’m Connor.”
“A pleasure.” She nodded.
Zach’s previous smile faded at the edges as his gaze widened with recognition. “Cassandra.”
“Zachary. I’m glad to see you made it here all right.”
“Stupid ritual.”
“Totally agree.” She smiled warmly at him. “So this is the entire team?”
“It is,” Bishop confirmed.
“Why are you here?” Zach asked her.
“The same reason as the rest of you. To lend a hand with a difficult situation.”
“Of course.”
She chewed her bottom lip—which struck me as a nervous gesture. It surprised me that she and Zach already knew each other, although I wasn’t sure why. Angels would be associated with each other on some level in Heaven, kind of like going to a big high school. Not everybody knew everyone else, but there were those you saw every day, some you made friends with, some you...didn’t.
I got the strange feeling that these two weren’t exactly best friends.
“Will you be staying with us here at the church?” Zach asked.
Cassandra swept her gaze around the sanctuary, ending with Roth. Her expression soured. “I don’t think so.”
“Oh, come on,” Roth said, grinning darkly. “We can be bunkmates.”
“Definitely not.” She looked at me. “I’ll stay with Samantha.”
I stared at her. “I...uh, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Of course it is.”
I cast a look at Bishop, hoping for backup.
There was amusement in his gaze at her suggestion, which didn’t bode well. “I think it’s a good idea. Cassandra can watch over you at night when I’m not around. You’ll be safe from any more...potential problems.”
Kraven snorted again. Honestly, I’d think the demon had a head cold if I didn’t know better. “Right. Wouldn’t want you to have problems, sweetness. That story doesn’t have a happily ever after.”
Bishop shot him a look. “That’s not what I meant.”
The demon waved a dismissive hand. “I wouldn’t know. I barely listen to anything you ever say.”
Don’t fight this, I told myself. Go with the flow. Don’t raise any alarms, not after what happened at Crave.
“Fine,” I said through clenched teeth. “Wouldn’t want to be a problem.”
“Way too late for that,” Roth mumbled.
“Before you go, Cassandra...” Bishop beckoned for her to join him on the other side of the sanctuary. I watched them with a tight feeling in my chest, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying anymore.
Zach moved to stand next to me and he scrubbed a hand through his short, red hair as he also watched the two beautiful angels in their tête-à-tête.
I glanced at him. “So you and Cassandra know each other, huh?”
“Yeah.”
I twisted my index finger into my hair, pulling tight enough to squeeze off my circulation. “I bet when she was human she was, like, a cheerleader. One who stole other girls’ boyfriends. I mean...not that this observation is relevant right now or anything. I’m just saying.”
He grinned at my babblings before the expression faded. “She wasn’t human. She’s one of the hosts.”
I blinked. “One of the what?”
“She was created as an angel.”
I stared at him with shock. “Really?”
He nodded. “Really.”
“Is...is that how it normally is? Or are angels usually human first?”
“They try to keep it balanced.”
“Right. Balance. Can’t forget that.” I worked it over in my head. “How does it happen? Like, do you do enough good deeds in real life and you’re given the job when you die?”
“Pretty much. For me, I saved a kid from drowning. Saved him, but managed to drown myself in the process. I was only a week from graduating from Harvard top of my class. My father always wanted that more than anything—for me to be a lawyer just like him. He was so obsessed with my grades and my...my future. Sometimes I wonder if he’d approve of what I did become.” He glanced at me guiltily. “Sorry, sometimes I still dwell on my past.”
“Dwell away. Believe me, I totally get the parent angst. I’ve lived it all my life.” It was crazy hearing someone talk about their own death, but he said it so matter-of-factly that I found I was able to take it in stride. “When was that? When did you, uh...die?”
“Fifty years ago, give or take. And, yes, I was given the chance when I died to choose between eternal rest or eternal...work.” He shrugged. “I guess I like to keep busy. Never enjoyed taking vacations, anyway. Such a waste of time.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that, but I quickly sobered. Fifty years ago. And he still looked so young. Wow. “So what happens to your body?”
“We get to keep our human bodies, which are resurrected and healed so they’re even better and stronger than before.” He frowned. “It’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it personally. Anyway, our mortal bodies then go through a very intense transition to become celestial and immortal. That part isn’t fun.”
That was when they’d give up their human souls and gain any special abilities as they were transformed into their angelic selves.
In two minutes I’d gotten more information about life as an angel from Zach than I’d gotten from Bishop in two weeks. I was both stunned and grateful for anything I could learn. Now I knew Zach was the go-to guy for stuff like this.
“What about Bishop?” I whispered. “Do you know his story?”
Kraven shot a look at me as he rose from the pew. I wasn’t sure if he was close enough to hear me and Zach talking. He gestured at Roth for them to leave, which they did. I figured they were sick of waiting and they wanted to go patrol. Connor swung into a pew halfway up the aisle.
Zach didn’t speak for a moment. “I’m not sure I want to know his story.”
I tensed. “Why?”
“Heard a few things about him before I left. He wasn’t well liked. There were many who believed he didn’t deserve his placement as an angel.” He shrugged. “I don’t know the truth. All I know is he was a workaholic...really driven. He took every assignment given to him without any argument as if he was trying to prove something. Frankly, I expected him to be a real dick. Maybe the fall knocked a lot of that attitude out of him. But knowing Bishop and Kraven were brothers once...” He sent a look toward the enigmatic angel in question. “I mean, it does make me wonder.”
Me, too. I wondered way too much about the two of them and what it all meant. It had become a driving need inside of me to get to the bottom of the mystery of how and why one brother became a demon and the other an angel.
“Do me a favor, Samantha,” Zach said.
“Sure,” I replied, now distracted. “Of course. What?”
“Don’t fall in love with him.”
My gaze shot to his, and my cheeks immediately heated up. “Excuse me?”
He had the grace to look embarrassed. “Love...well, it makes people do crazy things, even if they’re not crazy to begin with. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I bit my bottom lip so hard I nearly drew blood. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cassandra give Bishop a hug.
A freaking hug.
I swallowed hard. “Any other sage advice tonight, Zach?”
“Yeah.” He leaned closer so he could lower his voice to a whisper. “Be careful with Cassandra, too. Hosts are driven by their missions—they take them more seriously than anything else and never question their orders. It’s why they were created—to serve Heaven in any way required. I don’t know why they sent her, but no matter what she might claim, I know it’s for something more than just tagging along on patrol with us.”
It was all he said before Cassandra was there in front of me, ready to leave. I craned my neck to see Bishop again, but she whisked me out of the church before I even had the chance to say goodbye.
Chapter 5
Cassandra had decided to stay with me. At my house. And I seemed to have no choice in the matter.
It made me mad. This wasn’t a friend I wanted to help out. This was an uninvited problem that had barged into my life. If she was just a girl from school I would do my best to avoid her, but she wasn’t.
She might look every bit as harmless as I did, but she was far from it.
I eyed her warily as we walked away from St. Andrew’s and back toward downtown, the outline of the tall office buildings and St. Edward’s Trinity Hospital a glowing beacon in the distance. I drew my coat closer to try to block out the constant chill that made me shiver violently. This was the abandoned part of town, what was once rather industrial, but after the economy tanked a while back, a lot of stores and businesses went bankrupt and shut down. I would definitely think twice about walking around here alone at night—or even with a friend. But Cassandra wasn’t defenseless. She might be blonde and pretty, but she was every bit a warrior as the other guys. Maybe more so.
To tell the truth, she freaked me out.
“You know,” she said after we’d walked in silence for nearly fifteen minutes. “I am getting the distinct impression that you don’t like me very much.”
Unfortunately, I wore my emotions on my face thicker than any makeup.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” she added.
I swallowed hard. “I’m not afraid.”
Freaked out wasn’t afraid. It was freaked out.
“If Bishop says you can resist your hungers, then I’m perfectly fine accepting his assessment. To me, you’re the same as any other human. Just a little more interesting.”
“I’m not afraid,” I said again, firmer.
She smiled at that. “If you say so.”
I needed to gain some sort of control here—even if I was only fooling myself. This was going to be a long walk and I’d spent all my bus money on the plate of nachos at the club as well as the cover charge to get in. I’d had no idea I’d be needing to find another way home other than with Sabrina and Kelly.
But here we were. Me hoofing it home on uncomfortable high heels with my new housemate, Cassandra the Perfect Blonde Angel.
“Zach tells me you’re a host,” I said. I was making the assumption it wasn’t a secret. He hadn’t said it was.
She
raised an eyebrow. “And do you know what that means?”
Yeah, that I should watch you carefully for your hidden agenda. “You weren’t human first. You were created as an angel.”
“That’s right.”
“That’s hard for me to wrap my head around. No parents. No siblings...not that I have siblings. But, I mean, most people do.” Like Bishop and Kraven, who came immediately and vividly to mind.
She crossed her arms, keeping her gaze on the sidewalk stretching before us. “It’s not as sterile an existence as you might think. I have a sibling—or someone I consider my sibling. She was created at the same time as me. We’re like sisters.”
“Oh.” Yes, that was my fabulously snappy comeback.
There were some people you felt totally comfortable around. Like Carly, for instance. We knew each other so well we could basically finish each other’s sentences. Also, we didn’t have to be constantly talking. It was a comfortable silence.
I didn’t have that with Cassandra. With her it was uncomfortable silence. One that pressed in on all sides like those collapsing rooms in sci-fi movies, threatening to squish the heroine into something the width of a piece of paper.
“Your supernatural intuition has helped the team,” she said. “I’m grateful that Bishop found you.”
“More like the other way around.”
She looked at me with surprise. “You found him?”
I nodded, thinking back to that night—which was wonderful since I’d met Bishop, but also horrible because, well...I’d met Bishop. He represented the best and worst moments of my life, all in such a short time.
“He was having difficulties keeping his thoughts under control.” That was putting it extremely mildly. “Our paths crossed. We realized that when I touched him his mind cleared.”
“Incredible. You must be an asset to the team.”
I shrugged. Kraven’s earlier words echoed in my head: don’t try buttering me up now, Blondie. “I want to help if I can.”
“Now he’s taken to inflicting pain on himself to get the same result.”