I was glad that none of the boys followed me, including Gage. I tried to not be mad at him but the scene from the clearing kept playing in my mind as my stride lengthened and carried me further from my pack.
What was Gage out to prove anyways? That he was stronger than us? Smarter than us? Could fight better? We already knew that. That's why we wanted him to teach us to fight. It wasn't just so he could humiliate us.
I changed back to my human self when I cleared the trees. Even if someone saw me, it was better they saw a girl with torn clothing rather than a huge reddish colored wolf.
I ended up on a hillside that overlooked a large farm. From my vantage point I could see the neat little rows of fields and the white house situated perfectly in the middle. I wondered dejectedly about the family that lived there. They were probably completely normal. I could just picture them all gathering around their large wooden table for supper. They would definitely talk about school and football practice.
I sank down to the ground and pulled my knees close to my chest. My thoughts drifted unwillingly to Ivy and Bella. They were the only family I had ever known. When we were little Bella tried to make things normal for us. We never sat around a table to eat but she did try - for us.
I didn't even try to wipe away my tears as they streamed down my face. It wasn't fair. Was being normal too much to ask for? I had never wanted to be a wolf and now I was a leader.
Even though I was an unwilling leader I recognized what was happening to me. In less than a week they had become MY pack. I was starting to think of myself as one of them. I had to remember that Ivy was coming to take over the pack as soon as she was of age.
A rage started low in my stomach at the thought of someone taking over my pack. The feeling surprised me. I blinked rapidly, trying to squash the rage inside me.
I felt the whoosh of the air next to me as someone else joined me on the hill. "People are going to wonder what happened to us if they see us sitting up here with torn clothes."
"Then go away."
"They'll probably just think we had hot and wild … "
"Jed!"
His eyes widened in mock innocence, making us both laugh. "Why are you out here crying?" he asked in an uncharacteristically serious tone.
"I … " I sighed, letting my shoulders droop over my knees. "Did he hurt you?"
I heard his scoff and when I looked up at him he was shaking his head. "Not really."
"But a little?"
"He's trying to help."
"He didn't have to be so rough."
"Wasn't it your idea for him to teach us?"
My eyes stung with fresh tears. "Yeah."
"Hey." His tone softened when he saw more tears. He pulled me into a one armed embrace.
"I just … I don't know what I'm doing." I kept my face hidden in his chest when I heard footsteps approaching. Why couldn't I just have a meltdown by myself?
"Rueben is a cocky bastard," Steven announced before he plopped heavily on the ground beside me.
"I know," I replied in a small voice.
"It was always assumed that Rueben would be the alpha," Jed said quietly.
"Did Noreen make him the alpha?" I sat up again, but didn't look at Steven.
"She didn't have the chance to, but we all knew it would be him."
"He knew it, too," Steven added.
"After Noreen was gone, Rueben just sort of took over the pack. We needed someone to lead us." It was strange to think of a male as a leader but I kept quiet. I plucked out the grass by my feet; one blade at a time.
"When we were told that we were getting a new leader - a real leader - we were all relieved. And when we learned that it was a teenage girl who would become our leader Rueben became overly confident. Teenage girls are his specialty."
Steven picked up the story when Jed fell silent. "Everyone just thought Rueben would be alpha, but it didn't turn out like that."
"You picked Gage."
"Gage isn't even part of the pack. He can't be alpha."
"He could be if he wanted to, though; part of the pack I mean."
"We already have seven."
"Noreen said that packs can be as little as three or as large as twelve."
"Yeah but … it's not common … and besides … " I squinted my eyes as the possibility of Gage joining our pack flittered across my imagination. "We're all just a bunch of teenagers to him. He's just here for … "
"To train us?"
"Maybe," I was shaking my head though, "but I think mostly just for protection."
"To protect the pack."
"I don't think that's it."
"Then why?"
I remembered when Blake had first brought me to meet Gage. He had said that Gage would protect me and not let the pack hurt me. "I think he's here to protect me from you guys."
"We would never hurt you," both boys said immediately.
"I know. We weren't sure at first, though. You're so young and I'm young. I think Blake might have thought you wouldn't take well to me trying to be your leader." I looked out at the setting sun. "Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing."
We all sat silent. I thought of all that had happened in just five days. A whole lifetime, it seemed.
"Gage knows what he's doing. You know that?" I nodded my head and leaned back against Jed's chest. "He's not going to hurt us. He was sent to help; so he is."
"I asked him to." I looked over at Steven. He wore his usual calm, almost bored expression.
He shrugged. "We need it. We think we're invincible but we're not." A look passed between him and Jed.
"If Mikhaul comes here for you, we need to be ready," Jed added. His heartbeat against my ear quickened.
"If he comes here … " I sat up straight, my eyes wide. "You guys can't fight him."
"Not yet."
"But we will."
"That's not why … " but I stopped myself from saying something I wasn't sure about. Why did I want the boys to know how to fight?
"We should get back," Steven suggested.
I was surprised the others hadn't come to check on me already. Jed, Steven, and I ran at an easy pace back to the clearing. I tried to keep my thoughts empty. The others would be able to hear me in my wolf form. I didn't want them to hear any stray thoughts, especially Gage.
Jed and Steven quickly rejoined the group that was hanging on Gage's every word. "You have to be careful about when you morph," he was saying. He glanced up at me, but I refused to hold his eye contact. I found my spot under the large tree and settled myself on the ground. I intended to stay and watch this time, no matter what happened.
"Shouldn't we already be wolves?" Rodney asked.
"Not necessarily." His tone seemed more patient at least. "If the pack is larger or stronger you want to go in as men. They are less likely to attack, they'll feel less threatened."
The boys murmured their agreement. "Won't they know what we are though," Rodney persisted, "and attack anyway? We'd be able to defend ourselves as wolves."
"For one, you are very young. They wouldn't be able to tell you are wolves just by your scent unless you lose control of yourselves. Willow tells me you have excellent control." Several smiles flashed my way.
"Secondly," Gage continued, "you need to learn to morph quickly. Control is key so I don't think you guys will have any trouble."
"How fast can you morph?" Jed asked excitedly.
Gage smiled. "Quick." He took a step forward and suddenly he blurred down to all fours. Just as quickly he was back on two feet, his clothes completely unharmed. I was sure that my face must have looked a lot like the boys' - awe and a little fear. Were there others as fast as Gage? "I've had a lot of practice."
"You think we'll ever be that fast?"
"I have complete confidence in you Rueben." He gave his head a confident nod, his black hair falling in his face.
Gage didn't look any older than Rueben but in that moment
I could plainly see the age difference between the two. I felt far away from Gage, like he was walking down a different path than I was and those paths could never join. I felt a sudden need to reach out to him, to brush his hair back from his face.
As if sensing my mood shift, Gage turned his gaze to me. There was no more anger in his expression, only the ancient sadness that I had seen before. I sighed softly and let my head fall to rest between my paws.
"Let's practice." Gage smacked his two hands together. "Who's first?"
I perked my head up eagerly. I pulled the heat into my spine and stood up to face Gage. "I am."
His eyes narrowed dangerously. Without all the facial hair, the expression was almost cute. "I'm not fighting you," he said through barely moving lips.
"I didn't ask you to fight me." I moved to put myself almost in front of him, but I was conscious of the boys behind me. Who knew what was left of my jeans. "I want to morph faster. I'm tired of being X-rated."