Chapter Twenty-Nine
Just Breathe
When I came back out of the cabin a few minutes later the boys were still standing where I had left them, with Carlie right in the middle. "Where is he going?" Jed demanded.
"Didn't he just say we weren't supposed to go off by ourselves?" Rueben seconded.
"I'm … not sure," I mumbled, heat creeping into my cheeks.
"I guess since he makes the rules he gets to break them, too." Rueben was looking at Jed but I was sure he meant that for me.
"He doesn't make the rules Rueben," I snapped.
"What do you call that then?"
"Yeah, I thought you were the leader." Now that Gage was gone, Carlie was a lot more relaxed.
"I am," I said forcefully, "but Gage has been around for a long time. He knows what he is talking about."
"If he is talking about me telling my dad about you guys then no he doesn't."
Rueben grinned. "I trust Carlie," he declared happily.
"We need to listen to Gage," I insisted.
"Maybe he's just too old," Carlie suggested.
"What do you mean?"
"He has seen a lot," she took the few steps that would put her right in front of me, "just look at my dad."
My top lip snarled up. Thinking about kissing someone who was as old as Carlie's dad was gross. "He is nothing like your dad."
"I don't mean looks wise." She imitated my grimace. "Eww."
"Yeah."
We both looked away awkwardly then burst into giggles. "I just meant," she grabbed my arm, "my dad sees a monster in every shadow, every dark corner, and in all our closets." She let go of me and looked around so she was talking to everyone again. "He still checks under my bed every night before going to bed."
"Really?" Rodney looked half amused.
"Yes, really. So maybe that is how Gage is; he sees danger in everything. Does he go a little overboard sometimes?" Her well-trimmed eyebrows arched gracefully on her forehead.
"He's just … careful," I continued to defend Gage. I had never had a father before but I doubted if he was acting like one.
"Careful?" Rueben scoffed. "He doesn't let us do anything."
"That's because everything we do turns to shit," Jed pointed out.
"He doesn't check under my bed," I offered with a shrug.
"That's because he's too busy trying to get into it," Carlie teased with a small wink.
"That is … is not true at all," I sputtered. My face flamed so hot it was almost painful.
Jed laughed loudly. "But you are right, Willow," he said loudly, "he doesn't check under your bed."
I puffed my cheeks out and blew the air out, making my hair ruffle. "Are you done?" I asked with a wave of my hand.
"I'm just saying," Carlie continued with a wide grin, "maybe he's just gotten too used to danger."
"I don't know." Everything was starting to get blurry in my own head. I trusted Gage. I trusted him enough to put my pack into his hands, but I trusted Carlie too. And what she was saying made sense. Did it just take someone outside of the situation to make things more clear, just like at her house earlier? "I don't know," I said again, "but for now I think we should do as he says."
"Which means I have to go home?" Carlie raised one eyebrow but didn't look angry.
"Just for now," I shrugged. "I'll talk to him." I sighed, but Carlie only smiled.
"All right, but just promise me one thing."
"What?"
"You won't leave without telling me."
"I'll see you at school tomorrow," I said instead of answering.
"See you." She waved a little at Rueben before getting back behind the wheel of her car.
"She won't tell her dad," Rueben said as we all watched her car disappear.
"Do you think the Knights are anything to worry about?" Rodney asked, turning back to me.
I shrugged. "Bella didn't mention them." And she wasn't here to ask.
"Gage doesn't think Mikhaul is a threat," Steven murmured.
"And Bella did," I finished his thought.
"Who's to say which of them was right," Jed added.
"Or if both of them are."
I sighed, wrenching my eyes away from the now empty road. Even the dust had settled. "It doesn't matter," I said more firmly, "we have to be careful anyway. We turn into giant monster wolves, of course we have many enemies."
"You want to know what I don't understand?" Jed asked with a very serious scowl.
"What?"
"Why don't you have any faith in us?"
"I … " I looked around me, slightly surprised by the various stares of hurt directed at me. "I do."
"You let Gage say whatever he wants about us," Jed accused. "Why can't you tell him that we'll be fine without him?"
"Will we?"
"Will you?"
"Yes," I said through clenched teeth. "But I don't need to be, he's here to stay."
"For now," Rueben muttered defiantly.
I rolled my eyes, sometimes it was impossible to get through to Rueben. "You guys feel like hunting tonight?" I asked grudgingly. I really just wanted to go sulk in my room over this new obstacle but the boys might need to hunt. There were a few nods of agreement but no one said much.
We stayed close to the cabin, making do with a few rabbits instead of going on a large hunt. Everyone seemed on edge and more than a little uneasy. "You know," I said in my human form while we made our way through the night back to the cabin, "we'll be moving soon so we don't have to deal with any of this for much longer." I had hoped to cheer them up, but if anything the mood became darker.
"I'm going to miss her," Rueben said dejectedly.
"Carlie?"
"Yep."
"Well I don't know what you expected to happen." I almost bit my tongue off, choking on the words. I sounded like Bella.
"I don't know," he shrugged.
"How do we just shut that part of ourselves off?" Colby asked, casting furtive glances at the back of Rueben's head.
"The part that crushes on human girls?" I rubbed my hands roughly across my chin. I doubted even Gage would be able to help the boys on this one.
"Hey, but look on the bright side guys," Steven said sarcastically, "sooner or later we won't feel anything human anymore. Isn't that right, Willow? One day we'll just be pure wolf."
"That doesn't happen every time," I denied, "look at Gage."
"Ah, yes," Rueben clicked his tongue, "may we all strive to be just like perfect Gage."
"All I am saying," I retorted forcefully, "is that nothing is set in stone. Who knows what the future holds."
The boys went their own way before we actually got to the cabin; their heads held low in despair despite my calls of encouragement. I watched them go with mixed feelings, my own shoulders growing heavier.
They didn't want to leave, and neither did I really. Maybe Carlie was right, she was good at being right - much better than I was. She had said everyone would forget about seeing Steven. After a while it would just become another rumor and anyway no one knew it was Steven. Maybe we could just …
"Hey," Gage whispered from behind me. I jumped violently back in surprise but his hands snaked around my waist before I could fully lose my balance.
"Hey," I whispered back with a nervous giggle. "You scared me."
He smiled wide and kissed me quickly on the tip of my nose. "What are you doing out here alone?" He pretended to scowl but his eyes were lit with teasing.
"Oh, you know," I poked him in the chest, "waiting for a dark, handsome stranger."
"Oh?" His eyebrows rose dangerously cute. "It's a good thing I came along instead."
"Indeed." I raised up on my tiptoes, fully expecting to be kissed; but I was disappointed yet again by my dark stranger.
"You really shouldn't be out here all alone." His tone became serious, leaving me deflated.
"The boys were just here."
"But t
hey aren't now."
"Which is a good thing." I brought my arms up to twine around his neck.
"What did I tell you before I left?"
"We hunted and they … "
"You hunted?" His nostrils flared, and so did my temper.
"Yes."
"Without me?"
"This may come as a shock to you," I fired, dropping my hands and taking a step back from him so that he also dropped his hands, "but we can do things without you."
His eyes narrowed but he kept the ridiculous smile in place. "Not with the Knights in the area."
"The Knights are not in the area," I sneered.
"They're not?" His smile tightened slightly so that his teeth were no longer showing.
"It's Carlie and her dad." My voice had started to rise but I tamed it back down.
"That's enough."
I snorted unattractively. "You know," I crossed my arms over my chest, "I think Carlie might have been right about you."
"About what?"
"You look too hard to find danger in everything."
"There is danger in everything."
"No there isn't!"
"You aren't living in a fluffy fairytale, Willow."
"I didn't say I was."
"Nor are you living the teenage dream," he continued viciously as if I hadn't said anything.
"Obviously," I muttered.
"You're a werewolf."
"What was that, Gage?" I cupped my hand around my ear, "Couldn't quite get that. You said I'm a what?"
"Willow."
"You can't possibly think I don't know all that already, Gage," I snapped. "Like I don't have to live it every miserable day!"
"You don't understand what all that means. What kind of danger that entails."
"I have spent my entire life learning all about the dangers of our kind." Mikhaul.
He jerked his head back slightly. "A child's nightmares."
"I think you have already made it clear that you see me as a child."
"If you want me to stop seeing you like that, then quit acting like one."
"You're impossible!" I shouted, at the end of my patience. "We're a good pack, Gage. We don't need you!"
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted to swallow them back down but I couldn't do anything about it. I spun on my heel and left him standing there, his mouth hanging slightly open. On the momentum of my misplaced anger I ran all the way back to the cabin. Without giving Gage time to catch up, I stormed into my bedroom and gathered up the first clothes I came across. I slammed the bathroom door closed just as the front door opened.
"Willow, we need to talk," Gage called through the bathroom door.
"I'm taking a shower," I called back, "then I'm going to bed, so you can just leave."
"You really want me to leave?"
Did he mean like leave leave, or just leave the cabin for a little while? Because if he meant leave the cabin then yes, I wanted him to leave; but if he meant leave us - leave the state - then no, of course not. "I just … " I pressed my head against the cool wood of the bathroom door, " … I need a minute Gage."
He didn't respond - not a single word. I turned my head so that my ear was pressed against the door but I still couldn't hear anything. I exhaled loudly and turned away from the too silent door.
Jed had been absolutely right when he said everything we did turned to shit. For the first time in recent memory I really wanted Bella's advice.
A shower didn't calm me down much and I ended up going to my room with my head still swimming. Of course I hadn't expected to see Gage, but him not being there made me cringe. I shouldn't have sent him away, I thought guiltily, and I really shouldn't have said we didn't need him.
I crossed the room to perch on the window seat. I pressed my face close to the glass but couldn't see any signs of Gage outside either. Where was he? He wouldn't have left, at least not gone too far, would he?
I glanced at my clock. It was only a little after eight. I considered doing some homework, but it was a brief thought. With any luck we'd be out of Grover by the end of the week, why waste time with homework?
Instead, I climbed under my blankets and stared up at the dark ceiling. Tomorrow I would talk to Gage, I decided, I would apologize for saying stupid things that weren't true. I sighed deeply and rolled over to my side. Tomorrow would be better.