“I have to chat with Kat,” Ellie told him.
Kat shook her head. “No. No, it’s—”
“I’m off tomorrow. I’ll sleep all day. I’m fine. I’ll call you when I’m done eating.”
Kat sunk down onto the mattress with Ellie and did something she never did. She interfered in Ellie’s personal life. “What if Stepping Up decided to film in Vegas every season?”
“I’m sure you and Jason would be happy.”
“I’m not talking about me and Jason,” Kat said. “I’m talking about you.”
Her expression sobered. “We’ve talked about it,” she said. “It’s only a few months every year.”
“And the audition travel.”
“The baby can go with me,” she said, “and by the time she’s in school, it won’t be likely that this show will still be around. We’ll make it work. We both know this job is our chance to retire young and just be with our kids and each other.”
“That’s what Jason and I said every time a big job came up that separated us. And before you say, you’re close, you won’t fall apart like the rest of us, we did, too. Look. Ellie. I regret our choices. I regret saying there might not be another opportunity. What there might not be is another shot at each other. Just…think about it. Be cautious. None of this matters without the person you love with you to share it.”
A knock sounded at the door. Kat quickly paid for the food and sat down with Ellie to eat. Kat rolled the tray to the bed so Ellie could stay and rest.
Ellie sat up and uncovered her sandwich, staring down at it as Kat pulled the desk chair opposite the cart. “It’s all very confusing,” Ellie finally said, her eyes lifting to Kat’s. “I hate being pregnant without him here and I make plenty of money for him to quit. But how can I ask him to give up his career for me?”
What could Kat say? She knew this dilemma like she knew her own name. Far too well. “Find a solution,” she said, and poured ketchup on her plate. She was starving, which surprised her considering how knotted up she was over Jason.
They ate in silence for a short while before Ellie asked, “What would you do?”
The answer was immediate for Kat. “I don’t know. I just know what I did do before didn’t work.”
“That doesn’t help me.”
“I know,” Kat said. “But it’s the only answer I have.”
“I need more than that,” she said. “Because when I see how you and Jason look at each other, I know how much you love each other. Yet, still this business tore you apart.”
“Not this business,” Kat said. “We did. We made our choices and we have no one to blame but ourselves.”
* * *
IT WAS NEARLY two in the morning when Kat left Ellie’s room, having spent a solid hour with her. Ellie wasn’t in pain and Kat had left her in her bed and talking to her husband. Kat, however, wasn’t feeling better. Not at all. Talking about her fears of losing her relationship only drove home where she and Jason were, which was in no place good.
Kat tracked a path past the club. Everything was back to normal and Marcus was no longer around. She’d thanked him for his help tonight when they’d been rehearsing with Marissa, but she owed him another one. She didn’t want to hurt Marcus. He was, and she hoped he always would be, a friend.
She was almost back at the theater to check on things and grab her purse before she left, when she heard Marcus call her name. She turned to find him hurrying toward her and met him at the entry to the dressing rooms.
“I have to head out early tomorrow,” he said. “I’ve got an interview.”
She felt his departure like sandpaper roughing up an already raw wound, and she didn’t know why. Her eyes prickled and she fought back tears.
“Hey,” he said softly, lifting her chin to see her face. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I’m…okay.”
“No,” he said. “You’re not. I really screwed this up for you, didn’t I?”
“I did,” she said, pressing two fingers to her forehead. “I didn’t tell him about you and…it’s a mess but you aren’t to blame.”
“You’re shaking, Kat,” he said, drawing her hand into his. “I’ve never seen you like this. I messed this up. I’ll talk to him.”
“No,” Kat said, pressing her hand to his chest to still him. “Please. No. He will not respond well to that.”
“Kat, I caused this,” he said. “I’ll fix it.”
“You didn’t cause this, Marcus. I did.”
“Kat—”
“Please, Marcus. I’m fine. And you are a wonderful friend I don’t intend to lose. You came here tonight because of that friendship and—”
“I came here tonight because I still love you,” he said. “But I’m no fool. I see exactly what you told me now. You love Jason. And I care enough for you to want you to be happy.”
“You don’t love me, Marcus. You’ll see that when you really fall in love.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Deep down you know it, too. You love me but you are not in love with me.”
“Is there a difference?”
“Yes,” Kat said. “And I love you enough to hope that you find that out very soon. You deserve it.”
He kissed her hand. “You’re sure I can’t—”
“Positive,” she said. “I’m good. You just take care of you, okay?”
“I’m going to get something to eat. You want to come with me?”
She shook her head. “I need to go home.”
“I’ll call you,” he said and kissed her forehead.
“You better,” she insisted as he walked away. She was about to head into the dressing rooms when she spotted Marissa waiting nearby. Marcus stopped by her side and she smiled as she caught a glimpse of his expression. Maybe, just maybe, Marcus was on his way to falling in love sooner than later.
That smile faded as she walked through the dark hallway and felt the emptiness. Everyone was gone. Jason was gone.
She made the walk to the parking area and the shaking started again. Or maybe it had never ended. She pulled out of the garage and rain pounded her window. She ignored a fleeting thought that it was dangerous to drive this tired, and this upset, in this bad of a storm. She turned up her wipers to see through the fury of the storm, determined to get home before she fell apart.
* * *
JASON NEEDED TO ride, needed the wind and feel of the motorcycle humming beneath him, the escape it gave him. He pulled out into the storm, refusing to stay at the casino for the night. He had a helmet and he had proper riding gear to survive fairly damage free, at least from the rain. He’d seen Kat with her hand pressed to Marcus’s chest and it had done a good job of shredding him to the core.
That Kat had walked to her car alone and departed only seconds before him should have eased some of his ache, but somehow it only made it worse. No, what made it worse was how much he wanted to ignore what Denver told him, what her actions said loud and clear. That she didn’t want what he did or it would have happened long before now. He and Marcus were two of a kind, fools for the same woman.
He pulled onto the highway, the rain blinding him, but he didn’t stop. He pressed onward, following Kat’s taillights, his mind following the path of their relationship over the past few weeks. He wanted to see Kat not dancing with Marcus as a sign of her love, but he knew Kat. She wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. She’d skip the dance to keep from hurting him. And it would have hurt.
Thunder roared and lightning blasted through the darkness, followed by a loud pop. Holy crap, Kat’s tire had just blown. His heart stopped beating as he watched her struggle for control and skid toward the ditch. Jason came to a halt, ripping off his helmet and leaving his bike at the side of the road. He could barely breathe with the fear of Kat being injured as he took off running.
16
THE CAR SLID down a slope and stopped halfway into a ditch. Kat sat there, frozen in place, afraid it wasn’t really over. She didn’t breathe, did
n’t blink. Suddenly, she was years in the past, back in the day that she and Jason had decided to divorce.
“Of course you have to take the job,” Kat said, her chest tight with emotion, her voice strained as she tried to hide her disappointment that he wasn’t joining her on her movie set at the end of the week as planned. “It’s a huge opportunity. You’ll be directing one of the biggest stars in Hollywood.”
“It’s filming in Paris, KandyKat,” he said. “We’ve wanted to go there. I’ll arrange to have you flown out. Just tell me the exact day and I’ll arrange everything.”
“No,” she said. “No. I can’t. I have the Ms. America Pageant to choreograph in a week. You know that. I took it because you were going to be free by then and we could be together. By the time I’d get there I’d have to leave.”
“Kat—”
“It’s just how it is, Jason. It’s how it always is. I think… I think it’s time we face reality.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We just can’t make marriage and our careers work.”
“That’s crazy,” he said. “Yes, we can. I won’t take the job. I’m coming there.”
“I’m leaving early,” she said. “The movie I’ve been working on wrapped.”
“Kat—”
“It’s time, Jason,” she said. “We’ve battled this for years and spent more time apart than together. I just can’t stand the idea that I hold you back.”
“You don’t hold me back. Stop this. Please. I love you. None of this matters without you. We planned this out. We’ll take the hits now and retire early. We’ll travel, then have kids.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered. “Too much to hold on to you like this no matter how much I want to.”
“I’m holding on,” he said. “I’ll hold on tight enough for us both if I have to.”
The car door jerked open.
“Kat!” Jason shouted, bending down beside her. “Kat, are you okay?”
“Yes.” Kat could barely pry her vise-like grip from the steering wheel. “Yes, I’m okay. Just shaken up.”
She turned toward him, letting her legs slide over the seat. Jason pulled her to her feet and into the rain before wrapping his powerful arms around her.
He brushed her hair from her face, inspecting her carefully. “You’re sure? You don’t hurt anywhere?”
She stared up at him, not caring about the storm, the car, or the deserted highway. “Yes,” she said. “My heart,” she said. “My heart hurts because you—”
The next thing she knew, Jason’s mouth came down on hers. She moaned and clung to him, the taste of him pouring through her, the rain pouring over her. There was a desperateness to the kiss she recognized as hers, as his, a hunger for each other that washed over Kat, filled her and gave her hope. No two people who felt this passionately for each other belonged apart. They had to make it work, they could make it work.
He tore his mouth from hers. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, taking her hand to help her up the slope to the highway, and she was far from complaining. She wanted to be alone with him, to talk to him, to be in his arms.
They ran to the motorcycle, where he wrapped his jacket around her. When he started to put his helmet on her as well she stopped him. “Wait,” she said. “To your house. I want to go to your house.” The idea of being somewhere he could walk away again was too much right now. She couldn’t deal with that tonight.
He stared at her, unaffected by what seemed like gallons of water pouring over him before he raised the helmet again. She let him put it on her this time, wishing he would have replied, wishing she could say more, but the blasted rain stifled the conversation.
Kat watched him climb onto the Harley, and then took her spot behind him. Her spot. The place she’d ridden many times before. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him, the warmth of his body seeping through his now wet shirt, and right through to her soul. She held on, not for safety, but on to him, to the years that had led them here, to the past few weeks that had brought them back together. She’d known when they’d begun this project together that this was it, a new beginning or the end of their path together. And those years, those weeks, had come down to now. Whatever happened tonight really was it. But he was here with her, and he’d kissed her.
She clung to those things, telling her they meant something, right up until the second when she realized that Jason wasn’t taking her to his house. He was taking her to her own home, where he would leave her and go to his. He’d meant his words back in that bar, when he’d told her he was done. She knew him and he’d never said anything like that to her.
When the bike stopped in her driveway, Jason shouted over his shoulder, “Garage door opener?”
No, she realized, with yet another kick in the teeth when she’d had too many already tonight. In the midst of the mess created by her raging emotions, she’d left her purse in the car. That meant her keys and her phone were also on the side of the road.
Kat pushed off of the bike and shoved Jason’s jacket at him, then tugged off the helmet. “Thanks for the ride,” she shouted over the engine and another loud roll of thunder from directly above them. “I’m fine from here.” She took off running.
The backyard was Kat’s target destination, and she prayed she’d left the sliding glass door open. But she didn’t leave things unlocked any more than she normally left them in places they didn’t belong, like the side of the road, so the chances of getting inside were slim.
“Kat!” Jason shouted, but she didn’t turn. She pulled open the gate and would have closed it behind her but it hung on mud and grass. She struggled with it, and seeing Jason running in her direction, she abandoned the door.
She was up the concrete stairs and under the covered patio that spanned most of the back of the house, when Jason shackled her hand. “Kat, damn it,” he growled. “What are you doing?”
She whirled on him, pulling out of his loose hold. He’d left his jacket and his T-shirt was soaked, outlining his perfect torso. “I’ll call the rental place. They’ll take care of this from here.”
Water ran over his face. “Let’s go inside and talk.”
“No,” she said, hugging herself. “We have nothing to talk about.”
“We have years of things to talk about.”
“You said you were done,” she said. “And I get that, Jason. I know you and I know you meant it. And I know why you brought me here. So you could leave when you were ready. Well, leave then. You’re really good at leaving.”
He stepped back as if she’d hit him and Kat couldn’t believe she’d said those words. She’d never, ever thrown his past choices in his face, but she’d felt those choices with a whole heck of a lot of pain.
“I never wanted to leave you,” he reminded her, “and I know you have to know that.”
“But yet you excel at it,” she said, unable to hold back. “I didn’t leave you for Marcus, Jason. You left me in yet another hotel room, alone.”
“I had no choice,” he said. “The auditions were the next day. I was contracted. We talked about this before I left.”
“We did, and like always, I knew you had to go. Denver was just a repeat of history, a look into the same future. You feel good when I’m with you but you feel really bad when I’m not. And when I sat there in that hotel room, I swore it was the last time.”
“You had a tour you didn’t even tell me about,” he argued.
“I would have,” she countered. “But you told me you were leaving long before I had the chance.”
“And I foolishly didn’t ask,” he supplied.
“You didn’t ask,” she agreed. “That night, I swore you would never leave me in a damnable hotel room alone again. I swore that I was done. And still you haunted me, Jason. Still, I couldn’t forget you. Marcus’s one of the good guys fame hasn’t corrupted. He was good to me, but he wasn’t you, and I couldn’t make him you no matter how I tried. But Jason, I did try. For the firs
t time since we divorced, I really did try. And still, I failed. I couldn’t get past you, and I wanted to.”
Long seconds ticked by, the silence filled with nothing but a steady, slow tapping of rain on the ground.
“Let’s go inside, Kat,” he finally said, his voice softer now, his eyes as dark and turbulent as the weather.
“I don’t have my keys,” she admitted. “I left them in my purse in the car.”
“Damn. I should have thought about your purse. I’ll go get it, and then we have to talk, Kat. Really talk about all of this, not talk around it.” He turned to leave.
Kat grabbed his arm. “No. I don’t want you to help me. If you’re done, you’re done. Be done and go home.”
Before she knew his intent, he pulled her close and she wanted to push him away. Again, she failed. She couldn’t push Jason away. She just didn’t have it in her.
“I’m never done with you, Kat,” his voice raspy with evident emotion. “Even when you hurt me like you did tonight with Marcus, I can’t say it’s over and mean it.”
“I didn’t know he was coming.”
“And you didn’t tell me about him, either.”
“Because he changed nothing between us,” she said. “Or so I thought.”
He studied her intensely, then said, “Let me go get your purse and—”
“I can’t stand here and wait for you to get back,” she said. “I’ll go crazy. I’ll end up breaking the window to get off this porch.”
“Then come with me.”
She shook her head and backed away from him. “No. Then you’ll take me to your place to prove something when it’s too late. You brought me here. This is where you wanted me and where I belong. I don’t have my phone either. Just please call me a cab and I’ll take care of this.”
“I can be there and back before the cab ever gets here,” he said. “And I brought you here because I swore to you, and myself, that I wouldn’t force you into my world.”
“You never forced me into your world, Jason. You forced me out.”
“I’m the one who pursued you, Kat,” he said. “I tried to hold on to you. I tried to get you back.” He ran his hand over his wet hair. “Look. There’s plenty more I’d say right now, but your purse is important. I’m going to get it and I’ll be back.” He turned away again.