That I could feel anything at all meant that I was somewhere. I was still in my body, lying motionless against some cool, firm surface while a dull ache throbbed through my back and limbs. There was no sight or sound, and I was not disturbed by this. Any new world would be senseless to me anyway. At first, I fought against the gray, heavy consciousness rising to the surface of my mind, but it brought with it the satisfaction of knowing Bren was where he belonged, so I let it come.
There was hail in this place, cold and sharp as it pecked my skin.
I felt a wet push on the back of my hand and wiggled my fingers, lifting them toward the source. A furry head slid underneath my palm and I grasped the soft tufts, inhaling Fenrir’s woody scent as gratitude swelled in me. I had never known that a canine prod in a moment of complete loss could evoke the will to simply take a breath. And so I did, realizing only then that my lungs had been empty for too long. I heard my own gasp and squeezed my eyes tight against the light, not ready to see whatever hell surrounded me.
Hands grasped my shoulders and shook me.
“Jenna.”
No, it was a trick.
“Jenna, wake up.”
No.
“Jenna, gods, please. Open your eyes.”
His breath, wintergreen. His musky, Christmas tree scent.
I fluttered my eyelids, let them lift just slightly. Torn black cotton, a flash of russet through the shimmering line of light.
Another shake.
My eyelids slid open. Better to know.
Bren stared down at me with his maple syrup eyes, his face so close to mine that I could barely keep my vision sharp. He was pale, breathless, his hands shaking…but it was him.
I tried to smile. “I’m okay.” My voice sounded rusty.
He pulled me against him and whispered into my hair. “I thought I lost you.”
And in the gratitude of feeling him hold me again, of hearing his voice and smelling his hair as it brushed against my face, I needed him to understand how I could possibly have risked this.
“I thought he was you,” I said into his shoulder. “I followed him up the lift. I thought…”
He pulled back, shook his head. “I know. It’s okay. I know.” Then he crushed me to him again.
I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder. We were in Ringsaker. All of us.
Frieda, Dag, and Frey knelt behind Bren in the center of the circle, Frieda with tears in her eyes, Dag holding onto her and grinning his crazy grin. As Frey pushed a hand into his hair and let himself fall back to the ground, I saw Skye perched on a rock, Val crouched beside her with his hands on her shoulders. Their eyes were closed.
“Skye…she was hurt. Is she…”
“She’s okay.” Bren said. “Val can fix her up.”
I watched them for a moment and then glanced down at Fenrir, Earth-sized now and sprawled on the ground against my legs. I scratched his ear and returned my gaze to Bren.
“What happened?”
He sighed. “I picked up what was going on when you went after Loki and Tyler. I knew you didn’t want me prying, but after what happened…” When I nodded, he continued. “I knew you were chasing someone, and that somehow Tyler was involved, but beyond that everything was jumbled. I thought it was because you were upset about our fight, but it was because you thought Loki was me. I had all these images tangled in my head - you, Tyler, Loki, me - and I didn’t know how to straighten them out, but I couldn’t tap into Loki, because he would've used my confusion against me. But instead he used yours." He shook his head. "I should’ve seen it coming. I’m so sorry.”
“I should never have believed you’d go after Tyler like that, just because you were mad at me. I should have trusted you.”
“If I hadn’t been so angry…”
“How did you figure things out?” I cut in, wincing as I shifted. He pressed his hand into the small of my back to steady me.
“I heard from Skye as soon as she figured out what was going on.”
I raised my eyebrows. "Skye figured it out?"
“I was too close to things. Her perspective was better. She was already on her way toward you, but Loki’s fast. Especially when he has a head start. She caught up, but by the time I got here, he’d gotten to her and pulled you through.”
I thought of them all, sprinting across Bifrost, muscles rippling, hair flying out behind them like flames. Memories of the struggle began to surface in detail and I recalled hanging off the bridge, clutching at Fenrir’s massive flanks as I slipped into oblivion. I frowned, and Bren smiled as though my confused expression was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“But we made a deal. Loki and I…”
“I know you did, you stupid girl.” He took my face in his hands and as he kissed me, gratitude washed over me again. This was something I thought I had lost forever.
“Then why am I here?” I glanced down at Fenrir again, then around at the others. Their quiet expressions held no answers.
“I don’t know. We were fighting those crazy swells on the bridge, and they kept bucking us back.” He grinned mischievously for a moment and put a hand over his heart. “Things would’ve been different if I’d had my board.”
I rolled my eyes and twirled two fingers in the air for him to continue.
“So that last time, just before we were thrown back through the portal, I saw Loki turn toward you. You had your hand out, but instead of taking it, he flicked his fingers and the bridge sort of rolled in on itself,” he made a cup with his hands to illustrate, "and you and Fenrir crashed into the middle, and I guess you were catapulted out. Fenrir made it okay, but you’ve been unconscious for a few minutes." He brushed something from my cheek. "I thought that wolf was going to go crazy when we tried to get near you. Skye had to calm him, and she was in bad shape as it was.”
I looked over his shoulder at Skye again. Her eyes were still closed, but a tiny smile had appeared on her lips. I turned back to Bren.
“Why didn’t Loki just do that in the first place? Flick us up.”
“Because he was using all his power to direct the surges on the bridge toward us. But once Heimdell stopped Thor, he knew he would be drained quickly, so he used what he had left to save the two of you. He couldn’t stop you from getting caught in the momentum, though. He had nothing left."
“So he let me go? Deliberately?”
Bren stared. Finally, he gave me a small nod.
I looked at the ground, hunted in my mind for some reason for it, then glanced at Fenrir as he stood and shook off. I watched him scan the woods.
“He wanted to save Fenrir."
“Maybe,” Bren said.
I was silent for a long time before I spoke again.
“What happened to him? Where is Loki now?”
Bren gazed into the twilight. “I don’t know. I don’t know how long the portal was open after you came through. I should have been watching, but you were unconscious and I…. It was closed by the time I noticed.”
He paused for a few seconds, then went on. “For a minute, while I was trying to wake you, I felt…I thought I felt something. But now…” He shook his head.
We were all quiet then, our minds sorting through what had happened, choosing out the most vivid memories, carefully saving the ‘what ifs’ and “whys” for a brighter, warmer day. When the hail stopped, we started a fire.
We warmed ourselves by the flames until the dark fell like a velvet curtain around us, the stars finally burning through the last wisps of cloud, the breeze a gentle whisper against the pines. Bren sat on one of the huge, wooden stumps by the fire and I leaned against his legs, Fenrir settling beside me and with a small, lonely whine. I stroked his head and glanced around at the others. Beside us, Frieda balanced on Dag’s knees, her legs swinging, her arm slung around his neck. They were laughing at Frey, who was making a charade of the way they had stumbled and slipped across the swells of Bifrost. He twi
rled his arms wildly on either side of him to illustrate, and knocked Val in the shoulder. Val swatted him away and chuckled, throwing a concerned glance at Skye, who sat perched on the log beside him. Even with the glow of the flames, she looked pallid, her eyes dark and huge in her small face.
As I stared across at her, her gaze met mine. I gave her a cautious nod and she nodded back, once, the faintest flicker on her pale lips.
I let my head fall back against Bren’s knee and he bent and tightened his arms around me.
“We’ll go back soon,” he said in my ear. “Figure out what to tell Mr. Neil about all of us missing in action, and deal with your mom.”
“I’ll deal with my mom.” I craned my head so that I could see his face. “What about your mom?”
“I don’t know how Thor distracted her, but I don't think it will be long before I talk to her again.”
“He wouldn’t hurt her, would he?”
Bren shook his head, the muscles in his jaw working. “He’ll lie about all of this. Probably already has. But in his own misguided way, I guess he loves her.”
“Are you going to tell her what happened?”
He paused for a moment. “You know what? I don’t know. I’d love to know what was going on on her end during all of this but…I guess that would be selfish. Deep down, she knows what Thor is. If she doesn’t want to be with him, she should decide that on her own. Not because of me.”
I smiled. “So then maybe gods can choose their own fate after all.”
When he kissed me, I shivered. It was amazing how resilient we were. All of us.
Bren dropped back as we made our way down to base, and I rode on my own. He slowed while I avoided rocks and cut around trees, and coasted behind me when I picked up speed, allowing me to find my own pace. The others were far ahead, just moving shadows in the trees. Their laughter and shouts were like the call of a new time breaking through the cycle of the world I had always known.
As we cleared the glades, a wide run opened beneath the moon. I sped on, my board gliding underneath me, my turns smooth and swift. I peered up at the sky and breathed it in, the scent of pine and frozen snow filling my head, and when I glanced back down, my stomach fluttered.
A jump rose in the middle of the trail ahead. I squinted, training all of my focus on it, but couldn’t make out its height or see the grade of the landing. As I listened to the scrawl of Bren’s board behind me, the phantom hiss of Loki's skis ripped through my mind, and then a flash of his arm coiling around my waist as I twisted in the air. I sucked in a breath.
“Well, at least we have our boards this time,” Bren called from closer behind, his voice strong and full of laughter. It filled me with courage.
I smiled, then laughed, then narrowed my eyes and aimed for the jump.
I hit the ramp at full speed, vaulted off the crest and soared into the air, the snow a glistening blanket of white beneath me. The wind whistled in my ears and bit at my face, the trees lining the slope rocking crazily in my vision, but I laughed again anyway, spotted a piece of ground a few feet down the hill, and imagined myself stomping my landing. I didn't know if I would make it, but for the first time since I had stepped onto the snow at Yew Dales, I was not afraid.