SURPRISINGLY, THERE aren’t any rules about lawyers representing family members. The phrase, conflict of interest is bandied around inside the station as Luke and I depart, but there’s nothing the cops or the FBI can do about it. I leave with a ten-ton weight sitting in my gut. My mom is on her way from New York to defend Brandon. I feel sick just thinking about seeing her back in Break. I have no idea what Luke had to say to even get her to agree. She cares for Brandon about as much as she cares about me as far as I can tell. And that isn’t very much.
Night is closing in by the time we step outside. We’d hopped on the first plane out of the city when we’d woken up, and as such we didn’t even have a car when we arrived. It is freezing cold, snowing, and we’re using one of Brandon’s old beaters from his auto mechanics shop to get us around. Luke opens my door for me, his manners still somehow functioning amidst all the madness of the last twelve hours. “My mom—” he starts, then shakes his head.
“What? Your mom what?”
“Ahh, she said we should go by there for dinner tonight.” He grimaces, like he suspects how badly I just want to be alone. There’s a faintly hopeful glimmer in his eye, too, though. It suddenly hits me how good he’s been since this morning when we heard about my uncle. He booked our flights; he called into work and told them he couldn’t make his shifts for a couple of days; he drove me across New York in the mid-morning traffic so I could pick up clothes and toiletries from Columbia. He basically held me together the whole day, when I was on the verge of falling apart. The least I can do is go eat with his mother.
“It’s okay,” I say softly. “We can go.”
Surprise, then happiness forms on his face. “We don’t need to hang around. We can leave straight afterwards.”
I shake my head. “It’s all right. You didn’t see her at Thanksgiving. You should spend some time with her.”
We make our way across Break, my stomach churning the whole time. I’ve only been gone five months but it feels like an eternity. Like the place should have changed dramatically in the time I’ve been gone, because heaven knows I have. And yet the bowling lane, the shooting club where both Luke’s dad and mine had been members, the convenience store, the diner with its infamous thick shakes…everything still stands where it did half a year ago. Luke drives the long way from the police station to his mom’s house, and I know exactly why. The quickest route takes us past Breakwater High, the sprawling institution where I spent four of the worst years of my life. Luke’s smart enough to know I will probably burst into tears if I have to see it again. I grip hold of his hand as we pull up outside a ranch style home that I’ve driven past many times, knowing that it’s where he grew up, but never having been inside.
“Does…” I draw in a deep breath. “Does your mom know about…” Ugh, why can’t I just say it? This is strangely awkward.
Luke smiles softly. “About us? I don’t think so, no.”
I don’t know if that is a relief or just something else to worry about. Are we expected to go in there and explain our complicated relationship to Luke’s mom now, too, on top of how my uncle has been arrested?
“Hey, don’t look so freaked out. My mom’s a sweetheart. She won’t ask questions if you don’t want her to.” Luke crooks a finger under my chin, turning so I have to look at him. He’s wearing a tense expression, worry all over his face. His deep brown eyes are studiously scouring me, searching to see if I am okay. He has a six o’clock shadow after not shaving this morning in our rush to get to the airport on time, and it makes him look older. How I can still feel small next to him, silly and girlish, with everything that is going on was a mystery. But I do. He’s seriously hot. Not to mention loving and patient and kind. I feel myself welling up just looking at him.
“Hey. Hey, what’s up?” he whispers.
“I just…I do not deserve you. I’ve been a complete bitch to you, Luke. I’ve been ungrateful and selfish and a massive pain in the ass, and you didn’t deserve any of it.”
“You have been a massive pain in the ass, yes.” He smirks casually, and two fat tears roll down my face. He brushes them away tenderly, making me want to cry even harder. “But we’re both a little broken, you and I. I see you, Avery. I really see you, the places you’re wounded, and I want to be the person to put you back together. I know you still need some time to disassociate me and with everything that’s happened here, but I’m willing to wait. I want that so bad.”
I can’t control it any longer. Luke saying those words, it’s like a levy breaking inside me. Tears slip freely down my face, burning my eyes. “You’re right. I am broken, and somehow you do see me. I want to see you, too, Luke. I want to be the person to hold you together, too. I don’t just associate you with what happened here anymore.”
He sucks in a deep breath and it catches in his throat. His eyes swim with emotion. “That’s good.” It’s like a huge pressure has been released from his body. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. It’s adorably sexy.
“Yeah, now I associate you with alcohol and really hot sex, too.”
Luke barks out laughter, but turns to look away from me. He covers his mouth, leaning against the car window, while staring at his family home. A heaviness lays over him that I feel like a tangible force. Somehow I’ve said the wrong thing. He stabs his fingers through his hair, pulling himself upright before I can ask if he is okay.
“All right,” he says. “Time to go meet my mom.”