The Gentle Reflections of Her Most Noble Grace, Wilhelmina, Duchess of Farina, within the Magnificent Phraugheloch Palace in the City of Froglock
Never in my life have I been so insulted—it is a travesty that the emperor has ruled for nigh on three decades with such unmitigated incompetence!
Today he had the audacity to assert that Farina impoverish itself—simply to satisfy his latest imbecilic whim!
I should expel him at once—and cancel Roger's engagement to that cheap little tart, after the spectacle she made of herself last night—but Montagne is almost in my grasp!
Therefore—it pains me beyond measure to scribe these words—I have made a concession.
I must pay a penny to earn a pound, for the wealth of Montagne will soon be ours—if the emperor acquits himself properly.
I have no faith in the man—or should I say the showman—but he has proved to be as pathetically malleable as every other disaster of virility inflicted upon this suffering earth—I must not consider my hardship too severe, as I have once again applied another's weakness to Farina's advantage!
I believe I shall enjoy tonight's performance very much indeed.
Memoirs of the Master Swordsman
FELIS EL GATO
Impresario Extraordinaire ♦ Soldier of Fortune
Mercenary of Stage & Empire
LORD OF THE LEGENDARY
FIST OF GOD
Famed Throughout the Courts and Countries of the World
&
The Great Sultanate
* THE BOOTED MAESTRO *
WRITTEN IN HIS OWN HAND~ALL TRUTHS VERIFIED~
ALL BOASTS REAL
A Most Marvelous Entertainment,
Not to Be Missed!
***
TO THIS DAY I consider "The Demon Vanquished" one of the crowning moments—if not the absolute pinnacle—of Circus Primus, and upon closing my eyes can still recall every step and stroke of that superlative act. Such dramatic narrative! Such dazzling swordsmanship! Such romance! Such pathos as the demon descended, arms akimbo, in the throes of death! Most remarkably, this extraordinary spectacle was created in only a few short hours. While dueling (of which I had no small experience, to be sure) and acrobatics both held a long and honored role within the circus, it was the recent acquisition of the Globe d'Or that permitted the most brilliant combination of these two arts; on this momentous evening the elements, graced with Wisdom, fused at last.
To best capture my genius, I shall describe the scene through the eyes of an awestruck spectator.
The stage opened with Princess Wisdom—outfitted most beguilingly in a gown of white—arranged motionless on a bier. Guarding her was a frightful, red-caped demon who frolicked menacingly about his prisoner. In a burst of exultant music, a winged angel entered stage left and with gleaming sword confronted the fiend, who drew his own black blade in response. With a clang of steel, the foes clashed: lunge, feint, riposte, transfer, coup! Footwork, bladework, as only a master swordsman such as myself could manage. And then the demon took flight—pursued by his virtuous opponent! As they fought midair, the gasps of the audience revealed that every viewer saw too well the peril inherent in this battle. One wide stroke could slice a wire and send either performer smashing to his death; thus was every eye doubly captivated. No, trebly captivated; I cannot but acknowledge the contributions of Her Highness, for even recumbent and immobile, the princess held the stage.
Finally the angel with mighty blow slew the demon, who floated down, expired. The angel descended as well and with great passion studied the immobile princess, tenderly (though this gesture was most definitely not in the script) brushing a hair from her forehead, his face close to hers. Instantly the princess awoke. Rising to her feet, her hands never leaving the angel's, she began to dance. He joined her, and so passionate was their pas de deux that the two rose bodily into the heavens, until they were not dancing but flying, the princess's skirts trailing like a gossamer chorus.
I had seen enough of their hasty practice to believe Wisdom's innate grace and fearlessness would disguise her dearth of training, and once again my extraordinary perception proved true; her blazing passion heightened further and further still the power of that airborne waltz. When the two ultimately returned to the stage, the princess curtsying most gracefully to His Majesty, the applause that greeted their finale was louder and more sustained than any I in my long life had ever heard. What a contrast this moment served to the chaos immediately following.
Queen of All the Heavens
A PLAY IN THREE ACTS
PENNED BY ANONYMOUS
Act I, Scene viii.
Circus Primus, with full audience.
Wisdom is posed asleep on the circus stage, guarded by a demon.
Enter Rüdiger IV, Benevolence and Fortitude,
and Wilhelmina and Roger with retinue.
BENEVOLENCE [to Fortitude]: Observe the princess immobile. Let us pray she remains so.
FORTITUDE [aside]: How can Princess Wisdom be so lovely and yet so foreboding?
WILHELMINA [to Rüdiger]: You will not forget our pact, Your Majesty.
RÜDIGER [to Wilhelmina]: I could not, Your Most Noble Grace ... Let the performance begin!
An angel battles the demon onstage and midair.
ROGER: O! Wisdom! I would defend you if I could!
RÜDIGER: The demon is vanquished! A brilliant performance; I am so proud ... And yet with a touch they leave the script. I am not so pleased with that part.
Wisdom and the angel dance together onstage and midair.
BENEVOLENCE [aside]: Caution, Granddaughter, caution! The passion you display may yet destroy you.
WILHELMINA [to Roger]: With her every touch, the princess cuckolds you. This is not performance but burlesque, and a mockery of this duchy and your rule.
Wisdom and the angel land, then bow to Rüdiger.
WILHELMINA [to Roger]: We strike while the iron is hot ere the iron flees us. Observe my handiwork, Son.
RÜDIGER: As emperor of this great land, I have many duties, none of which pleases me so much—excepting of course this marvelous circus!—as officiating at the union of man and wife. Therefore, without further ado, I announce that Duke Roger and Princess Wisdom will wed tomorrow.
WISDOM [aside]: So soon! Horrors! My heart shall break!
FORTITUDE: O! Angel! I know your face!
WISDOM: Speak not with such familiarity to my true love—my angel, Tips!
TIPS: Is it—my eyes deceive me—it is my first and oldest friend. Trudy!
FORTITUDE: Tips, I have found you at last—in the arms of another!
Fortitude faints. Wisdom faints.
ROGER: My darling princess! Now I may race to your rescue!
TIPS: My first love, and my true love, both fallen ... What awful grief have I brought upon us all? O woe!
WILHELMINA [to Rüdiger]: You bind that harlot to my son by dusk tomorrow, or all of hell will suffer for it.
PART III
HEARTS BREAK! LOVERS PART! VILLAINY, UNMASKED, REVEALS ITS FOUL VISAGE!
In Other Words:
ALL IS LOST!
The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax
8TH EDITION
Printed in the Capital City of Rigorus
by Hazelnut & Filbert, Publishers to the Crown
WILHELMINA
THE ILL-TEMPERED
(CONTINUED)
That Wilhelmina considered the marriage of Roger to Wisdom of paramount importance may be seen in the concession she secretly granted the emperor: the elimination of Farina's tolls on imperial mail riders. (That she preserved the tolls for all other traffic illustrates her negotiating prowess.) The coupling of the duchy to Montagne constituted the cornerstone of her grand plan to elevate Farina to regal status, that her family might then make claim to the imperial throne. Nor was Rüdiger IV—an elderly campaigner by this juncture, and perhaps too concerned with Circus Primus—in any position to confront Wilhelmina's ambition. Farina's contrib
utions to the imperial purse could not easily be disregarded, and the duchy controlled the very crossroads of the empire. Were Wilhelmina to close its borders, imperial trade would halt outright. The emperor therefore acceded to Wilhelmina's demand and commanded that the nuptials take place immediately; his act of officiation—a great honor, and irrevocable—would lock Montagne to Farina forever...
From the Desk of the Queen Mother of Montagne, & Her Cat
My Dearest Temperance, Queen of Montagne,
Granddaughter, life here passes from bad to worse—or I should say from worse to perfectly dreadful! The circus performance—how long ago it seems, yet not an hour has passed!—was brilliant, I must grant it. Your sister, despite spending much of the act prostrate, had full command of the stage and performed with grace and great dignity, all things considered—truly I should be overjoyed...
Were I not distraught. For poor Dizzy had not a moment to rejoice in her success before the emperor announced that she and Roger are to wed—tomorrow! You should have seen Wilhelmina—the woman looked as smug as Escoffier with two mice—she has orchestrated this! I cannot imagine what she promised Rüdiger in return for his cooperation, but the emperor stated that he himself will lead the ceremony! So much for the fortnight of balls and the grand procession that she has always demanded ... Instead the wedding now suggests a sword-point elopement. Dizzy, on hearing the emperor's words, promptly fainted, which I suspect was only a ruse, though Roger received much approval from the crowd for carrying her from the stage in his arms.
Yet—I dread writing these words, though you and I have certainly discussed this situation, and indeed predicted it—your sister has no longer an ember of interest in the duke! To be sure, their bond has always baffled us; while the duke managed to convey enthusiasm for the girl as well as the title, Dizzy seemed most interested in the adventure Roger promised—a rather flimsy hook on which to hang one's heart, particularly given that Roger stands closer to stolid than stirring. Well, Dizzy has now come to this truth. She has fallen utterly in love with the acrobat with whom she performed—the young man who flew her through the circus heavens last night! And he regards her with the same burning fire! 'Tis no surprise that Wilhelmina insists on an immediate wedding, for she—rightly, no doubt—fears her quarry will soon flee.
Making matters worse still—for why burn house alone when stable can blaze too?—poor Trudy is absolutely overcome. She also fainted at the circus, and as we returned to our suite grew near hysterical with grief. While I in no way claim to understand completely what has transpired—you may be certain my mind is occupied with other matters!—I did manage to deduce that the acrobat who delivered Dizzy to our feet was none other than her childhood friend found at last. Given that no one could miss the devotion he expressed for the princess, Trudy feels justifiably spurned. To see one's love appear on angel's wings admiring another ... That would be pain indeed. To his credit, the young man did attempt to speak to her but was drawn away by his master, the Booted Maestro, costumed quite appropriately as a demon.
Would that I had energy to comfort Trudy, but I am far too caught up in this pending debacle of a wedding. While I grasp Wilhelmina's desire for haste, I have no understanding of the motives behind it. Why is it so imperative that Dizzy wed Farina? I cannot see through Wilhelmina's plot, and this unnerves me profoundly. Were Dizzy queen, I could comprehend the duchess's greed ... But the throne is occupied by you—a most healthy specimen! I far preferred the Duchy of Farina when it was ambitious and stupid!
I apologize for unburdening myself so, but I have no one else to whom to turn. If only the oysters had spared more of our entourage—even Lady Patience would be a boon, as she can at least manage a cool cloth for my brow ... Your mother and father were both so enviably levelheaded—how I wish they were present now! In my desperation I have even consulted Escoffier, but he only assures me that a good ear cleaning will cure all my worries. How marvelous 'twould be if life were so easy!
I pray that by the time you receive this missive, both explanation of and solution to this crisis will have been obtained and you will have the luxury of laughing at my panic. Your next letter, I must not doubt, races toward Froglock even as I write. Would that it could fly, for I cannot wait to hear more of your romance, your suitor, your success at governance, and all the other happiness that one may find—far from the bounds of Farina!
Your distraught grandmother,
Ben
The Supremely Private Diary of Wisdom Dizzy of Montagne
Any Soul Who Contemplates Even Glancing
at the Pages of this Volume Will
Be Transformed into a Toad
Suffer a Most Excruciating Punishment.
On This You Have My Word.
Friday—v. late—
I am lost! The emperor—the emperor himself!—announced I am to wed tomorrow!!! Hearing those words I nigh perished on the stage! I am quite sure I did faint—regardless of Nonna's sniffing over my behavior—she sounded as stuffy as Teddy—& Roger truly was dashing as he bore me away—in its own way as exciting as the performance—the applause so real...
But why bother writing of applause when I have such pain! I cannot marry Roger no matter how solicitous he may be—how handsome—how rich—because my heart belongs utterly & forever to Tomas. My true love. My one & only Tips. The words he whispered last night as we sailed through the air—his arms holding me tight—
Join me & I shall crown you queen of all the heavens
—never in my life have I felt so alive—so full of love!—& he as well! This afternoon while practicing—that officious little el Gato may be vain as a cat always twirling his mustache but he certainly knows how to fashion a spectacle!—every moment with Tips felt—perfect. Every touch—every word—perfect.
He has no fear—no pretension—no preening! He has traveled the world—has met the breadth of humanity from pauper to sultan—he knows the emperor & tolerates with absolute equanimity el Gato's boasting & bossing—& throughout all this his soul—so clearly!—remains unpolluted.
He is modest AND confident—has any man ever managed this duo? Certainly none I have ever met!
He never once mentioned my beauty or my face or my title—he saw only me.
He wants me.
Were it possible I should flee these chains of state & spend my life in his arms. We need only the air—the wire—& I am complete—I would rather perish with Tips than live with Roger—I cannot marry the duke!!
Yet the emperor's word is law! What am I to do? To think that all my life I have craved excitement—but this is not exciting—this is misery.
Misery pure & absolute.
A Missive from Tips
THE BOOTED MAESTRO
Dear Trudy,
Youre a lady-in-waiting—I didnt even know! When I saw your face this evening all I could think was how beautiful you are that lady is—+ then I realized it was Trudy you! I know Ive been lying not telling you everything for six years a long while—every time I wrote about being a soldier or a guard I was fibbing it cut me so much inside—its such a relief to say the truth at last! But I had to lie—dont you see?—its the only way I could remain in Circus Primus. Hans + Jens would never release me to a circus—theyd say I was only a clown, that a circus is a waste of time + money, that its full of boasting men + women no better than they should be—you know theyd speak so. I love this life so much—I am good ackomplished good at this! You saw me, didnt you? I was made for performing this, not for grinding flour + counting coins. But I was afraid if I said the truth, you would it would somehow get to them—I know you can keep secrets but still, one slip + my life is over. I would rather die than return to Bacio!
There is something else too—I know my words explanation excuses words here will not do, I wish I could talk to you—there is another girl. I swear—on our mothers graves!—that Ive never loved anyone else—the words I wrote you were always true—until last night. Now my heart is split in twain—half to you, half t
o Princess Wisdom. She is like no girl woman one I have ever known! To see her is to know life as it should be—+ yet I love like care for you as well. Youve always been the center of my world.
Im lost—Im wretched—I dont know what to do. Trudy, I beg you—please understand I never set out to hurt you—now I fear Ive hurt you most of all!
With care—+ love—
—Tips