BENEVOLENCE: You silly girl, how dare you mention magic spells? To the great man's lackey, no less. If Tips repeats it, we are dead, as is our humble nation! You deserve to wed a man as dense as you! I'm raging—can you tell it?
WISDOM: Where is that scrap? I'll have it!
BENEVOLENCE: Must I shake brains into your skull?
WISDOM: Or I in yours? Is not it obvious, my goal?
BENEVOLENCE: It's not! Who's that—
Enter Tips with Rüdiger in disguise.
BENEVOLENCE: A kindler we've no need of now, atop our other woes—
WISDOM: Your Majesty.
BENEVOLENCE: It's Rüdiger! Astounding!
RÜDIGER: Prove your merit, royal child, or this lad shall suffer for it.
WISDOM: The golden cloth! It's found at last! Your Majesty... [Aside] If this burns, then so shall we...
BENEVOLENCE: Wisdom! No!
Wisdom produces fire.
TIPS: She makes a flame that burns not cloth. 'Tis magic of the finest sort...
RÜDIGER: Yet when I touch, it burns me!
BENEVOLENCE [aside]: We'll burn as well, I'm sure of it!
WISDOM: I snuff it out. I rue your burn; it smarts, as well I know.
RÜ DIGER: 'Tis nothing. Please, repeat your trick. Observe cloth rise and float about ... You drive it thus?
WISDOM: On streams of air my palms produce ... both Air and Fire Elemental.
TIPS: A miracle! I loved you first, but now your skill has raised my queen to heights beyond the heavens high.
RÜDIGER: I, too, grasp the girl's intent.
BENEVOLENCE: Intent of what? Charring pink, ungodly cherubs?... [Aside] Who trimmed this room should burn in hell: though in despair, I still discern.
TIPS: If scraps of cloth are powered thus, imagine spheres directed so.
RÜDIGER: Your Majesty, express your wish: exchange your heir for anything. I'll have her with consent or not.
BENEVOLENCE: You'll execute this lovely girl?
WISDOM: You silly thing! It 's not my death that he desires but my otherworldly skill ... Yet, sir, the problem lies herein: once wed, I cannot fill your need.
RÜDIGER: A quandary, yea, I see this crux ... but our four heads might solve it.
TIPS: I pray we might unknot this plight and win this girl for stage, and me—
WISDOM: And save me from Farina.
BENEVOLENCE: You're mad, you three, though I'm glad to know the great man will not kill us. But even if your scheming works, how shall we save my country? Lax might survive, and Wisdom too, and even blasted circus. But until I see Montagne preserved, I can't support this folly.
WISDOM: I see your point, dear Nonna Ben; we must save my sister from her vile suitor. Her future's mine; fate binds us tight. O Temperance, bewildered kin! Would that I could warn you!
RÜDIGER: I agree, this must be done: Montagne preserved from Farina's grasping.
TIPS: If we could only fly to her defense...
BENEVOLENCE: Yet how might this be managed?
Fin Act I
Author Commentary: Queen of All the Heavens, Act I >
Months ago—years ago—when I began writing Wisdom's Kiss, I drew up an outline for Queen of the All the Heavens>. Act 1 would be Dizzy's childhood and engagement; Act 2, Dizzy's career with Circus Primus and the Globe d'Or; and Act 3, her retirement from circus life and later adventures in Montagne. (I never got very far with Act 3's outline; let's not dwell too much on that one.) The point is that I knew from very early on what every scene would be, and I wrote Wisdom's Kiss accordingly, beginning with Act 1, scene 3, the third entry of the book. Which was great—I thought—because it made the play entries more official looking: Act 1, scene 8, Act 2, scene 10 ... These were excerpts, you see, with the relevant scenes included in Wisdom's Kiss and the interstitial bits omitted.
Perhaps you see the problem with this; I stupidly didn't, not until the official book had been laid out and carved in stone (publishingwise) and the opportunity for major revision had passed. Only when it came time finally to write the interstitial bits did I realize that the play needed a lot more space to tell this story. How the heck were we supposed to get from the eating of the oysters to Dizzy's performance in "The Demon Vanquished" in only two scenes? Do you know how much goes on in that time? Twenty-nine entries in Wisdom's Kiss!
The good news, however—if one can consider this good news, which I do because I don't have a choice—is that Queen of All the Heavens is so bloody awful that we can get away with it. The play, remember, is written by Dizzy as a form of memoir; she really has no interest in anything that doesn't relate directly to her. So Trudy's hiring, the Escoffier–Handsome battle, even Felis el Gato, have no part in Queen. The play conveniently/selfishly (pick your adverb) transitions from the oysters to vomiting to Dizzy's first encounter with Tips, and then back to the published Wisdom's Kiss scenes. Voilà. Any massive lapses in continuity or plot are addressed in the dialogue or blithely ignored. This explains Ben's long monologue at the end of act 1, scene 7—it's to establish a break between that and the next scene, even though the set does not change. (A similar effect is used in Act 1, scene 10, when Dizzy wanders the halls of Phraugheloch Palace. Of course this doesn't happen in Wisdom's Kiss, but it was necessary to break up the two very long scenes within her suite.)
Extremely fastidious readers may note that "belle-mère," in Act 1, scene 1, is French for "mother-in-law," and it is one of my favorite terms. How much nicer to refer to one's "beautiful mother" rather than "the woman the law stuck me with."
A deleted scene from later in Queen of All the Heavens
More Author Commentary >
Queen of All the Heavens
A PLAY IN THREE ACTS
PENNED BY ANONYMOUS
Act II, Seene iii. The Globe d'Or.
Wisdom sits atop the Globe. Tips joins her.
TIPS: 'Tis dangerous, this globe, and taxing. I scale it daily, and I am winded.
WISDOM: I have no fear.
TIPS: Brave does not mean safe, my love. Please, don this belt—I wear its mate. Attached to this cable, you may prance about at will. Secure your feet here: you can now withstand a tempest.
WISDOM: How brilliant. With my Elemental Air I shall pilot our craft through the skies.
TIPS: You are as an angel!...But an angel bereft of jubilation.
WISDOM: O Tips! How could I celebrate when another sobs with broken heart?
TIPS: The same pain fills me. Trudy is my oldest, dearest friend; yet I have hurt her dreadfully.
WISDOM: If I had known...
TIPS: Would you have stopped? I did know and yet could not. For though she is my dearest friend, she is not my true love. That title belongs to another...
They embrace.
TIPS: The sky darkens. We should land, my darling, ere night falls.
WISDOM: No! Even now, Farina schemes against my home. Though I have hurt one girl, I may yet save another. Heaven knows it is the very least recompense I could make to my sister.
TIPS: You would travel through the night? 'Tis some kind of madness!
WISDOM: There is no sane alternative. If I weary, I need only imagine Roger—and his harpy mother!—claiming Montagne. Such nightmarish spectacle shall arouse me at once!
TIPS: Caution, my love. In your ire, you resemble a beautiful raptor poised for attack.
WISDOM: Then you are wise beyond measure to moor me to this Globe! No, vengeance waits until my sister, and her throne, are safe.
TIPS: And Trudy, too.
WISDOM: Yes, and Trudy, too. She deserves that, and happiness in abundance.
TIPS: Let us hope it comes to pass, for there is no truer friend in all the world than Trudy.
WISDOM: Well phrased, my love; and she has no truer friend than you.
They embrace.
Queen of All the Heavens
A PLAY IN THREE ACTS
PENNED BY ANONYMOUS
Act II, Seene v.
Phraugheloch
Palace Banquet Room.
Wisdom lies in a glass coffin.
Enter Rüdiger IV, Benevolence, Wilhelmina, Roger and attendants.
RÜDIGER: What gruesome draught it must have been to fell this vibrant princess so.
BENEVOLENCE: A fortnight has passed, and still she neither lives nor dies.
WILHELMINA: Your Majesty, I beg you hear me out: I had no hand in this crime. I swear it.
BENEVOLENCE [aside]: 'Tis irony indeed that the vixen is penalized for the one offense she did not perpetrate.
RÜDIGER: Your actions betray your words, Your Grace. Once before a poisoning was attempted on this innocent; this time, good fortune failed her. My duke, tell me: will you obey your vows and attend your bride?
ROGER: The law would have that I attend her, but my heart cries out that I adore her. O my beloved, I shall be at your side forever!
BENEVOLENCE: Well phrased, well phrased indeed. [Aside] Farina, now bound to this lifeless form! Thus can no alliance be configured against Montagne.
RÜDIGER: None could ask for more devotion. And yet while Farina has gained a wife, Montagne is deprived of a daughter. Though murder has not transpired, a penalty must still be levied.
BENEVOLENCE [aside]: Now comes the unveiling of His Majesty's grand strategy!
RÜDIGER: Farina, we would you granted this grieving nation Alpsburg and Bridgeriver in recompense.
WILHELMINA: Two territories, so wealthy? I refuse it.
RÜDIGER: You refuse the will of the emperor? You would prefer transport by jailer's wagon to the capital of Lax, there to stand trial for attempted murder?
Wilhelmina falls to her knees.
WILHELMINA: Your Majesty.
RÜDIGER: Humility becomes you, Your Grace. Would that you displayed it more frequently. My queen, accept you this donation?
BENEVOLENCE: In bereavement, yes. I shall promptly eliminate the tolls within them, for it does not become a nation to earn its wealth from others' toil. [Aside] The emperor has no feeling for our grief, but constraints on trade raise his bile. Nor would Montagne object to more land 'twixt it and this.
RÜDIGER: This tragedy is concluded. We depart now with our circus, for word has reached us that the Globe d'Or awaits us in the fair city of Rigorus with a remarkably new operator, a young woman of no small skill ... You must attend our next performance, Your Majesty...
Exit Rüdiger and Benevolence. Roger embraces Wisdom's coffin.
WILHELMINA: Observe His Grace. He prefers a silent wife to a speaking mother; such is the gratitude of sons.
ROGER: O Wisdom! I lodge myself before you; never will we part, my sweet!
Queen of All the Heavens: Deleted Scene >
"Kill your darlings" is a standard adage in writing instruction. A middling writer can usually tell when prose is so bad that it has to go, but only a strong, undaunted writer will say, "This is beautiful—I love these words, I love the way they sound—but they don't belong here. Much as it breaks my heart, I must delete." Or, more succinctly: "Kill your darlings."
I would like to say that I was strong and undaunted about deleting the scene below, but in truth I sniveled and rearranged and did everything I could to preserve it. Then my editor at Houghton Mifflin nailed me with a Post-it, stuck to the margin, on which she had penned three immortal words: "This bit nec?" Which I initially read as "This bit rec?" until I realized she meant "necessary," not "recreational." Ah. No, this bit wasn't nec. Nec makes the whole story better, and removing nec would irreparably weaken it; this, on the other hand, is great fun but adds nothing. In fact, it's rather confusing, because why the heck would anyone include dragons—oh, okay, wyverns (which I specified because I, like Dizzy, am weary of dragon stories)—in only one scene? Aren't dragons/wyverns rather a book's whole point? Nutritionally, this scene is potato chips when it needs to be multigrain bread. Now, I'm a huge fan of multigrain bread, so by "multigrain" I don't mean overly chewy, fibrous, and boring. Quite the opposite: I mean textured and full of life. And of course relevant.
So I set to work mulling what in fact would make this scene nec. How could I turn it into multigrain bread? Well, I didn't need to demonstrate Tips's physical prowess—that was about to be accomplished in his battle with the evil gardener. But I still wanted to illustrate the bond between Tips and Dizzy, to show they have a connection beyond simple physical attraction. I also wanted to make clear that Tips knew he'd broken Trudy's heart but he still cared about her, and that even Dizzy evinced compassion. That very important point had been lost in the heat of the dragon battle. It would also be nice to exploit the physical drama of the Globe d'Or, to create a scene that, you know, looked theatrical. Hence the current act 2, scene 3.
More on dragons > >
Queen of All the Heavens
A PLAY IN THREE ACTS
PENNED BY ANONYMOUS
Act II, Seene iii.
Night, Globe d'Or.
Trudy and Escoffier sleep. Wisdom and Tips stand watch. TIPS: We should rest, my love.
WISDOM: Your presence provides all the repose I require. Nor can we tarry en route to Montagne.
TIPS: Your intent is admirable, my sweet, but—Heavens above, what is that?
WISDOM: I see nothing—O! 'Tis some kind of monster!
A flying beast attacks the Globe d'Or.
TIPS: If it tears this orb, we are doomed! It is a dragon!
WISDOM: I discern it now in the moonlight. O dragons, how weary I am of dragons; they clot every story! No, 'tis a wyvern.
TIPS: Does this difference matter?
WISDOM: Only for our headstones.
TIPS: We must stop it! Depart, beast, I command you!
WISDOM: If that be magic, it fails.
TIPS: It strikes again!
WISDOM: Fie, wyvern, or we smite thee!
TIPS: Better I risk my life than all perish...
Tips leaps from the balloon to battle the beast midair.
TIPS: Die—die—I strike you! Ah, it returns th'blow!
WISDOM: Beware! It attacks the wire! Zounds, cur, you deserve not life. I add my wrath to your suffering.
Wisdom rains fire upon the beast.
TIPS: One more cut, I suspect, and it would quit us.
WISDOM: Behold, it has perished!
The beast drops.
TIPS: My darling, you saved us!
WISDOM: 'Twas not me the savior. Here, return aboard and let me tend your wounds. O you are burnt! Yet again I acted too rash.
TIPS: Not too rash, but just rash enough! We have preserved each other.
WISDOM: And them as well, my love. What sacrifice we make!
TIPS: 'Tis no sacrifice for me to fight aside an Amazon, nor naught but bliss to observe the wreckage of thine enemies.
WISDOM: Such excitement keeps my heart abeat; I could not sleep again this night.
TIPS: Nor I in your company.
They embrace.
The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax
8TH EDITION
Printed in the Capital City of Rigorus
by Hazelnut & Filbert, Publishers to the Crown
*=enhanced ebook only
* Author Commentary >
Alpsburg >
Circus Primus >
Cuthbert of Montagne >
Doppelschläferin >
* Drachensbett Cloud Wars>
Elemental Spells >
* Elephantine Stiltdancers> >
Escoffier of Montagne >
Fortitude of Bacio >
Froglock >
* Mar Y Muntanya Border Crusade>
Montagne >
Montagne, Chateau de >
Roger of Farina >
Rüdiger IV >
* Sottocenere>
Wilhelmina the Ill-Tempered >
* Wisdom's Kiss>
Enhanced Materials Menu
Author Commentary: The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax >
If I for one single second believed I could get away with it, I'd write an entire book in encyclopedi
a entries. Yes, encyclopedias might seem boring, but the drama is there, people, buried like pirate treasure: "The rise of Rome from an insignificant pastoral settlement to perhaps the world's most successful empire—supreme as a lawgiver and organizer, holding sway over virtually all the then-known world west of Persia, on which it left a permanent imprint of its material and cultural achievements—is one of the great epics of history." That's a quotation from The Columbia Encyclopedia (5th edition, Columbia University Press, 1993, p. 2351). Doesn't it give you goose bumps?
The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax—unlike
The Columbia Encyclopedia, in case you can't tell (and wouldn't it be cool if you couldn't?! Well, cool for me)—is an utter fake, fabricated solely for the benefit of Wisdom's Kiss. My first entry was Alpsburg, because I couldn't figure out how else to explain the location of the inn in which Trudy worked. I mean, I could explain it, but my explanation was ridiculously long, boring, and didactic, so I figured why not turn lemons into lemonade and make that didacticism part of the story? ("Didactic," by the way, means "intended to teach," not always in a positive way—think "preachy.")
Once I got the bug, I couldn't stop. For one thing, the encyclopedia solved SO MANY PROBLEMS. Seriously. Read an entry such as "Rudiger IV" or "Cuthbert of Montagne" and then try to figure out how the heck else to get all that information into the story. Wilhelmina musing on the potential for espionage by Circus Primus? Dizzy and Mrs. Sprat debating the laws of succession? I don't think so. For one thing, if Wilhelmina suspected espionage, she'd slip into full red-alert paranoia—well, fuller. By compacting all this information into concise, instructive (if often inaccurate—more on that in a minute) passages, The Imperial Encyclopedia of Lax reduced the length of Wisdom's Kiss by at least 20 percent, and saved me months of headaches.