Your salt is still seasoning the night,
spilled while I sleep,
dreamless,
and let the slow comet dream for me
of distances only words can cross.
Osip, your words reach me
across much greater distances
than the flight
of that dirty snowball
tossed by God
in a playful moment
millions of years ago.
You no longer walk the tundra
with your broken heart
in a beggar’s tin cup.
You’re free, finally alive
somewhere out there
beyond Hyakutake, somewhere far,
far beyond the Gulag Hell,
somewhere close to God.
Osip Mandelstam
(1891-1938)
Joy
Joy won’t pass through gritted teeth
in which bitterness
sticks like something green.
Joy is more finicky than that--
and more staid. It doesn’t need
a wisecrack to break the ice
and won’t share the podium
with a whining tongue.
Delicate joy that curdles
in an anxious stomach
willingly hugs riffraff
and picks lice from their hair.
Who can understand it?
We know how happiness makes us
look over our shoulder
like fugitives from a bad mood,
but joy seems unconcerned.
Self-sufficient. You could say aloof.
All we know for certain
is that joy won’t be coerced.
Make a fist and it vanishes
with the flick of a fin.
You must relax,
let your fingers sway like sea grass,
before joy will come
swimming into your heart
and add iridescent color
to that reef of black coral.
The Child Within
Someone tell the shrink!
Quick! The child within,
bitter and half-crazy,
has run off to sea.
And worse, he’ll come back,
loitering under the street lamps
of my small town soul
with his smirk, his angst,
and a droll Singapore tattoo
glowing like a votive lamp
beneath my skin:
Been There, Done That.
Sure I’ll envy him, but keep
my job and my church.
His faint taste of salt
is all the wildness I want.
Before Dawn
Anxiety like a dry stick
snapped by a prowler
outside the window wakes me
again. Four-thirty.
If this is the hour the thief comes,
let him come. I have
a flashlight, my Bible, fresh coffee,
a chair on the patio,
and two hours before sunrise
to be still and hum God’s praises
under the morning moon.
What else could I ask for?
Butterflies
I’ve prayed too long, Lord,
and so wrong, for joy--
ecstatic tons like a megalith.
Overwhelming. Almost an idol.
I expected to laugh and fall
drunk in the Spirit. Instead,
something small has come,
weightless, like butterflies
that drift with the wind
from their own far country
and all settle at once
on just one tree. Me.
When
When everything breaks free
at last--seed from the pod,
sorrow from the dry cloud,
and black water from the sun--
trees will take hold of the wind
and shake it until its teeth rattle
and the birds fall out of its hair.
I want to see that!
And I want to see the dead rise--
not to come back to this life,
rummaging through coffins
for keepsakes buried with them,
but to dance hand in hand
with their own discarded,
arthritic bones, their cheeks
flushed with luminous blood!
Sheep
If I’m your sheep, Lord,
why do knives glinting in a dark look
or words whetted on a grin
make mutton of me?
I know that You carried me once,
hefted on a shoulder,
a long, long way
home from all my wanderings.
But now, safe in the fold,
I stand off to be one side and bleat--
an odd sheep out
and more briar than wool.
And yet, somehow, I hear Your voice
and know it from the wind,
from the lies of the hireling,
and the wolf whisper at night.
Somehow. And if I never
fit in with the flock--
always a Suffolk like a minstrel
among proper Merinos--
I’ll lift my head when You call,
stop chewing on words,
and like every other sheep,
I’ll follow.
Coffee
How odd that crockery outlasts us.
Every cup, broken
and tossed on a landfill,
is still there when bones are dust.
Sometimes I feel like a mug,
a cheap gift at best,
bearing my common name,
a cartoon, a joke, an ad.
Not much, if not for this:
break me and I’ll be more
than skeletal shards.
I’ll rise from myself to the Lord
with an aroma so rich
that even Death
will have to wake up
and smell the coffee!
In the Yard With Ralph
My wife tosses a ball for Ralph,
her aged, arthritic Irish setter,
who limps to fetch,
who won’t be caught and dodges her,
or so he thinks,
with his nose down and rump up,
flagging his crooked tail,
slammed in a car door years ago,
and scattering confetti snorts,
more excited than a pup.
Next Sunday, Lord, I want to sing
the old hymns with a heart like that!
(Ralph, d. 1992)
Don Thompson
5632A Brite Rd
Buttonwillow, CA 93206
With a Heart Like That
for Chris
You care for people and animals, O Lord.
How precious in your unfailing love, O God.
-Psalms 36:6-7
After the Fall
Camel: I envy the owl, who is all in one place and not scattered to the far corners of himself like I am, not hung together so loosely; who grasps a thing without plodding to an infinite distance and arriving nowhere particular; who can turn his head and see behind as far as he sees before. How I envy you, Owl.
Owl: I envy the butterfly, whose flight is not like a scream, nor like a smooth stone flung from a sling to kill a mouse rather than Goliath; who has no necessity, who goes where he will and knows the secret of a touch that does not draw blood. How I envy you, Butterfly.
Butterfly: I envy the pineapple, who is not made of dust held together by mere joy, who does not depend on shimmering hues that fade so soon; who above all has substance, who is solid and sits upon a rump; who is hard enough
to hold off the love that tears a wing, the fascination that pins flight to black velvet; who knows what it’s like to have hand grenades name their children after him. How I envy you, Pineapple.
Pineapple: I envy the camel, who has the nerve to ignore green, who can go without water and not shrivel; who can chew and spit, who can put his foot down on nothing but the sand of all things and be sustained; who is above all a soft lankiness and a good rich stink upon the earth, never squeezed dry for the sake of someone’s breakfast. How I envy you, Camel.
Chipper
We have buried our bird Chipper
who served God so well,
so briefly, with a chirrup
and one bright obsidian eye
to greet us:
needle point of insight,
sinless, which pricked
obtuse human balloons;
who tapped with his beak
sending telegrams to angels,
for birds know
all the heavenly ciphers;
who was precious stone--
sapphire translated into
the sibilant dialect of feathers
and writ small;
who would rest in a hand,
harmless and patient;
who slept easily, perched
high above the dreams that hurt us
until he fell--his life
shattering silently,
no more than a knick-knack
in this world, but to us
a meteor among sparrows,
or a blue tear
we will trust our God to keep
forever in His bottle.
Grace
Codicil and subclause, addendum,
precept upon precept,
the law makes its case against us.
There’s nowhere to hide--
not in a foxhole, under a yarmulke,
or deep in Freud’s beard--
and no mercy,
for the law is the law is the law.
Our vows waffle; offerings
smolder and stink among old tires,
worse than Gehenna.
We have nothing the law wants.
But sin is no easier.
We expect honey and get ants
that leave us like dead bees--
hollow, thin as cellophane.
What can we do? Caught
between bloodless sin
and hard, dry righteousness,
let’s give up. Plead guilty.
Then grace can come to us,
rising like water from a rock.
But where the law rules,
even the rain is carved in stone.
Crow
Stand small. Always insist on
the short end of the stick.
Take one; put two back.
And get used to the taste of crow.
Plums
The dull boy behind the lawnmower
splattering the plums
that have fallen from branches
dragged down by their own burden
is me. Every summer
I eat a few and complain:
too soft, too tart--too something.
I let most of them rot.
A humdrum husband, I bore my wife,
ignore my children, and yawn
banking my paycheck.
Worse, I despise my old dreams.
Someone at work left a bag
of ripe plums in the break room.
They were all gone by five o'clock.
Forgive me, Lord.
Rilke
When untamed angels came to you
bearing baskets of words
for the winepress,
they promised you a vintage
more intoxicating than mere life--
than wife, daughter, lovers
who poured themselves out
hoping to sip from your cup.
You had friends, facilitators
who’d pick up the tab
after an Orphic binge
had left you with a hangover,
reeling across Europe
frantic for solitude among roses
and old furniture. How long
did you think you could live like that?
There’s no free lunch, no secret
ecstasy, no elegy without loss.
Every death kills someone.
You should have known
those angels would be back,
empty-handed and hungry
for your marrow,
thirsty for your thin, white blood.
Rainer Maria Rilke
(1875-1926)
Tiger
Consider the tiger, zoo-bred,
that knows nothing else
and yet paces her cage, crazy
for the pungent green freedom
she can’t even imagine.
It’s easy to think we’re like that,
spirit locked tight in flesh--
except with us
it’s the cage that can’t keep still
and grinds, twists, pops rivets,
while the tiger inside purrs,
curled up in God’s lap.
Prayer
Nutrasweet hour of prayer,
my peace--my chemical peace
with a bad aftertaste,
I want more,
more than bitesize meditations
or leftovers
of cold, greasy need.
Give me something to chew on:
meat sizzling on a spit
and black bread thick as a brick;
give me wine and tears, Lord,
and wild honey from the comb!
Sitting With Clifford
Because I’ve come without limping
to this gray season,
much too late to impress anyone,
I’m not embarrassed to baby-talk
an overweight golden retriever
as we sit here together,
both of us warm and well-fed,
my book open on his back.
While the night slips down
toward freezing, and fog
sets its ambush
against my next morning commute,
and elsewhere in the house
domesticity churns and clatters,
I tell him he’s a good boy,
which is true. He is.
And for a few moments,
so much peace infuses me
that I might be scratching the flop ear
of an angel unaware.