Chapter 15
Detention is full of students this afternoon but Cain is nowhere to be seen. I’m not sure where to sit and the teacher hasn’t arrived to calm everyone down to a dull roar. If it stays at this volume it would only be like an extra class, not a punishment. I think of how much Cain dislikes school, and suppose for some an extra class would be punishment enough.
Trying to tiptoe my way through the room, I nab a seat by the window, sitting down too fast to see who I’m near. I pull out my math textbook, hoping to get some homework in and be able to tell Dad it is time well spent.
A tap on my shoulder draws my attention behind me. Twisting in my seat I turn around to find Piper there, a junior member of the volleyball team. “Hey,” she says with a grin, “never thought I would see you here.”
Never thought I’d be here, I think to myself. Ithinara chuckles, enjoying my mediocre torment.
“Uh, yeah,” I mutter. “What did you do?”
“Got caught smoking in the girls room,” she replies with a shrug. Piper likes to think of herself as a rebel, but she really isn’t. All she does is smoke on occasion, skip out on homework, and dye her hair all sorts of colours. I don’t consider those things very rebellious. It’s something she prides herself on though.
She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “I heard you were getting smoochy with Steele. I have to admit, I’m a little surprised.”
I feel myself blush. “I wasn’t.”
Two hands cover my eyes and my world is blacked out. They’re wearing a ring that’s cold against my skin. “Guess who?” a voice asks.
“Speak of the devil,” Piper says. The hands come away from me, and I turn to find Cain there. His silver cross ring is on; it was the one touching my skin.
I know I’m even paler than normal now. I’m also speechless. Cain’s ring was touching me, without pain or burning. I eye the piece of silver, wondering what could have caused it, but all I can think about is how crosses don’t make me sick when Cain is around.
It’s like I’m immune when I’m with him.
Don’t be ridiculous, Ithinara hisses, a strange voice of reason in my chaotic thoughts. But even she does not give a reason as to why this is happening.
“She’s speechless,” Piper jokes. “Maybe you should kiss her again, just to wake her up.”
“It would be an honour,” Cain laughs. He takes the seat beside me and starts to lean over when I turn to face the blackboard. “Or not. Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I lie, thoughts elsewhere. “Just not a fan of PDA.”
“Hmm, that means there’s two strikes against me today,” he murmurs. “Will you feel better if I drive you home?”
Absently, I reply, “Sure.”
The teacher rushes into the room before Cain can say anything witty or charming. Piper also quiets down, and we’re instructed to be silent. No mp3’s allowed, or phones, or handheld gaming devices. No books, either. I wonder why they would not allow books, but the teacher says homework is allowed.
I continue to look over my math.
It could be the hunter’s charm, Ithinara theorizes, and that is why you do not feel pain.
Isn’t that a good thing?
She chuckles. Is it? If he’s consciously putting it out there, it means he knows. I can feel her grinning. And if he knows…
A shudder runs through me, and I risk a glance at Cain. He’s leaning back in the desk, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. His black clothes are dotted with specks of dust, but he doesn’t seem to be exuding any kind of energy. Wouldn’t I feel like I’m being manipulated, if that was the case?
Would you, really? Ithinara spits. He family is filled with seasoned hunters, would they not teach him? Maybe that is why people know so little about him; he’s been training.
I bite down on my lip and twirl my pencil between my fingers. Ithinara has a point. I think of the book, waiting for me in the cat tower at the animal shelter and shake my head. I won’t let her get to me, not when I’m so close to freedom.
Freedom you will only know when his blood spills, Ithinara says casually.
I don’t feel like talking to her, out loud or in my head. So I scribble the word “NO” in large letters on my paper.
She huffs, but doesn’t say anymore.
I wonder if it because she knows she will take over again, and I question if getting close to Cain is the right idea. I’d run halfway around the world if it meant he would stay alive, if it meant anyone would stay alive.
If it meant I wouldn’t have to kill.
Beth wasn’t waiting for me, so after school that meant I had no ride home, and no choice but to accept Cain’s offer. Even though I already had. He escorts me to his Neon, and asks what I think of it.
I prefer the jeep, but I don’t say that. I’m the whole reason the jeep isn’t here. Well, part of the reason.
Rain starts to patter against the windows, and we hurry to get into the car. It’s a gradual rain that soon turns into a downpour. Cain starts driving before he even puts his seatbelt on. After a block it is bothering me too much. I say, “It isn’t safe to drive without a seatbelt, especially when the road is wet. Also, you know, it’s illegal.”
He laughs. “Are you going to try and steal the car again?”
I fume. “That didn’t happen!” My arms cross, and I have to look away. Why did I say that? He could tell my father, and I might get sent back to the hospital. I can already picture myself locked up in a cushy white room being fed pill after pill.
Ithinara and I both shudder at that thought.
“I knew you didn’t believe it,” Cain shouts. “You had me going there.”
“What?” I ask.
He starts to tell me an answer, but I can’t hear him. My world is getting dark so quickly as if the sun had fallen from the sky rather than setting. I check my eyes in the mirror and see that they are not mine.
Ithinara is taking over again. My backpack lay at my feet, and by now I’m simply an observer.
It will be better, she says inside my head. I scream at her to let me out, but it does no good. Just as easily as before, Ithinara takes over.
I’m forced to watch my hands move towards my backpack and pull out a switchblade; it’s one from Dad’s collection, from the Boer War. An old piece of metal hidden beneath leather. It’s heavy in my hands, I know that because I’ve felt its weight before, but I can’t feel it now.
“What are you doing?” Cain asks. He’s still smiling, but his eyes fall on the knife as my hands pull the blade out.
“What I should have done a very long time ago,” Ithinara answers with my tongue. She doesn’t blink as she strikes out, forcing the blade into Cain’s neck. I shriek, and we are the only ones to hear it.
Blood spurts from his neck, his hands now going to his wound. It splashes against the windshield, the wipers going full speed but unable to wipe it away from the inside. The car veers to the side of the road, slowing over the gravel until we come to a stop against a tree. I can’t see if there are any other cars around us, only Cain.
His eyes are asking me why I would do such a thing, and I want him to know it wasn’t me. But his blood coats my hands, my face, my clothes…all of me. I can’t breathe. He is making gurgling noises, a desperate attempt to breathe through it all.
Ithinara doesn’t give up her control yet. Cain is still trying to stop the bleeding, the knife sticking from his neck. Soon he leans back in the chair, his eyes rolling up to the bloody ceiling. His body stills as his hands fall to his sides. He isn’t making noise anymore.
Ithinara’s breathing is calm through my body. I can tell she is pleased with the outcome as my lips turn into an insane smirk. But she begins to let go, and I’m coming back to what I hope is not real. Maybe this is a dream that she concocted, to show me what she wants.
But as she settles in the back of my mind, tired from a moment’s hard work, I can’
t breathe again. My mouth is open, and I’m trying, but all I can do is taste the blood. The metallic scent fills my nostrils, and the air just won’t move into my lungs.
Slowly my eyes shift forward, facing the blood on the windshield and dashboard. I look down at myself, see how it coats me more than I had once thought. Fumbling with the door handle, I throw myself from the vehicle. The rain is coming down hard against my skin, washing away any evidence of what I have just done.
Tears finally stream down my face as a sob escapes my throat. I can breathe again, but just barely. The palms of my hands hurt as I dig deeper into the gravel, tiny pricks digging into my skin.
I sit back on my heels, unsure of what to do next. I don’t want to do anything; I’ve just killed a person. I killed my first crush. I killed the crush that seemed to like me. I killed the crush that made me immune to the cross.
I killed.
I killed.
I killed.
I’m not sure how long I sit there for, wiping away at my clothes in hopes of becoming clean again. It doesn’t feel very long at all, but time doesn’t occur to me anymore. The sound of tires across wet pavement strikes my ears. I look to my left to see the headlights of a car coming towards me.
It’s getting closer.
I choose not to run.