Chapter 19: The Last Page.
"Khartoum, September 3rd, 1884.
"It is a long time since I made my last entry. I could put no date toit then, and till yesterday could hardly even have named the month. Iam back again among friends, but I can hardly say that I am safer herethan I was at El Obeid. I have not written, because there was nothingto write. One day was like another, and as my paper was finished, andthere were no incidents in my life, I let the matter slide.
"Again and again I contemplated attempting to make my way to this town,but the difficulties would be enormous. There were the dangers of thedesert, the absence of wells, the enormous probability of losing myway, and, most of all, the chance that, before I reached Khartoum, itwould have been captured. The Emir had been expecting news of its fall,for months.
"There had been several fights, in some of which they had beenvictorious. In others, even according to their own accounts, they hadbeen worsted. Traitors in the town kept them well informed of the stateof supplies. They declared that these were almost exhausted, and thatthe garrison must surrender. Indeed, several of the commanders ofbodies of troops had offered to surrender posts held by them.
"So I had put aside all hope of escape, and decided not to make anyattempt until after Khartoum fell, when the Dervishes boasted theywould march down and conquer Egypt, to the sea.
"They had already taken Berber. Dongola was at their mercy. I thoughtthe best chance would be to go down with them, as far as they went, andthen to slip away. In this way I should shorten the journey I shouldhave to traverse alone; and, being on the river bank, could at leastalways obtain water. Besides, I might possibly secure some small nativeboat, and with the help of the current get down to Assouan before theDervishes could arrive there. This I should have attempted; but, threeweeks ago, an order came from the Mahdi to El Khatim, ordering him tosend to Omdurman five hundred well-armed men, who were to be commandedby his son Abu. Khatim was to remain at El Obeid, with the main body ofhis force, until further orders.
"Abu came to me at once, with the news.
"'You will take me with you, Abu,' I exclaimed. 'This is the chance Ihave been hoping for. Once within a day's journey of Khartoum, I couldslip away at night, and it would be very hard if I could not manage tocross the Nile into Khartoum.'
"'I will take you, if you wish it,' he said. 'The danger will be verygreat, not in going with me, but in making your way into Khartoum.'
"'It does not seem to me that it would be so,' I said. 'I should strikethe river four or five miles above the town, cut a bundle of rushes,swim out to the middle of the river, drift down till I was close to thetown, and then swim across.'
"'So be it,' he said. 'It is your will, not mine.'
"Khatim came to me afterwards, and advised me to stay, but I said thatit might be years before I had another chance to escape; and that,whatever risk there was, I would prefer running it.
"'Then we shall see you no more,' he said, 'for Khartoum will assuredlyfall, and you will be killed.'
"'If you were a prisoner in the hands of the white soldiers, Emir,' Isaid, 'I am sure that you would run any risk, if there was a chance ofgetting home again. So it is with me. I have a wife and child, inCairo. Her heart must be sick with pain, at the thought of my death. Iwill risk anything to get back as soon as possible. If I reachKhartoum, and it is afterwards captured, I can disguise myself andappear as I now am, hide for a while, and then find out where Abu isand join him again. But perhaps, when he sees that no furtherresistance can be made, General Gordon will embark on one of hissteamers and go down the river, knowing that it would be better for thepeople of the town that the Mahdi should enter without opposition; inwhich case you would scarcely do harm to the peaceful portion of thepopulation, or to the troops who had laid down their arms.'
"'Very well,' the Emir said. 'Abu has told me that he has tried todissuade you, but that you will go. We owe you a great debt ofgratitude, for all that you have done for us, and therefore I will nottry to dissuade you. I trust Allah will protect you.'
"And so we started the next morning. I rode by the side of Abu, and asall knew that I was the hakim who had taken off his arm, none wondered.The journey was made without any incident worth recording. Abu did nothurry. We made a long march between each of the wells, and then haltedfor a day. So we journeyed, until we made our last halt before arrivingat Omdurman.
"'You are still determined to go?' Abu said to me.
"'I shall leave tonight, my friend.'
"'I shall not forget all that you have told me about your people,hakim. Should any white man fall into my hands, I will spare him foryour sake. These are evil times, and I regret all that has passed. Ibelieve that the Mahdi is a prophet; but I fear that, in many things,he has misunderstood the visions and orders he received. I see thatevil rather than good has fallen upon the land, and that though weloved not the rule of the Egyptians, we were all better off under itthan we are now. We pass through ruined villages, and see the skeletonsof many people. We know that where the waterwheels formerly spread thewater from the rivers over the fields, is now a desert; and that,except the fighting men, the people perish from hunger.
"'All this is bad. I see that, if we enter Egypt, we shall be like aflight of locusts. We shall eat up the country and leave a desertbehind us. Surely this cannot be according to the wishes of Allah, whois all merciful. You have taught me much in your talks with me, and Ido not see things as I used to. So much do I feel it, that in my heartI could almost wish that your countrymen should come here, andestablish peace and order.
"'The Mohamedans of India, you tell me, are well content with theirrulers. Men may exercise their religion and their customs, withouthindrance. They know that the strong cannot prey upon the weak, andeach man reaps what he has sown, in peace. You tell me that India waslike the Soudan before you went there--that there were greatconquerors, constant wars, and the peasants starved while the robbersgrew rich; and that, under your rule, peace and contentment wererestored. I would that it could be so here. But it seems, to me,impossible that we should be conquered by people so far away.'
"'I hope that it will be so, Abu; and I think that if the great andgood white general, Governor Gordon, is murdered at Khartoum, thepeople of my country will never rest until his death has been avenged.'
"'You had better take your horse,' he said. 'If you were to go on foot,it would be seen that there was a horse without a rider, and therewould be a search for you; but if you and your horse are missing, itwill be supposed that you have ridden on to Omdurman to give notice ofour coming, and none will think more of the matter.'
"As soon as the camp was asleep, I said goodbye to Abu; and took myhorse by the reins and led him into the desert, half a mile away. ThenI mounted, and rode fast. The stars were guide enough, and in threehours I reached the Nile. I took off the horse's saddle and bridle, andleft him to himself. Then I crept out and cut a bundle of rushes, andswam into the stream with them.
"After floating down the river for an hour, I saw the light of a fewfires on the right bank, and guessed that this was a Dervish force,beleaguering Khartoum from that side. I drifted on for another hour,drawing closer and closer to the shore, until I could see walls andforts; then I stripped off my Dervish frock, and swam ashore.
"I had, during the time we had been on the journey, abstained fromstaining my skin under my garments, in order that I might be recognizedas a white man, as soon as I bared my arms.
"I lay down till it was broad daylight, and then walked up to the footof a redoubt. There were shouts of surprise from the black soldiersthere, as I approached. I shouted to them, in Arabic, that I was anEnglishman; and two or three of them at once ran down the slope, andaided me to climb it. I was taken, at my request, to General Gordon,who was surprised, indeed, when I told him that I was a survivor ofHicks's force, and had been living nine months at El Obeid.
"'You are heartily welcome, sir,' he said; 'but I fear that you havecome into an even greater danger than you
have left, for our positionhere is well-nigh desperate. For months I have been praying for aidfrom England, and my last news was that it was just setting out, so Ifear there is no hope that it will reach me in time. The government ofEngland will have to answer, before God, for their desertion of me, andof the poor people here, whom they sent me to protect from the Mahdi.
"'For myself, I am content. I have done my duty as far as lay in mypower, but I had a right to rely upon receiving support from those whosent me. I am in the hands of God. But for the many thousands whotrusted in me, and remained here, I feel very deeply.
"'Now the first thing is to provide you with clothes. I am expectingColonel Stewart here, every minute, and he will see that you are madecomfortable.'
"'I shall be glad to place myself at your disposal, sir,' I said. 'Ispeak Arabic fluently, and shall be ready to perform any service ofwhich I may be capable.'
"'I thank you,' he said, 'and will avail myself of your offer, if I seeany occasion; but at present, we have rather to suffer than to do. Wehave occasional fights, but of late the attacks have been feeble, and Ithink that the Mahdi depends upon hunger rather than force to obtainpossession of this town.
"This evening, I will ask you to tell me your story. Colonel Stewartwill show you a room. There is only one other white man--Mr.Power--here. We live together as one family, of which you will now be amember.'
"I felt strange when I came to put on my European clothes. Mr. Power,who tells me he has been here for some years, as correspondent of theTimes, has this afternoon taken me round the defences, and into theworkshops. I think the place can resist any attacks, if the troopsremain faithful; but of this there is a doubt. A good many of theSoudanese have already been sent away. As Gordon said at dinner thisevening, if he had but a score of English officers, he would beperfectly confident that he could resist any enemy save starvation.
"September 12th:
"It has been settled that Colonel Stewart and Mr. Power are to go downthe river in the Abbas, and I am to go with them. The General proposedit to me. I said that I could not think of leaving him here by himself,so he said kindly:
"'I thank you, Mr. Hilliard, but you could do no good here, and wouldonly be throwing away your life. We can hold on to the end of the year,though the pinch will be very severe; but I think we can make thestores last, till then. But by the end of December our last crust willhave been eaten, and the end will have come. It will be a satisfactionto me to know that I have done my best, and fail only because of themiserable delays and hesitation of government.'
"So it is settled that I am going. The gunboats are to escort us forsome distance. Were it not for Gordon, I should feel delighted at theprospect. It is horrible to leave him--one of the noblestEnglishmen!--alone to his fate. My only consolation is that if Iremained I could not avert it, but should only be a sharer in it.
"September 18th:
"We left Khartoum on the 14th, and came down without any serioustrouble until this morning, when the boat struck on a rock in thecataract, opposite a village called Hebbeh. A hole has been knocked inher bottom, and there is not a shadow of hope of getting her off.Numbers of the natives have gathered on the shore. I have advised thatwe should disregard their invitations to land, but that, as there wouldbe no animosity against the black crew, they would be safe; and that wethree whites should take the ship's boat, and four of the crew, putprovisions for a week on board, and make our way down the river.Colonel Stewart, however, feels convinced that the people can betrusted, and that we had better land and place ourselves under theprotection of the sheik. He does not know the Arabs as well as I do.
"However, as he has determined to go ashore, I can do nothing. Iconsider it unlikely, in the extreme, that there will be any additionsto this journal. If, at any time in the future, this should fall intothe hands of any of my countrymen, I pray that they will send it downto my dear wife, Mrs. Hilliard, whom, I pray, God may bless andcomfort, care of the Manager of the Bank, Cairo."