They both swung round in surprise. Max was climbing out from behind a tall hedge, pulling Millie after him. Her face was streaked with tears. ‘We thought you’d left us behind!’
‘Thank God . . .’ Dad breathed, grabbing the rucksacks from Max. ‘Oh, thank God!’
They got into the car and Dad pulled away with another screech of tyres. After ten minutes of silence they were suddenly on the motorway.
‘Where are we going?’ Millie asked in a small, exhausted voice.
‘I don’t know,’ Dad said quietly. ‘I just don’t know.’
Max turned round from the front seat and looked at Louis. ‘Christ, what happened to you?’
‘I had a bit of bumpy ride.’ It hurt to talk.
‘But you made it,’ Max said with a smile. It was a smile that said, I’m sorry. It was a smile that said, Thank you.
Louis smiled back weakly, but felt only emptiness. He closed his eyes against the threat of tears. ‘I made it,’ he replied.
Epilogue
LOUIS LAY BENEATH the duvet of the king-size double bed, staring up at the ceiling. The soft glow of the lamp cast a puddle of golden light on the pillow beside him. He could feel Dad’s weight on the end of the bed and see his back, hunched forward, as he anxiously watched the ten o’clock news. Millie was curled up next to Louis on the bed, fast asleep, her hair still damp from the shower. Louis noticed that she didn’t sleep sucking her two middle fingers any more. The slight chubbiness had gone from her cheeks, her face had elongated, and he suddenly realized how much she had changed since that snapshot on the missing-person’s poster, how much she’d grown. Max lay sprawled diagonally across the other double bed, chin propped up on his hand, also gazing at the television. Louis didn’t have the energy to move his head to look at the screen. But so far there had been nothing about an Anglo-French custody battle.
They had driven all day, only stopping for toilet breaks and food. Now they were in Scotland, in a place called Glasgow, in a hotel beside the airport. Tomorrow they would be taking the plane again. As usual, Dad wasn’t saying where. Louis’ skin still tingled from the hot bath. His badly scraped knee had been carefully cleaned and bandaged and Dad had managed to get some self-adhesive stitches for the deep gash across his eyebrow. He had swallowed some painkillers with a huge meal of pizza and Coke and now he felt achy and woozy and terribly tired. The newsreader’s voice droned on. He turned his head on the pillow and looked at Millie’s softly sleeping face. I love you, Millie, he thought.
The next morning Dad woke them up at the last minute. There was a tense few moments spent scrabbling round for clothes and checking under beds. But there wasn’t really anything to pack. Dad promised them breakfast on the plane and they left their key at the empty reception desk and walked out of the sleeping hotel and into the cool dawn.
When they arrived at the near-empty check-in desk, the stewardess told them they would have to hurry. ‘The flight to Amsterdam is about to board,’ she said.
Amsterdam. Louis shot Max a wry smile. But there was no excitement any more.
This time there were no cartwheels in the waiting lounge. Millie sat huddled against Dad, her face pale and sleepy. Max, for once without his GameBoy, gazed out of the windows at the pink sunrise lighting up the sky. Dad was dishevelled and unshaven and looked like he hadn’t slept. There were lines on his face that Louis didn’t remember seeing before. His eyes were exhausted. He caught Louis looking at him and smiled. And suddenly Louis realized that love was a very powerful thing. It could make one man risk everything, even his freedom, just to be with his children.
Their plane was being called. Dad was urging them to gather their few remaining belongings. Louis handed Millie the second rucksack containing Dad’s laptop as they followed the handful of other passengers down the mobile corridor towards the whirring mouth of the plane.
‘But it’s really heavy,’ Millie complained.
‘Just take it, Millie.’
Millie gave a dramatic roll of the eyes but took the rucksack from him without further fuss. The stewardess was getting ready to close the door of the plane as they arrived.
‘Just in time,’ she said. ‘You’re the last passengers.’
Max stepped through the opening and onto the plane. Dad took Millie’s hand. Louis felt his heart lurch. He stepped back.
‘Hurry, Louis,’ Dad said, turning back in the doorway.
‘I’m not coming,’ Louis said.
‘What?’ Dad started to get off the plane again.
‘Sir, we really have to close up now,’ the stewardess said. ‘Are you boarding this plane or not?’
‘Yes,’ said Dad. ‘Yes! Louis, don’t be silly, get on now!’
‘No, Dad, I’m not coming,’ Louis said again.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘What’s going on?’ Max had reappeared in the door way. ‘Is this our plane or not?’
‘Louis says he doesn’t want to come,’ Dad said, a tremor in his voice.
Max gazed at Louis with a disbelieving smile on his face. ‘What are you talking about? You want to stay in Glasgow?’
‘I’m going back to live with Maman,’ Louis said.
‘Why?’ Max asked in astonishment.
‘I don’t want to be doing this any more.’
‘But we won’t always be moving around, w-we’re going to find a place, we’re going to settle—’ Dad was stammering.
‘Sir, you’re holding up the flight. I’m going to have to ask you to remove yourself from the doorway right now.’
‘Fine, everyone off!’ Dad snapped. ‘We’ll get another flight.’
‘No way!’ Louis moved quickly, blocking Dad’s path. ‘I nearly killed myself yesterday, and I didn’t do it just for you to get caught!’
‘But . . .’
‘I’ll see you when I’m sixteen, Dad.’
‘Louis, please listen—’
‘Now, sir!’
Dad’s eyes were filling with tears. ‘Are you serious? This is what you really want?’
Louis nodded.
‘You’ve got Mum’s number? You’ll go straight back to the hotel and wait there till she comes to fetch you?’
‘Yes, Dad, I promise.’
‘And – and if you ever change your mind – I’ll come and pick you up, Louis, anywhere! D’you understand?’
‘I understand, Dad.’
‘Sir—’
‘Oh, Jesus!’ Dad put his hand to his eyes, stumbled backwards and let the stewardess guide him into the aircraft.
‘Look after him,’ Louis said to Max.
Max stared at him. ‘You’re really not coming?’
‘No.’
Millie suddenly shot out and grabbed Louis round the waist. He felt her sob into his T-shirt. Louis bent down and kissed the top of her head. ‘Bye, Millie,’ he whispered.
She wouldn’t let go. He tried to loosen her arms from around his waist but she clung on tight. ‘Millie, you’ve got to get on the plane. Dad needs you. I’ll come and find you in a few years, I promise.’
Max reached down and pulled her firmly back. ‘Millie, the plane’s about to leave.’ He looked up at Louis, his incredulous smile beginning to fade. ‘I-I guess I’ll see you in a year or so.’
Louis nodded.
‘I’m really going to miss you!’ Max said, his voice cracking.
‘Me too.’
‘Will you be OK?’ Max asked.
‘Yeah, I’ll be fine.’
The stewardess began to close the door. ‘I’ll come and find you as soon as I’m sixteen!’ Max said desperately, squeezing to the side.
‘Yeah! See you, Max. See you, Millie.’
‘Bye, Louis.’ Max was forced back as the stewardess reached over and closed the door of the plane.
Louis stood in the airport lounge, in front of the glass wall, watching the plane taxi out onto the runway. He didn’t move a muscle for the full ten minutes it took for the plane to get into position. The
sound of the engines filled the air. He watched as the small aircraft accelerated down the runway, faster and faster, so that it was almost flying on the ground. The front wheels lifted off, and then it was airborne. Suddenly, the sky was empty, the air still resonating with sound. Louis stood frozen for several minutes longer, staring at the white morning sky. Slowly he raised his hands to his face and began to wipe away the tears.
Back in the main terminal, he dug some change out of his pocket and crossed to the row of empty phone booths that lined the wall. He picked up the brown plastic receiver and fed his change into the slot. Then he dialled a number – a number that he had thought about dialling so many times before.
There was a long pause before he was connected. Then a faint sound – the long ring from somewhere deep within the receiver. Then a click.
‘Allo?’
A voice he knew. A voice weakened, more subdued than he remembered. But familiar all the same.
‘Hello, Mum. It’s Louis.’
Acknowledgements
A huge thank you to Thalia Suzuma for believing in this book so strongly, Tiggy Suzuma and Tansy Roekaerts for their feedback and encouragement, Akiko Hart for her friendship and support, Dilly Suzuma for the read-through, Linda Davis for being such a great agent, Clare Argar and Sophie Nelson for their invaluable input, Lauren Bennett, Nina Douglas and Ruth Maurice for helping the book reach the readers, Tracey Paris for her talent, patience and hard work, and of course my amazing editor and good friend Charlie Sheppard for always believing in me.
I would also like to thank the real Billy Elliots: Liam Mower, James Lomas, George Maguire, Leon Cooke, Colin Bates and Matthew Koon, who were the inspiration behind my dancing boy, Louis.
Also by Tabitha Suzuma for older readers:
A Note of Madness
From Where I Stand
A Voice in the Distance
WITHOUT LOOKING BACK
AN RHCP DIGITAL EBOOK 978 1 407 04866 6
Published in Great Britain by RHCP,
an imprint of Random House Children’s Publishing
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This ebook edition published 2014
Copyright © Tabitha Suzuma, 2009
First Published in Great Britain
Corgi Childrens 9780552560009 2009
The right of Tabitha Suzuma to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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Tabitha Suzuma, Without Looking Back
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