She shook her head no. “It’s not the same for everyone…usually, there’s a trigger that sets it off, something that makes them mad enough to invoke this power, and then…everything about them changes.”
“What was your brother’s trigger?” I asked, not needing to question Draven’s…it was the moment I forgot him, a moment I regret with every breath.
“Mum…her leaving.”
I nodded, realizing that would be enough to make anyone fight with anger. “What – what happens once that time comes? What’s next?”
She looked down at her hands and slowly began to twirl her rings. “The temptation…the final test.”
“What are you talking about? Explain. What test? What temptation?”
She took in a deep breath before she spoke. “At first, the nightmares come – the ones that are invoked by stress or anger – and all you want is an escape, to not feel, because feeling is too painful…then…then the nightmares shift into a more tempting world, one that you create, one that has no emotion or feeing – just numbness…that’s the temptation because when it’s over, all you can think about is how you’re going to get back there – when you’re going to feel nothing again. Then, once you’ve grown dependent on that realm, that absence from reality - you’re tested.”
“What is the test?” I asked, completely absorbing every single word she said.
“The test decides your position – whether you’ll remain forever in that realm or be charged with the duty of an Escort. When your test begins, you’ll stand in the center of two points; in front of you, you’ll see every nightmare you’ve ever faced, every fear, every evil deed; you’ll see every wrong you’ve ever committed in your existence. Behind you, you’ll feel the pull of the numb nothing that that realm offers…the ones that step back into the nothing to hide from their deeds remain in that realm. Those that face their deeds, feel grief for what they’ve done, they’re sent to reality, meant only to bring energy to those living in the realm.”
“So the Escorts are like servants to the darkness?”
She furrowed her eyebrows as she searched for a clear way to explain this to me. “In a way…they’re servants with a choice. Some might say that the Escorts are the masters, not the servants, because they have the ability to have life in both places, the ability to starve that realm into nonexistence.”
“How do the Escorts see themselves?”
“Most Escorts only think of one thing: how they’re going to get back to that realm, and how they can remain there, gain enough power to have control over all the energy that that world holds.”
“Most – but not all?” I questioned as I swallowed hard, hoping against all hope that there was a loophole, some kind of way that I could save Draven from this.
“Yeah…the others….they found courage in their test…they found enlightenment in witnessing their past - they see it as a choice to live again and redeem the evil they’ve done…but it comes with a high price…their emotions rule them, and any one negative emotion will send their past addiction of that realm to them – tempt them – haunt them – terrify them…basically, the only place they find peace is when they submit to their nature and escort dark energy to that world.”
We sat in silence for countless minutes as I tried to understand this existence of darkness, Escorts, another realm. It all seemed so unreal to me, but I felt myself searching for a solution, something that could save everyone.
“The Escorts could starve out that realm…a realm of darkness”
She nodded to confirm.
“So if someone wanted to help all of the damned, make sure they’re not sucked into that realm – helping the Escorts to remain here, helping them find calm and peace from another source – it would be a wise thing to do.”
She didn’t answer me, but I nodded anyway, seeing how that made perfect sense to me – almost as if I’d had that idea before, that I truly believed that that was a solution. I let out a deep breath. “You know, to be so young – you sure do seem to know a lot about all of this.”
“I just pay attention…listen.”
“You hear the shadows, too?” I asked.
“I hear it all,” she whispered as her eyes moved to the night air around us.
At that moment, a small white light appeared in front of the windshield. I focused my eyes and saw that it was a butterfly. I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking it was entirely too late in the year - or day, for that matter - for a butterfly to be out. Others appeared, all white, seeming to hold the glow of the first one I saw.
The one that had caught my attention landed on the windshield in front of me.
“Do you see this?” I mumbled as I leaned forward.
“They’re you…a guide to what you want.”
“My guide?!” I said as I looked to my side and found her waiting stare.
“Everyone has someone or something that’s meant to lead them in the moment they need guidance; right now, they’re yours.”
My eyes left hers and moved to the butterfly in front of me and the others that were fluttering in front of my car.
“They’ll lead me out this...this mess I’m in?” I asked, willing to believe anything at that moment.
“Perhaps. They reflect what you want, and lead you to that point - but you have to understand that sometimes to get what we want, we have to do things we don’t want to do…”
“And why did they decide to show up now?”
“You had a revelation…subduing the Escorts, wanting the impossible to be possible.”
Possible…everything was possible. I already knew that – my shadows taught me that long ago.
Before I could conceive if these butterflies were some kind of sign, some kind of help, they began to fly in circles around my hood; the white of their wings made them seems as if they were one constant string of light – then they moved away from us.
I turned my head to see where they were going and found them in the center of the road as if they were waiting on me to follow them. I turned my head slowly from side to side as I put the car in reverse and began to follow them. Once I reached the road, the light I saw around them faded, and they were gone.
“So much for a guide,” I mumbled as I reached for my GPS and hit home. I wasn’t sure I was ready to go home, to face the ghost of my father - or anyone else, for that matter. l was angry and had a million questions racing through my mind.
I was twenty minutes away from my house and chose to drive as slow as possible as I muddled through my thoughts.
We were driving through the back roads to my house, when all at once I saw the glow in front of us again. I slowed down even more, but they vanished the moment I did that, which infuriated me. I turned my lights off bright and let the dark of the night invade the road before us, looking for something – anything that would make these butterflies appear again. A mile or so later, I saw them once again off to my left. I pulled over to the side of the road and turned my lights off. The light wasn’t in front of us, but rather off to the side. I couldn’t figure out how to get where they were.
When I stopped the car, they stopped in their place as well and seemed to grow brighter. I reached for my GPS to try and figure out what was over there. The screen on the GPS reflected a pond or some kind of water off to the side of where I was parked. I knew where I was now – there was a Dog Park over there. I used to run around that pond and play my guitar underneath one of the large oak trees over there.
I let the GPS fall between me and Monroe and put the car in drive. I was almost sure there was an opening to the park just ahead. Once I found the entrance to the park, I pulled into the deserted parking lot and parked as close as I could to the edge of the field.
“Feel like going for a walk?” I mumbled as I unhooked my seat belt.
Monroe was still as a statue.
“What? You’re not going to make me walk through that field alone, are you?” I said, halfway teasing.
“We’re not alone,” she mumbl
ed.
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Would you tell me if I shouldn’t go?”
“I can’t tell you what you should or should not do – this is your life.”
I let out a deep breath as I stared forward through my windshield. I could see the glow I was chasing in the distance. My curiosity outweighed any fear I would have about strolling through a dark park on a moonless night.
“Lock the doors. I’ll be right back,” I said as I climbed out of the car.
As I stepped into the damp grass, I stared forward at the light I was chasing. At the very least, it was giving me a distraction from the racing emotions that were terrorizing my heart. With each step I took, the light seemed to grow wider. It almost looked like the stars had fallen and were lingering among the dark grass. As the pond came into view, so did even more of the butterflies. There were thousands of them. Most of them had landed on the long blades of grass, while others seemed to flutter over the still water that had a thin film of fog lingering across it.
Staring at the beauty of this moment, I forgot all that was troubling me. I began to give credit to Monroe’s simple explanation that they were a guide; at this moment, they’d guided to me to what I really wanted: peace.
A numbing, calm sensation washed over me, and peace absorbed my soul. At that moment, I felt strong arms encircle my waist. I didn’t flinch or pull away or even turn to see who it was; I already knew Silas was holding me. I leaned slightly back against the warmth of him, ignoring the guilt that was screaming at my heart. I was mad at Draven right now. Being held and comforted by Silas was nothing compared to what I saw him do with Bianca. If anything, I felt justified – we were now even. Even though I knew that thought was immature or selfish, I didn’t care. I wanted to be held...I wanted to feel peace.
“They’re beautiful,” I whispered.
I felt his arms tighten around me and his face lean against mine. “You’ve always loved them.”
I closed my eyes as the idea of a life I couldn’t recall began to haunt me.
“How could I forget something like this? You?” I whispered.
He silently turned me in his arms, giving me no choice but to gaze into his eyes, which were slightly glowing in the darkness around us. “It’s a side effect of living in this reality…a risk I drove you to…I’m sorry,” he said as he gently cradled my face.
A lonely tear that could only represent how utterly lost I felt escaped from my eye and met his fingertips. “Help me…help me make this right…you can’t hurt them,” I said, holding his stare.
Empathy filled his flawless face. “They cannot destroy you…you are my everything, and I cannot live in any realm without you beside me…the time between us has already been too great for any soul to bear.”
“Come with me...come home with me...tell them what to do – how to stop this…help them – then help more like them...help me stop that evil realm from existence.”
The glow of honey in his eyes filled with sympathy.“I can’t…you can’t…it’s their nature…the moment you try and help them, give them a single ounce of your light, your power - they become consumed with lust, lust for all of your power. Because when they obtain it, they’ll have what all Escorts crave: enough power to control the dark realm.”
“They made a choice to face their demons. When they were tested, they took the bravest path. They deserve a second chance.”
“They’re given another chance each time they die and are born again – tested again. Most fall into the numbness the next time they’re tested; others chose the path of an Escort – not because they’re brave, but because they feel with each life that they become stronger, more aware, able to pull more power to them. Escorts are selfish – the lowest of all energy, in my book.”
“How can someone who feels as peaceful as you do be so unforgiving?”
My words clearly hurt him; the glow in his eyes dimmed as his jaw tightened before he said, “I forgive...I protect…anyone who asks me to – but no Escort ever has. They didn’t ask you either, and when you decided to save them, to help them…they placed a divide between us…a veil over your existence.”
“You’re wrong…they’ve asked me to save them – both of them have…in their own way…the depths of their souls are too pure…whatever you think you know about them is wrong – I promise.”
His eyes fell into mine, and he smiled painfully. “Some things never change.”
“Help me,” I whispered.
“I will…the moment they begin to destroy you, I’ll be there.”
“Before that – help now. What do they have to do to make you see that they’re innocent?”
“Leave you alone,” he said in a stern tone.
The familiar emotion of anger came to me instantly. I stepped back, breaking his embrace. “I love him…I belong with him.”
His flawless jawline tensed. “I wish I could understand. I wish I knew how or why you – your energy – is able to walk among both the darkness and light with balance. I wish I could understand why I cannot forget you, or how my soul and yours can be so completely different, yet one. Right now, you’re blinded by this life. If you could see how horribly wrong all of this has gone, how dangerous you stepping into this life was, you’d understand; you’d realize that the mere suggestion of having me any closer than this to Draven – or the father you know in this life – is an impossible request. They cannot change – and neither can I. I will defend the weak, and they consume the weak. Whether Draven realizes it or not, one day very soon your power will be too tempting for him to refuse. This was over before it began.”
I shook my head no as more tears fell. “I won’t let that happen! Never! Do you hear me? Never!”
Silas’ eyes moved across the field we were standing in. “This light, this glow on the wings of these beautiful creatures…that is the mere breath of your light. Do you see how alluring it is? How mesmerizing your power is? If I could take it all way, turn back time and try harder to convince you to change your mind, I would.”
“Monroe said these were my guide…she said they’d lead me to where I wanted to go.”
The anger in his expression seemed to fade. “Monroe’s soul is wise…she knows that your power is your leading light…it will guide you to where you need to be.”
An unthinkable clarity came to me as I uttered the words, “They lead me to you.” My eyes moved across the pond. Grief absorbed every part of me. This was all my fault…I’d placed Draven in an unthinkable danger, and I would do anything – anything – to release him from that.
“If I leave with you now…will you leave them alone? Will you spare them from the fate you promise is theirs?”
Silas stepped closer to me and moved one arm carefully around my waist as the other reached for the center of my chest. My eyes moved to his as I felt the peace his skin was pushing through my body. “I cannot,” his voice trembled. “I cannot set you free from the prison of this body…not in this world….there’s only one way out, and I’d rather end my existence than be the one that takes your last breath in this life.”
The calm that his touch was bringing to me couldn’t hinder my fiercely beating heart. As he felt it pound against his hand, sadness filled his expression.
“I will find a way to save them all…to be the person I was meant to be,” I promised in a whisper.
“Your light…your power is growing stronger with each moment. The more aware you are of who you were – are – the more addicting it becomes to those around you…it won’t be long now,” he said just before he leaned into my lips. As his lips moved across mine, I felt life seeping through me. I felt the courage and power build in my soul. My hands slowly moved up his chest, around his neck, wanting only to feel that power; it wasn’t his touch, it was the way he made me feel that was so addicting. Just as I pulled him closer to me, the warmth and calm of his existence vanished, and he was gone.
I opened my eyes slowly to find that the field I was in had dimmed. I could still see
a few butterflies here and there, but the beauty of their mass had left with Silas. In their absence, the fear, anger, and indescribable loss I felt absorbed me once again. It was as if the existence of Silas was nothing more than a dream…fleeting and untouchable. The range of emotions that had coursed through my body today had left me exhausted, and the worst part was knowing that the roller coaster my heart was on was far from over…there was no telling who was waiting for me at my house…what words Draven and I would use as daggers tonight.
Chapter Twelve
In a haze, I walked back to my car. When I got in, Monroe quietly said. “You came back.”
I nodded. “It seems the only way out of hell is to run right through it,” I said as I put my car in reverse and turned to leave the vacant, dark park. The few minutes between there and my home were silent. As I turned on my street, my heart began to beat faster. I glanced down at my phone to see over thirty missed calls. I felt my stomach tying in knots. A half-mile before I reached my house, Draven’s Hummer flew past me. I glanced in my rearview mirror to see him slam on his breaks, and I sped up, trying to reach my driveway. I didn’t want Monroe to hear the fight that was sure to erupt between us; I had no idea what the anger I’d caused him would create. I pulled in my driveway and passed over the bridge.
“I’m stopping here. Take my car to the house. I’m sure you have homework or something you need to do,” I said as I pulled my phone loose from the cord that was charging it and grabbed my bag. Monroe didn’t bother to argue; she slid across the seat and had the car in drive before I had a chance to close the door. I waved for her to go and step out of the path of driveway, unsure that Draven would be calm enough to see me in the darkness.
As he turned into my driveway, I heard his wheels squeal in protest. I slid my phone in my bag and waited for him to come closer. He slammed on his brakes once he passed the bridge, leaving me in the glow of his headlights. As he pushed his door open and climbed out, my heart began to beat violently in my chest. Part of me wanted to run away from him, and the other part of me wanted to run to him. My memory was cruel to me; I kept seeing him and Bianca - the way she seduced him…the way he let her.