“Calm down and have a seat, would you?”
“I’ll calm down when you tell me you aren’t playing matchmaker.” When he shifted in his chair, surprise turning to guilt, she marched up to his desk. “Way to throw me face-first under the bus, big brother.”
“Rolan Stanislav is a great catch,” he said defensively.
“That old fogie is nine hundred years old!”
“So what? We’re over four hundred, which doesn’t exactly make us spring chickens,” he said evenly. “You know very well he’s quite attractive, and any number of female vamps would kill to mate with him.”
That, at least, was the truth. Rolan was tall, powerful, with long white blond hair and jade green eyes. She didn’t know him very well personally, but he was widely considered kind and honorable. Admirable.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t Stefano. The thought of replacing her dead mate made her sick with guilt, though it had been decades since he was killed.
She shook herself from taking that nightmare trip down memory lane. “Then they’re welcome to him.”
“Just one problem with that—he wants you. Has for ages, Calla, ever since he recovered from his mate’s death. How long are you going to avoid him? Hell, not just him but the entire male population?”
“I don’t care what he or anyone else wants! European vampires are stuck in the Middle Ages when it comes to just about everything, including their views on women.” That wasn’t necessarily true anymore, and it felt like the lame excuse it was. She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not mating with him and that’s final.”
“I’m not asking you to mate with him. Just meet with him, socialize a bit. Give him a chance, for me? He’s a suitable match who would bring two vampire covens together as one unbeatable force. Nobody would mess with us then.”
“Nobody would mess with us now,” she insisted. “Except for Carter and his band of thugs, there isn’t anyone who’s dared in the past seventy years.”
“I never take our safety for granted.” His lips thinned in anger.
“Neither do I. But I’m sure there’s another way to merge with another powerful coven besides selling me to the highest bidder.”
At that, he looked shocked and hurt. “I would never suggest such a thing. Calla, I love you. I just want to see you happy again.”
“And if you can kill two birds with one stone, all the better?”
“Yes. Is that so wrong?”
No, it wasn’t. Her outrage evaporated like smoke as she studied her brother. Tarron truly loved her, and their coven. She had never doubted that. Every day, he put his own happiness on hold to make certain they were all safe and prosperous. He worked harder than anyone she knew.
And she suddenly noted something about him. There was a shadow in his eyes she’d never seen before. Perhaps it was worry, or melancholy.
Slowly, she lowered herself into a chair. “Do you have reason to believe we’re going to be threatened?”
“Nothing specific,” he admitted. “But I’ve been uneasy. There’s a feeling of foreboding that I can’t quite shake. As though Carter’s death was too easy, and there’s something waiting in the shadows. Like the old saying goes, if you kill one cockroach in the kitchen, there’s a million more behind the walls. I can’t explain it better than that.”
His words gave her a chill, and she rubbed her arms. “We’ve got good allies in the Alpha Pack.”
Unbidden, a mental picture of the Pack’s sexy commander popped into her head. She tried to ignore it—and struggled not to think about how he’d spun on his heel and walked away after meeting her. As if she’d offended him with her presence. The dismissal still stung.
Tarron nodded. “Yes. And I’m glad about that. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind having them around all the time, but Nick needs his men there. They’ve got a job to do.”
“True, but their purpose isn’t so different from ours. They fight to protect others from harm so we can all live peacefully. They’re a family, like us.”
“Yes, but they’re not vampires.”
“Elitist much?”
He scowled. “I didn’t mean that they’re less because they’re shifters, just that they don’t hold the same loyalty to us as our own kind would.”
“That’s your opinion, with no proof to support it.”
Her brother merely shrugged. “I’m grateful for their friendship, and I know they’d come if we needed them. I just don’t see the harm in our coven being bigger and stronger.”
“How about ‘the bigger they are, the harder they fall’? Ever heard that one?”
“Gods, you wear me out.” He rubbed his eyes, then leveled a piercing look at her. “So, will you make nice with Rolan at the party?”
“Seeing as you’re not going to let this rest until I do, I’ll agree. But only to be cordial, nothing more,” she warned him.
Tarron gave her the brilliant smile that turned other females’ knees to jelly. Calla had to admit it was pretty potent. Until she remembered what a jerk he could be sometimes.
Coming around the desk, he wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you. I promise the Russian prince will be a perfect gentleman. And if you really don’t have any feelings for him, I won’t push. Either way, it still won’t hurt to have a strong ally.”
“All right, I can’t argue with that.”
“Thank fuck.”
Laughing, she pulled back and pecked him on the cheek. “Talk to you later.”
Throwing Tarron a smile, she took her leave. It was hard to stay angry at her brother. But her amusement quickly faded as she replayed their conversation in her head. Even if she were ready to move on, to take another mate or even simply a lover, she’d never felt a pull toward Rolan.
Not like she’d experienced when she’d met Nick Westfall a few days ago. They’d been introduced and he’d taken her hand—and it was like she’d been pumped with a million volts of electricity. From the shock on the wolf shifter’s handsome, rugged face, he’d felt it as well.
And he’d been none too pleased, if his hasty exit was any indication.
Sadness nearly overwhelmed her in that moment, tears pricking her eyes, and she wasn’t sure why. She’d met the man for all of thirty seconds, and didn’t know him from Adam. So why was there a gaping hole in her chest?
A desperate need to escape overwhelmed her. Sometimes the coven’s mountain stronghold in the Smokies was more of a prison than a home. Going against her brother’s standing directive, she used her gift of translocation to avoid her bodyguards and take herself away from there. Far away. She knew exactly where she wanted to be, and when she landed a few seconds later, she stood in a gorgeous copse of trees in the middle of the Shoshone National Forest hundreds of miles from the coven.
Home to the Alpha Pack. And the wolf commander.
What was this compulsion? This aching need to be near him? The last time she’d felt this way had been . . . when she met Stefano. Her throat burned with grief at the thought of what that might mean.
There was a certain peace in being cold and numb. In allowing every limb and organ to remain frozen so that the pain could never sneak in again. The idea of finally allowing the thaw was beyond her comprehension at this point. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to let another man inside her heart. Or whether she was capable.
She wandered for a while, enjoying the lush forest with its greenery. Insects buzzed and various birds chattered. The day wasn’t too hot, a balmy breeze moving the leaves and branches. At last she came to a break on a rise and sucked in a breath at the beautiful Rocky Mountains in the distance. The sight was simply gorgeous.
But not nearly as breathtaking as the man sitting in the grass on the edge of the knoll, looking out over the vast expanse as though trying his best to ascertain the secrets of the world. His profile was strong and almost regal, with a square jaw and dark eyebrows arching over a straight nose that sat perfectly on his rugged face. His inky hair was touched with silver at his temples. He ha
d a set of broad shoulders, and she remembered he was tall when standing, well over six feet.
One of his jean-clad legs was stretched out in the grass, the other bent at the knee. Compelled by some unnamed force, she approached and spotted a wicked-looking dagger with a pearl handle sitting on the ground at his side. Frowning, she studied it, then looked back to the commander. She could have sworn she scented blood—a sweet, heady aroma that she recognized was pure Nick. But she didn’t see any blood.
Finally, he lifted his wary gaze and acknowledged her presence. “Calla.”
“Hello, Nick,” she said, glad her voice gave away no hint of how hard her pulse was racing at the sight of him. “Out for a run?”
“I let my wolf out earlier, but now I’m just out for a walk and taking a break to do some thinking.” He studied her intently. “You’re about the last person I expected to see out here.”
She shrugged, and decided to go for honesty. “I was drawn here. I’m not one hundred percent sure why.”
Instead of addressing that, he asked, “Ditched your guards again, did you? Your brother will be pissed.”
Moving around in front of him so she could see him better, she narrowed her eyes. “How did you know about that? Has Tarron been talking about me?”
One corner of his full, succulent mouth kicked up. “He didn’t have to. I’ve seen you do it.”
“What? When?” She stared at him in surprise.
“A few weeks ago, when the team and I stayed at your stronghold. Before I was . . .”
She didn’t have to ask Before what? She knew he was referring to when he had been kidnapped by Carter, and tortured. She let it go for now, to his visible relief. “What was I doing when you saw me?”
“Pretty much the same. You were out for a walk in the woods, and you’d decided to sit by a pond for a while. I was in wolf form and I watched you until Tarron yelled, obviously upset and looking for you.”
She blinked at his frank admission. “I’m not sure how to feel about you spying on me.”
“I was just making sure no harm came to you,” he said, then looked away. “And maybe admiring the view as well.”
“Really, now,” she murmured, a tiny thrill dancing through her body. Making a decision, she took a seat beside him on the grass, uninvited. “You could have at least made yourself known so I could’ve had the same pleasure.”
A soft chuckle rumbled in his chest and he seemed to relax a fraction. “You don’t mince words.”
“Never saw the point.” They were silent for a moment. Her gaze fell on the knife again and she nodded at it. “I’m not thinking a born wolf shifter needs a blade for an afternoon stroll. Were you planning to harm yourself? I smelled blood when I approached you.”
His shoulders tensed. For a while she thought he wouldn’t answer. Then he held out his arm and turned his wrist over, showing her a red line, the slice still a bit bloody. The implication washed over her like ice water.
“Why isn’t it healing?” She couldn’t hide the tremor in her voice.
“Silver blade,” he said simply. “But if I wanted to do the job right, I’d have to drive it into my heart.”
Truly alarmed, she placed a hand on his thigh, noting the hard muscles bunching under her palm. The spark of attraction threatened to ignite again, but she fought it down. This wasn’t the time. Focusing on his emotions, she could see that anyone would think he was completely calm—if it wasn’t for the desolation in his dark blue eyes.
She kept her voice gentle, nonjudgmental. “Why would you contemplate such a thing? Because of what Carter did to you?”
His eyes snapped to hers, piercing her to the core. “What do you know? Has Tarron given you the sordid details?”
“No,” she assured him. “My brother and his men are not prone to discussing others’ misfortunes, especially when it involves a mission or a battle. The only ones who are privy to everything are the ones who were there, or those who need to be told.”
Dropping his chin, he blew out a breath. “That’s good to know. Thank you.”
“I’m here, however, if you want to talk.” She paused, biting her bottom lip with one fang before admitting, “I’ve been where you are now. At the lowest point in my life, I was ready to give up.”
That got his undivided attention again. Startled, he laid a hand over hers. “For God’s sake, why? I can’t imagine a woman as smart and beautiful as you having a reason to feel that way.”
She gave him a sad smile. “Thank you. But I had every reason, or so I believed at the time. I lost my mate over seventy years ago, and I almost didn’t survive his death.”
“Calla, I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. His tone and his expression were honest.
“Me, too. Stefano was a wonderful man, and we were very much in love. Do you know it’s rare for a vampire to find his or her true Bondmate?”
“I’ve heard that, yes. Is that what you were to each other?”
“We were,” she said. “Some vampires wait centuries and never find their other half. Many of them seek death when they can’t stand the loneliness any longer. After I came of age, I waited two hundred years before we found each other, which seemed forever but is actually not nearly as long as most of our kind. We had more than a hundred years together, and then just like that, he was gone.”
“Can you talk about what happened?”
The commander was so kind, and understanding. Tears pricked her eyes, and she sniffed. “One day, I’ll tell you more about him, and what happened. That’s not the point I’m making right now.”
“What is the point?” He was still holding her hand.
She considered her words carefully. “There have been many times in the past seventy years I’ve wanted to give up. Sometimes the struggle just seems so overwhelming, like I can’t take one more day. Some days I have to dig deep, and I survive for three reasons: First, Tarron would be devastated and I can’t leave him with that burden. He’d blame himself forever, perhaps even follow me, and I’m not going to let it happen. Second, the bastards who ruined my life would win, and that’s not acceptable, either.”
“Those are damned good reasons. And third?”
“There’s always a tiny bit of hope inside me that I’ll find happiness again,” she whispered. “What if I took myself out of the game too soon, when I only had to wait a little longer?”
“How come you make so much sense?” He tried a smile, but it didn’t quite materialize.
Reaching out, she touched his face. She loved the manly stubble against her fingers, his lips and cheekbones. Even more, she was drawn to the kind, genuine man behind the steely demeanor. “I can see how sad you are, Nick. How weary. Whatever Carter did to you, I suspect that’s not the only reason you’re feeling down.”
“You’re right. It’s not. It’s just the latest in a string of blows.”
“And yet you’re still here. Don’t you see? You don’t really want to give up, or you would have by now. You’re a bit lost, but you’re going to find your way.”
“You seem sure about that.”
“I am,” she said with growing confidence.
“And I thought I was the Seer.”
Then Nick gave her the first honest smile she’d seen since they had met, one that reached his eyes, and it completely transformed his face. Sweet gods, he’s beautiful! If she’d thought him handsome before, now she just about swallowed her tongue. Her long-neglected libido stretched and awakened, purring like the engine of a Ferrari ready to burn rubber.
With regret, she reined herself in. Neither of them was ready to move fast, were they?
“Would you like to go for a walk?” she asked.
“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”
Nick lifted the right cuff of his jeans and sheathed his knife in the holster strapped to his ankle. Then he stood and helped her up, letting his hand remain wrapped around her smaller one for a moment before releasing it. She felt the loss of his touch immediately, a
nd craved more. She would have to content herself with his nearness—for the time being.
“Tell me about your family,” he said. “I got the impression there’s only you and Tarron in the coven?”
“Yes, but we have a younger brother, Adrian, who lives in England. He doesn’t prefer coven life; he’s sort of a loner. He works for the Secret Service and loves it.”
Nick whistled in appreciation. “I’m impressed. Do they know he’s a vampire?”
“Only his handler and one close friend. Everyone else is discretionary, on an absolute need-to-know basis. He’s good at his job, a real badass.” She shot him a grin. “Sort of like someone else I know.”
“Not so sure about that.” But his expression was pleased. “Anyway, you sound very proud of Adrian.”
“I am. I was blessed with wonderful brothers.”
“What about your parents?”
“They died long ago, right after I reached puberty,” she said wistfully. “Even though there were so many dangers that existed back then from human hunters, rogue shifters, and other paranormal creatures, that’s not what got them. It was a simple accident. A log shifted and rolled from the hearth in the night and our little cottage went up in flames before we knew what was happening. They couldn’t get out.”
“I’m sorry.” Reaching out, he took her hand again, stroking her skin with his thumb.
A pang lanced her soul, but Nick’s hand wrapped around hers soothed it. “It’s all right. I’ve had centuries to make peace with their deaths. Tarron got me and Adrian out, and has been taking care of us ever since. Well, mostly me these days. Sometimes I think he takes his role of substitute father a bit too seriously,” she said to lighten the conversation.
“Let him. Family is everything, and at least he loves you.”
Something in his tone made her wonder, and she decided to probe a little. “What about your family? I was introduced to your daughter and her mate when your team stayed at the stronghold. Then I met your brother at the party, but I don’t know much about them.”