“What’s the matter?”
Leah swallowed before she spoke but she never got a chance to answer as the door to the room swung open. The sound of Az’s voice had her opening her eyes.
“Any change?”
Jana indicated where Leah stood by the mirror. “As you can see.”
Nodding to both of them, Jana left the room. Leah eyed Az warily. What did he think of her external appearance? If she really was his ‘mate’ he must feel as if he was saddled with a giant mess not to mention the nightmare of being with someone who still couldn’t remember who they were.
His grin surprised her. “I’m so glad to see you up and about.” He moved forward, his gaze on her eyes; he reached out and touched her forehead. “Nice and cool. That’s a relief.”
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know why that happened and I still don’t know who I am.”
Stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. He knows that. She almost jumped at the sound of her wolf’s voice.
Az shook his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, you have nothing to be sorry for. Whatever is going on here, we’re going to have to get it figured out…one way or another.”
Leah narrowed her gaze, looking at Az. He really did look worn out. “Jana said you were in the lab in the basement. If there’s a lab here, why did you use the one below ground?”
“When we built the new structure, when Tristan and Ashlee designed it, they made room for a lab here for me. In my Dad’s days, there was never one anywhere where I could use. He got so sick of tripping over my quote “science shit” that he had that lab built for me to get me out of his way.”
Leah rolled her eyes. “Sounds like a real charmer, your dad.”
Az smiled, but it was mirthless. He touched a strand of her hair, a white strand, and she wanted to hide. “He could be. If he’d met you, under different circumstances, he would have known just what to say and do to get you to do what he wanted. Kendrick Kane knew how to charm the ladies…especially our mother who thought the sun rose and set with him. I, by contrast, have no idea what to say to you.”
See, you’re not the only one who is insecure.
“I like what you say to me, Az. I like it now and I liked it when I was walking around on all fours.”
He let go of her hair and looked at the floor, she followed his gaze where he seemed to be watching his feet. “Did you notice that your fur changed colors?”
She had. “It looked more vibrant to me.”
“It might do that again. Faith’s changed several times after her first shift. She started out all black and ended up brown and gold. We have no idea why that happened.”
Her wolf scoffed. I am much more secure than that. I pick colors and I stick with them.
Leah smiled. “My wolf seems to think that Faith’s furry one is insecure in her color selections.”
“So then it’s magic and nothing biological at all. I don’t know why I bother. I should assume all things in life are related to the ‘hoo-doo’ and leave it at that.”
She laughed. “I’m sure life is a little more complicated than that.”
His brown eyes met hers shining with amusement. “Guess I’m being a little bit dramatic, huh?”
“Just a tad.” She waited a bit before continuing. “Could you say something about it already?”
He grabbed her hand, stroking his index finger over her hand. “Something about what? You’re going to have to excuse me, I don’t always follow conversations the way I should. My head is always doing one hundred things at a time not to mention my wolf yammers on and on telling me all the things I’m doing wrong.”
“No, in this case, I assumed you were being nice not mentioning my mess.” “What mess?”
She pulled her hand free and grabbed her hair. “My hair, Azriel, my multi-colored clown hair.”
“It does have more colors than it did in the picture but I don’t think it looks like clown hair. I think it’s beautiful, lovely, like a rainbow of colors.”
“It’s a disaster.” Tears filled her eyes. Why was this bothering her so much? She never would have guessed she was so superficial. No, it wasn’t that. It was just that doing that to one’s hair…it was a decision you consciously made. A statement of some intent that you wanted to express to the world and Leah had no idea what that statement was because she could not access the memories of the person who had decided to do that to herself. She had to live with the consequences but had no ability to understand the reasoning. If she had to be an oddball who couldn’t remember even what her birthday was or what color her childhood home had been then why couldn’t she blend into the wallpaper and not draw attention to herself?
“It fits with what I now know about you.” Az actually jumped from foot to foot. “We looked you up on the Internet while you weren’t feeling well. I guess technically I should say Rex looked you up. He’s the one who really does well with modern technology.”
She sighed. “And what does it say about me that I choose to wear my hair like a children’s cartoon character?”
He ran to a table and picked up some pages. She hadn’t noticed them sitting there.
How could she when her hair used up all the light in the room?
“There are all these articles about you from when you first went missing. Your father makes lots of pleas for your safe return. You’re their only child. Your mother died last year in a car accident.” He looked up from where he read. “I’m so sorry about that.”
Her mother was dead. She processed that information. Nothing, no reaction at all but then how could she? He was talking about a woman she did not know. “Thank you…go on.”
“He says that you are fun loving, sociable, charitable and kind.”
“Wow, I sound like a real saint.” If sarcasm dripped in her voice, she couldn’t help it. None of those things matched her own internal musings.
“It also says that you own several art galleries in Portland, Maine and Nashua, New Hampshire.”
“So, I’m an artist or I just display other people’s work?”
Either way it seemed to Leah that this other version of herself—the one who’d made the fateful decision to paint her head all the colors of the rainbow—obviously liked to show off. This didn’t sit well with her.
“I don’t know but either way it makes sense, right? You’re a creative person.
Creative people do this sort of thing.” He motioned to her hair.
“No, people who are trying to be the center of attention do this ‘thing’ to themselves.” She’d had enough. Just the few minutes she’d spent dwelling on this was too much. “Until I know who she,” Leah pointed to the pages Az held, “is, then I get to decide what I do and do not do. And this,” she grabbed her hair, “has to go right now. Where is the nearest drugstore?”
“Off the island.” He looked between her and the door. She suddenly wondered if she was acting like a lunatic. Maybe he was considering making a break for it. “Do you want to go off-island right now?”
“Yes, right this very second.”
He ran a hand through his dark locks. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because you didn’t want us to call your father yet and maybe you’ll be recognized by someone if you go out in public.”
He made a good point. “Do you think it’s smart? To call my father when I have no idea who he is?”
Yes, call him.
She smiled. She hadn’t been asking her wolf but it was nice to hear her opinion.
“I want to do whatever you want to, Leah, and I don’t mean now. I mean always.” His voice was so low she had to strain to hear what he said. Goosebumps travelled up and down her arms. Here was a man who said so little to other people and yet to her he said the most wonderful things. She wished he would speak all the time.
She crossed to him grabbing his hand. “I have a wolf that speaks in my head now.
Obviously, I have two bodies. I’m clear
ly a shifter. Am I your mate Az?” “What does your wolf tell you, Leah?”
Am I his mate? She’d not tried speaking directly to the animal yet. Up until now it had always addressed her first.
You know you are. Why ask me silly questions?
“She says I am.”
He nodded. “That’s what mine says. Here’s the thing. Most of the pack accepts predestined stuff like they’re talking about what color underwear they want to choose that day.”
Visions of Az in his underwear filled her mind. She’d already seen him naked after the shifts. Still, the image of him in a pair of silk boxer shorts seemed more intimate, more personal like he would only show it to someone he was deeply connected to.
“And you don’t?” What was he saying? That he didn’t want her?
“I’m saying that even without my wolf—if I saw you walking down the street,
holding a cup of coffee, with your beautiful skin like porcelain, your expressive eyes, and your hair that shows your unique vision of the world, I would follow you wherever you were going and spend weeks trying to figure out how to get you to speak to me. But you’d have a choice if you wanted to. I still want you to have that option.”
She smiled. Her intended held lots of self-confidence problems. They were going to have to do something about that.
“Az, I have no idea what I’d think and say. I have no idea who that person is. I know that standing here today, in front of you, with my new wolf hanging out in my head, I look at you and you are the most breathtaking man I’ve ever seen. I thought that way when I couldn’t speak aloud in my other wolf body. I saw the whole pack today and none of them—not one other man here—holds a candle to you. I—”
She never got a chance to finish what she wanted to say. His mouth came down on hers. Warm, soft, and inviting she closed her eyes and let the essence that was Azriel Kane fill her from the outside in. He pulled back, his lids heavy, desire evident in his gaze.
“In my whole life, Leah, no one has ever preferred me to any of them. Are you sure?
I have so many eccentricities. I spend a lot of time living in my own thoughts.”
Reaching up, she kissed him. No one was going to criticize Az in front of her, not even Az.
6
Az pressed his lips firmer against Leah’s. Gods, she smelled so delicious…like lavender essence mixed with vanilla soap and the natural essence that only belonged to her. The amazing thing—the gift—of Leah kissing him was like something out of a dream. In his real life, things like this just didn’t happen.
Now let’s not screw it up.
Not even his wolf was going to dampen the excitement this moment created for him. Even as his heart beat loudly in his ears, he was overcome with a sense of completeness, with a sense of, for the first time in his life, coming home. The kiss ended too soon as her soft, dainty pink lips moved off his.
He opened his eyes. Leah’s were still closed and he was glad to see her breathing was as fast as his own. Raising his hands, he touched her cheekbones with his palms. She opened her eyes and grinned.
Her smile was infectious and he grinned right back. “What are you grinning about?”
“You just kissed me lightheaded.” She chewed on her bottom lip. It was all he could
do not to start biting her himself. “You know, Az, since I have no idea about my personal history, those two kisses were my very first ones.”
“Leah, with as gorgeous as you are, I find it very unlikely that you haven’t been kissed many times by many people.”
“No way. Not when I was so obviously waiting for you.”
Gods, the things she said made his heart flip flop. If this was what it was like having a mate it was a wonder anyone ever got anything done. He rubbed his thumb over her left eyebrow, loving the soft feel of her light brown hair under his rough callused thumb. She sighed and his groin got even tighter.
Leah’s next noise sounded quite different. She shrieked and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Az managed to catch her barely, before her knees gave out and she hit the floor. What the hell?
“Leah?” He yelled loudly, as if he could will her back to him just by the sound of his voice alone.
What was going on? Seconds later, her eyes opened and her head shot up. Fury stormed through Az’s veins. They weren’t her blue-grey eyes that looked at him but dark, almost pitch black pupils.
“You know what has to be done, Azriel.” The voice was Leah’s but the intonation was wrong. He hadn’t known her long but he’d bet any money that Leah never used that singsong pitch he heard now. In fact, he was sure he’d recognize it anywhere.
“Mom?” His mother’s death had wounded him but not for the same reasons it had ruined the others. He and his mother had never been exactly what he would have called close.
“He knew you would know what to do, it’s why he tried so hard to kill you as a child. You and my Angel.” Her angel? Realization dawned fast on Az. Angel was his sister. He had no memory of her except that Cullen had recently remembered her existence and told everyone her name. Their oldest brother Michael searched for her.
“Let go of Leah. Whatever you’re doing, I don’t want to communicate with you like this. Give me back my mate. Now.”
Leah smiled and he wanted to wince. It wasn’t his mate’s jovial, side smile but his mother’s practiced grin. “She’s not being harmed. This is her gift, her magic. She can commune with the other side.”
“Somehow I doubt she intentionally allowed you into her body and mind while we were getting to know one another. Now get out.”
She reached out and touched the scar on the side of his face. “He did that to you during the horrible night where nearly everything was lost. I’m sorry.”
Az batted away her hand. “It’s too late for apologies and even if it weren’t, I don’t want sorrys delivered from beyond the grave. Maybe that makes me a bad person and a bad shifter. I don’t like magic. It’s what got us all into this situation to begin with. Now, give me back my mate.”
Leah’s eyes narrowed and he groaned. Obviously, his mother wasn’t any better at listening to him now than she had been then. “You haven’t yet figured out that of all your brothers you always held the most magic at your fingertips?”
“Only the women have magic.” He sighed. “Get out of her now.”
She gripped his chin, turning so he had to look her straight in the eyes. Her fingernails tug into his skin. “That is nonsense. You know it and I know it. We both know what you were capable of doing as a child. If you’re not doing it now then that is your choice. I didn’t protect you. That is my burden and my guilt. You have to take Leah on a memory spell. It’s the only way she’s going to remember and you need her to do that if you’re going to bring back your father.”
Abruptly, he pulled away. “What the hell makes you think I want him back? I want him dead.”
Her slap surprised him. The side of his face burned from the impact. “Use your head, Azriel.”
He bit down hard on the side of his cheek to keep from wincing and to keep his grip on Leah’s shoulders soft. No way did he want to hurt his mate just because his mother, who had driven him nuts while she was alive and had now found a way to do it dead, inhabited her body.
“If you have something to instruct us, why don’t you go and speak to Tristan. Find a way to bother Ashlee about this.”
Her eyes filled with tears and he cursed. Women’s tears, especially ones that seemed to be coming out of Leah’s eyes, were always his undoing. One tear slipped out and ran the length of her cheek before they stopped. “You have to do this, not Tristan.”
With that statement, Leah’s head fell backwards again. Seconds later, she was back shaking her head. “Oh my, that was odd.”
He picked her up in his arms, carrying her to the table before he sat her down on it. His eyes roamed her body, looking for any signs of physical distress. She grabbed his head, turning his attention to her.
“I’m
okay, let’s talk about what happened?” He closed his eyes. “I don’t want to.”
“Open your eyes and look at me.” Since he was being a baby and he knew it, he complied. “I could feel what she felt and I could see what she remembered. How on earth did you survive your childhood?”
He shrugged, he would have preferred it if she had never known about any of this. “We all had our burdens. Michael, as the oldest, was made to feel weak. Dad didn’t want competition for Alpha. Gabriel was all but destroyed to make him tough with a killer instinct. Tristan, they ignored. That was probably on purpose. All of us knew he should be Alpha but he never knew it. Mom must have wanted to spare him Dad’s notice. Theo has his temper. Dad tried to encourage that but T’s a really good man and couldn’t be destroyed that way. Rex was all but forgotten.”
She smoothed the hair on his forehead. “And you he blamed for everything.” It wasn’t a question. He knew she’d seen it in his mother’s memories. Just how much she had seen still remained to be discovered. “You he tried to kill you when you were a child.” Okay, she’d seen enough.
Letting go of her he stalked to the other side of the room. “I don’t want your pity, Leah. I’m just fine.”
“Everyone has a past, Azriel. Even me and I can’t remember it. Evidently, there is something you can do about that.”
Az really wanted to throw something. “Men are not supposed to be able to do magic. There are rules to these things, order in the universe even to magic. What I can do is an abomination.”
“That’s nonsense. Your father told you that because he was scared of your power. I saw that. So what did you do? Bury it so far inside you that you can’t find it anymore and only your wolf’s pestering you reminds you that it even exists?”
Ouch. That was a direct hit. Inside of him, his wolf perked up.
Maybe mating isn’t just about lovey-dovey stuff. Maybe she sees us better than you would like.
No, he shook his head, this was Mom’s fault. She never had to know. She did.