Ansel’s eyes didn’t open, but he bucked up and snarled, spewing blood from his mouth. Adne grunted, but Connor just kept steady pressure against Ansel’s body.
“Hold him down!” I shouted, and pushed my arm back against his mouth.
My anxiety grew by the minute. Ansel was barely putting up a fight. What if my blood came too late to save him?
“Again, Shay,” I said, pushing back the sickening fear that crawled up my throat. “We have to get the arrows out as quickly as possible.”
Shay nodded and pulled out two more arrows. “That’s all of them,” he announced, tossing the crossbow bolts aside.
I kept my arm pressed to Ansel’s mouth. He stopped flailing and drank deeply, more steadily. I braced myself against the floor with my other hand. He was taking a lot of blood.
“Calla—” Shay moved to my side and put his arm around my waist.
“I’ll be okay,” I said.
Ansel stopped drinking. I hesitantly pulled my arm from his mouth and clamped my hand over the puncture wound. His eyes fluttered open.
“Calla?”
I sobbed, pulling him against me.
Monroe expelled a shuddering sigh. “Thank God.”
“No wonder Strikers have such a hard time killing them,” Silas quipped. “Did you see how fast that was? I’ll talk to the Academy about some new enchantments to counter that.”
“Not now, Silas,” Connor said through gritted teeth.
“It’s really you,” Ansel said, blinking at me, his voice still a bit unsteady. “I can’t believe I found you.”
“Ansel.” I buried my face in his matted hair. “Oh God, Ansel.”
His eyes remained slightly unfocused as they slid over the circled Searchers, finally resting on Ethan, who took a step back.
“He shot me.” Ansel sounded oddly amused. “That’s the one who shot me.”
“Don’t worry—” I began. “It’s all going to be okay. He didn’t know who you were, but you’re safe now.”
Ansel looked at me again. I didn’t recognize the empty smile that cut across his mouth.
“You should have let him kill me.”
THIRTEEN
MY FINGERS DUG INTO his shoulders as I stared at him, unable to speak, not believing what I’d just heard. I could barely recognize my brother’s scent beneath the other vile odors that covered him. Filth, blood, and the sharp tang of fear.
Shay crouched beside us. “Ansel, hey. Take a breath. Everything is cool.”
The knot of sickness tightened when Ansel began to laugh. I’d never heard a sound so chilling. Harsh and devoid of joy.
“Is it, Shay?” he asked, smiling that horrible smile again. “Is everything cool?”
“Ansel, what’s wrong?” I pushed back the hair that was caked on his forehead.
He swatted my hand away, trying to pull himself out of my arms. “Knock it off. Just let go.”
My grip on him only tightened. I couldn’t make anything of his strange behavior. He pushed at me, but I didn’t move an inch.
Shay’s eyes widened as he watched Ansel stop fighting. He stood up, face paling. “Oh no.”
I glanced at him. “What?”
Shay shook his head, his gaze resting on Ansel. “I don’t even know if it’s possible, but I think—”
“You think, chosen boy?” Ansel looked up at Shay with a shudder. “You know. Of course you know.” The smile vanished, replaced by a blank, defeated expression.
“What are you talking about?” I whispered.
“I—” He lifted his eyes to mine. For a moment rage flared within his gray irises, making them flash like a thundercloud full of lightning, but then the light was gone, replaced by a vast fog, thick and hopeless.
Monroe took a cautious step toward us. Ansel didn’t react. He stared ahead, looking at nothing in particular. Monroe knelt beside him, frowning.
“Is he hurt?”
“I don’t know,” I said, keeping my eyes on Ansel. “Baby brother, please. Talk to me.”
“They took it.” Ansel’s whisper was so low I could barely hear him.
“Took what?” I asked.
“Calla.” Shay’s voice had a warning note. “Maybe we should let him rest. Let him be.”
“Me,” Ansel continued, not meeting my eyes. “Everything. It’s gone. I’m dead.”
“They can’t touch you here.” Monroe spoke gently. “Your sister is right. You’re no longer in danger.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Ansel said.
My patience snapped. “What is wrong with you?”
I shoved him away and he tumbled along the floor like a rag doll. Oh God. What just happened?
He lay still for a moment and then his shoulders began to shake as he beat the floor with his fists, sobbing.
Connor gaped at my brother. “Can all Guardians just toss each other around? Or was that because you’re an alpha?”
“No!” I fought the terrible realization that spilled over me.
I crawled to Ansel’s side, gingerly turning him over.
“Ansel?” I reached out, but he scrambled back.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Why can’t you fight me?” I thought I already knew the answer, but my instincts screamed out against it.
He glared at me, fists held tight against his sides. “I told you. They took it.”
“You have to explain, An. I don’t understand.” But I did understand; I just couldn’t believe it.
Shay’s voice came from right behind me. “He’s not a Guardian anymore.”
I turned to look at him. His face was still pale and a little green.
“That isn’t possible.” No, no, no.
“It is,” Monroe said quietly, keeping a respectful distance as he watched my brother begin to rock with grief.
“No, it isn’t!” I shrieked, not wanting to believe what I was seeing before my eyes.
“Guardians can be made,” Monroe continued. “And unmade.”
“No!” I was on my feet, standing before my brother as though he were under attack. “It can’t be!”
“Monroe’s right.” Silas smoothed the front of his shirt. “Guardians are aberrations of nature. The Keepers know how to manipulate their creations as they see fit.”
I snarled at him.
He gazed at me, unfazed. “It’s true.”
“Shut up, Silas.” Connor cuffed him on the back of the head.
“Ow!” Silas cried, rubbing his skull. “What? I’m just pointing out—”
“Leave it,” Monroe barked.
“Why?” Shay crouched beside Ansel, watching him intently. “Why would they do this to you?”
Ansel scowled, glaring at Shay. “An example. They needed an example.”
My mouth went dry. “An example for whom?” I croaked.
Ansel turned his gaze on me and I fell back onto the heels of my hands. How could my own brother look at me like that?
“For your pack,” he hissed. “Or did you forget about us since you have all these new friends?”
“Easy,” Shay said, putting himself between me and Ansel. “Calla isn’t the one to blame. She did what she did to save my life. If you’re going to blame someone, blame me.”
Ansel smiled at him, empty and cold. “Congratulations, man. You’re the wolf that I’m not. She made you for herself and left us behind.”
“That’s not how it happened. Ansel, they were going to kill him!” My eyes burned, tears spilling down my cheeks.
“Better him than us,” he said, staring at the floor again. “The whole pack will be dead soon enough.”
“No,” I whispered. They wouldn’t, would they? Kill the young wolves? All of them? My mind reeled, screaming against the possibility. The Keepers had executed Guardians for revolts in the past. Had I sealed that fate for my packmates when I ran?
Monroe was suddenly beside us, resting his hands on Ansel’s shoulders.
“Listen carefully. We can help you and your fri
ends, but you must tell me the truth. Were you followed?”
Ansel’s eyes rolled up and he spat in Monroe’s face.
Adne gasped, but Monroe held up his hand.
“I understand you’re in pain,” he said quietly, but without anger. “But I need you to trust me. We aren’t your enemies. Your sister is safe here. You will be too.”
I could hardly breathe. Tears still ran down my face, dripping from my jaw onto my collarbone. What had I done? Faces swirled before my closed eyes. Bryn. Mason. Ren.
I felt a hand on mine. “Calla,” Shay murmured. “It’s not your—”
“Don’t.” I jerked my fingers away from his. “It is my fault.”
Ansel drew a long shuddering breath. “They threw me out of a van downtown. They just said I’d find my sister if I was lucky.”
“Ethan?” Monroe was on his feet.
“He was alone,” Ethan said. “No trackers. No Guardians.”
“He’s probably just a warning,” Connor said. “It’s the sort of thing they like to do.”
Adne shuddered and Connor put his arm around her shoulders.
“You’re likely right,” Monroe said.
Adne stepped forward. “We should get him cleaned up. I can find some clothes.”
“I just want to be left alone,” Ansel muttered, but the rage was gone from his voice.
I crawled to his side.
“Let them help, An. They really can help us.”
“I shouldn’t have said those things to you.” He shivered, finally looking at me, eyes glassy and brimming with grief. “I’m glad you’re not dead.”
I laughed through my own tears. “Thanks.”
“Why did you leave us?”
“I couldn’t let Shay die. I just couldn’t,” I choked. “I didn’t want to leave you. I’m so sorry.”
He leaned his head against my shoulder, shivering when I put my arm around him. “So am I.”
FOURTEEN
WE GATHERED AT Purgatory’s kitchen table. Silas and Adne set steaming mugs of tea before us. No longer caked in blood and grime, wearing clothes that Adne had scrounged up, Ansel looked himself again. Almost. His face remained a shadow of the one I remembered, and he shivered even under the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. My brother had always glowed with optimism, a smile constantly twitching at the corners of his lips. Now his features were drawn. His eyes, half hidden by the fall of his sand brown hair, were distant and dull.
I sat across from him, watching his every move, wondering what he was thinking, if he was in pain. I’d tried to sit closer to him, but he’d shifted his chair farther away. It was as though he couldn’t tolerate my presence.
He wasn’t a wolf any longer. I understood the weight of that loss. Wolves were who we’d always been. To live without that part of myself would be . . . impossible. I would be lost in the world. But why won’t he be near me? I know it isn’t his fault. Is he ashamed? Is he afraid of me?
Ansel had been thrown not to the wolves, but from them. Abandoned like refuse in the street, no longer useful to his masters.
We sat quietly, waiting for him to answer the question Monroe had just asked.
He didn’t move, fingers clasping the mug in front of him.
Monroe cleared his throat. “I know it’s difficult, but you need to tell us what happened after Calla and Shay left Vail.”
Ansel pushed his mug away, hiding his shaking hands beneath the table.
“We were waiting for her in the clearing.”
I closed my eyes, suddenly back in the forest. I heard the drums, Sabine and Nev singing. I remembered catching Shay’s scent, finding him bound and blindfolded. My heart began to pound in my chest, matching the memory of the fierce drumbeats.
“But she never came.” Ansel’s voice pierced the fog of images and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me.
“She found me,” Shay said. “I’d been kidnapped. They had me tied up, waiting to be sacrificed in that ceremony.”
“Interesting,” Silas murmured.
“That’s not interesting,” Connor snapped. “It’s sick.”
“What are you even doing here?” I bared my fangs at Silas. “Aren’t you just a paper pusher?”
“That’s my girl.” Connor smiled.
“Scribes coordinate all intelligence from the outposts,” Silas said, puffing his chest. “We lost a key operative today; this boy might be able to tell us how that happened.”
He raised an eyebrow at Ansel, but Ansel just stared blankly at the tabletop.
Silas cleared his throat, looking to Shay. “Tell us about the sacrifice. Was there any ritual preparation involved?”
“Ritual preparation?” Shay asked. “Uh . . . no. I was knocked out. If there was anything that happened before I ended up in the woods, I don’t know what it was.”
Connor glanced at Shay. “You okay, kid?”
“I’m fine,” Shay replied, though he looked a little pale.
“Can we hold questions till he’s finished?” Monroe said, gesturing for Ansel to continue.
The group fell silent.
“None of us knew what was going to happen,” Ansel said, pausing for a moment. “Well—at least none of my pack did. We just thought it would be Ren and Calla together. We knew there would be a kill, but we thought it would be—”
He stopped, glancing around the room.
“Oh, how sweet.” Connor laughed darkly.
“What?” Adne asked.
Ethan grimaced. He rose, pacing beside the hearth. “One of us. They thought it would be one of us to kill.”
Isaac coughed up some of his tea. Adne handed him a dish towel.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room.
“That’s the past,” Monroe said finally. “Leave it.”
Ansel looked at Monroe and after getting a nod, he continued.
“We’d been waiting so long that Efron ordered some of the elder Banes into the forest. They started howling almost immediately. We all ran. Wolves and Keepers. Then I saw her.”
“Flynn,” Shay and I said together.
Ansel nodded. “I couldn’t stop staring. I didn’t know why she’d be in the forest in the first place and now she was dead, obviously killed by one of us.”
He paused, looking at me. “Did you know she was a succubus?”
“Not until she attacked us,” I whispered, remembering her wings, the fire that spewed from her throat.
“That was when everything went crazy,” Ansel continued. “Efron and Lumine were screaming orders. I tried to stay with Bryn, but elder Banes grabbed us. I didn’t know what was happening. They threw me into a car and then we were downtown.”
“Downtown?” I asked, frowning.
“At Eden,” he said. “But not in the club. Underneath it. Efron has some sort of . . . prison there. That’s where they took us.”
“Well, that’s helpful,” Silas murmured.
“What?” Shay asked.
“We didn’t know where the Keepers’ detention facility was,” Monroe said. “Keep talking, Ansel.”
“I didn’t know why we were being treated like the enemy.” His words were tumbling out now. “They put me and Mason in a cell together. And I think Fey and Bryn too—I didn’t see them, but I could hear them yelling.”
I began to tremble. Shay twined his fingers through mine, and I didn’t pull away.
“Nothing happened for a while.” Ansel’s voice was so quiet that we all leaned forward, straining to hear him. “They put shackles on us and we couldn’t change forms. But that was all at first.”
Shay glared at Monroe. “You guys have a swap meet or something?”
Monroe didn’t answer.
“What?” I frowned, looking at Shay.
“They had those on you when we first arrived at the Academy,” he said.
“If she came to while we were moving her, she would have attacked without knowing what she was doing,” Connor said. “We didn’t have a choice.”
Shay opened his mouth to respond.
“Don’t, Shay,” I said quickly. “It’s fine.”
“And then they brought Ren down.” Ansel didn’t seem to have noticed any of our exchange. He was lost in the past, or worse, trapped by it.
At the sound of Ren’s name I jerked my hand free of Shay’s. Ren. Ren had tried to help us. He lied to the Keepers for us. What had it cost him?
Suddenly I could hear his voice. This is only about love. I felt his breath against my skin, his lips on mine. The fierceness of his embrace before I left him.
“And that’s when it started.” Ansel jerked in his seat, shoulders trembling violently.
“When what started?” Monroe urged gently.
“The punishments,” Ansel whispered. “The wraiths came.”
“Adne, you should leave now,” Monroe said, keeping his eyes on Ansel’s shaking form.
“No,” she said, despite her own trembling hands.
“It would be better if you didn’t hear this,” Monroe said. “I’ll fill you in when we’re through.”
“No,” she repeated.
“Why wouldn’t she stay?” Shay asked.
Monroe’s jaw clenched. He didn’t answer Shay, instead keeping his gaze locked on Adne.
Adne swallowed hard but straightened to her full height. “Wraiths killed my mother.”
“You should go,” Monroe said quietly. “Please.”
“It’s okay, Monroe,” Connor said, moving to Adne’s side and taking her hands in his own. “She’s strong.”
Monroe frowned, but didn’t argue further.
Ansel was still talking, shaking. “First they came into our cells with Lumine and Efron. They’d take us, one at a time. Making the others watch. Sometimes it was Emile and the elder Banes. We’d be chained up in human form and they’d attack, teeth and claws tearing at us. Enough to make you bleed but not kill you. Other times the Keepers would come and summon wraiths. Wraiths were worse than Guardians. Much worse. It’s like they swallow you whole and you’re trapped inside; you feel your flesh coming apart. It’s like being eaten alive slowly . . . so slowly. For a while you just scream. Then you pass out. When you wake up, they’re gone. But a couple of hours later they came back and it happened all over again. I could hear Bryn and Fey screaming sometimes.”