What? Why? Are you okay?
Just fine. But I don’t want to see you tonight.
I rose, waiting for him to reply, to fight for us, but only silence met me.
Autumn?
What?
Were you at my house tonight? Maybe watching through the window? he asked.
Of course not.
Are you still there?
Where? My eyes darted around the yard to make sure no one was around. I booked it home.
Are you at my house? Because I’m at yours.
It took only seconds to travel the block through the back yards. He turned around, sensing my presence, just as I arrived at my back door.
“Let’s talk inside,” Zack said.
“It was your idea not to come inside. I think we should stick to that.” I refused to look at him as I dug in my jeans for my house key.
“We’ll have to make an exception. Don’t you think we need to talk about this? Not like we can really do it out here.”
“I don’t want you in my house.” I folded my arms over my chest, glaring at him. I didn’t want to imagine what I looked like after crying. Hopefully, the moonlight would look on me favorably, and Zack wouldn’t notice.
He sighed. “I’m not going anywhere. And last time we arm wrestled, you didn’t beat me. So have fun trying to get rid of me.”
“Fine. Come in. We’ll talk, then you’ll leave,” I said, an edge to my voice. I pushed through the back door. As soon as the door closed behind him, I rounded on him. “Say what you have to say and get out.”
“You’re being unreasonable, Autumn. You saw for yourself how relentless she was and suspicious of every excuse I gave her. How was I going to lure her to my side if I rejected her?”
“We would’ve found another way.” I wrapped my arms around my waist, averting his eyes. “You don’t kiss other girls when you have a girlfriend. That’s called cheating.”
“I didn’t want to kiss her. But she kissed me. And I know how important it is for you to be vindicated with Mr. Collins. You didn’t expect something like this was going to happen? Autumn, you know Gina.”
“Oh, please. Don’t blame all of it on her.” I gave a watery laugh as I glared at him accusingly. “You threw her on the bed.”
“Autumn,” he growled. “I had no choice. You told me to do this, remember?”
“I didn’t say by any means possible! I mean, when Cameron kissed me, he didn’t get another chance. I made sure of it. Because that’s what you do when you’re already with someone.”
“Wait a minute.” He shook his head as if he’d misheard me. “Cameron kissed you?”
Oh, hell, did I just say that out loud? “Yeah, but he ambushed me.”
“Today?” Zack stalked toward me, his eyes dark.
I nodded. “When he walked me to my car.”
“At school?” His eyes had turned to slits.
“No. At Bill’s Bean and Brew.” I took a step back.
“You went out with him?” His teeth ground against each other.
“In a group. There were other people there.” I gulped. “It was a friend thing and I needed a distraction so I wouldn’t think about you and Gina. I didn’t expect him to kiss me.”
“You didn’t?” he asked softly.
I shook my head. “Of course not.”
“Tongue or no tongue?” He inched closer.
My breath froze in my lungs when I saw the faraway battle in his eyes. I didn’t want to lie, but I absolutely did not want to tell the truth either. Turned out, I didn’t need to answer at all. He already knew.
He hit the wall and drywall crumbled. “Damn it, Autumn! I can’t believe you put yourself in a position where he’d kiss you. And you let him.”
“Look who’s talking!” My voice trembled and the words tumbled out. “He faked me out, okay? I looked away, then turned to him and he was already swooping.”
“And you couldn’t get him to back off? No, you had to give him time for a little tongue action first?” Zack loomed over me with a murderous scowl.
“At least there wasn’t a bed involved and our clothes stayed on. Unlike with you Gina. Cameron kissed me once. You were on top of her.” My voice rose. “You have no right to make me out to be the bad guy here.”
“Of course not,” he growled. His breathing became unsteady and his voice dangerously low. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Good-bye, Autumn.”
And just like that, he was gone.
~~~
Chapter Twenty-five
This time last year seemed like a lifetime ago. I was in another state with a different set of friends. My best friend Jenny had a longtime crush on this guy in her math class. One day, he asked her out and she said yes. After their date, Jason dominated our conversations. She was on cloud nine and I was happy for her.
A couple weeks later, he completely blew her off with no explanation. Jenny was devastated. She’d created this fantasy and built her whole world around him. Her entire identity and happiness revolved around him and what he might do. Would he be nice to her that day? Bless her with his smile?
When he’d dumped her, it was as if he’d taken a piece of her soul. At the time, I didn’t understand why Jenny couldn’t still be Jenny without him. People made their own happiness, right? If they didn’t make their life better, no one was going to do it for them. And Jason wasn’t worth her tears.
She’d seen him as this perfect guy, but his perfection existed only in her imagination. I tried to tell her that, but she wouldn’t hear me.
After witnessing what happened to Jenny, I vowed never to allow a guy to become so important that I lost a part of myself.
But Zack had seemed nothing like Jenny’s creepy object of obsession, nor was he anything like Daniel. Zack had been there for me when my car broke down, when Daniel tried to hurt me, and when I didn’t know I was a shape-shifter. He’d never deserted me. Zack wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my friend.
But he wasn’t coming back tonight and he wouldn’t invite me over — I knew that as sure as I knew I was a shape-shifter. We wouldn’t see each other again until tomorrow at school.
I didn’t throw things. I didn’t run upstairs and bury my head in my pillow.
I didn’t do anything at all.
With my back against the wall near the door, I slowly slid down until my bottom touched the floor. I crossed my legs, my arms hanging limply at my sides while I stared at nothing.
I didn’t cry. I was too numb for that.
† † †
Rolling over in bed, I watched the sun come up. The thought of getting out of bed was too much to possibly consider. My limbs were heavy with a fog of gloom smothering me.
I wanted to be understanding and try to see Zack’s perspective, but budging on the Gina incident wasn’t going to happen. Making out with her had not been part of the plan.
If we fought about it again, he’d say he did it for me, to help me out of my predicament. He’d expect me to apologize for kissing Cameron, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t to blame for the kiss.
Perhaps I should’ve been smarter and dodged Cameron more skillfully. I was superhuman, after all. Still, kissing Cameron had been an accident. But Zack had knowingly put moves on Gina.
No, I wouldn’t give in or beg forgiveness. I had no intention of forgiving him either — not that he’d ask for forgiveness. And he probably wouldn’t want to go to Yosemite with me.
The idea of making the long drive by myself was daunting. I could pull over and get a hotel room any time, since I had access to the money my parents had wired into my account. Plus, the credit card I’d lifted from the safe. But I’d rather have Zack with me.
Whether he came with me or not, I needed to pack. I had to be ready to leave straight away after school. I forced my legs to move and eventually made it out of bed. As I gathered items for my trip, I came across Zack’s things.
I paused, unzipping the little black bag he’d given me the other night. Inside was a toothbru
sh, toothpaste, razor, and various other grooming tools. Should I bring it in case Zack went through with it?
Before we’d started dating, he’d spent time helping me when he didn’t want to. Because he couldn’t stand by and do nothing while anyone suffered. If Zack stayed true to his nature, he’d insist on coming along, just to make sure I was safe. His mom would probably insist, too.
Although I hated myself for it, part of me wanted him to be waiting in my car after school like we’d arranged. Even if we didn’t speak the whole way to Yosemite, having him with me when I discovered the truth about my parents would mean everything to me.
I packed his things with mine.
Mapping my route, I printed it out, along with information on nearby hotels and restaurants. I didn’t want to make a hotel reservation yet in case I got everything I needed the first night. If we didn’t need to stay, Zack might want to return home immediately.
Now I just had to load the stuff in my car without anyone seeing. If any of the werewolves thought I was getting ready for a trip, they’d watch me closer. I darted downstairs with my duffle bag, then backed my Mustang farther up the driveway. Once I’d positioned my car to block the view of the side yard from the street, I went inside again and shoved my bag through the window. Back outside, I tossed it into the trunk.
Finally, I was ready for my trip and headed to school. I was dying to skip it and stay home, but cutting class wouldn’t make me appear any more innocent to Mr. Collins. Not only that, I really didn’t need my parents to get a phone call. They might come home and I wouldn’t be there.
As I drove to school, my throat constricted at the thought of Zack. Did he think we’d broken up? Was he even thinking about me at all?
I glided my car into a space by the gate, far from the school building, and sat in my car until the warning bell rang. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone just yet. Especially Zack.
Crawling out of my car, I put my head down and made a mad dash for my first class.
“Autumn!”
Oh, damn, Maya would know how screwed up I was and I didn’t want to talk about it. I mean, how would I explain the betrayal I felt at watching Zack make out with Gina when he wasn’t even supposed to be my boyfriend? Worse, she’d think I was twisted for spying in the first place.
I met her at the double doors.
“I don’t have to guess what you were up to last night.” She lifted one brow, her mouth thinned into a straight line.
Oh, God, how did she find out I’d been spying on Zack?
“This is probably all over school by now.” She flashed her phone screen.
I gasped. It was a picture of Cameron and me kissing. And if it was already all over school, like Maya said, then Zack had probably seen it too. Or he soon would. Right then, I couldn’t imagine forgiving Zack and making up, but I’d already discovered firsthand how much it sucked to watch someone you loved kissing someone else.
Not that Zack loved me. He couldn’t have done those things with Gina if he had.
A groan escaped me. “I don’t know who took that picture, but I wasn’t a willing participant in… that.” I pointed at the phone. “Cameron took me by surprise, I swear.”
“Fill me in later.” Maya sighed. “We’d better get to first period.”
My classes before lunch were spent in a daze. I had no clue if Zack still wanted me and, if he did, whether or not I could forgive him. All I knew was that my heart felt like it had been ripped open and I missed Zack something fierce.
I just needed to get through the day. Once on the road later, I would work on being happy again. I could do it. I had to. And looking for my birth parents would give me something to do, give me a sense of purpose. I needed that.
At lunchtime, Maya found me in the food line. She leaned toward me, lowering her voice. “Autumn, are you okay? I saw you after second period and shouted your name. You just walked off like you were hypnotized or something.”
I groaned inwardly. She always sat with Zack and Trevor. No way could I join her. But if I didn’t give her some kind of explanation, she’d push and push until I told her what happened. How could I tell her how Zack had crushed me when she and everyone else thought we were already over?
“I feel gross today. I should’ve stayed home.” I peeked at Zack out of the corner of my eye to see him smiling at Gina. My hand shot to my stomach which was now queasy at the idea of eating.
“Oh.” Her brows drew together. “Maybe you should go to the nurse.”
Out of the question. I didn’t think Zack would really be waiting for me in my car after school, but if the nurse sent me home, it would be impossible for him to get to my car. “I’ve only got two more classes. I’ll tough it out.”
Maya rubbed my arm soothingly. “Okay, but if you need anything, just ask. Gosh, I hope you’re okay for the trip.”
My smile felt completely foreign to my face. “I’ll be fine. Probably just something I ate.”
“You could take your mind off your stomach by telling me how Cameron’s lips ended up on yours.” She shot me a disapproving look. “What was up with that?”
We were at the front of the line now and I scanned the selection of sandwiches. “He ambushed me and I brushed him off.” I sighed. “Cameron’s nice, but it’s too soon after my breakup with Zack.”
If she asked the right questions, she might figure out how truly horrible last night had gone and I wouldn’t be able to explain any of it. As much as I loved Maya, hanging out with her right then probably wasn’t such a good idea. I needed to sit by John, Janine and Ashley, who wouldn’t pry too much. Besides, I didn’t want my rotten mood rubbing off on her. She was in a healthy relationship and I wanted her to enjoy it.
When we’d finished loading our trays, Maya glanced over at Trevor. I followed her gaze and noticed Zack huddled with Gina at the next table over. I bristled. “Go. I’m fine. I promise.” I smiled again, my face protesting the movement.
“I’ll look for you after school.” She patted my shoulder and returned to her boyfriend. “Text me later and let me know how you’re feeling, okay?”
“I will.” Tray in hand as I turned away from Maya, I tried to give the impression everything was right in the world. I’d been successful at hiding my emotions from my parents for years. It shouldn’t be too difficult to do it with my schoolmates.
As I made my way toward John’s table, I wondered what Zack was thinking. Was he relieved to have an excuse to dump me, happy that he’d dodged a bullet? Or was he as miserable as me? Ashley made room for me next to her, across from John. As soon as Zack was out of my line of vision, my breathing became easier and the pressure lifted from my chest.
“Hey.” I peeled the foil off my yogurt and stirred it, wondering what Zack was thinking at this moment. Did he miss me? Did he want me back? Was he sorry? Zack was always difficult to read. The only way to pick his brain was to ask him and I refused to talk to him. No way.
I kept telling myself I’d eventually get over Zack, that I’d been through worse things. But the pain in my chest was so fierce and raw, I knew it would never pass. My superhuman powers were useless to me in love.
“Autumn, I was wondering if you’d give me your thoughts on something,” John said.
I blinked, remembering where I was. Setting the spoon on the table, I realized I’d been absently stirring the yogurt.
John needed my input on something? I was grateful for the distraction and wanted to throw my arms around him. “Sure.”
He looked around and leaned forward. I glanced around too, certain no one was listening.
“Let’s just say that I needed help, but I wouldn’t ask for it. And I wouldn’t volunteer anything about what was going on either. And let’s just say that you had no idea why and no clue how to help me, but you were absolutely positive I was all screwed up.”
John checked again for eavesdroppers, before leaning closer. “Would you let me stay in that dark place or would you try to pull me out? Would y
ou wait for me to ask for your help or would you throw me a rope? As a true friend, what would you do?”
Now this was something I could help him with and having something else to think about was a godsend. “That’s easy. Just because a friend doesn’t ask for a rope, doesn’t mean they don’t need it. Sometimes, people don’t realize they need help. Even if they do, they might not know how to go about getting it. I’d definitely throw you a rope.”
“Okay.” He nodded, eyeing me for a moment. “I’m throwing you a rope.”
“What?”
“Autumn, do you want to talk about it? Tell me how to make it better for you.”
“I didn’t see that coming.” I grabbed my soda and chugged, the carbonation burning my throat. John was an amazing friend and it meant a lot that he cared that much about me. But I couldn’t confide in him or give him any semblance of the truth. I didn’t want to lie either. I’d had enough of lies. The only other option was to stay silent.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
I sighed. “I can’t talk about it just yet. Maybe never. Normally, I would, but this is just one of those things that…” I shook my head, letting my words trail off.
“Are you …” His eyes darted around again and he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Are you pregnant or something?”
I groaned. Why did everyone keep thinking I might be pregnant? “No, John. I swear that isn’t it. It’s not life threatening either, but I’m not at liberty to discuss it. I’m sorry.”
“I get it. But if you change your mind, I’m here, okay?”
“Thanks.” I gave him a weak smile. “That means a lot, really.”
It didn’t ease the hot poker stuck in my chest, but it was sweet of him to try. I stood, gathered my things and headed toward the garbage can to dump my tray.
Cameron came up beside me. “Everything okay? You look sad.”
The worse I felt, the harder it was to hide. My eyes darted to Zack for the millionth time, but he wasn’t looking at me. I knew he could hear our conversation, but I doubted that he cared to listen in.