Me? I'm none of the above.
I'm just me and yourself you cannot see. Thank God.
*****************************************
The God Given Life
One Sunday in HMP Garth the Chaplain gave a sermon and these words I wrote that night, inspired by him, so I thank Fr. F Smith for his words that day 21/01/01.
The God-given life bestowed on me is plain and simple for all to see.
It's a gift from the Lord; a gift that should be loved, honoured and adored,
but like all things given for free It holds no value. It as no worth.
It's just the love the Father has for me and thee.
He made the stars and the earth.
But he made them all for me; and thee.
Without the life breathed into man what would be God's great plan?
The God-given life bestowed on me is plain and simple for all to see.
I didn't ask for the gift of life.
I didn't ask for the trouble or strife.
The Lord chose me to be his son from love and kindness and not from hun.
He made me in his own likeness; gave me gifts of power and glory.
Sent his Son Jesus to tell his story.
The God-given life bestowed on me is plane and simple for all to see.
I didn't ask for the gift.
But will embrace what's given for free; for the love and trust my Father puts in me.
Unconditional love and grace he gives.
Unconditional love; all he asks, with the image of a dove, is man's devotion, and a lot of love.
Love for his brothers and sisters too.
Love for everyone; from me and you.
But first of all, like any Dad, all he wants is the love of his Lad.
When first your Children start to walk, you know they will fall.
When first your Children start to talk, you know they will stall.
But as a loving Father knows, that's the way it always goes.
If at first they don't stumble.
Or in trying to talk don't mumble their Father will never let go of their hand.
By themselves they'll never stand.
A Child must fall to know he can fall.
The hardest thing for a Father to do is nothing-at-all.
The God-given life bestowed on me is plain and simple for all to see.
"Father knows best" and tries to guide.
Children think from him they can hide.
But when you're down and feeling despair your Father Abba, is always there.
He never will forsake you or leave you.
He never will not want or need you.
When asked of God about the footsteps in the sand.
His answer was, "That's when you were in my hand".
In Jesus I am well pleased, God said.
He'll never again find a Son as pure, not you or me of that I'm sure.......
All we can do for our beloved Father is do our best to make him proud.
Before we die and don our shroud.
Back to dust we all must turn the kingdom of heaven we must earn.
The future's a mystery for you and me.
The past has been for all to see.
Today is a gift; for rich man and peasant that's why we call this day the present.
A present from God most high, the creator of heaven, Ocean and Sky.
Why does God love me? Why me when I've been so bad?
Because he is my ever-loving Dad Amen.
Inspired by the sermon of Minister F. Smith HMP Garth 21/01/01.
*****************************************
Why Did Jesus Die For Me?
The question is Why did Jesus die for me? A question I asked in despair and I don't know why I penned this verse.
It's not fair, why did Jesus die for me?
I didn't ask him to die on that cross up Calvary Hill.
I didn't make Pilot choose to kill Jesus on the tree but all I hear is.
He died for me, on that tree.
A good turn done for you leaves you with a debt to pay.
Now I owe every day of my life to Jesus Christ.
Why did he have to do that and burden me with such a debt unpaid?
A debt that I can't even begin to clear.
He had no right to die for me upon that tree.
Why did he not call on God his Father and mine, to come to his aid in the nick of time.
Any Father would save his Son.
If called upon it would be done.
He was a good man.
He had committed no crime.
He was God's Son Divine.
But people still say He died for me! Upon that tree.
How can I pay that back? It's to big a thing for poor old me.
How could it be that He did not know the impossible debt He was putting on my shoulders.
Now as I get older and older, It's time to put right the favour done for me.
Time to pay back the debt I owe; is it a lot that I must pay?
No; Is it something that's out of my way?
No; Is it more than the debt I owe?
No; God sent his Son Jesus to die for us, in doing that; in us He put his trust.
That we will see the price He paid and understand the sacrifice He made so we would come buck to God through His dead Son.
Our eye's would be opened to the Sin we've all done.
Grace is given to us all, free we take it without a doubt.
When we want our own way we shout like Jesus did on the cross.
My God, Why?; Why?
Why not I say, what have you done for God this year?
This week? This day?, yes that's what I say.
*****************************************
Time
I was sitting in a waiting room one day waiting for some procedural test or other such thing of equal lesser importance to my life when out of the window I could see a clock, it was on the wall of an office across the yard, I watched that clock move slowly round for half' an hour. The hour hand didn't seem to move. Prison life ticking away.
Tic-tock goes the clock on the wall.
Every tic a second so small.
Tic-tock the second-hand hurries round so fast.
Never stopping while making that sound.
Tic-tock the minuets follow on to that now familiar song.
Slower; but not too slow as not to show.
Tic-tock; does the hour hand move at all?
For every tic it seams not to move.
If it does, it's so small you would never know.
Tic-tock as day turns to night and another day's done.
I've won that fight for life.
Tic-tock, Tic-tock, goes the clock on the wall.
*****************************************
In The Dock I Stand
I was appalled at the tricks pulled on my second trial and at the lengths that the police would go to to get someone into jail regardless or not of whether they where the one who committed the crime, one crime one conviction that's the way.
In the dock I stand accused,
I ask for bail but am refused.
The case was on TV and in the press.
With all the hype the Magistrate was to be a snipe.
They asked me no questions of the crime all they were after was giving me time.
The snipe presided on my committal day. And all the police came to say.
"He did this" and "He did that".
The police did done their lying-hat.
In the dock I stand accused.
All I feel is defiled abused.
When the police were asked they put on their mask.
"We searched the house and looked in the cupboard.”
They must have thought they were Mother Hubbard!
"The garden was searched without a doubt."
I looked mysel; I found nowt." DS Capstick then goes on to say.
"I looked in the hut." Now I know
there's something afoot.
He must be mistaken or even confused.
It's probably just the words he used.
Kevin asks him. "Did you look inside the shed?"
But there is no shed!
The looking is all inside his head.
I stand in the dock as the man accused.
Just like Queen Victoria, I am not amused.
With all the lies told that day longer in prison I must stay.
Committed for trial at Carlisle Crown Court.
The outcome is now set and somewhat Fraught.
I set to work at great pace.
In one year I had my case.
November came; so commenced the legal game.
They said this, we said that.
Again the police donned their lying hat.
And when them liars we did show.
Two more statements come from the room next door.
Every time a hole was found.
Every time a truth un-gowned. In came more and more.
Never ever shown before.
One-by-one the witnesses went by.
Some were good and true.
Some with a glint in their eye.
Some; that's most, did all the way lie.
If looks could kill then now is the time I must die.
But all was not a loss I had statements from Thomas and Olly.
I even had one from my boss.
I stood in the witness box for an hour, or four.
But not one crack I let show.
At the start of my trial the QC said this.
"At the end of this trial I will prove beyond doubt."
And leave me with no defence or protestations of which to shout.
The Jury went out to study the case.
As me and Kevin talked of PACE.
Back to prison I went to wait.
All this not-knowing, I did most hate.
The day after that I was taken back.
No verdict was forthcoming so they were asked to try agen.
But this time just try for Ten.
The twelve tried in vain. To achieve their aim.
The ten then tried the same.
But all did not grasp the game.
Now the position was just the same.
Hung Jury!! What's that?
The Prosecution can have another go, but this time; "Get it off pat."
The day came to go to Court for trial.
Every day I was on a van for over one hundred miles.
Back and forward for a week this time.
All to see if I did the crime,
I could tell them in a jot. The answer is I did not!
At the end of this now apparent farce.
Called; justice. The first trial being declared amiss.
The outcome was very clear to all, I was shafted to the hilt.
To con the Jury of my Guilt.
All that's left to say;
Is how long before I see the day I once more will be let go.
The Judge did say his crewel words.
Then told me I would go to prison for twelve years.
He then said take him down.
Shortly after I departed that town, never again to see that place.
Never again to see the face that lied to put me in Hell.
As you enter the prison abandon all hope,
You'll find it's going to become impossible to cope.
To be in prison for a crime you did;
Is nothing at all.
To be in prison as an innocent man;
Well just imagine, if you can. Appeals all fail so stay in jail.
Do your bird serve your time, never worry about the crime.
*****************************************
Marbles for eyes
When I was on my way to the mundane daily task the prison calls "work" I made this stark realisation. The men walking in the narrow corridors were on some sort of learned behaviour daily routine, just like rats in a laboratory maze.
Marbles for eyes all black and glazed.
No life in those eyes of haze; just empty windows of the soul.
Black and dead, pupils so small.
Men walk by but do not see.
They look through their windows of glazed black at me.
Empty shells without a soul inside any more.
Walking like rats in a closed corridor all going the same way.
I don't know why I bother.
On every corner there's a screw.
There are cameras on the roof.
To watch over you.
They must think there's something wrong that I can do.
They don't see the eyes of marble and glass.
They don't see the empty vessels that pass.
To them it's a normal sight.
To see soulless men who have lost the fight.
I can't understand how men so young and full of life.
Can lose their souls!
I can't understand how men can kill their souls.
And end up with windows like dark black holes.
Will I one day have those eyes?
Will I one day have no soul?
Will I one day have no hope?
Just like these men will I need drugs to cope?
If I never get out of jail.
And my face ends up like theirs; all lined and pail.
I will never sell my soul to a drug.
All that will do is make me a mug.
I will never have eyes of marbled glass.
I will never bring mysel down to their class.
I hope!!.
*****************************************
The two women in my life
There comes a time in your life when you come to know that there is only one women in your life that will never let you down, in my case 1 am doubly blessed. I have two and this is what I penned concerning that.
There are two women in my life.
But none of them can ever be my wife.
But I'm faithful to both, I think!
One I've known all my life.
The other; I've known for all her life.
But none of them can be my wife.
I don't have to share out my love.
I don't have to love one today.
And another tomorrow.
I don't have to put up with their grief or sorrow.
My love is not like a sweet jar.
Or the petrol-tank of a car.
It can never run out or become empty.
And I'll never need comforting or pity.
There are two women in my life.
One is my daughter who I love with all my heart.
The other is the woman of whom I am apart.
Yes; I am her son and she!
She is my Mum.
*****************************************
Hung up
After waiting for over a year for my trial I was not well pleased when at the end the jury couldn't reach a verdict. I said to my Solicitor (Kevin Commons) at the time, the police would change the case against me. Kevin told me that couldn't happen and we even got the transcripts of the trial, at some expense I may add, to stop them. The second trial was nothing like the first.
We had our trial and did our best.
I think we conquered all the rest.
But it wasn't enough to bring it to an end.
The prosecution the evidence they will amend.
We'll do it all again.
And go through lots and lots of pain.
Then at the end of the day.
Will anyone ever say.
I've done no wrong?
Will this nightmare ever be gone?
Or when we get to the ninth of June.
Will it all come too soon?
I hope the Jury make up their minds.
I hope their verdict is so kind.
If it turns out it's not; then that'll be me in a bit of a spot.
I'll spend a long time in
jail.
Time will go as quick as a snail.
I just hope and pray this all comes to nowt.
Then at the end they'll let me out.
But as I wait for that fateful day; here is where I'll have to stay.
In Durham prison on remand.
Isn't that just dandy.
Grand?.
*****************************************
Danger-man that's what I am
When the time came for my security category review from Cat B. down to Cat C. The Governor turned me down saying that I had too long left to serve. That's not a valid reason so I went to court. When I got to court I became dangerous and not only to the public but to prisoners according to the QC.
Danger-man that's what I am.
A danger to the public and a danger to prisoners.
It must be so because I was told by the Governor of Garth.
And that's his job; his art.
It must be so; I must be wrong.
When I think I am alright.
I keep being told by more and more.
Any doubt I had must go.
So if it 's right and dangerous I am.
Maybe it's also right that I did the thing they say I did.
But how can that be?
I have no knowledge, I know it wasn't me!
But it must have been me in that room.
But I know it wasn't me.
But they say it was; In their behest.
But who am I? They know best.
Well what a shock it is to think you're right.
Then find out that you're not.
And you did viciously attack a man in the night.
I wonder why I did such a thing as that?
They tell me I hit him with a bat!
But no one knows why I did this deed.
I wonder if it was want, or greed?
Danger-man that's what I am.
But what I don't understand is how do they know.
Why don't I know, what is it that I can't see?
But to them is clearly on show.
And if I did this once.
And didn't know could I have done it before?
I must be mad to do this thing.
This thing that I thought was not of my hand; I just need to know why to understand.