Chapter Seven:
Thrill Seekers
"Hello?"
I made a complete tour of the Training Center, but Zell was nowhere to be found. I lowered myself onto my rock in the front portion of the T.C. and released a deep breath. It was the third time that week he hadn't been here for our workout sessions.
The first time, a first year candidate had needed his help for a Fire Cavern qualification. The second time, he'd been waylaid by a group of students who had questions about their schedules, their Instructor assignments, and various other things only he--as Head of Instruction now that Quistis was gone--could do anything about. Now? Who knew. It was more than likely important. More than likely Garden-related. More than likely last minute and unavoidable.
I released another breath, deeper this time. We didn't get to see each other much. Not since Quistis had left to work with Zack at the TV station. Zell was busy picking up her workload as Head of Instruction--Janine taking over her classes--while training senior candidates to help with his caseload. And me? I was left somewhere outside, busy with the Security Office and reports and surveillance. . . .
I hadn't minded the separation so much before because we had been planning the birthday and then the wedding. But now? With the radical attack those few weeks before on top of the GF summon? It would have been nice to have him around a little bit more than on weekends and occasionally in the morning. I was feeling a little. . . down.
"Hey, Sal gal."
I looked up and offered Janine a somewhat forced smile. "Good morning, Janine."
"Where's lover-boy?" She came to stand across from me and rested a fist on her hip as the other rested on the pommel of her gunblade.
My gaze lowered and I shrugged.
"Busy, eh?" She spat and adjusted her stance. "Damn. No wonder you look like hell. Haven't seen him much, huh?"
I morosely shook my head, my eyes focusing on two rings decorating my left hand.
Janine gave my foot a kick, drawing my gaze. "Why don't you and I workout? We can beat shit up and imagine it's his crummy job."
"But it's not a crummy job, Janine. It's very important."
"Hell," she scoffed. "No job is so important that he can't spend time with his woman. Why the hell you think Quis was a damn bitch? No time for some wild fun."
I flushed and looked away. "Janine..."
"Come on, come on, Sal. Let's go beat the hell out of a T-Rexaur or two. Hyne knows I need the workout."
I nodded and sighed as I stood. "Okay," I softly agreed. And working out with Janine was fun, I just wanted to see my sweetie. So I could convince myself it was all really happening. That I was engaged to Zell. That I was getting married in a little over a month. That he did love me.
"Hey, Sally?"
I looked over at Janine to notice an odd expression on her face. "Hm?"
The metal doors of the main section of the T.C. closed behind us before she faced me. For the first time, I saw an intensely serious expression in her eyes. It went beyond thoughtful.
"Why get married?"
I blinked. "What?"
"Why get married?" she repeated. "What's the point? Sure, the six months you've known each other seems awesome enough, but who says it'll last another six? Why not just shack up together and enjoy it while it lasts? Then..." She shrugged. "Move on. At least you'll be friends. At least you'll have had a great few months to remember."
"But..." I shook my head. "But I don't want to move on, Janine. I've been in love with Zell for years."
Janine's expression actually glowed with patience. "Sally, you haven't lived much outside Garden. What do you know about love?"
My jaw dropped.
"I don't mean to sound like Queen Bitch. Really. Hell. I think it's great you think you're in love with the spaz and everything, but. . . Come on, Sally. How long do you think it's going to last? I've been in a lot of relationships and they never do. Guys are about thrills and danger. The moment something is too reliable or too... demanding they leave, looking for the next rush. Zell's a Sorceress slayer who's seen more of the world than you've ever dreamed of. What's to keep him here with you?"
I stared at Janine with wide eyes for a long time, admitting to myself that I fought the same doubts the entire life of our relationship. Each day had been another challenge for me to trust another portion of myself to a hero. To take that risk so that I could live outside of the fear of being hurt.
I lowered my gaze to my engagement ring--I balled my hand into a fist and met Janine's gaze. "I love him, Janine, and I believe him when he says he loves me. No, I haven't seen as much as he has, but I'm willing to share everything I do have with him. That's what marriage is about: sharing. Support. A commitment to be with the one person who makes you feel more than what you felt you were before. A decision to travel a hard road together, no matter the obstacles.
"Sure, he's a hero and I'm only an ex-librarian, but..." My throat tightened and I blinked back the tears. "But he's taught me to look past that and see the hero that I can be. I might not fight Sorceresses from the future or evil incarnate, but I do my best to keep my Garden family safe. And it's because he taught me how to be courageous. It's because he taught me how to face my fear and step past it. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to risk a possible heartache to be happy. With him."
Janine regarded me for a long moment before lifting her fisted right hand and slowly opening it--I blinked--to reveal a small velveteen box.
"I didn't think he would. I didn't think..." She met my gaze with one that actually showed confusion. "Why would he?"
"Why wouldn't he?"
"Are you kidding, Sally? I mean... the hell?!"
I smiled and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Janine, maybe he cares about you as much as you care about him?"
"Maybe? Maybe? I can't do 'maybe', Sally. Worrying every day if there's something that's going to blast the thing we've got to hell. Wondering every damn hour if he wants to tell me to 'go to hell' because I'm asking too many damned questions or getting into his personal space every friggin' day!?"
"Do you do that now?"
Janine frowned. "Hell no. He's his own man. He can do what he damn-well pleases, and he knows if he screws me over I'll beat him to hell."
I reluctantly laughed. "Then that's what you keep doing, Janine."
Janine scoffed. "Like hell! Being married--"
"Is the same as being someone's best friend." I grinned. "You just get the fringe benefits," I quoted Zell.
"We're getting those now, Sally, so what the hell does he want to prove by giving me this!" And she stuck out her hand holding the velveteen box.
And I could hear the terror in her voice. "You haven't ever had this kind of relationship with a guy, have you?"
Janine looked away, one foot tapping as she gripped the hilt of her gunblade and lowered her arm to her side.
"And now someone like Seifer, who can be loyal to the death, wants to marry you. Wants to show, to the world, that you're together. That he'll beat the crap out of anyone who comes between you--"
"Yes!" she snapped as she harshly faced me. "Okay? I'm scared shitless because I don't know why he'd want to marry a thrill-seeking bitch like me who only chased after him because no one else had balls enough to do it! It was the thrill. The rush. That was it!"
"And now you love him," I observed. And she flinched. She actually flinched.
Janine looked away and tightly crossed her arms. "Hell yes, I love him. And I told him, and he didn't run away. The night of your party he actually said he loved me. Best damn night of passion in my life, and he was still there the next morning. Greeting me with that damn sexy smirk and those emerald eyes." Her voice choked off.
"You don't want to love it so much, do you?" I asked softly. "Being with him, I mean. Because what if. . . what if he leaves?"
Janine lowered her chin with a whispered, "Damn it, Sally." She shook her head. "It wasn't so bad when
I had the control. When I was leading him on to the next thrill while knowing I could back out any time. But this?" She adjusted her crossed arms to free the hand that held the velveteen box. "I don't know if I can do this thrill, Sally."
I released a soft breath and moved beside her to take the velveteen box from her hand and open it. We stared down at the ring together for a long moment before I took the ring from where it comfortably nestled in the velvet cushion within. Then I looked up at Janine. Her brown eyes continued to focus on the ring.
"This ring is his way of telling you that you don't have to do it by yourself," I said softly.
Her brown eyes darkened before she hesitantly reached out to take the ring, cradling it in the palm of her hand that had caused its share of battle and death. And it was then I realized that if anyone understood Seifer, it was Janine Larabie. He knew it, and he was willing to risk a lot of things to hold on to it.
Janine finally very slowly slipped the ring onto the finger of her left hand with a choked, "...damn it, Seifer. You out-thrilled me."
I smiled and pulled her into a hug. "Congratulations, Janie. I wish you all the happiness in the world."