"Desmond." She felt so incredibly exposed, caught on an edge of euphoria, mixed with panic and unbelievably strong desire. She would come with only a whisper of contact, but she didn't want to leave this state. She wanted to ride the edge between euphoria and tranquility. Her heartbeat vibrated in her throat.
"You're a work of art, love. Let's put the finishing touch on this masterpiece."
Retrieving a clear folded tarp from under the table, he spread it out underneath her. When he brought the taper candles to her and stretched up to position one above her, she noticed he was also carrying small lengths of rope to anchor the tapers to the thicker lines. He positioned one candle over her breasts, one over her abdomen, one over her open legs. Once he had them seated, he lit them with a silver lighter.
"Now we watch, and wait, for each drop to fall..." He stood back as panic fluttered through her, wondering how much it would burn.
The one over her abdomen struck first, the drip a momentary intense heat that melted away into sensation near her navel. Then another fell. Drips from the one over her breasts hit the areola of her right nipple, making her buck in her bindings, just as several fell onto her pubic mound. He grasped one of the suspension lines and slowly began to rock her so he could direct where the drips fell, within an inch forward or back, side to side, the rhythm unexpected.
"Oh..." She couldn't move much, but she made the most of what she had, her body creating friction with the roughness of the rope. The psychological effect was the strongest stimulant of all. She was completely helpless, and yet she felt so safe, as if she could trust him to care for her. Was it the first time she'd ever believed that, with any man who'd interested her as a lover? She thought it was, and it terrified her, the enormity of it, how wonderful this all felt. This was supposed to be just a scene, a way for her to understand her performers. She'd known that for a lie, but she hadn't realized how big of a lie it would end up being.
The smoke from the candles, the smell of the wax, mixed with her own intimate scent. He was stroking her body with his free hand and he bent to press kisses to her upper thighs.
"I brought a vibrator, but that's too damn impersonal. I'm going to use my fingers, love." He doused the candles and dropped to his heels between her legs, his hand on her knee. When he rolled his fingertips lightly over her clit, she jerked, her tissues already engorged. He tapped, stroked back and forth. She began to gasp, then cry out, sounds that increased when he shifted around her to stroke her breasts, play with her nipples. He slid his hand back between her legs to torment her.
"You're dripping, love, you're so excited. I can't tell you what it does to me, seeing your cunt cream like that for me."
"Des..." The urgency was all powerful, too demanding.
"No," he said in a low voice. "I'm not here. This is all about you, love. You're floating on a cloud, about to explode like a star, scattering your light over the universe. I'll feel the beauty of it, but you are far above and beyond me. You're what I worship."
"Ah...God...help..." Her cries went to screams as he stroked her clit and an even stronger response surged through her core.
His words should have seemed ridiculous, fantastic. But with the way he'd tied her, the rolling waves of sensation he sent through her, she did feel disembodied, a celestial body set to go super nova. She was powerful, beautiful, detached and yet connected to all. Because she was helpless to him.
"Are you ready, love?"
She could barely speak, body straining, breath rasping, body on fire, pussy spasming. "Yes. Please, God, Des..."
He rubbed her pussy slow, torturously. "Work yourself against me. Show me how fucking hot you are. How you want to rock my world."
She managed three jerky rotations of her hips, then she exploded like that star he'd described. The climax pulled from her inner thighs, ripped through her cunt and into her womb. Her back bowed up farther and the cry that came from her throat was a sound she didn't recognize. A primal scream, a wail in an unbroken firmament. Before anything had ever been created, this was what was there.
It echoed through the theater and came back to her. She was rocking so hard she should have wrenched something out of joint, but now she understood why he'd tied her so securely. He carried her to paradise and back safely, while taking her to a dangerous edge that could destroy her sanity.
When the orgasm at last ebbed away, everything was too bright. She shut her eyes as he rose and dimmed the ghostlight even more, registering her discomfort. He returned to untie her, supporting her so she had no worry about falling as he freed and carried her away from the tarp. He had a piece of carpet behind the table, a blanket spread out on it. Keeping her in his arms until she was laid out on it, he dropped to one knee beside her.
The sheath at his belt held both a knife and a pair of what looked like medical snips that EMTs carried. He flicked open the knife and left the snips. As she watched, he used the flat blade to scrape the wax off her smooth skin in curled, vanilla scented-petals. He followed the movement with his fingers, soothing chafed skin.
All she had the power to do was breathe and stare at him, watch everything he did. It was as if taking her eyes away would break the spell he'd created between them.
After he removed the wax and set it aside in a small pile, he reached for his shirt and threaded her arms through it, lifting her up enough to get the shirt to lie smooth beneath her. Because of the musculature in his shoulders and arms, the sleeves and back were no problem. However, as she'd predicted, the front was problematic, but it didn't faze Des. He buttoned the shirt up to just below her breasts, so the straining fabric above framed them, her nipples and curves exposed. The tails of the shirt split over the juncture between her thighs, leaving her pussy bare to him as well. "Arms above your head, love."
She was like a noodle, with no strength of her own. She raised her trembling arms, but he helped her take them to the position he wanted. He held them there, his fingers curled over her wrists as he bent and brushed his lips along her throat, the top of her breast. When he lifted his head, she could tell he was enthralled by how the shirt barely contained her ample bosom, framing it in such a provocative way.
Normally she would have made some weak joke about how easy men were in their fascination with breasts, but all she could do was shake beneath the weight of his absorption.
"Keep your hands where I put them."
He released her wrists, leaving her arms above her head. He molded his hands over her curves, then buttoned the buttons of his shirt over them, pulling the fabric together as needed to make it work. It was a tight enough hold to create an additional sense of restraint, one she craved. She wanted to be back in the ropes, wanted that feeling again.
With a savage look of lustful pleasure, he ruined his own shirt, tearing it open with one powerful jerk so her breasts spilled forth with a generous bob of reaction. He bent to put his mouth on her again. Suckling, nipping. Despite his initial roughness, now he was gentle. She was spiraling up again as if she hadn't just climaxed, rolling and lifting under his hands. As he moved his way down her body, the fabric of his shirt slid against her back, cloaking her on one side as he cloaked her on her front. When he put his mouth between her legs, she cried out, the sensitive tissues meeting the stubble on his cheeks and jaw. He rubbed it deliberately against her again and nipped at her clit, dragging his tongue over her labia.
She was lost. He was insatiable, and she had no will to stop him. She wanted to tell him to fuck her, take her, drive into her until there was nothing left, but the fear, the tiniest voice in this raw wilderness, kept her silent. Until he sent her over another peak, a level she didn't think she could reach so fast, so hard, clawing at his bare shoulders, a strangled scream burning her throat
"Enough," she gasped as she came down from that. "Enough. You'll kill me."
"It's never enough, love. Not with a gorgeous spirit like yours."
He straightened and drew her into his arms. When he cradled her on his lap, it was
clear how very hard he was. She didn't have the strength to sit up on her own, let alone do anything else, but she wasn't a selfish lover. "If you want me to..."
"Sssh. I'll tell you when I want something from you. Rest. Just rest, love. Let me hold you. This was all to give you your first sub experience. It doesn't need to be anything more than that."
Apparently shattering her universe was more than enough for one night. She closed her eyes, her arms creeping around his back and waist to hold onto him. She tried not to think beyond this moment or resurrect the ludicrous idea she could keep herself detached from this. If she'd had any doubts about her dormant submissive side, he'd just chased them all away. And brought it to full, vibrant life.
She craved surrender. She craved the trust that went with it, this feeling of safety and flying. The feel of being in the arms of a man who knew how to command her heart and soul while cherishing both.
She'd had plenty of loser dates and boyfriends. Yes, they'd hurt her, but she'd recovered, found herself again. Yet she was suddenly, terrifyingly sure she'd met the man capable of breaking her past repair. This was supposed to be a research exercise. Not even a real date.
She was in deep trouble.
Chapter Four
"You know how, when you go to see something like the Grand Canyon, you get this sense of a once-in-a-lifetime experience?" Julie frowned. "You're really grateful for it and everything, but if you look at it from the Grand Canyon's perspective, it probably doesn't see the big deal. It's awesome all the time."
Madison lifted her head from her perusal of a catalog. "Why do adult toy manufacturers put the most hooker-ish looking porn star possible on their packaging?" she asked. "I'm selling these things to women. They want beauty and sensuality, not someone who looks like she just sucked off an entire NFL team. Look at this. Her botoxed lips are stuck in a fish mouth shape."
Julie looked and nodded sagely. "The Grand Canyon's self-introspection and fish-lipped porn stars on vibrator packaging. We should find the overlap. What's that horrible math thing that involves the interlocking circles? Is that trig?"
"You're using a cryptic analogy to avoid talking about what's really bugging you. I'm waiting for you to work your way to the real problem. Maybe they figure men are buying the vibrators for women." Madison continued her musings. "Get your wife this vibrator and she'll turn into a porn star who will want to blow you every hour of the day, except during football."
"She'll do it at half time," Julie suggested. "Which will make you feel awesome, like the Grand Canyon. Or turn your pecker into one of those big rock pilings in the Grand Canyon. See, overlap."
Madison snorted and set aside the catalog. "I want to go shopping. Let's go buy Christmas decorations for the theater."
"It's not Christmas yet. Your theater may flop and be closed by then, and the decorations will make you sad."
"Wow, thanks for the optimism. I want to go to that new year-round Christmas store on Harris Boulevard." Madison offered a plate of scones. "We both need a break. We've been laying out the program, figuring out front-of-house staff, estimating ticket sales against future theater improvements, et cetera, et cetera, for the past three hours. Enough work for a Sunday already. You've been doing nothing but working since you got here. Well, except for that Conservatory date that wasn't a date."
Julie took a scone. "If you keep feeding me like this, I am going to become a very round theater manager."
Madison cocked a brow. "Okay, that time you cut your eyes away from me. You did something with Des other than the orchid date that wasn't a date, didn't you? Did you do the rope session with him?" When Julie refused to say, focused on chewing, Madison hmphed. "Hence the Grand Canyon question. And the type of math you mentioned is the area of union of two intersecting circles. Geometry."
"Do not practice your mathematical wiles on me. Let's ask Troy to come over and model some underwear." Julie looked toward one of the wall displays in Madison's shop. "Ooh, or that harness thing. We could test body oils on him."
"Shale put a halt to any experimentation on Troy. I'm only allowed to do that if she or Logan is present. Spoilsport bitch."
"Which one of them, Logan or Shale?" Julie grinned. "And she only put the kibosh on you. I can say it's a skit idea for the upcoming show."
Troy was Logan's hardware store employee, as well as a submissive for the stunning and intimidating Mistress Shale. Shale and Troy were part of the Consent cast, so Julie had had the pleasure of getting to know both of them better, enough to enjoy teasing them in absentia, like now.
Madison's shop was closed today, the front drapes drawn so they weren't disturbed by the sidewalk traffic. One of their reasons for meeting here had been to go over things in the erotica boutique they would be using as props in the upcoming show.
"In your dreams, girl. I'd advise you to keep your greedy paws off Troy's body. I've seen what Shale can do with a whip." Madison sobered, reaching across her glass display counter to touch Julie's hand. "Seriously, what's going on? You look a little miserable. Was Des unkind? Does Logan need to break his legs?"
"No. Far from it. He's amazing. Too much, really." Julie put down her scone.
Madison's friendly openness, the kind expression on her face, were a welcome invitation to open up about the chaos of feelings Julie had been experiencing since what had happened with Des. She hadn't seen him in several days, though it wasn't because he'd dropped her like a hot potato. He'd left her a couple of messages and inquiring texts, gentle leads to give her space but welcome her communications.
She'd responded generally but she guessed she'd done a good job at indicating she needed a little space, because he hadn't pushed. Though she wondered if that was because it didn't matter to him what the sub whose world he'd rocked was doing. She was just one of many subs with whom he'd done scenes. It was stupid of her to resent that, since she'd stated up front that was what she'd intended their session to be. Just a session. But she hadn't expected it to feel...the way it had. World rocking. She hadn't expected to feel this way about him.
She hated this insecure side of herself, but Madison was in a position to understand it better than anyone. Julie didn't know if that made things better or worse.
She started with halting sentences before pouring it all out in her usual circular, free flow way that could tie a listener's brain in knots. Fortunately, Madison kept pace with her. Her road with Logan had been zigzag, double-back and upside down, too, though he'd helped her find her way forward again.
Was that something that all Doms had, or just the really good ones? The ability to steady a submissive soul? And did they also always leave that soul so flipped out and feeling out of control once the session was done?
"Yeah, at first," Madison said. "In session, you have this mind-shattering experience. Outside it, you have to wrap your mind around what happened, what it all means, how it will impact your world, and what does this guy really want from me, blah, blah, blah."
"That sums it up," Julie said glumly. "But that's the thing, Madison. It was incredible, it really was, but it happened so fast and so smoothly, I can't tell if it's like a doctor's office. The doctor knows his role, and steps into it with all this authority, and we understand our role as patient. But when we leave, here comes another patient. I don't know if I can handle that this guy can give me this incredible experience, and yet I'm just one of many incredible experiences he hands out like ice cream from the back of a truck on a summer day."
"Have you asked him to clarify?"
"Uh, no. I have no desire to be the woman who says 'Hey, I know we met about a minute ago, but I'm just wondering. That mind shattering orgasmic experience you gave me? Was that headed on the road to permanent commitment, a shared apartment and adopting a dog together, or was it more in the hippie category of a great LSD trip, aka let's do it again when we're both in the mood, sometime, maybe?' I am so done with being the clingy, strangle a commitment out of somebody, kind of girl."
She stood up.
"I said I wasn't going to get into any more goddamn, freaking relationships, so why am I thinking about him like this?"
She shook her head, holding up a hand before Madison could answer. "I have a hard enough time with vanilla relationships and not screwing them up. I don't have the strength for this. I should just let it go. I can't become part of his harem."
Madison tapped her fingers on the glass counter. "Okay and fine, if he did take you at your word and it was just a session for him. But what if he's genuinely interested in you?"
The leap in her chest at the idea was far too immediate and schoolgirl crush crazy. "Why would he be?" Julie retorted. "It's far more likely he just wants to encourage me to do more sessions with him, so I can be another fascinating submissive experience. He'd walk away after a few more times, and I'd be blown away by it. Quite literally, with me looking for the pieces for the next five years. But that's not what I'm looking for."
"What are you looking for then?"
"Nothing," Julie said bluntly. "Nothing anymore. Let's go shopping."
On Monday, she'd decided she should reinforce her point by oh-so-casually telling Des she'd really enjoyed their time together, but that was all she needed in terms of firsthand experience on rigging. Closure, end of story. Over the weekend, by firmly blocking any memory of his touch, voice, scent or otherwise overwhelmingly masculine attributes, she'd been able to regain perspective, and she knew what she'd told Madison was right. She just had to hold on to that. He wasn't interested in her like that, and she wasn't interested in thinking otherwise.
Okay, yeah, she was, but what had captured her was the first, exciting, wonderful, lighter-than-air feelings that happened with infatuation. She wasn't interested in the soul-sucking crash and burn that always happened afterward. If the cookie was poisoned, say no to the cookie. The two couldn't be separated.