We walked away from the clamor of the bar along a dirt path leading into the dark forest surrounding the bar. For a popular venue, it was kind of in the middle of nowhere. I was concerned about going into the darkness of the forest but strangely felt safe around Hunter. However, neither of us said anything. The silence was awkward.
Once we entered the forest, I broke the silence. “So . . . you go on cooldown walks after you fight?”
“Yeah, it’s a good time to reflect and clear your head, ya know. That’s why I usually go alone.”
“You don’t go with any of your female fans?” I asked, nonchalantly. “Why walk with me then?”
“Most of the time I like just hanging out by myself or with Gary—I don’t get along with most people . . . You’re different though. I don’t know what it is exactly but I feel like we can relate, you seem cool.” He looked at me and grinned.
“Thanks, I guess. Always nice to be thought of as ‘cool’.” I didn’t know what he meant but it sounded like a compliment and my face flustered anyway. “So, I’ve been wondering, why did you think my name was Dorothy?”
He stopped to pick up a large branch on the ground. “‘Cause you remind me of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz except you almost got swept away by an icy lake instead of a tornado. Then you ran off from my place because you were in a hurry to go home.”
I stooped to pick up my own branch but it was smaller than Hunter’s because my hands were smaller. “What can I say? There’s no place like ‘Floyd Hall’.”
He chuckled as he idly tapped the leaves and bushes with his branch as we walked. “I suppose that makes me the cowardly lion?”
I smiled despite myself. “From what I saw tonight, you definitely found your courage.”
He chuckled again.
“So what’s it like being a fighter?” I asked.
“Not bad. I like the competition.”
“Aren’t you scared of getting hurt?”
He paused. “Nobody likes to get hurt. That’s where training and preparation come in. You keep your head on straight, and the worst you come out with are some cuts and bruises most of the time.”
“I think ‘Mr. Hyde’ would have to disagree with you—you forgot concussions.”
“Sometimes it happens. It’s not like I intended to give him a concussion. Besides, Mr. Hyde’s a big boy. He would’ve done the same to me if he had the chance.”
“Not nice, but not mean right?”
“However you want to put it.” He smirked. Suddenly, he swatted at my face. I was frightened for a moment but quickly realized he had saved me from a nose-diving mosquito. Damn thing must’ve been resistant to the cold. “So Lorrie, how about you? I know you’re not a good swimmer; I know you don’t like my apartment; now I know your name. What else can you tell me? Or do I have to figure it out?”
“By the way, I am a decent swimmer,” I corrected him. “It’s just different when you’re trying to swim in heavy clothes and freezing cold water. But other than that, there’s not much to know. Nothing of importance anyway. I’m just your average college girl.”
“Normal right?” he teased.
“Exactly.”
“Any major?”
“Ugh, I wish. I’m ‘undecided’.”
“‘Undecided’ is legit. It’s certainly honest. I think most people are in that major whether they want to admit it or not.”
“I guess . . . How about you?”
“Physics.”
I raised my brows. “Physics? Wow, that’s quite a brainy major. Physicist by day, brawler by night?”
He chuckled. “The matches help pay for the tuition. But physics isn’t all that bad. Most of it is just memorizing a lot of formulas. Once you realize that, it’s a lot less intimidating.”
“Do you have a particular interest in being a physicist?”
“Eh, not really. I was just kinda interested in planes and stuff when I was growing up and thought learning physics would be cool. I’m kinda less interested in it now.”
Hunter’s expression seemed to turn unusually despondent and I decided not to pursue the topic. “I see.”
We came to a clearing and found ourselves in front of what looked like an abandoned amusement park. There was a beat up sign over the entranceway that said “Neverland”.
“Are we walking in there?” I asked.
“Sure, why not?”
“It looks sketchy. What if it’s dangerous?”
He smiled. “You’re walking with me. If anybody tries something on us, they’ll be sorry. Trust me. I saved you once already, remember?”
“Okay,” I said tentatively. I was intrigued by the idea of exploring an abandoned amusement park. What would a place for fun and laughs be like when it died?
We carried our sticks with us as we hopped over a broken turnstile and entered the park. There were yellow and red flags, tents, game booths, a ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, and a bunch of other fascinating things. Everything was covered in dirt and rust. Small crevices were filled with iced water. I’d have thought some of this stuff would’ve been salvaged but it was as if one day people decided to abandon everything.
“This is pretty crazy. They just left all this stuff here,” I said admiring the surroundings. “Do you walk around here often?”
He prodded a broken styrofoam cup on the ground. “I like to walk around this place whenever I’ve got a match here. Kind of always had a thing for amusement parks since I was a kid. There was a fire at this place a few decades back. You can see some burn marks on the carousel over there.” He pointed with his stick.
I looked at the carousel and saw half the horses blackened by ash. The other half were shades of gray and white. It seemed like all of them were supposed to be white.
“That’s terrible. What happened?”
He shrugged. “Nobody knows how it started. But it happened at night when almost no one was around. I think it took one or two people’s lives. Not enough to be a huge tragedy but I’m sure it affected the family members of those that died—if they had any. I think the owners got a bunch of insurance money and started another park somewhere else. It must’ve been a big a deal when it happened but people kind of forgot about this place over time.”
The story sounded horrible and hit a little too close to my own personal tragedy. I wanted to change the topic. “Did you go to a lot of places like this when you were young?” I asked.
“That’s the thing. I didn’t go to any amusement parks when I was a kid. I wanted to but my parents never took me. All the other kids in grade school would talk about how awesome Disneyland was. Or Six Flags, or Sea World.”
“What kind of parents don’t take their kid to an amusement park?” I said jokingly. “That’s like the stuff childhoods are made of.”
“Deadbeat ones.” He paused, his mouth a thin line. “They were druggies. Real assholes. Cared more about their drugs than taking care of me. That’s why I got away from California and came here.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.” I suddenly felt bad for asking him about his parents.
We were both silent for a moment. I contemplated what Hunter had told me about his parents. Was fighting a way for him to cope with his troubled past like I used drawing to cope with mine? I didn’t know, but it sounded like he and I might not have been as different as I initially thought.
Hunter ended up throwing his branch into a pile of debris near one of the game booths. It fit right in with the other junk.
“How about your parents?” he asked.
I was surprised he didn’t know about me after learning my name. I would’ve thought he heard about me from rumors around campus. Or seen my picture in the paper. It was certainly big news across Illinois.
I could feel the numbness settling in once again. “They’re not together.”
“Divorced?”
Without skipping a beat, I answered. “And dead.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.”
&nb
sp; I could feel the past creeping up on me again like it always did. Images would flash. Scenarios would be relived. The stone would appear again, bigger than the last time, intimidating me like it always did. It would dare me to roll it up the hill. I’d consider it for a while, maybe even try to push it a few times, but every time, I’d end up quitting.
“Hey, check out that booth!” Hunter pointed in the distance, breaking me from the spell. He tugged my hand and we rushed over. “Look there’s an old milk bottle still standing up. Did you ever play these kinds of games before?”
I thought about the time I went to the carnival with Mom and Dad. I must’ve been eight at the time. Dad handed the operator a few bucks and I was given a ball to throw at a stack of milk bottles. It was silly for an eight-year-old to think she had the strength to knock those bottles down. But for some reason I thought I could do it. I thought I could win. I wound my arm back and threw the ball with as much strength as I could muster. It ended up hitting the poor operator right in the nose—a fountain of blood sprayed my overalls. That was the last time I played.
“Yeah,” I said wryly.
“Let’s play.” He touched my hand holding the small branch, sending a tingling through my arm.
“You can play. I’ll watch.”
He smiled. “Nah. I threw my stick away. This one’s yours.”
“Um . . . I don’t really feel like playing.”
He laughed. “C’mon, let’s knock the hell outta that bottle. You could win a prize.”
A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “And what kind of prize would that be?”
“Anything you like. How about that beat-up looking doll over there.” He pointed to the corner of the booth. There was a dirty-blonde doll—emphasis on ‘dirty’—with a pink dress and a dimpled smile on its face as well as various dark stains.
“Eww. That’s gross.” I made a disgusted face but laughed as well.
“Okay, no doll then.” He looked around. “How about some cotton candy from that machine over there?”
I looked at the decrepit cotton candy machine stand with cobwebs inside the glass and a bird nest sitting on top of it. I chuckled. “Why don’t I just scoop up a bunch of dirt and dump it in my mouth?”
He grinned. “Alright, alright. How about the reward for knocking down the bottle is the satisfaction in itself for having done it.”
“Wow, that sounds lame. I’d even take a gold sticker over that.”
He laughed. “Just throw the stick already, Lorrie. We both know the bottle ain’t gonna knock itself over.”
Feeling in a better mood, but still kind of annoyed that Hunter was making me play this game, I wound up my arm and chucked the damn stick as hard as I could. I missed and hit the back flap of the tent, tearing a hole in it.
“Wow, you didn’t win but man that was quite a throw.”
I held my arm up and squeezed my spongy bicep through the jacket sleeve. “I hope you bought tickets to the gun show.”
Hunter smiled at me with his dark eyes then lifted both his arms up and flexed. Thick bulges peaked through the gray cotton. “I didn’t need to bring tickets. I’m a vendor.”
We both laughed before the tent housing the game booth suddenly started collapsing. I jumped into Hunter’s arms and he pulled me back until we were both out of the way.
“Holy shit!” I cried.
“I take it back,” he said, flabbergasted. “You won. Definitely won. Feeling satisfied?”
Still tight against his body, I thought about it for a moment. “You know what, that was satisfying. Really satisfying actually.”
“Good. It sure looked like it.”
We both looked into each other’s eyes. I felt like Hunter was the first person at this school besides Daniela to treat me like a real person—not a victim, object of pity, or some freak in a circus show. I hadn’t really felt much of anything recently but ever since I met Hunter, I’ve felt so many emotions. Annoyance, desire, embarrassment, anxiousness, fun—anything but numb.
A heavy silence passed between us. Being this close to him, I could feel his heart beating. Or was that my own? He was so good-looking it was painful. But I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his dark irises. He tilted his head down slowly. My breath hitched. His eyes became heavy-lidded. I tilted my chin up to meet him, closing my eyes along with him. Just before our lips made contact, I snapped to my senses, panicked, and pushed him away.
“Is there something wrong? What’s going on, Lorrie?”
Flustered, I blurted my unfiltered thoughts. “I’m not going to sleep with you. I know what guys like you are like.”
His eyes widened. “Whoa, whoa. What? Did I miss something? Where did you get the idea that we were going to sleep together?”
“You were going to kiss me.”
“Yeah so? Did you think we were going to then roll around naked on the ground, crushing styrofoam cups and getting dirty as hell?”
“No, but I’m sure you were thinking about a place. Maybe you weren’t thinking we’d do it now, but you were definitely thinking about it sometime.”
He sighed. “One, it looked like you were just as into kissing as I was. Two, kissing is a far cry from sex.”
“I was just caught off guard, that’s all. I wasn’t into it like you’re suggesting.”
“What’s going on? I don’t get you, Lorrie. Why are you freaking out over a kiss? You can’t get pregnant from a kiss ya know.”
“Hurr, hurr. Gee, thanks for the bio lesson.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Are we done with this walk yet? Can we go back?” I turned and took a step in the direction of the way we came.
“Wait,” he said. I pivoted to face him again and saw he was looking at the ground.
“Wait for what?”
He seemed to be deep in thought for a moment then he met my gaze. “You wanna go on a date?”
It was my turn to be surprised. “Whoa, whoa. Where did that come from?”
“You think I’m a player and that all I want is to have sex with you. But it isn’t like that.”
“What’s it like then?”
“I don’t know. I can’t spell it out for you.”
“You can’t or won’t?”
“Dude, Lorrie. I’m not exactly a walking pile of answers. I may be a senior but if you think I’ve figured out everything about girls or life, you’ll be pretty damn disappointed. I don’t even really know what you’re thinking, why you’re acting this way. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time. But I do know I like being around you. I want to see you more. So I’m asking if you want to go on a date sometime.”
“I’m sorry Hunter. You’re a really sweet guy but . . . I’m going to have to say no. It’s not a good time for me, I’m really not into dating anyone right now. It’s nothing personal. Really, it isn’t.”
He studied me for a moment. I could tell he was debating whether to ask me why I wasn’t into dating at the moment and I was already preparing a deflection, but his response surprised me. “If dating doesn’t work for you, then how about being friends?”
“Um . . . What’s your definition of ‘friend’?”
“People who enjoy one another’s company, who generally enjoy hanging out, talking about random stuff, grabbing food, watching movies, pulling each other out of frozen lakes, you know. Friends. Why? What’s your definition?”
I scratched my chin, looking for objections but not finding any. “Hmm . . . I’d say that’s a decent definition. I’d agree with that.”
“Good.” He nodded eagerly.
“—But, ‘friends’ is not the same thing as ‘friends with benefits’. I just want to make sure we’re clear on that.”
He gave a sly smile. “We enjoy one another’s company. Is that not a benefit?”
“You know what I mean, goofball.” I punched his shoulder lightly but it felt more like his shoulder was punching my fist.
He smiled. “Okay, let’s be ‘friends’ friends then.” He held out h
is hand as if expecting a handshake.
I looked at it, wondering the implications of completing the handshake. What would it be like to be friends with Hunter? There were perks to be had but caution overrode eagerness. “I’m not sure, Hunter. You’ve already made it clear you’d like to date me. What if that’s going to be a problem?”
“And you’ve made it clear you’re attracted to me. So it evens out,” he said smoothly.
My eyeballs nearly popped out of their sockets. “Huh? How is it clear I’m attracted to you?”
“The way you look at me, the way you try to blow me off . . . us almost kissing.”
“Yes, I try to avoid you,” I said, correcting his particular phrasing of ‘trying to blow him off’. “But doesn’t that normally mean I’m not attracted to you?”
“Doesn’t apply to you. You’re not normal, remember?” He grinned.
I sighed, concealing a smile tugging at the edges of my lips. I didn’t want him to know that I was enjoying his company. “Hunter, I don’t want to be friends with a guy knowing he’s just being friendly to try to get into my pants. That’s not real friendship. That’s playing a game.”
“Then good luck finding any male friends.” He laughed but I didn’t find his joke particularly funny. “No, but seriously. I meant it when I said ‘let’s be friends friends.’ I don’t really have any female friends so I hope you realize that I didn’t make that suggestion flippantly.”
“You have stalkers and girls fainting to be with you,” I replied, pointing out the inconsistency between his words and reality. “Maybe I’m just the first girl to turn you down. Everyone else probably drops their panties at the snap of your fingers. I’m surprised if you even have to ask at all.”
He shook his head slightly, calmly registering his disapproval. “You’re not the first girl to say ‘no’ to me. And you’re right, I don’t usually ask girls to date me. But so what? I’m not doing this to get into your pants—not if you don’t want it. I’m asking for friendship.”
Maybe I was just giving him a hard time. It was clear that Hunter was pretty different from most of the other guys on campus. And he seemed genuine when he said he just wanted to be friends. But I couldn’t let him off the hook too easily, I wanted to make him sweat so I decided to play my trump card. “You got a boner when I was in your apartment.”