My heart is going nuts, as if it wants to beat itself right out of my chest. I swear it’s like I’m sitting in a movie theater watching somebody else’s life fall apart in front of my eyes.
“This is not happening.” I’m talking to the ceiling.
Lucky’s face appears above mine. “I’m sure it’s just a blip on the machine,” he says. The expression on his face tells me he’s not really so sure of that.
I shake my head, still staring at the ceiling, ignoring Lucky’s face there. “This is not happening. This is not my life. This is somebody else’s life.”
I’m so locked in my daze that I don’t even pay attention to the fact that the tech is gone from the room and I’m getting dressed. Somehow I’m going through the motions like a robot, but none of it is really sinking in. Lucky has to help me zip my pants. I’m too busy trying to figure out what the hell’s going on to focus on the mechanics of it.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s go find this doctor.”
I follow him out the door, holding his hand. For once I’m glad he’s there and I have someone to hang on to.
“If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to the doctor’s office,” says a young girl, meeting up with us in the hallway. This is not the technician who probed me and took pictures of my insides, printing them in black and white on shiny paper. Lucky is holding one of the prints she made, but I can’t look at it. It makes it all too real, to see an image like that.
Lucky pulls me along and we walk into an office whose walls are covered in plaques. Shelves behind the desk are piled high with books. A man stands to say hello and he’s a couple inches shorter than I am, which is not something I see in a grown man very often.
I hold out my hand. “Toni. I’m Toni.” The girl who’s forgotten how to talk, apparently.
He shakes my hand. “I’m Doctor Ramandi.” He turns his attention to Lucky. “And this is . . . ?” He shakes Lucky’s hand.
“I’m the baby daddy. You can call me Lucky.” He nods his head and smiles, guiding me into a chair before he takes his own next to me.
The doctor sits with his hands folded on the desk in front of him. He smiles at both of us before beginning. “Congratulations. I hear you are pregnant with twins.”
I shake my head. “I think you’d better check the tape. I’m pretty sure that’s a mistake.”
He holds up a paper and wiggles it at me. “I already have. I definitely see two embryos implanted in your uterine lining and everything looks great. They’re about the size I would expect them to be at eight weeks.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe this is true. One baby is bad enough but two? My world is crumbling down around my ears.
“What are the chances she’ll be able to maintain a twin pregnancy?” Lucky asks.
I look over at him like he’s crazy. What the hell? Did he go to medical school and I somehow missed that?
“Well, she’s a healthy young woman, she doesn’t drink, and she doesn’t smoke, so I suspect she has a pretty good chance. It is true that sometimes with twin pregnancies one of the embryos will disappear, but we’ll keep an eye on it, and if anything like that happens, of course you know we will be here to answer whatever questions you have. But let’s go ahead and assume that they’re both healthy and they’re both going to continue on to full gestation, and make plans to deal with that. How does that sound?”
“Sounds good to me.” Lucky looks at me. “What do you think, babe? Is it a good idea?”
I shrug. “Okay.” I’m on autopilot. None of this is truly sinking in. I feel like I’m going to wake up in an hour and realize I had a horrible dream about a double pregnancy. The only thing missing right now is Charlie walking in saying that he’s going to be my doula.
The doctor yammers on and on about nutrition, vitamins, and weight gain, and Lucky responds with what seem like normal questions. But I’ve got nothing to say, and I’m really not listening very closely to anything the two of them are discussing. All I can think about is my life with two children in it. Does that qualify as a pack of kids? A herd? A flock? It should. It sounds like way too many. How is this happening to me? I’m starting to think that God has abandoned me to the hands of the Devil. This definitely seems like a game a devil would enjoy playing with someone’s life.
Lucky stands and brings me to my feet with a gentle tug on my hand. “Thanks, Doctor. Really appreciate all the information that you gave us.”
The little guy holds his hand out and shakes Lucky’s. “It’s my pleasure. You have our number, so if anything comes up, give the office a call and one of my nurse practitioners or a midwife will get back to you. We’ll want to see you again in another month just for a regular checkup, and if you guys want to know the sex of your babies, you can do that around eighteen to twenty weeks’ gestation. Go ahead and make the appointment for another ultrasound today for that. Sound good?” He smiles at both of us.
I nod numbly, unable to converse with another human being right now. My brain just won’t work.
“Great. See you later, Doc.” Lucky pulls me out of the room and down the hall to the front desk. He even digs in my purse and fishes out my insurance card to take care of the administrative part of my visit. When I try to give him money for the co-pay he refuses and pulls cash out of his wallet instead.
I don’t have the energy to deal with that right now, but we’re definitely going to have to have a conversation about it. I don’t want to be beholden to him down the line because he helped me out financially. I’ll let him do his part by paying for diapers.
We go out to the car and Lucky opens my door for me. When I settle into the seat, he actually leans over and puts my seatbelt on for me. I look up at him, gazing with confusion into his beautiful eyes. “What are you doing?”
He kisses me on the forehead. “Taking care of my babies’ mama.” Then he leans into the car farther and looks at me so closely, it makes my eyes cross. “That’s babies plural. We’ve got two.” He reaches down and gently pokes my belly two times. “One and two. Romulus and Remus.” He pulls his hand away and starts grinning at me like a fool.
My ears ring as I realize what all of this means. I’m having twins with Lucky. Lucky! I can’t decide whether to laugh, cry, or scream. I settle for arguing. “We are not naming our children Romulus and Remus.”
He shrugs. “Okay, fine. We’ll name them Yin and Yang.”
I try really hard not to smile, but it doesn’t work so well. “No. Not gonna happen.”
He shuts the door and keeps talking as he walks around the front of the car. “Okay, how about Cain and Abel?”
I have to laugh at that. “Knowing my luck, that’s probably what they’re going to end up like.”
Lucky gets into the car and grabs my hand, kissing the back of it. “Don’t say that. They have me as a daddy, which means they’re going to be lucky. They’re going to be angels. We’ll name them Milli and Vanilli.”
I roll my eyes at him and sigh. “If you try to name my children Milli and Vanilli, I will shoot you.”
He laughs. “There’s my Toni. I thought I’d lost you for a few minutes back there.” He starts the car and revs the engine.
I pull my hand away from his and stare out the front windshield. “Nope. I’m still here, unfortunately.”
He pulls out of the parking lot and pats me on the leg. “Don’t worry, babe, I’m still here, too. You haven’t scared me away yet.”
I sigh, trying not to be sad about what feels like a budding romance between me and the perfect guy—a romance that will surely crash and burn in a fiery, painful inferno. “Just give me time. I’m sure I’ll manage.”
“Never gonna happen.”
He sounds so sure of himself. I wish I had the confidence he has in me and the two of us together, because I have no idea how I’m going to raise two babies on my own.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Maybe it’s because we never made an official announcement of the actual pregnancy, but I??
?m really, really nervous going into work today. Lucky and I are sharing a ride, something we don’t normally do. I have a strong need to keep him closer. I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I haven’t even had a single baby yet.
“My mind is still blown,” he says. “I had two cups of coffee hoping it would give me clarity, but I’m still not there.” He looks over at me in the passenger seat, a watery smile letting me know he’s definitely off kilter, just like I am.
“I know how you feel, trust me.” I look out the windshield at the scenery passing us by. I’ve gone this way to work so many times I’ve lost count, but today it’s an entirely different trip. Today I’m driving past all of these trees and these houses and these businesses as a mother of twins. Yep. Mind blown.
“What do you think everyone is going to say?” Lucky asks me.
“I think they’re probably just going to pray for us.”
“That’s good. We could probably use some prayers about now.”
“I don’t think there’re enough prayers in this city to get us all the help we’re going to need.”
Lucky reaches over and squeezes my thigh. “Don’t be so negative. It’s going to be fun.”
I look at him like he’s lost his mind, which he clearly has. “You must be a glutton for punishment.”
He shrugs. “We’ll be fine. We’re a team, remember?” He winks at me.
I shove his hand off my leg. I’m not angry, but I am a little frustrated that he’s being so clueless right now. “I think you’d better read some of those books you bought.”
“I have. I also saw another one online that I think I should get.”
“Oh, really?” I look at him, seeing him in profile. His beard seems longer and bushier already, in just one day. Pretty soon he’s going to look like a mountain man. Unfortunately, it’s not accomplishing his goal of getting uglier. Somehow, he manages to make pubic hair on a man’s face attractive.
“Yeah. It’s a book about organization. I think that’s going to be the key for us. If we could just keep everything organized . . .”
I laugh. “Yeah, right. Because all those books you already bought talk about how babies just fall right in line with their parents’ plans.”
His beard moves around as he chews on his lip. “You might have a point there. I do remember somebody telling me that having to organize more than one kid is like trying to herd cats.”
“That was Jenny. She’s said that many times, and all her kids are way past the baby stage. She never had twins.” The more I talk, the more panicked I start to feel. I need to change the subject. “Doing anything special this weekend?”
He shakes his head while frowning. “Nope. Just hanging out.”
I’m trying to act casual while digging for information. I hope I can pull it off. “You know, you don’t have to hang out at my place all the time if you don’t want to. I mean, if you want to go out or whatever, you can. You don’t have to feel like you’re tied to me just because you got me pregnant.”
His expression goes dark. “Thanks.”
I try to read his mind but it’s like he’s pulled a shutter down between us. “What’s wrong? Did that piss you off?”
He shrugs. “Nope.”
I reach over and bang him on the upper arm with the back of my hand. “Yes, it did. I know that look on your face.”
He reaches up and strokes his beard. “You can’t even see my face anymore. I’m in stealth mode.”
“No, you’re not. You’re in ugly-face mode.” I laugh at my joke. As if.
He grins, making the tufts of hair on his face move up with his smile. “You know it, baby. I’m just waiting for someone to call me Sasquatch.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“Oh yeah, it will.” He pulls on the bottom of his beard. “Just wait until this baby is down to my chest.”
“Whatever you say.” I’m picturing Lucky holding his two babies, one in each arm. That means there’ll be four tiny hands reaching up to grab ahold of that beard and pull it. I’m pretty sure the facial hair is going to come off not very long after the babies are born, but we’ll see. Maybe he’s a stronger man than I imagine.
“I was thinking I would cook you dinner, actually,” he says.
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Why? You don’t like my food?” We’ve shared a few meals since he moved in. Nothing fancy, basically just warmed-up canned, frozen, and boxed things . . . My specialty.
He glances at me with a pained expression. “It’s not that I don’t like charcoal, per se, but I was just thinking maybe you’d like to sample some of my cuisine for a change.”
I whack him on the arm, only harder this time. “Charcoal? What are you talking about?”
He’s smiling way too hard. “You’re the only person I know who can actually burn black the entire square surface of a piece of bread.” He leans over toward me and stretches his lips back, exposing all of his teeth. “Do I have any of that charcoal in my teeth?”
I shove him away and look out the side window so he won’t see me smiling. “Shut up. There was no charcoal on that toast.”
“You mean there was no toast on that toast. It was pure black.” He holds up a finger. “The good news is, though, if anyone tries to poison me it won’t work now.”
I look over at him, confused. “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because . . . I have enough charcoal in my system to absorb any toxins I ingest.”
I cross my arms over my chest and stare out the front window. I didn’t burn the toast that badly. “You better get an official food taster for your meals from now on. You don’t know what I might slip in there.”
He shrugs. “Doesn’t scare me.” He pats and rubs his stomach. “Like I said . . . I’m all charcoaled up.”
The interior of the car goes silent for a while until I catch him ogling me at a stoplight. “What’re you looking at?”
“Your boobs,” he says, sounding mesmerized. “They’re huge.”
I pull my arms away from my chest and place them at my sides, resisting the urge to plaster my hands over my chest. “Why are you looking at them?” My face is hot and I’m sweating.
“Why wouldn’t I? You have the nicest rack of anybody I’ve ever seen.”
“Rack? Could you be any ruder?” I’m trying really hard not to smile.
He taps his thumbs on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. “I call it like I see it.”
All I can say is, he’s lucky he’s so cute and the father of my babies. They’re the only things keeping me from slugging him in the gut. My face stays warm for the next several blocks as I imagine him ogling me and liking what he sees. I resist the urge to toss my hair over my shoulder.
We pull into the port and up to the warehouse. The engine purrs as we wait for the big door to slide open.
“So what’s the plan?” he asks me.
“Plan for what?”
He gives me a funny look. “For telling people about the twins, of course. How can you be so casual about this?”
I shrug. “What differences does it make? I’m still pregnant. It’s not like it’s going to be that big a shock to everybody.”
He hisses as he shakes his head. “I think you underestimate your co-workers.”
I try to ignore the twinge in my chest. I don’t even know what the emotion is that I’m experiencing. Am I worried? Scared? It’s not like me to be timid about anything. “I don’t have a plan. If you want to tell everybody you can.”
He smiles. “Okay, I will.”
His enthusiasm worries me. “When are you going to do it?”
He pulls into the warehouse and puts the car in park. “I don’t know. I’m going to let inspiration strike, I think.”
He shuts the engine off and we get out of the car. Dev and Ozzie are standing at the edge of the workout area watching their girlfriends do some sort of push-up competition on the floor in front of them. Thibault is standing at the bottom of the stairs clapping slowly, encou
raging their progress. I get out of the car and walk around to the front of it, joining the crowd. Lucky comes over and drapes his arm over my shoulders. Then he clears his throat loudly.
“Everyone . . . can I have your attention, please?”
I look up at him, stunned at his volume and confused for a moment as to what he’s doing.
“I just want you all to know that my girl Toni is pregnant with twins!” A huge, beaming smile breaks out across his face.
My jaw drops for the second time today. I’m staring up at him, speechless. He called me his girl in front of the team, and he told our big secret like he’s proud of it. Is he insane? Did he mean it?
May screams first and then Jenny joins in. They act like they just saw the Beatles walk through the door. The two of them have fallen into a tumble on top of each other and they’re scrambling to get up.
“Did he say twins?” This is from Jenny. She’s on her feet and jogging over toward me.
May comes speeding up from behind her, shoving her out of the way. “Me first.” She runs toward me like she’s going to tackle me.
I hold my hands up to fend her off, but it doesn’t stop her. She grabs me in a hug and lifts me off my feet. She’s covered in sweat and stinks like iron.
“Congratulations! That is so cool!” she squeals.
Jenny joins us, pulling us both into a hug of her own, while May continues to yell in my ear. “Twins! I can’t believe it! Lucky’s luck is rubbing off on you!”
Jenny pulls away and looks me in the eye, our noses almost touching. “You are totally not getting any sleep for the next two years.”
Now May is looking at me, grinning with a sparkle in her eye. “Jenny and I can each have a baby to play with. This is so cool.”
I wrinkle my nose, feeling queasy all of a sudden. “You guys stink. Get off me.”
The two sisters high-five each other and let me go. Then May grabs me again, squealing nonsense into my hair. I can’t understand a single word coming out of her mouth. I really want to shove her away from me, but that would be mean, and I don’t want to burst her bubble. Apparently, my twin pregnancy is the best thing since sliced bread.