Maybe this happened in my head, and I only imagined it. Jorgen can’t act like it didn’t happen, like he didn’t feel anything.
I glance down at my hands, thinking about yesterday. At least Lucas had the decency of making me feel wonderful after we kissed. Jorgen just acted like he lost his mind.
Tension rolls throughout my entire body and I suddenly hate myself.
My world’s slowly falling apart when Jorgen leaves with Cassandra, holding her hand.
“Astri, you should’ve seen yourself in the sky, your blasts of fire were spectacular,” Hans says once all the dancers disappear. At least he’s still aware I exist. “But you must be careful. There are mages in the Eastern World who have been hunting your clan. Jorgen’s contest most likely made them aware that you’re under my protection.”
“Have you ever met a mage who killed any Wyverns?” I ask, not recognising my own voice.
I must figure out what happened eleven years ago. Hans would know if anyone’s been hunting Wyverns. Who better to ask? At this point, what do I have to lose? Jorgen just took off like his buttocks was on fire–he probably won’t help me, even if I were to tell him everything now. I know I’m inexperienced, but he’s definitely an enigma. Moody man, worse than a woman–I just don’t understand him.
Hans’ harsh voice bring me back to the stage. “No, but I’ve heard of those cowards. Wyvern creatures are rare and many shifters have to learn to respect them.”
His words continue to give me hope. I know I’m safe under his protection and if I find the other Wyvern who saved me, I know Hans will offer him sanctuary. When Hans stands to speak to Thayer, I want to disappear again. Waves of jealousy are streaming through me and my knees feel shaky when I begin walking away. Before the kiss, I had no idea about the extent of my feelings, but now I truly hate Lady Cassandra. She doesn’t deserve Jorgen, but who am I to decide how the duke should live his life? I’m just a scarred girl who was no one before he gave me a place in the castle. I feel my old insecurities bubbling to the surface and I squash them down, knowing it’s just the voices from my past trying to kick me when I’m down. I’m much stronger now and my scar doesn’t define me–not at all. I’m just hurt and angry.
I put my hood on and try to blend into the crowd. My stomach’s rumbling, so I buy roasted chicken and eat it as fast as I can, feeling hot and flustered.
The burning inside my core is making me slightly edgy, and I’m sweating more than usual. I desire Jorgen, and there’s nothing I can do about this attraction. We’ve grown close and what happened earlier simply made me feel alive, strengthening whatever bond it is we share. That kiss was desperate and wholly perfect–I know he felt it too.
I move through the stores, passing shifters, humans and even a few trolls on the way–strange trolls decided to show up. After some time I finally spot Emilia, recognising her colourful tunic. She set up a small store close to the building where General Pollock used as an office. It looks like Lenin and Jetli found her too. Marianna’s serving customers, while Emilia’s sorting the fancy packages for her famous love potions in the back.
She smiles widely when she sees me.
“Astri darling, I was wondering when you’d show up. My magic must have sent some positive vibes in your direction,” she says, hugging me and I inhale the smell of sage and her sweet perfume, instantly feeling better. “Your battle above the city walls was magnificent, dear. People can’t stop talking about it. Everyone here wants to get to know you.”
“Thank you, Emilia. I was quick but Falcon’s beast was powerful too,” I say, trying to hide my still shaky nerves. I’m not ready to tell her about the kiss between Jorgen and me. She can usually read me like a book.
“Well you were strong and brave. I think I’m done here, let’s walk. Marinna’s going to be fine. I really want to introduce you to someone,” Emilia adds, pushing me out of her stand, and leaving her potions all packed up. She seems very excited about something. “Are you sure you’re all right? You’re burning up.”
I smile weakly, knowing Emilia’s probably sensing the lust still coursing through my veins. I need to stop thinking about Jorgen, otherwise I’ll drive myself crazy with worry. Lucas is much more suitable and he’s a real gentleman.
“Emilia, I’m really not inter–”
“Oh shhh, it’s not even a man. Alexandra just moved to Rivenna and she’s so sweet and kind. She needs someone who can show her around and I thought about you. Over the past few weeks you were so bored, and I think it’ll be good for you if you spent some time with other shifters your age. Just give her a chance,” Emilia cuts me off and I’m a little bit surprised, hearing that she isn’t trying to hook me up with another male shifter.
People are staring at me when I’m not hiding under my hood. We approach a flower stand where a young-looking, female shifter stands, seeming very bored and tired. She’s a bit taller than me and has typical mountain shifter features. Dark, messy hair, wide jaw and pretty brown eyes.
“Alexandra, this is Astri. The Wyvern shifter I’ve been telling you about,” Emilia sings, hugging Alexandra warmly. Anyone who knows her realises she has a huge heart. Some people have no idea they shouldn’t cross her, because her magic can be truly lethal – they shouldn’t mistake her kindness for weakness.
I’ve always been reluctant to make friends because of my scar. Shifter girls my age have always looked down on me, but maybe it’s time to change that.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Astri. For Hommis, everyone’s talking about you. I was just talking to my husband about your blasts of fire–you were extraordinary,” Alexandra says, smiling widely and I don’t know why, but I instantly feel like I can get to know her.
“Okay ladies, I’ll leave you two alone. Mr. Simmons is walking this way and we haven’t spoken in ages,” Emilia says and before I can say anything she disappears into the crowd.
“Thank you. None of it was planned, but sometimes my inner dragon acts on her own accord,” I say, looking at her beautiful flowers that no one’s buying. “So, is this your business?”
“Yes, me and my husband, Robert had a shop in Lubijana, but we relocated to be closer to his family … you know when the kids arrive,” she explains, sounding very excited. “And we just set up a flower store next to Emilia’s shop, and that’s how we met. I’ve been feeling so lonely, not like my husband who already has plenty of friends. It’s so difficult to start all over somewhere else. I hope we can become friends at some point, Astri. I’m sorry if I’m bragging, but you seems so nice and down to earth. Emilia can’t seem to stop praising you.”
I smile, sensing nothing but positive vibes from her and that doesn’t happen very often. Alexandra doesn’t even look at my scar, and it’s so refreshing–finally not being judged by how I look.
“No it’s fine, don’t worry. Day by day, I’m surrounded by male shifters, so I hardly ever have a chance to talk to anyone my age,” I admit, sighing loudly. “The past few weeks were difficult. There’s been a lot going on.”
I glance at the crowd and my stomach lurches when I see Jorgen, he’s walking around the square, holding Cassandra’s hand. Hot rage explodes inside me and if I don’t calm down, my fire song will burn the entire place to ashes. I can’t believe he dares show her any affection after he just kissed me. Luckily, they don’t see me, being surrounded by guards. He starts laughing over something she told him, moving his palm over her bare skin. Fiery heat blazes my cheeks and my heart pounds heavily in my chest. I don’t know why I keep losing control like this–my sexual urges are taking over.
“Astri, you’re going through your heat season. The fire, I smell it. For Hommis, come on,” Alexandra’s voice reaches me and I glance at her horrified, aware she just discovered my embarrassing secret.
Chapter 21
Girl talk.
“I don’t know what you’re …” I stutter and pause, not able to finish my sentence. Alexandra widens her eyes, grabs me and then proceeds to drag me throug
h the crowd. “Hold on, what about your flowers?”
“Don’t worry, no one wants them anyway,” she shouts, through the noise around us. I have no idea where she’s taking me, but I’m still burning up and my skin’s hypersensitive. Violent waves of jealousy are rolling through my system. Jorgen’s a coward, hiding behind Cassandra and I hate that he kissed me now.
Moments later, we enter an empty building in the square. My heart’s still pounding away in my chest. The slow throbbing between my legs is making me want to bury myself underground and never come out–it’s so embarrassing. Alexandra’s married, but she must have sensed my fire magic and the fact that I can barely control myself. This isn’t supposed to be happening to me.
“What are we doing in here? This isn’t really … I mean, I can’t be in heat yet,” I say, shaking my head and pretending I can control my deepest urges. This is all Jorgen’s fault; if he hadn’t kissed me like that, maybe I wouldn’t have to stand in front of a stranger, stuttering like an idiot.
“So who’s the lucky guy? For Hommis, I remember when I was going through heat while dating Robert. Sometimes the flushes and heat were so intense that I fainted a few times,” she continues to talk. We’ve only just been introduced, so how on earth am I going to tell her that only yesterday I had my first kiss? She’ll think I’m pathetic.
The heat rushes to my cheeks and I rub my hands together, trying to breathe in steadily. She’s the only one who can explain what’s going to happen, and it doesn’t matter that she’s a complete stranger. For some reason, I instantly want to trust her.
“I don’t have a partner or even a boyfriend,” I admit and her smile drops. “To be honest with you, I’ve never been on a serious date, apart from one that happened only yesterday, so I have no idea what to expect.”
Alexandra pinches her eyebrows together with confusion. In a perfect world, female dragon shifters get engaged when they’re seventeen or eighteen. By the time they’re twenty and going through heat, they’re already married. I never in a million years imagined loving someone because of my scar. No one was ever interesting enough and for years I believed that my scar kept holding me back.
“Emilia mentioned that you’re the duke’s assistant, but she never said you weren’t married. I’m sorry,” she says, and then grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly. “Your pulse is racing away. Don’t worry. This is only the first phase of heat season. Things will get tough for you in the future, and it would be better if you can experience this truly amazing time with someone special.”
“Too bad, because it isn’t going to happen. I mean, I went out on a date yesterday with this guy. And he’s great, handsome and near perfect, but we only just met. I’m twenty-one years old and have no experience with the opposite sex. I better go, I’m sure you don’t want to listen to this–”
“No Astri, wait. Please don’t be embarrassed. I should be the one apologising, not you. We should talk about this. I hate that everyone in our society expects female shifters to have partners and be settled down. Being in heat, it’s a taboo subject–I get it. I couldn’t even ask my own mother about it,” Alexandra explains with a heavy heart and I’m surprised. I had no idea that female shifters don’t like talking about it. Every female dragon shifter has to go through this once in their lifetime.
“The past wasn’t easy. I never really had any friends before. I was just this scarred girl and other shifters stayed away from me. My human aunt and uncle brought me up; they’re clueless about magic or anything that has to do with our world,” I say. “So how long will I be feeling like this? And…the sex. I mean, can I go through heat without it?”
Alexandra purses her lips and shakes her head slightly. Basically she’s letting me know that I have to sleep with someone in order to be the normal, old Astri again. Great, I guess I need to speed things up with Lucas, otherwise I’m completely screwed.
“It’ll get worse, but you have a bit of time before you need jump onto someone and do the deed, so to speak. Shifters have sex to ease those crazy storms of emotions. Robert was great with me, he didn’t push me. What about the shifter–”
“He’s a mage, and he’s interested but I can’t expect him just to mate with me because I’m suddenly in heat. This whole thing’s very new,” I sigh, rubbing my cheek and thinking about other options. Jorgen’s kiss was heavenly and prefect and … no I can’t even consider going back there. He’s the duke and he’s taken–I need to stop thinking of him and he needs to stop sending me mixed signals. He’s marrying Cassandra.
“Right, it doesn’t matter, but you can still prepare for what’s about to come. There’s a list of herbs that will ease the symptoms and there’s magic too,” Alexandra explains and I listen to everything she says carefully. My mind’s a mess, but I’m suddenly very relieved to have someone who I can talk to about this stuff without feeling embarrassed. Some of the things she talks about sounds scary, but she promises to write down everything that I need to buy.
Ten minutes later, we leave the building and Alexandra starts cracking jokes about Falcon’s dragon. I tell myself to relax, there’s no point stressing over it yet. I still have time and at least now I know how to prepare.
We both go back to her empty flower stand and she takes a bottle of wine from her bag. We have a drink together, talking about her life before she moved to Rivenna. Slowly, a few stores begin to shut down, and I know I need to find my Pixies.
“Thank you for everything. You’re a life saver, we definitely need to meet up again,” I tell her once I’m a bit tipsy and my head’s a bit foggy. It was a long day, and my emotions are running high. She hugs me and I leave, hoping Lenin and Jetli didn’t get themselves in any trouble.
Thankfully, I find them by Emilia’s stand, but when I approach I see that Lenin doesn’t look too good. He has his palm tucked under his chin and he’s staring at the crowd, looking rather sad.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper to Jetli, but she rolls her eyes, and draws a love heart with her fingers in the air and then punches her fist through it. Lenin glares at her, annoyed.
“The fairy princess turned him down and now his little heart’s broken,” Emilia says, and Jetli starts rubbing his back.
“Don’t worry Lenin, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. Besides, she was a fairy and I thought you didn’t–”
“She was stunning, smart and funny. We hit it off, but then she told me that this would never work. Pixies aren’t supposed to have anything to do with fairies,” he cries, shaking his head, then flies away before I can say anything else to try to make him feel better. Jetli sighs loudly and flies after him. It looks like I wasn’t the only one who had my heart shattered today.
The next day I feel much better, and once I have a shower the temperature in my body eases back to normal. When I get ready, my stomach fills with dread thinking about going down to have breakfast. Lucas was at the fair and he’s looking forward to seeing me today. He sent a message through one of the guards and I have no idea how I’m going to behave around him.
Lenin’s in a bit better mood. Earlier this morning, he came back to the chamber giggling to himself, apparently he frightened Cassandra in one of the corridors and she went crazy, running back to her chamber. At least he’s able to move forward. I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave around Jorgen now. He kissed me, and my heart starts jumping around in my chest when I think about seeing him. Alexandra mentioned that at some point I won’t be able to control my urges at all–sounds just wonderful.
“Come on, Astri. Me and Jetli are starving and we don’t want to eat scrubs for breakfast,” Lenin says pushing me out of my chamber. I can’t hide inside forever, besides I’ve done nothing wrong. It was Jorgen who initiated the kiss, but the tiny voice in my head reminds me I didn’t push him away, and I enjoyed it.
The corridor’s empty outside my chamber, I take a deep breath and head downstairs. Luckily for me, the duke and Cassandra aren’t in the dining room. I grab a plate, telling myself to re
lax and enjoy the most important meal of the day. The duke isn’t planning to acknowledge what happened yesterday and that’s just fine with me. I need to focus on more important issues anyway.
Keep telling yourself that, Astri…
“Awesome, pancakes. We haven’t had them for ages,” Lenin shouts and I sit down after my plate’s filled with delicious food. Everything went great yesterday, Falcon’s beast was defeated and I showed everyone that I truly deserve being the duke’s assistant and I protected him in the process.
“All right, slow down you two, otherwise you’ll have bad indigestion later on,” I say, watching Lenin and Jetli stuff their faces really fast. The pancakes this morning are good, but there’s plenty enough to feed an entire army. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I have to force myself to swallow a few bites. Everything’s fine. Jorgen’s with Cassandra and I should be worried about finding Rosanna’s murderer, not pining away over a stupid kiss.
Unfortunately, I sense the duke approaching even before I lift my eyes. Heat rushes over my cheeks like a tidal wave, and I almost jump to my feet and run away, but that would be silly. Why can’t I just hide or become invisible right now? I should’ve eaten in my chamber…
“Lenin, Jetli how are you guys doing this morning?” Jorgen asks and my stomach tightens with a sudden wave of desire. I need to keep on ignoring him, and just maybe he’ll go away. “Do you mind if borrow Astri for a second?” Shit.
“Hey Lordi, lord … we’re okay. Not at all,” Lenin replies with his mouth full of food.
“Astri?” he asks gently, when I still refuse to look at him. It looks like my plan’s falling to pieces. A heady warmth trills through my veins and I don’t think he’s giving me any choice. We have to talk about what happened.