Worse than that, unsettled. After my long, thoughtful walk last night, I spent the majority of today engaging in powerful emotional cleansing techniques. I drew on my training, and for a while there, I honestly thought it had worked.
.…
Then I open the door to Yin standing around in a singlet, and I start stuttering like a child.
Just when I pull myself together, she pulls me apart again.
Why was she so afraid? What did Garl tell her?
If you’d asked me, I would have told you there wasn’t much in the Kingdom that could control Yin’s anger.
I was clearly wrong. I saw how withdrawn she looked. Her bitter words only underlined how… trapped she appeared.
That didn’t stop her from grabbing the door and trying to close it on me, though.
.…
With a careful breath, I puff my cheeks out and start to walk faster.
She stood right before me, staring up with as much concentrated force as she could muster.
. . . I didn’t stand back. I stared right down at her like a man facing a volcano.
It felt… good.
“Control yourself,” I mutter quickly, making sure my words don’t carry, “you’ve got a job to do.”
Unconsciously I start pumping my left hand back and forth. It’s something I only ever do when I feel out of control. A habit I thought I’d rid myself of over the years, but one that had reared its head in the past few days.
Ever since meeting the indomitable Yin.
Just thinking about her again makes me pump my hand all the harder.
Though it sounds suicidal, I want to turn around and go back to her room. I want to stand there and explain to her that no one is going to threaten Castor or her village. She must be mistaken.
.…
I hope.
I’ve known Garl for years, and in all those years he’s always shown himself to be competent, loyal, and upstanding.
However, he’s also proved himself to be uncompromising. It’s a required trait of a Royal General. He does not back down.
If he wants something, and decides a goal to be in the best interest of the Kingdom and the Royal Family, then he goes after it.
.…
I latch a hand to my jaw and push my fingers hard into my chin as I manipulate it back and forth.
I concede that Garl may have threatened her – he may have underlined how important serving the Royal Family is.
But he would never actually murder a citizen – especially not someone as valuable as Castor – just to prove a point. The very thought of burning down a village of loyal citizens is pure and simple madness.
No, Yin must be confused. She must have taken Garl’s warning to mean more than he intended.
As I convince myself of that fact, a single flame of doubt ignites in my mind.
Everything is different now Mara is the Savior. The stakes have changed. Never has this kingdom faced a task more important.
The end of the ages is upon us all, and the Savior alone has the power to save us. Though the Royal Army has fought many important wars over the course of Garl’s illustrious career, he would not have faced anything akin to what he does now.
Responsibility has a way of changing a man, forcing him to consider options he would usually turn from.
With a dry mouth, I reach my room. Quietly I open the door, and quietly I close it behind myself.
For the first time in years, I feel like screaming at the walls.
This situation is too much. There are too many variables, too many unknowns.
Sitting in the middle of it is something I shouldn’t be allowing to distract me – Yin. The simple girl from the mountains. The not so simple student of Castorious Barr, the most legendary warrior in the past century.
Pressing my fingers into my eyes, it takes a long time to walk away from the door.
I should get some rest, I know that – it’s been a long day, and tomorrow promises to be even longer. For tomorrow Princess Mara will be coming to the barracks to train.
I can’t even face my bed, though.
I want this ordeal to be over so my life can return to normal. It’s an empty wish, though. For now until the last day of the age, I will be at Princess Mara’s side, helping to save the whole damn world.
Wincing, I start to pull my armor off.
I’m aching, even though I haven’t trained at all today. It feels as though I’ve stood in front of a runaway cart. Maybe I have – the image of Yin facing me and staring fire into my eyes will probably be with me for life.
In fact, as I dress for bed and lie down, that image is all I see as sleep meets me.
It won’t be the last time I fall asleep thinking of her.