It feels so good to use the blade. It feels like I’m finally learning something worthwhile.
Castor taught me so much. Without him, I’d be nothing. Now I no longer have him, I have to continue those lessons on my own. For the first time since I arrived at the Royal Army, I feel like I’m finally doing that.
My time practicing with Captain Yang is some of the most useful I’ve spent in months.
Though I still pretty much hate the guy, that hate is slowly getting whittled away.
Of all the people here, he seems to understand me. Maybe it’s just an act; he’s a Royal Army sorcerer, after all, and he’s probably just trying to manipulate me. I can’t deny my feelings, nonetheless.
He’s attempting to understand me when nobody else is.
He let me train with the blade.
The blade… was incredible. So much more sensitive than the fan, and so much more direct. Heck, so much more useful too. When it comes to fighting the foot soldiers of the Night, and then the Night itself, I’m going to need a real weapon. The Night is not going to be impressed with me standing there in a dress and flapping around a piece of fabric and wood.
I need weapons and knowledge to win this war.
So despite how harrowing my dreams were that morning, by the time Captain Yang is finally called away, I feel good. Better than I have since I arrived here.
For the first time, I feel powerful again.
Not completely in control, but getting there.
As Yang is called away, I can’t help but thank him.
I’ve spent a solid amount of time snapping at the man, berating him, and being difficult. Now as he turns and follows several soldiers through the square, I call out a heartfelt, “thank you.”
I’m shocked by how heartfelt it is. In fact, I feel my cheeks bloom with warmth.
He turns and looks over his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, he just nods.
I smile.
It’s Captain Yang – the man who started all of this – and I still smile at him.
He takes the sword with him, handing it to some other soldier in the square, and leaving me with nothing but the fan.
I don’t mind, though.
My spirits have already been lifted.
Eventually Mae returns, and I’m silent and dutiful as I copy her moves.
She snarls and snaps as she always does, but I let her words wash off me. I’m no Royal Army sorcerer, but I pretend I’m just a stream rushing around them.
As I practice, I let my mind drift. I think about my training, about the Royal Army, about Castor, and about Yang.
I couldn’t have predicted this new chapter in my life. Several weeks ago, I thought I would be with Castor in the mountains until the end of the age. Now, as uncertainty is my only certainty, I find the courage to smile at it.
Despite what has happened to me, I’m still standing, and despite how weak I’ve felt along the way, I’m still strong.
If my dreams this morning were portents, for the first time today, I feel like I can fight them. Whatever is coming next, I can fight, because perhaps I’m not alone. True, I have no guardian anymore, and I have no one to confide in. But even the arrogant Mae can help me, even though she doesn’t know she’s doing it.