zoegirl:
BUT ANYWAY, I finally pulled Doug away and said, “Don’t you want to be with *me*?”
mad maddie:
ah, crap. and he wanted to keep playing cards with too-cool Canyon?
zoegirl:
zoegirl:
I feel loserish in so many ways.
mad maddie:
Zoe. listen up, cuz this is important. do u and Doug have plans for the rest of the day?
zoegirl:
I don’t know. He hasn’t woken up yet. I’m hoping we’ll go have breakfast together, just the two of us.
mad maddie:
stop hoping, cuz yr going to leave and yr going to leave NOW.
mad maddie:
do not pass go, do not collect $200. just grab yr stuff and tiptoe out of the room.
zoegirl:
???
zoegirl:
why?
mad maddie:
cuz he needs a taste of his own medicine. cuz he shld have treated you better, and he needs to be reminded of that.
zoegirl:
you really think I should just leave?
mad maddie:
hells yeah
zoegirl:
it wldn’t be too rude?
mad maddie:
it wld be exactly the right amount of rude. go!
Sun, Sept 22, 7:30 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
Madikins, I have been thinking.
mad maddie:
cool!
mad maddie:
I haz been eating the marshmallow moons out of my box of Lucky Charms. yolo!!!!
SnowAngel:
AHEM
SnowAngel:
I talked to Zoe this afternoon, and I can’t get that girl Canyon out of my mind.
SnowAngel:
Canyon, who wore a cute polka-dot bra.
SnowAngel:
did Zo tell you about the cute polka-dot bra?
mad maddie:
she did, but I think Zoe was more concerned with the Canyon part than the bra part.
SnowAngel:
well, I know, silly. that’s why I texted you instead.
mad maddie:
me no understand
SnowAngel:
you know the business class I’m in?
mad maddie:
the one you registered for by accident?
SnowAngel:
we have to come up with a fake start-up business. blah blah blah, boring boring kill me now.
SnowAngel:
we have to write a marketing plan and figure out overhead expenses and make a budget, and omg, it’s going to be a TON of work.
mad maddie:
is yr prof still a she-devil in sensible shoes?
SnowAngel:
why does she think anyone cares about this stuff? who in their right mind wants to be an entrepreneur?
mad maddie:
oh gee. I dunno. Bill Gates?
SnowAngel:
who’s Bill Gates?
mad maddie:
exactly
mad maddie:
so what business are you going to start?
SnowAngel:
none, obviously
SnowAngel:
but in Pretend Land, I’m thinking a store that sells really cute bras. isn’t that brilliant?
mad maddie:
like Victoria’s Secret?
SnowAngel:
NO, cuz my store wld be better and cuter and adorabler.
mad maddie:
you are nutso, A. I can’t believe that Canyon’s polka-dot bra is yr takeaway from Zoe’s shitty night.
SnowAngel:
does that make you not like me?
SnowAngel:
I *do* feel bad for Zo. but now I want a bra with polka-dot straps . . .
mad maddie:
I think I will put lotion on my heels, which are a bit dry. come here, plz, lotion.
SnowAngel:
and my business idea is good! I have deets and supporting evidence and everything, and the beautiful part is that I gathered it all just by living my life!
SnowAngel:
so here’s what I’m thinking. you know how you have to wear a nude-colored bra under a white t-shirt or cami?
mad maddie:
ah, such soft feet. now to the elbows . . .
SnowAngel:
I was BEMOANING that very fact last night when I put on my white cami as part of my kitty-cat costume.
SnowAngel:
I was a white kitty cat, btw. everybody always goes as a black cat, have u noticed?
mad maddie:
racist
SnowAngel:
so . . . put it all together, and voila!
mad maddie:
voila-wha?
SnowAngel:
*drags whiteboard into middle of room* *whips out yummy-smelling whiteboard marker* *spells out genius idea*
SnowAngel:
• cute bras are cute.
SnowAngel:
• nude-colored bras are NOT cute.
SnowAngel:
• nude-colored bra straps are especially uncute, especially when they peek out from under the straps of yr cami.
SnowAngel:
are you with me?
mad maddie:
in what way?
SnowAngel:
and then I talked to Zo, and der! someone needs to make a nude-colored bra (the part that holds up yr boobies, or in my case, booblets) but with cute straps! stripes or polka dots or whatever!
SnowAngel:
white cami? sure! and look! cute purple straps lining up all cutely with the white cami straps!
SnowAngel:
but look closer. can you see the bra itself through the cute white cami? NO, YOU CANNOT, CUZ OF BRILLIANT SEKRIT NUDITY!
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
so whaddaya think???
mad maddie:
I think they already exist. in fact, I know they do, cuz I have a bra that came with three sets of straps—all different colors—and you can switch them out whenever you want.
SnowAngel:
you do not
mad maddie:
I do
SnowAngel:
I completely reject that claim. how cld you possibly have a cute exchangeable bra-strap bra when I don’t???
mad maddie:
I think yr going to have to come up with a new business plan, love.
SnowAngel:
no way, not unless my stupid business prof gets all uppity and says it’s not BORING and BUSINESS-Y enough.
mad maddie:
well, V’s Secret works pretty damn well as a business.
SnowAngel:
back to yr bra.
SnowAngel:
where did you buy it?
SnowAngel:
and can I have it?
SnowAngel:
I really think it shld belong to me since I thought of it first.
SnowAngel:
Maddie?
SnowAngel:
MADDIE!
SnowAngel:
ah, screw you. go have fun with yr effing lotion, ya loser!
Sun, Sept 22, 10:21 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
I saw your tweet. do you and your sorority sisters ever study?
zoegirl:
also, please tell me that you ALWAYS do that buddy thing at parties, where you watch after your friends and they watch after you. no going up to guys’ rooms, no accepting drinks you didn’t pour yourself or see poured, etc.
zoegirl:
you have to be careful. this isn’t high school, you know.
zoegirl:
(although I kinda wish it was)
zoegirl:
(high school, I mean)
zoegirl:
(shhh)
zoegirl:
but yeah. so, anyway . . .
zoegirl:
I’m back from Oberlin. wasn’t the best visit ever.
zoegirl:
; sigh
zoegirl:
miss you, A.
Mon, Sept 23, 9:00 AM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
yoo-hoo! Maddie! are you awake?
mad maddie:
go away. sleeping.
SnowAngel:
if yr sleeping, why’d you txt me back?
mad maddie:
I said go away. I’m sleeping, fool.
SnowAngel:
coochie-coochie-coo! *tickles Maddie’s chin*
mad maddie:
did you not hear me, woman? I am SLEEPING, so quit yer yammering!
SnowAngel:
*folds hands in lap* *smiles pleasantly* *blinks*
SnowAngel:
you say you’re sleeping, and yet . . .
SnowAngel:
you txted me back ONCE. then you txted me back TWICE. then you txted me back A THIRD TIME! ah ah ah! THREE messages from Maddie!
SnowAngel:
*roll of thunder*
SnowAngel:
*clap of lightning*
SnowAngel:
AH AH AH!
SnowAngel:
that was me being the Count.
SnowAngel:
you know, that vampire dude from “Sesame Street”?
SnowAngel:
*pokes Maddie*
SnowAngel:
u still there?
SnowAngel:
oh, Maddieeeeeeee!
mad maddie:
OMG. my iPad flashes EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU MESSAGE ME! I’m putting you under my bed. g’night!
SnowAngel:
but it’s not night. it’s morning.
mad maddie:
not in California
SnowAngel:
um, technically it is. I mean, it might be early, but . . .
SnowAngel:
hey! this’ll perk you up. I saw Ian last night. he looks GOOD, lady. (not in an I’m-after-your-man way, obvs, but just, he’s a good man, your Ian.)
SnowAngel:
confused, tho. he said you were feeling out of place??? except you’re not, cuz you wld have told me if you were. right?
SnowAngel:
M-babe?
SnowAngel:
where you be, M-babe?
SnowAngel:
omg, did you really put me under your bed?
SnowAngel:
huh. at least there are snacks down here.
SnowAngel:
Mon, Sept 23, 9:14 AM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
I’m awake. it is now nine o’clock here in California, ok? you texted at nine o’clock Georgia time, which was fricking SIX O’CLOCK Cali time. six in the morning is NOT Maddie time.
mad maddie:
and as I am still fragile from having my sleep interrupted, I must request that you talk quietly. and with no exuberant hand movements.
SnowAngel:
MADS! YAY! I was so happy when I saw you pop up on my laptop screen!
SnowAngel:
I’m in geology now. soooooo boring, but the TA is handsome in a brooding Mediterranean sort of way.
mad maddie:
ouch. just burned my tongue on my coffee.
SnowAngel:
so wassup?
mad maddie:
nothing, other than me, and my head hurts. anyway, *you* txted *me*. I’m just txting you back. messaging. whatever.
mad maddie:
Angela?
mad maddie:
you still there?
Mon, Sept 23, 12:18 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
sorry, sorry, back now. had to smile at TA while I non-answered a tricky question about . . . I dunno . . . rocks.
SnowAngel:
what do you think’s going to happen with Zo and Doug? do you think they’re going to break up?
mad maddie:
cuz of that Canyon girl? is that why you texted me?
SnowAngel:
or maybe cuz of sex, cuz based on my observations (and ONLY observations, as I am the last virgin standing), college guys likie da sex.
SnowAngel:
is it possible Doug’s pulling away cuz of the sex thing?
mad maddie:
what sex thing? the sex thing that involves him and Zoe having sex?
mad maddie:
call me crazy, but I doubt Doug sees that as a problem.
SnowAngel:
yeah, but that’s *you* talking. you and Ian are really good at sex.
SnowAngel:
oh! and what I asked earlier. ARE you feeling out of place at Santa Cruz???
mad maddie:
no. maybe a little. but I only told Ian that cuz he said HE felt out of place sometimes, and I was being supportive.
SnowAngel:
Ian feels out of place? here at UGA?
mad maddie:
not as a general rule. just when his whole hall turns into a drunken redneck whooping party. times like that.
SnowAngel:
awww, poor Ian. I hate thinking of him feeling like that.
SnowAngel:
I think we all feel like that, tho. I bet every single person in college feels out of place at one time or another.
mad maddie:
yeah. but.
mad maddie:
that’s the point of college: to go somewhere new, even if it pushes you out of your comfort zone. and, you know, to make it work. to be yourself anyway, only bigger and better and MORE.
SnowAngel:
the next time I see Ian, I’ll take time to hang out with him longer. friends need friends need friends!
mad maddie:
as far as sex goes, that makes me laugh that you think we’re “better” at it than Zo and Doug.
SnowAngel:
you’re saying you’re not?
mad maddie:
no, I’m pretty sure we are. we weren’t at first, tho. we had to practice for the whole summer.
SnowAngel:
Zoe and Doug have had more time to practice than that, and I don’t get the impression that Zoe thinks it’s a laugh a minute. or an orgasm a minute.
mad maddie:
dude. an orgasm a minute? you. would. die.
SnowAngel:
that’s why they call it seven minutes in heaven! HA! omg, I’m so brilliant.
SnowAngel:
except, wait. wld seven orgasms send you to heaven? THAT heaven?
mad maddie:
going out on a limb here, but I don’t think two middle school kids + closet + seven minutes with friends outside listening and laughing = any orgasms at all.
SnowAngel:
which brings us back . . .
SnowAngel:
. . . to Zoe. you know it does. you *know* what I’m saying.
mad maddie:
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
mad maddie:
I do. but I also know that Zoe’s working on it.
SnowAngel:
“working on it”?
SnowAngel:
shld sex be work?
mad maddie:
sex shouldn’t have “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” this is something for Zo and Doug to figure out on their own.
SnowAngel:
OH, PLEASE
SnowAngel:
so yr not going to give them hands-on lessons?
mad maddie:
I think someone’s having unfulfilled libido issues.
I think someone shld discuss this problem with handsome brooding TA!
Mon, Sept 23, 9:55 AM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
Zoe. babe. orientation ends today, and tomorrow I meet my real roomie. I’m psyched, cuz I didn’t really bond with the peeps in my orientation group. I mean, they were fine. there just wasn’t enough time to develop Deep and Meaningful Relationships That Will Last Forever.
zoegirl:
I’m supposed to be making Deep and Meaningful Relationships That Will Last Forever?
zoegirl:
crap. I’m in trouble.
&n
bsp; mad maddie:
with my real roomie, it will be better. real roomie plus entire suite full of girls I’ll be with for whole year. yay!
mad maddie:
as for your crap, that is why I’m chatting you up, girl.
zoegirl:
I can always tell when you’re texting with your phone instead of your laptop or iPad because a) you’re faster and b) you make fewer typos.
mad maddie:
tipos? I never make tiptoes.