u there?
SnowAngel:
well, fine.
SnowAngel:
thing one: I saw Ian on the quad and we talked about Maddie. only apparently she didn’t tell him about her casino night OR her roller derby night. he had NO CLUE about either.
SnowAngel:
he started to seem a little sad that I knew stuff about her that he didn’t.
SnowAngel:
I guess she didn’t want him to feel bad that she was having all these crazy adventures without him. Like she wasn’t missing him.
SnowAngel:
I got worried that I’d accidentally busted her, but I covered it pretty well. I blamed it on the Vicodin, and then I told him that YOU were taking skydiving lessons—ha ha ha, like that wld ever happen—and he looked at me like I was crazy and asked if I needed him to walk me to my dorm room or anything.
SnowAngel:
also he said that Maddie sucks at cards.
SnowAngel:
and now thing two: turns out the random boy I kissed at the date party is the boyfriend of a Zeta named Mae.
SnowAngel:
apparently Mae’s mad at me, so that’s another reason not to swing by the Zeta house.
SnowAngel:
but I didn’t know who he was when I kissed him! AND I STILL DON’T!
Tues, Oct 1, 6:20 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
one last thing.
SnowAngel:
saw the pic you posted of you and Holly. y’all look palsy-walsy!!!! you have yr arms around each other and everything!
SnowAngel:
(she has BIG bazoombas. wowza. I wish I had big bazoombas.)
SnowAngel:
k, bye for real. mwah!
Wed, Oct 2, 7:00 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
I’m at library but can’t concentrate. can you chat, or are you busy?
mad maddie:
I am completely chattable. wassup?
zoegirl:
it’s longish. you’re sure you’re not off to do something exciting with Zara and the Esbees?
mad maddie:
I was gonna go surfing with them, but there’s a shark alert, so that got scratched.
zoegirl:
you surf now?
zoegirl:
Maddie, you are so full of it.
mad maddie:
Zo. I live in a beach town. ppl surf here.
mad maddie:
I haven’t actually gone surfing YET, but Zara was going to teach me. we just had to put it off.
zoegirl:
but what if it turns out like the rock climbing thing and you end up not having fun?
mad maddie:
who said I didn’t have fun rock climbing?
mad maddie:
you’re being strange, Zoe. are you stalling???
zoegirl:
about what?
mad maddie:
about whatever you txted about . . .
zoegirl:
ARGH.
zoegirl:
it’s so dumb—or maybe it isn’t. but earlier tonight I called Doug, and guess who answered? Canyon! that girl from his hall!
mad maddie:
she had Doug’s phone? why?
zoegirl:
she was in his room studying. that’s what she said.
zoegirl:
she said Doug had gone on a food run, but that he forgot his phone, and when she saw it was me who was calling, she decided to answer.
mad maddie:
WHY?
zoegirl:
because she “likes” me, apparently. she thinks I’m “great.”
zoegirl:
she was around me for a few hours that night I visited Doug. she was witty and cute, and, if I’m being honest, she was totally nice to me. if we had met in any other way, I probably would’ve liked her too.
zoegirl:
but none of that matters, because one girl shouldn’t answer another girl’s boyfriend’s phone. right?!!
mad maddie:
do you think something’s going on with the two of them?
zoegirl:
I don’t know! but my heart is racing and I feel like throwing up and I seriously might faint.
mad maddie:
all right, well, first you need to take some deep breaths. you’re going to be ok, you’re not going to faint, you’re not going to throw up.
zoegirl:
I might
zoegirl:
do *you* think something could be going on? do you think Doug would ever cheat on me?
mad maddie:
give me a second. I’m trying to imagine how I’d feel if I called Ian and this happened . . .
zoegirl:
ACK. nauseated. putting head between knees.
mad maddie:
ok, listen. ppl forget their phones all the time. I can easily see Ian going on a food run and leaving his phone behind.
zoegirl:
but what if you called and a random girl answered?
zoegirl:
only not random. a girl who lives on Ian’s hall and plays cards with Ian and shares a BATHROOM with Ian. a girl you know Ian likes, *supposedly* just as a friend, but who knows????
mad maddie:
I wldn’t like it, but I wldn’t want to overreact either. not without knowing more.
zoegirl:
so you think I’m overreacting?
mad maddie:
I’d want to hear what Ian had to say before jumping to conclusions, that’s all. did Doug think it was weird that Canyon answered his phone?
zoegirl:
I don’t know. he hasn’t called me back. but Maddie, I haven’t told you the worst part.
mad maddie:
uh-oh
zoegirl:
Canyon didn’t just say, “oh, Doug’s not here, but I’ll tell him you called.” instead she dropped her voice and took on this concerned tone and told me she thinks Doug just wants to be *single* for a while.
mad maddie:
whoa. wtf???
mad maddie:
what did you say back?
mad maddie:
no. rewind. start at the beginning and tell me the whole convo.
zoegirl:
sighhhhhhh
zoegirl:
I called Doug. Canyon answered. she said, “Zoe! Hi! This is Canyon!”
mad maddie:
SO strange
zoegirl:
she told me Doug was on a food run, and I was like, “oh” or whatever, but on the inside I was blank because I was trying to figure out WHY SHE’D ANSWERED MY BOYFRIEND’S PHONE.
zoegirl:
she obviously didn’t think it was strange at all, though, because she kept talking, asking me how my classes were and if it was starting to get cold in Gambier yet, stuff like that.
mad maddie:
she asked about the weather? seriously?
zoegirl:
when Oberlin is practically right next to Kenyon! I KNOW!
zoegirl:
so blah blah blah, I answered her questions, but as soon as there was a pause, I was like, “so Doug’s getting food? how come? are you guys studying or something?”
zoegirl:
and she said, “yeah, but not just me and Doug—a whole group of us.”
mad maddie:
good! that means it wasn’t just the two of them.
zoegirl:
except she said that part really quickly, and I didn’t hear ANY other voices in the background.
zoegirl:
then there was this long pause, and I could hear her breathing, and it was soooo awkward. but right when I was about to get off, she said, “can I tell you something that you probably don’t want to hear, but maybe you do?”
mad maddie:
exsqueeze me? no, she can’t, and why wld she put it like that?
mad maddie:
it’s like when someone starts a sentence with “no offense, but . . .”<
br />
zoegirl:
that’s when she turned on her sympathetic voice. she said, “you know Doug loves you, right? I mean, like, so much.”
mad maddie:
ugh ugh UGH
mad maddie:
she feels qualified to tell you this *why*?
zoegirl:
“but he’s struggling,” she said.
zoegirl:
I asked what she meant, and she said, “it’s complicated, because college is the only time in life when you can date anyone you want, you know?”
mad maddie:
what the hell? college isn’t the only time in life when you can date anyone you want. ANY time in life is when you can date anyone you want.
zoegirl:
she said it was “awesome” how much Doug and I cared about each other, but that even so, the best thing I could do was give him some space.
mad maddie:
???
mad maddie:
I hate this chick! and Zoe, I am so sorry. AND pissed. do you have her number? do you want me to call her?
zoegirl:
I asked her if Doug said those very words, that he wanted space, and she hesitated and said, really softly, “pretty much, yeah.”
mad maddie:
omg! she is so full of it! she’s trying to mess with your head, I swear.
zoegirl:
is she?
zoegirl:
would she make up an entire conversation like that?
mad maddie:
she might
zoegirl:
I don’t know. sounded too detailed to be completely untrue. but even if she made up any of it, why were she and Doug talking about our relationship in the first place?
mad maddie:
YOU DON’T KNOW THAT THEY WERE! she’s pretending to know more about him than she really does to freak you out. she *wants* you to think something’s up b/w them.
mad maddie:
and to answer your question from earlier? if some girl said all that to me about Ian, then yes, I wld be worried, and yes, I wld think something was wrong.
zoegirl:
I feel sick.
mad maddie:
thing is, you don’t know how wrong the wrong thing is, or even WHAT the wrong thing is, and the only person who does is Doug.
mad maddie:
you need to call him, Zoe
zoegirl:
I’m scared
mad maddie:
I know—and the whole thing SUCKS. I wish I weren’t so far away from you!
zoegirl:
I do too
mad maddie:
but there’s something you need to remember, which is that Canyon has known Doug for what, a month? you’ve known him forever. AND HE IS DOUG. he’s a good guy.
mad maddie:
plus, der, you know waaaaaay more about what’s going on b/w the two of you than she ever will. call him, Zoe, ok?
zoegirl:
I know, you’re right . . .
mad maddie:
cuz I am. I always am. call da boy!
Wed, Oct 2, 7:45 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
I did something bad, Angela.
zoegirl:
I was planning to tell Maddie the bad thing—she and I were just texting, and I fully intended to tell her the whole story—but I chickened out and told her only part of it.
SnowAngel:
ooo, then tell me!
SnowAngel:
I am in a borrrrrrrring Zeta chapter meeting and it is soooooooo borrrrrring, so entertain me with yr badness!
zoegirl:
it isn’t “entertaining.” it makes me sad that you think my problems are “entertaining.”
SnowAngel:
I don’t. I’m sorry. I’m just bored, but I’m not anymore.
SnowAngel:
what’s the dealio?
zoegirl:
things are weird—again—with Doug, only I think it’s more that things are STILL weird. as in, things never un-weirded since I saw him the weekend before last.
SnowAngel:
meaning what?
zoegirl:
the last time we had sex? when I drove up to Oberlin? it was bad.
SnowAngel:
bad how?
zoegirl:
it’s embarrassing and pathetic. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I haven’t. and Maddie doesn’t know either.
SnowAngel:
omg, so many secrets. Maddie’s keeping stuff from Ian, you’re keeping stuff from Maddie . . .
SnowAngel:
whatever this new thing is, just tell me, and I will listen and hold your hand and be supportive. I’m not in my silly mood anymore, I promise.
zoegirl:
you already know that the visit wasn’t, like, a romantic getaway.
SnowAngel:
cuz he was being a card-playing dwerp. yah.
zoegirl:
but I assumed things would get more romantic once it was just the two of us.
zoegirl:
I assumed we’d have sex that night, if nothing else!
SnowAngel:
does sex = romance?
zoegirl:
well . . . it’s supposed to. isn’t it?
zoegirl:
but we didn’t, cuz Doug’s roommate was there.
SnowAngel:
Doug didn’t tell him to leave?
zoegirl:
yeah, that was my thought. why didn’t Doug ever tell him to leave???
zoegirl:
then on Sunday morning I woke up before Doug. I was depressed and blah cuz of how the visit had gone so far, so I texted Maddie, and she told me I should leave without saying good-bye.
SnowAngel:
to punish Doug. I remember.
zoegirl:
so I said, “you’re right, you’re right, I will.”
SnowAngel:
ohhhh. but if you’re telling me this . . .
SnowAngel:
I take it you didn’t leave w/o saying good-bye after all?
zoegirl:
not exactly
zoegirl:
I kind of stayed in his bed until he woke up, and we snuggled, and for a while we watched some stupid NASCAR show with his roommate.
SnowAngel:
they have a TV in their dorm room?
zoegirl:
it’s his roommate’s. it’s wall-mounted. Oberlin kids are RICH.
SnowAngel:
huh. I’m happy with my tablet, thx very much
SnowAngel:
but is that the badness? that instead of blowing him off, you stayed and watched cars zooming around a track?
zoegirl:
no. gets worse.
zoegirl:
after a while his roommate got up and went to the dining hall, meaning Doug and I were finally alone. so I lay there thinking, “um, ok, aren’t you going to take advantage of this?”
zoegirl:
but he didn’t. so I did.
SnowAngel:
naughty Zoe! I don’t think that’s bad. I think it’s GREAT!
zoegirl:
well, don’t.
zoegirl:
I climbed on top of him and started kissing him in a way that said very clearly, “here I am, ready to have sex! don’t you want to?”
SnowAngel:
did YOU want to?
zoegirl:
kind of. I don’t know. as much as I ever do?
zoegirl:
I definitely wanted him to, though.
zoegirl:
meaning I wanted *him* to want to. I wanted him to want *me*, to prove that everything was still good between us.
SnowAngel:
and?
zoegirl:
eventually he got into it too, and it was all good—or so I thought.
zoegirl:
but then . . .
SnowAngel:
oh no. what happened?
zoegirl:
I
was still on top, and he was . . . AGH.
zoegirl:
he was, um. he had his mouth on my . . .
zoegirl:
he was kissing, or actually more like sucking, my . . .
zoegirl:
do I have to say it? aren’t you going to jump in?
SnowAngel:
he was enjoying yr beautiful boobies?
zoegirl:
that’s not the way I would have put it, but yeah.
SnowAngel:
what’s wrong with that? yay for enjoying your beautiful boobies!
zoegirl:
except I pulled back a little, so I could gaze into his eyes, AND HE WAS WATCHING TV!