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Stir Crazy [stur-krey-zee]
1.Restless or frantic because of confinement.
I hated that feeling. I couldn't even walk outside my door without someone running over to me and telling me to get back in bed. They either wanted me sitting or lying all the time, even when I took a shower, they made me sit on this handicap chair. They made me feel as if I couldn't take care of myself and well, that just made me downright angry.
I wasn't a child, I knew how to take care of myself and I didn't need them to babysit me. Dr. Salins came to check on me every morning and she's been noticing that my blood pressure spikes throughout the day. When she asked if I felt any different or if anything was bothering me, I just told her. Seems like her plan backfired. She put me in here to keep an eye on me and make sure my blood pressure was normal. Now, she's causing me to stress.
Once she monitored Julianna for a twenty-four hour period, she came in and had a meeting with Logan and I. "Julianna is doing perfectly fine. But I've noticed when you become angry or stressed, her heart rate bottoms out. That's the reason I wanted to monitor you a little more closely. I had the nurses document the times they came in to check on you and every time, your blood pressure went through the roof. Do they really bother you that much?" She asks.
I shrug, "I don't mind them if they come to talk to me or ask me something, it's when they tell me I can't do something that bothers me. I got up to get my phone charger off the table and I got yelled at. The table was only two feet away. That stuff makes me feel like I'm being babysat."
She smiles, "That's exactly the way I was when I had my first child. I was put on bed rest for two weeks and I thought I was going to go crazy. But, my baby's heart rate stayed elevated all the time. Julianna's doesn't do that. It seems she does whatever you do. If you get aggravated, she does. If you're content, she is. This doesn’t happen often, I assure, usually, the mother can't control anything with her moods, but apparently you can. I see no reason why you can't get up and do things as you please. But I do want you to be monitored, alright?"
"Does that mean I can go outside?" I ask, smiling.
She nods, "As long as someone is with you and you let one of the nurses know."
At that moment, I just wanted to jump up and down and scream, 'Freedom'! I haven't been this excited in a long time and I couldn't believe it was all because I got to go outside.
"Can I speak with you real quick?" Logan asks.
"Of course." Dr. Salins adds as they walk outside the room.
Wonder what that was about? I push the thought aside as I walk into the bathroom and freshen up a bit. I add some makeup, brush my teeth, and pull my hair up into a ponytail. When I come back out, Logan's waiting for me. "We're going outside, aren't we?" He asks.
"Oh yes." I tell one of the nurses where I'm going and we head downstairs and out to the park. When we start walking around the path I ask Logan what he was talking to the Doctor about.
"Well, I just wanted her opinion was all." He mutters and looks away.
"Hmm. On what?" I counter, knowing he's hiding something.
"I just asked her something. Alright? You'll find out soon enough."
I stop and stand in front of him, "You asked her about the beach house, didn’t you?"
He smiles, "I told you, you'll find out soon enough."
"So she approved it? Come on, Logan! Tell me!" I beg.
"She didn't say for sure yet. She wants to see how Julianna does today, with you moving around and she'll let me know tomorrow. Okay?"
I smile as we continue walking. The beach house was like home away from home and I really wanted to go one more time before Julianna arrived. It would be the last time we'd go as just a couple, the next time we'd have a baby and I couldn't wait to add Julianna's pictures to the wall. It was kind of like a timeline of our life and every time we added to it, it was just another milestone we had reached.
"I told your mom about the nursery. Why didn’t you tell her you did it?" I ask.
"I wanted you to, she'd come more to believing you than me."
"Well, it wasn't easy. I told her for two solid days that I did not decorate anything. I helped paint and I picked out the themed stuff, but you did everything else. Once she figured out that I really was telling the truth, she was pretty shocked and so was Alex."
"I'm sure they were. I'm not exactly the Cinderella type." He chuckles. We walk in silence a few minutes before Logan speaks up. "Care, are you worried at all?"
I look to him, "Worried about what?"
"You know, becoming a mother. You seem very calm about everything."
"Why, are you worried?" I smile.
He shrugs, "I don’t know... Kind of... I mean, I've never really been around children. And babies, they just make me nervous. I mean, what if you go do something and I'm left alone with her? What if she cries and I don’t know what to do?"
I wasn't expecting this from Logan but a part of me just wanted to hug him. He acted like the big tough guy all the time, but he really was a big teddy bear. "Growing up, I had many little cousins and I learned that babies can only want certain things. Usually, when they cry, they're hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. Sometimes their tummy aches and they want you to hold them. Trust me, it'll come to you. Besides, we're in this together. I'm sure we'll do just fine."
He smiles, "I guess you're right... I'm just paranoid."
"Everybody gets paranoid, especially with their first child."
He cocks an eyebrow, "First? I believe that implies they'll be more than one?" He smiles.
"What? Just stating a fact."
"Maybe little Jackson Nickolas won't be quite as moody as Julianna. And hopefully, you'll crave something besides sugar." He laughs.
"One step at a time, Logan. Julianna's not even here yet." I smirk.
After this conversation with Logan, I was a hundred percent sure he'd be a fantastic dad. Julianna would be our little Princess and I couldn't wait for her to get here. We'd finally have a family and I'd finally be a mother like I had always wanted.
Now, all we can do is wait and hope Julianna arrives healthy and hopefully, soon.