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Logan slept until the late evening and right before he woke up, Helen and Alex informed me that they had decided to go stay at a hotel for a few days. Now that Logan was back, they felt like they would be in the way. She said they would stay a little bit longer, in case I needed them, but then they would fly back to California.
I didn’t realize how much I had gotten used to their company until the house fell quiet again. It was a little eerie at first, but when Logan got up, it completely slipped my mind…
“Where is everyone?” Logan asks, stumbling into the kitchen.
“They decided to stay at a hotel until they left. They wanted to give us time alone, I guess.” I add casually, picking out a sour patch kid from the bright green bag. Logan watches me and grins. “What?” I ask.
“A part of me was really hoping you weren’t serious about that…”
I shrug, “You should know I’m very serious when it comes to candy.”
“So, shall we go see the nursery?”
“Nothing’s really different, I was waiting until after the baby shower before I started decorating,” I add, finally putting the bag of candy down.
“Still, I want to see the things you got with Katie.” I nod as he follows me up the stairs and into the nursery. I walk over to the corner and pick up one of the bags.
“Katie found this,” I smile handing him a couple of small towels with words embroidered in the center.
“Men who change diapers, change the world.” He grins, “Must be a hint, huh?”
“Totally.” I start handing him clothing items as he goes through them all.
He flips through each bag until he comes to a purple onesie and stops. “I’m cute, Mom’s cute, Dad’s lucky.” He reads as a smirk comes across his face. “Yes, I am.”
Finally! Finally, he kisses me on the lips and man! It felt just like it did the first time, electric. Then again, I’m sure my hormones heightened this, but still, I had been waiting on this for so long, I didn’t want to let go.
But when the phone rang, I reluctantly pulled away. “I’ll get it,” I add, leaving the room and heading into the kitchen. I pick up the phone and check the caller ID, it’s the General. “Hello?”
“Caroline, I’m sorry for calling, but I wanted to tell Logan something… How’s he doing, by the way?”
“Well, he seems like Logan to me. He just woke up a few minutes ago, actually, we were just going through the nursery.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt, this will only take a minute.”
“It’s fine, just a second.” I turn on my heel and find Logan standing right behind me. Wonder if he heard all of that? “How’d you do that? I didn’t even hear you come down?”
He shrugs as I hand him the phone. “Sir,” He answers. “If you want to know how I’m doing, I suggest you just ask me directly. Now, what did you want to tell me?” Crap, he did hear… “When?” He asks suddenly. “We’ll be there.”
He places the phone back on the base as I ask, “Where are we going?”
“They’re holding a ceremony tomorrow morning for the families of the soldiers…” He trails off as I turn around and begin washing some dishes, hoping he’ll just forget about the phone call. “Caroline, I don’t understand why you’re acting so nervous around me… What did I do?” He asks carefully.
“I’m not nervous, Logan. I’m acting the way I always have…”
“No, you’re not.” His voice deepens a bit. “You will hardly look at me when I’m talking to you, like now, and you won’t even get close to me. Ever since I got off the plane you keep studying me and for the first time in a very long time, I don’t know what you’re thinking. Why are you talking about me behind my back?”
My mouth drops open as I turn to him in awe. “I did not talk about you behind your back! The General asked me a simple question and I answered. What was so bad about that?”
His face begins to turn red and by that reaction, I know I shouldn’t have raised my voice. “You believe him, don’t you? You both think I’m going to develop some kind of disorder just because some of my men got killed! What do you think war is, Caroline! Lots of people get killed, it’s part of the job! I’m not going to develop some stupid disorder just because of that! I think you’re forgetting that I’ve been involved in the war before, I’m used to it! Why does everybody think I’m going crazy?” He reaches for the closest thing to him, which just so happens to be a flower vase, and throws it across the room.
I watch as it flies across the living room and hits the mantle of the fireplace, causing Nick’s honorary flag to be knocked off, as its frame shatters into a million tiny pieces.
Time stood still in that very second. I watched as Logan realized what he had done. He turned to me as guilt flashed across his face. “I’m so sorry, Caroline! I didn’t mean-”
“It’s fine. It’s just a frame.” I add, walking over to the glass and reaching for the flag. It’s still folded perfectly as I pick it up and dust it off.
Logan kneels next to me, “I really didn’t mean to hit that, Caroline, I swear.”
I stand up and walk away from him. “I told you, it's fine.” I start to walk out into the garage as he runs after me.
“Where are you going? I’ll clean it up.”
“I’m just going to step outside for a bit, I’ll be back.” I raise the garage door and continue walking toward the back of the house. I can hear him, he’s still following me. I stop abruptly, “Logan, please. Leave me be.” I pick up the pace as I no longer hear him following me.
The tears begin to fall freely as I clutch the flag and continue walking. Once I feel like I’m far enough away, I sit down in the middle of the large field. I only walked about a half of a mile and I can still see the house behind me. I know Logan’s probably watching me, but I don’t care. I just turn back around and cry as hard as I can. I figured it was better to get all of my frustration out now than take it out on him later.
Truth was, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Ever since I had become pregnant, I didn’t understand my body anymore and my emotions were so unusual, I never knew what I was feeling. Was I upset with Logan? Yes, but I knew that it was my fault for triggering his anger and as for my crying right now, I think I just wanted it all to go away. Why did this have to happen to Logan? Why right now?
How am I supposed to help him when I don’t even know how to help myself?
The longer I sat there, the more I thought about what else could go wrong. Should I stay the night or stay with someone else? That question kept coming to my mind and every time it did, the more I cried.
For the first time in my life, I was actually scared of Logan…
What was I going to do?