‘I’ll take you.’
‘No, I’ll walk. I need time to get used to the idea.’
‘Ellie, you don’t have to do this by yourself.’
She smiled wearily at him. ‘Go back to work, Mikey, I don’t want you to lose your job as well. I’ll walk along the river, so no one sees me. Don’t worry, I can follow it all the way home.’
He walked with her down to the path. It was cooler closer to the water. There were some ducks. A swan curved its neck down to feed. They stopped to watch.
After a few moments, Ellie took a breath and turned to him. ‘Can I have a hug goodbye?’
He held out his arms and she gave him a strange half-hug. It was clumsy and sad and not what he thought was going to happen at all.
‘I’m going,’ she said, ‘before I change my mind.’
He looked for fear in her eyes, but it seemed to have gone, replaced by a strange calm.
Forty-one
Ellie walked up from the river, through the gate and across the lawn. Her mum was kneeling on a bit of old blanket, pushing a trowel into the flowerbeds.
Tell her, tell her, you have to tell her.
She sat back on her heels when she saw Ellie. ‘You’re home early.’ She wiped the sweat away from her forehead with her sleeve. Her gloves were all muddy and she had bits of leaf in her hair. ‘Or have I lost track of time? I’ve been out here most of the day and it’s been fantastic. Feels like summer now, wouldn’t you say? Look at all these green shoots thrusting up.’
Ellie feigned interest, because this would please her mum, because it would delay things, because words were hard to find.
‘Those are tulips,’ Mum said, smiling, ‘and those pink ones are bergenia.’
Ellie squatted on the grass. ‘I need to speak to you.’
‘You’ll get wet sitting there.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘How was school? Was it OK?’
‘It was fine. I had Maths revision.’
‘Poor baby. I don’t envy you that.’
She turned back to her digging. ‘I’ve been tying things back and weeding. Look, I even planted some bulbs.’
When breaking bad news you’re supposed to ask the victim to sit down so they don’t bang their head when they collapse. You’re supposed to provide sweet tea, a blanket and a cool hand on the forehead. But what do you do when the person refuses to listen?
‘Mum, where’s Tom?’
‘Up in his room, I expect.’
‘And Dad?’
‘Norwich, trying to find a new law firm.’
Ellie took a breath. ‘So, did you hear me? Can I talk to you?’
‘I heard.’
But she didn’t stop digging. How easy just to listen to the sharp clang of the trowel hitting stone and to watch as a soft pile of mud and weeds landed neatly in the bucket. How easy to go indoors and get some milk, eat a biscuit, watch TV.
‘Can we go and sit on the bench?’
Mum frowned, pulled her coat firmly across her chest. ‘Is this about yesterday?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can it wait until Dad gets home?’
‘Not really.’
Her mum refused the bench, sat instead on the swing behind the walnut tree. Strange to see her there, like a girl, with her feet tucked under. Ellie sat on the grass and watched her pull on the ropes and lean back, her hair flying.
‘I used to love swinging when I was a child,’ Mum said. ‘Nothing could make me dizzy.’
Ellie was aware her mouth was very dry, like she’d walked through a sandstorm. ‘I’ve got something important to tell you.’
‘I think people lose something to do with simple happiness when they grow up,’ Mum said.
‘Please, Mum, listen. I have to go to the police station.’
Mum scraped her feet along the ground to bring her to a stop. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I’m going to make a new statement.’
‘You’ve made a statement.’
‘It was a lie.’
Mum shook her head very slowly. ‘I’m calling your father.’
‘Please don’t.’
‘You’re not talking to anyone until you’ve spoken to him.’
‘I am. The police are coming for me.’
‘Coming for you? They can’t just turn up and pluck little girls from their homes.’
The storm had come. It was right here, right now, and there was nothing to be done but face it. Ellie felt strangely calm, as if she’d stepped outside her own body and was looking down at herself.
‘Everything was confusing that night, Mum – what happened, what I saw, what I thought was true. When Tom got arrested, I didn’t want to get him in trouble, so I said I didn’t see anything. I thought it would all work out.’
Her mum strained forward on the swing. ‘It will work out. Last night, we sat round the table talking about it.’
‘It’s too late for that – new lawyers, shoes, clothes – it’s all rubbish. Listen to me, Mum, just for a minute. Please, will you do that?’
Her mother nodded, tears filling her eyes.
‘I told myself it was Karyn’s fault – she was drunk, she’s a liar, she’s jealous of us because she lives on a rubbish estate, she’s mad at Tom because he didn’t want to go out with her – anything I could think of. I made her a monster and I don’t even know her. I’ve only spoken to her twice.’ Ellie looked across the lawn. A blackbird was tugging a worm out of a flowerbed. A shaft of sun hit the very top of the trees by the fence. ‘It’s been doing my head in trying to find ways to keep Tom innocent and I can’t do it any more. I need to tell the truth now.’
Her mum had her hands over her mouth, struggling against it, maybe trying to come up with some new way of defending her son. Ellie understood. She’d done it herself for weeks.
‘Mum?’ Ellie whispered into the silence. ‘I think that was a knock on the door.’
They both listened. It came again. It had an urgent insistence to it.
Mum grabbed her arm. ‘Don’t answer it.’
‘I have to.’
‘You don’t have to do anything. Ignore them. They’ll go away.’
Ellie doubted that. They were more likely to batter down the door or smash their way in through the windows. In her experience, the angrier people got, the worse it always was in the end.
‘I’m going to answer it.’
The man and woman standing on the front lawn didn’t have uniforms, or truncheons or handcuffs. They didn’t even have a police car, just a plain white estate parked in the lane. They looked mildly surprised to see Ellie as she came round the side of the house and walked towards them, but covered it up with quick smiles.
‘Hello there,’ the woman said. ‘Remember us? We met a few weeks ago. I’m Detective Thomas, and this is my colleague, Detective Bryce.’
The man gave her a cheery wave.
The woman said, ‘We’d like to ask you a few more questions, Ellie. We’d like you to come to the station with us, if that’s possible.’
But before she could answer, Tom opened the front door and came out onto the step. He was wearing a vest and running shorts and his hair was sticking up. ‘What’s going on?’
Ellie shook her head, desperate for him to go back in the house.
‘What’s happening, Ellie?’
But how could she say? If she even contemplated for a second what her speaking to the police meant to him, she’d falter. Maybe the woman detective knew this, because she took Ellie’s elbow and steered her gently towards the gate. ‘This way, please.’
‘No,’ Tom said. ‘You can’t just take her. Have you got a warrant?’
He came bounding down the steps, but the man blocked his path. ‘Please stay out of this, sir. Your sister hasn’t done anything wrong and we’re not arresting her. There’s nothing to worry about.’
Tom tried to get past him. It was horrible. Terror flared in his eyes. ‘I want to speak to her.’
>
‘I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.’
‘She’s not under arrest, so you can’t stop me.’
‘Please, sir, you need to calm down. We’ll sort it out very quickly and bring her safely back, I assure you.’
Ellie took a step towards him. ‘Go back inside, Tom. I know what I’m doing.’
‘What does that mean?’
She dared to look right at him. ‘You know what it means.’
Tom shook his head at her. Then he bit his lip. He looked at his feet, then at the sky. Mum appeared behind him. She must’ve come through the French doors. She’d changed her coat, had her handbag with her.
Tom grabbed her. ‘Stop her, Mum. Don’t let her go with them.’
She put a hand on his arm. ‘Tell Dad where we are. Tell him to come home and stay here with you.’
Tom’s face opened in alarm. ‘You’re going with her?’ He buckled, leaned against the door frame to steady himself. ‘They haven’t even got a warrant.’
‘I’m aware of that.’
Tom watched her get her door keys from the hook. ‘Dad’ll go mad.’
‘I’m sure he will.’ She tried to give him a kiss goodbye, but he twisted away, yanked out his phone and stabbed at the numbers.
‘I’m going to call him. I’m going to tell him what you’re doing.’
Mum gazed at him sadly for a moment. ‘I’m Ellie’s mother, just like I’m yours,’ she said.
And she buttoned her coat and walked down the steps.
Forty-two
‘Are you absolutely sure my daughter’s not entitled to a solicitor?’
Detective Thomas sighed. ‘She’s here voluntarily and so doesn’t require legal representation. I thought I explained this in the car?’ She folded her hands on the table. ‘When my colleague comes back, he’ll be very happy to show you to a waiting area, Mrs Parker. I wonder if you wouldn’t be happier there?’
‘No, I wouldn’t.’ Mum scooped up Ellie’s hand and held it tight. That her mum dared to do this without consulting Dad was like a miracle of light in the middle of the dark. Tears of relief stung Ellie’s eyes.
‘Here,’ Mum said, and pulled a tissue from her pocket, fluffed it out and gave it to Ellie.
Detective Bryce came back with coffee in plastic cups and some plain digestives spread out on a plate. ‘How’s it all going in here then? Everyone OK?’
He was the jovial one, the note-taker, the coffee-getter. ‘Sugar, anyone? Milk?’ He passed out the drinks, offered biscuits. Finally, he sat down, opened his laptop and switched it on.
Detective Thomas said, ‘Right, I think we’re ready to begin.’ She handed Ellie a sheet of paper. ‘This is your original statement. Could you read it through for me, please, and then we’ll go through it point by point.’
Ellie knew the details off by heart. It had the date, the time Tom had arrived back from the pub and the names of the five people with him. Karyn McKenzie’s name swam in and out of focus.
‘Are there things that are incorrect?’ Detective Thomas said. ‘Or perhaps you’ve remembered something new?’
‘Something new, yes.’
The detective nodded, as if that was perfectly understandable. ‘Let’s run through it then, shall we? You originally told us that your parents were away, and when your brother arrived home at eleven o’clock with five friends, you briefly said hello to them, then went straight upstairs to your bedroom. You saw nothing more until eleven-thirty, when you heard laughter coming from the garden and looked out of your window.’ She picked up a sheet of paper in front of her. ‘I quote from your statement here, Ellie: They looked like they were having a good time out there, smoking and chatting. I noticed my brother and Karyn had their arms round each other. Karyn looked very relaxed. Anything you want to add to that?’
Karyn McKenzie worked a finger around the inside of her mouth as if she was making a spell. Tom appeared hypnotized. Ellie stood at the window, stirring her own mouth and wondered about having that kind of power.
Detective Thomas looked up. ‘Anything to add?’
‘No,’ Ellie whispered.
‘OK, so about ten minutes later you went to bed and had no further contact with anyone until the morning. Is that still correct?’
‘I did have contact.’
‘Who with?’
‘All of them, but Karyn first.’
‘When was this?’
‘I don’t know, maybe an hour later. She came into my room.’
The detective frowned. ‘Was she alone?’
‘Yes. She was looking for the bathroom, she said she felt sick. I told her there was one downstairs, but she said there was someone in it, so I showed her the one across the landing and waited for her to come out.’
‘You waited? Why did you do that?’
‘She wasn’t well. I wanted to check she was OK.’
Hot blood flushed Ellie’s face, because although Karyn was drunk and slurring her words, Ellie also thought she might nick stuff. She hated it about herself now – that she could be worried about Dad’s iPod on the bedside table and the cash lying around in her parents’ room.
‘She was in there for ages. Stacey came up looking for her, and the two of them stood on the landing, talking.’
‘Where were you?’
‘Back in my room. My door was open a bit, but they didn’t know I was there.’
‘And what did they talk about?’
‘The boys mostly. Stacey said she liked Ben and Karyn liked Tom. Stacey made some joke about the evening going well considering they’d only gone out to get chips, and Karyn said not to talk about food, or she might chuck up. Stacey asked why she was so wrecked and between them they counted Karyn’s drinks. She’d had two in the pub and three more at the house. They said the boys were trying to get them drunk. Karyn said something like, Well, it’s working. They both laughed at that.’
The detectives looked at each other. Ellie couldn’t read the signs between them.
‘And then what happened?’
‘Tom came upstairs. He said the boys were getting lonely. Stacey went down to find Ben.’
‘Karyn stayed with your brother?’
‘Yes.’
‘And did they talk?’
‘They kissed.’
The detectives must think Ellie was a weirdo, spying on people kissing. But there weren’t words to describe how she wanted a version of it for herself. She wanted to be dressed up and out of control on a Saturday night, allowed out to parties, able to find love in the dark.
‘Was the kissing a mutual thing, Ellie? Did Karyn seem happy about it?’
‘Yes, but they stopped when I opened my door. I told Tom I wanted to speak to him, and Karyn went downstairs. I told him Karyn was only fifteen and she was really drunk.’
‘And what did he say?’
‘He told me to chill out. He said Freddie had put two bottles of Dad’s vodka in the punch and everyone was knocking it back like water.’
Mum slapped her hand to her mouth. Detective Bryce looked up from his notes. ‘Are you all right, Mrs Parker?’
Mum looked as if she was going to be sick. Detective Bryce stood up and opened the window.
He said, ‘If you want to step outside, Mrs Parker, I can show you to a waiting area. This must be very difficult for you.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not leaving.’
Ellie leaned across and took her hand again. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I’m so sorry. Don’t stay, you don’t have to …’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
Her hand was warm. It was good to keep holding it.
‘OK, so let’s go back a bit,’ Detective Thomas said. ‘You told your brother Karyn was only fifteen. Did he say anything to that?’
‘No.’
‘And what were his actual words about the punch, Ellie? Do you remember?’
‘He said it was lethal and that Karyn had eaten all the fruit, which was the most alcoholic bit.’
?
??Did he seem upset or disturbed by how much vodka Freddie put in?’
‘No, he was laughing.’
She wanted to tell this woman, You don’t know him – he rescued me from a dog once, he’s funny and kind and helps me with homework. She wanted to say, He’s lonely, he hasn’t made proper friends with anyone since we moved from London. This is so much more complicated than I can ever explain.
‘Did you tell the girls the punch was that strong, Ellie?’
‘I thought they knew.’ Ellie’s throat constricted with tears. ‘I often wish I had said something.’
‘I’m sure you do.’ The detective scoured the papers in front of her. ‘So, did you and Tom say anything else after that?’
‘No. He went downstairs and I went back to my room.’
‘And what happened then?’
Ellie tried desperately hard not to leave anything out. She told the detective how she tried reading, but couldn’t concentrate, tried watching TV, but the music pumping up from the lounge was too distracting. She said she texted Tom to turn it down, but he never did. She came out of her room a couple of times and peered down the stairs, but there was so much laughing and shouting that she didn’t dare go any further. She explained that after an hour or so, when the laughter got ridiculously loud – up the stairs, outside her door, lots of shushing and stumbling about – she finally intervened.
She opened her door a fraction and two of the boys, Freddie and James, were carrying Karyn across the landing between them. She was laughing, her hands clutching for the banister, the wall, the light switch. But her laughter turned into a low moan as they swung her round and edged her into Tom’s bedroom.
Ellie opened the door wider, and there was Tom, coming up the stairs.
‘What are they doing?’ she said.
‘Why are you still awake?’ He seemed embarrassed, was half smiling. ‘Go back to bed, Ellie. They’re just mucking about.’
And he followed them into his room and shut the door.
Mucking about? Uncertain now, Ellie went to find Stacey, because if she thought the boys were out of order, she’d charge up and yell at them. But Stacey was nowhere. Ellie went from room to room looking for her, but she’d gone and so had Ben, and so their going was probably permanent, which meant it was up to Ellie to decide what to do.