But he was gone.
Jumping out of her seat, she headed toward the exit, berating herself with every step for allowing herself to get lost in the music. She shouldn't even have let them come inside, should have insisted that they leave as soon as she realized what Alec had planned.
He was tall and broad, so she could make out his shape as he strode past the crowds of people on the lawns. But it was dark enough that she was afraid she'd lose him. She picked up the pace, running now, not caring that people probably thought she was nuts.
Out on the lawn there were speakers so that people picnicking could hear the music. Which meant that even after leaving their seats, there was no way to escape the lyrics as James Taylor sang about how he couldn't believe the woman he loved was gone and that he wouldn't get to see her again.
Alec finally stopped at the far edge of the grass, and she sprinted over to him. He was facing away from her, and when she gently put a hand on his back, she could feel his heart beating wildly through her palm.
He didn't turn around right away, and when he did, the bleak expression in his eyes nearly dropped her to her knees. "Alec." She felt tears well up again, but it wasn't her turn to cry right now, damn it. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let us stay for this show. Shouldn't have made you listen to these songs."
He didn't speak for several long moments. Finally, he said, "I had to bring you here." He reached for her, brushing a lock of hair back behind her ear, his touch sending sensation zinging through her. "I knew you'd love it."
"I do, of course I do. But nothing that hurts you this much is worth it, Alec. Can't you see--all I want is for you to be happy?"
The way he looked at her then...she'd never seen that look in his eyes. Never seen that look in any man's eyes. Not for her. "I didn't just bring you here because I knew you'd love the show," he said in a rough voice. "I brought you here because--"
He paused then, and in that brief silent space, she couldn't help but hope desperately for the four-letter word he'd told her, more than once, would never come out of his mouth.
"Because?" she prompted in a breathless voice.
"You make me happy." He put his arm around her waist, drawing her close. "Happier than anyone or anything ever has."
Disappointment she had no right to feel choked her. Of course he wasn't going to say he loved her. He'd made it clear from the start that he wasn't looking for love. Until now, she'd pretended to heed his warning, had felt so tough sleeping with him and then going on with her day unaffected--when the truth was that no one, and nothing, had ever affected her the way Alec Sullivan did.
"You make me happy too." She forced herself to smile for him, even if the barest upturn of her lips was all she could manage. "No matter what happens, Alec, I'm going to be your friend. Through thick and thin. Good times and bad. Rain, sleet, or snow." Her vows of friendship to him were as important to her as any marriage vows would one day be to someone else. The thought of anyone else being this important to her, though, made her stomach churn.
He lowered his forehead to hers. "Through thick and thin, Cordelia. Good times and bad. Rain, sleet, or snow. I'll always take care of you." A rogue tear fell down her cheek as he gave her vows of his own. "Always."
She shouldn't want to seal their promises of friendship with a kiss. Especially when she knew sleeping together was a really bad idea. They'd thought they could blur the lines without paying a price for it, but they couldn't. She couldn't. Her heart ached to think they'd had their last time together and hadn't even known it.
"We should go," she said, forcing herself to move out of his arms.
"The show's not over yet."
"I loved it, Alec. Absolutely every second of it." She took his hand and headed for the exit. "But I'm ready to go now. Especially since it's late and we've got a long drive back."
"Actually, we've got reservations at a local B&B. But it's up to you whether or not you'd like to use them."
"For one last night together?" She didn't want there to be any gray areas. Couldn't let there be, for both their sakes.
"For one last night together," he agreed in a low tone that reverberated with desire and emotion. "I want to memorize every one of your curves, Cordelia. I want to capture the sweet little sounds you make when I touch, kiss, just the right patch of skin, so that I can hold on to them forever. If you'll let me, I'll make sure tonight is one neither of us will ever forget."
He hadn't even touched her yet beyond holding her hand, had simply told her what he wanted, but it was more than enough to make her insides spark, sizzle, melt for him. "I don't need tonight to keep from forgetting you," she said, "but I want it anyway."
And then their mouths crashed together in the kiss she'd been longing for all week.
*
Alec couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe the word that had nearly fallen from his lips.
Love.
He'd almost told Cordelia he loved her.
It had to have been his rioting emotions from hearing "Fire and Rain." From the crazy two weeks they'd had. From the mind-blowing sex.
Whatever the reason for the insanity that had gripped him out on the lawn at Tanglewood, he'd stopped before he could blurt it out. Cordelia deserved so much more than a man who had no idea what love meant for him. Especially when he knew exactly what love meant for her--and he was positive he could never live up to what she wanted, what she needed.
Suggesting the B&B was his last-ditch effort to hold on to her, just a little while longer. He'd assumed she'd say no, but just as she'd surprised him so many times before, she surprised him yet again with a yes.
Together, they walked up the curving stairwell of the century-old home that had been converted into a B&B. The furniture was antique, the wood floor gleamed beneath their feet, and Alec's heart had never pounded so fast. Cordelia had done this to him from the first moment he'd met her--she'd thrown him off his game by making him want to protect her, laugh with her, adore her.
She had the key and when she put it in the lock, he exhaled the breath he'd been holding. She could still change her mind--and of course he'd respect her wishes if she did--but he prayed she wouldn't. There were only eight hours until the sun rose again. Eight hours he wished he could spin into eight million.
But there was more waiting out there for Cordelia than a cynical businessman who felt like he'd only just learned what it felt like to be happy. After tonight, he'd force himself to turn her loose to find true happiness with someone else.
These next eight hours, however, were all theirs. Together, for one final night of bliss.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
"You're trembling," Alec said after they'd closed the door behind them and were standing together in the middle of the bedroom.
How, she wondered, could someone become as necessary as breathing? As precious as the sun rising? As magical as the first bloom in spring? Her knees already felt weak just from being this close to him. "It's because I want you so badly."
"I want you more." He teased her first with his sexy words, and then by brushing her hair back over her shoulder and lowering his mouth to the curve of her neck. One feather-light kiss that made her knees even weaker.
She had to brace herself with her hands on his broad shoulders as he slowly ran his lips along her neck until he found her earlobe. He bit down gently and her entire body melted into his arms. "Alec..."
"I love the way you say my name," he murmured into her hair. "Say it again."
The way he was pressing kisses all across her collarbone had her purring it instead. "Alec."
"That's how I'll remember it." He lifted his head so that they were face to face again. "Sweet." A dark heat lit his gaze. "And desperate."
Oh God, was she ever desperate for him as she put her hands on either side of his jaw and dragged his mouth down to hers. He'd promised her a night of unforgettable lovemaking, but she couldn't wait another second to be his. And to know that he was hers, one last time.
"Please," she said as she yanked at his shirt, his jeans, trying to get them off. "I need you."
Thankfully, her words seemed to flip a switch inside of him, from slow to fast. He was pulling her dress off and down her body as he said, "I need you too." Her bra came off next and then her panties, until she was completely bared to him. "You take my breath away, Cordelia." And then he was taking hers away too as he cupped her breasts so that he could lave both at once.
It would have been so easy to get lost in blissful sensation. But even this wasn't enough to sate her hunger for him. Tearing at his clothes the same way he'd torn at hers, she stripped away his shirt and jeans until he stood gloriously naked, his barely leashed power evident in every rippling muscle and sinew.
He lifted her so that her legs came around his waist. "Hold on to me. And don't let go."
Before she could tell him that she never, ever wanted to let him go, he was filling her, one broad stroke of his body into hers that had her crying out in pleasure. He tightened his hold on her hips, the muscles in his arms bulging as he lowered, then raised her, in a breathtakingly sensual rhythm of unbridled passion. And then they were falling onto the bed, rolling in a tangle of limbs and heat, until she was straddling him.
"Let go for me, Cordelia. Don't hold back."
She couldn't have held back, even if she'd wanted to. Because nothing had ever felt so good. Or so bittersweet as he crushed his mouth to hers at the exact moment that release shot through her. Every part of her lit with fire as she shook from the explosions that Alec was setting off with his hands, his mouth, his strong body all around hers.
And then he was calling out her name, sounding awed. And, for a moment, at peace.
*
Alec lay in the oversized clawfoot tub in the corner by the window with Cordelia against his chest. He was greatly enjoying running his hands over the bubbles on her soft skin.
"This is so nice," she murmured. "Just to be lazy for a little while."
"The birthday party must be taking up all of your free time."
"That's been really fun to work on," she told him. "It's figuring out what to do with all of Gordon's money that has my brain spinning."
"Were the advisors I recommended not helpful?"
"They were. But there's actually something else that I've been chewing on for a while, but since I didn't think I'd have the capital anytime soon, I just let the idea go."
"Gordon didn't leave his money to you so that you could give it all away." Alec threaded his fingers through hers and watched them float together on the water. "I guarantee he'd be pleased to know he was able to help you make a great new business move." He nudged the side of her neck with his nose. "So what's the idea?"
"You know how I've been thinking about expanding the garden center with more parties and events in the barn? Well, in England, garden centers often have restaurants on site." He could hear the excitement in her voice. "I've read a lot about them, especially one just outside of London called Petersham Nursery that sounds amazing."
"I've been there for lunch a couple of times." At her incredulous look, he explained, "I have a cousin who lives near the nursery, in Richmond."
"There really are Sullivans everywhere, aren't there?" she said with a laugh.
"You can't throw a rock without hitting one of us," he joked. "Petersham is a great place. Your customers would love something like that at your garden center. I'll bet people would even make the trek out from the city for it." For the first time in a long time, he had that excited feeling in his gut. The one he used to have when he and Gordon were building S&W Aviation from nothing. "You could easily put up a greenhouse-type space for the seating area, one with a retractable glass roof so that you could open it up on warm sunny days, then build on a kitchen in the back. And menus based on your produce would not only wow people's taste buds, they'd also all be running to your cash registers after lunch to buy up seeds and starts. You've got to do it, Cordelia."
"That's what I keep thinking," she agreed. "Only, I've got one big problem."
"I'm sure it's nothing we can't figure out together. What's the problem?"
"I only know one chef I want to hire. But I'm not sure he'll be interested in my small garden center."
"If he isn't, he's an idiot. Tell me his name and I'll convince him to do it."
She shifted slightly in the tub so that she could look directly at him. "His name is Alec Sullivan."
For a long moment, his brain couldn't process the words. "I'm not a chef."
"We both know you are." She let the water float her back against him. Taking his hands in hers, she wrapped his arms over her chest and yawned. "You're a lovely bath pillow too."
Other people who wanted something from him would have kept pressing their case. But Cordelia knew that planting the seed was enough to start him thinking, planning, dreaming about having a restaurant in the middle of her garden.
She pressed her cheek to his shoulder and closed her eyes. The moonlight streamed in, lighting up her beautiful face. He wanted to memorize every feature--the thick sweep of her eyelashes over her cheekbones, her full rose-colored lips, the curve of her ear.
She yawned again, her eyes still closed as she said, "I haven't slept well this week."
"Neither have I." Because his bed had felt too big. Too lonely. And every time he got into it and closed his eyes, thoughts and visions of Cordelia crept in before he could stop them.
He'd planned to make love to her all night long, not wanting to waste so much as a minute of their remaining time together on sleep. But the dark smudges under her eyes, and the fact that she clearly couldn't keep them open, made Alec change his mind. When the water began to cool, he lifted her out of the bathtub, wrapped her in a thick white towel, and carried her the short distance to the bed.
Making love with Cordelia was mind-blowing, but amazingly, getting to hold her all night while she slept in his arms was even better.
He laid her down on the crisp, lavender-scented sheets, and though her eyes were still closed, she reached for him, saying his name in a sleepy tone. He quickly dried himself off, then climbed in, pulling her close, relishing the feel of her strong yet curvaceous body against his.
Words he wished he could say, promises he'd give anything to offer her, crowded the tip of his tongue.
But love and marriage had only ever meant one thing to Alec--pain. And he couldn't stand the thought of causing Cordelia the kind of pain his parents had given each other. She stirred in his arms as though she couldn't get close enough. When he drew her more tightly to him, she made a happy sound in her sleep. One that made his chest ache with emotion.
Thankfully, tomorrow morning wasn't good-bye. They might end up working together in the future after all, in her garden center rather than his aviation company. And he planned on being her friend forever.
It would have to be enough.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
If someone had told Cordelia that she'd be walking on clouds and racked with heartache simultaneously, she never would have believed it possible. But even a full week after her afternoon and evening with Alec at Tanglewood and then in the B&B, the sweet bliss, the pure joy, the breathtaking pleasure still lingered. She would find herself in the midst of her flowers daydreaming about his kisses, his hands roaming over her skin. Standing in full sun, thrill bumps would break out across her skin at the sensual memories.
Their final night in each other's arms had been about so much more than sex, however. For a handful of precious hours in the dark, she'd felt as though Alec had dropped his walls and let her inside his heart.
Yes, she missed his touch, missed his kisses. But most of all, she missed being close to him.
Thus, the heartache.
She knew she'd gotten closer to him than anyone else ever had. And she felt lucky to have vaulted so many of his walls. If only that felt like enough...
Catching herself daydreaming again, she silently told herself to snap out of it. William Sullivan's
birthday party was tonight, and she needed every ounce of focus. Mooning over Alec Sullivan was definitely not in her job description.
Suzanne had invited William to stay with her and Roman for the weekend, the ruse being that they wanted a small family dinner in his honor. Cordelia was certain William was happy that his kids wanted to celebrate his birthday with him. She couldn't wait to see how thrilled he'd be about the big surprise party.
Cordelia had thought she understood what Suzanne meant when she'd said the Sullivans were a huge family. But she honestly couldn't have conceptualized anything like this--of the one hundred and fifty guests, more than half were Sullivans who had come from all over the world to celebrate with William and his children.
Beautiful. Accomplished. Nice. Those were the top three words that came to mind when she thought about the family members she'd met so far today. Cordelia's head was spinning as she worked to keep straight the Sullivans who fought fires and took photographs and raced cars and built sailboats and restored historic homes.
She already knew about Smith Sullivan, the movie star, and Ryan Sullivan, the pro baseball player. Another movie star, Tatiana Landon, was engaged to billionaire Ian Sullivan. Marcus Sullivan owned the Sullivan Winery in Napa and was married to Nicola, a pop star whose songs Cordelia had been listening to for years. Ford Vincent was yet another rock star at the party, married to a pretty and very fun cousin of Alec's named Mia. They lived in Seattle. And then there were Alec's cousins Sophie and Lori Sullivan, twins from San Francisco, each of whom had bagged seriously gorgeous husbands. Lori looked about to pop any day now with her first child, while Sophie had twins of her own.
But she was getting the biggest kick of all from the Sullivan kids, who ranged in age from nearly one to ten. They'd been running through her gardens for hours, and every time one of their parents started to apologize or tried to rein them in, she made sure they knew that not only did she love kids, but also that she definitely didn't mind things getting a little messy.
Most of the little Sullivans were currently focused on a new garden bed she'd suggested they put together--shoveling soil, planting seeds, watering the dirt until it turned to thick mud, and then playing gleefully it. She was glad that she wasn't the only one covered in dirt stains. All of them would have to be hosed off before the party, she thought with a laugh.