I laugh at him, shaking my head. He's referencing, of course, the fact that he'd sat on the bench during the game. In most arenas, the backup goalies never even sit on the actual bench on the ice, but rather get fully suited up to just sit in the locker room on the chance they'll be called in to the game. I imagine it was a lonely existence and Ryker has to be pretty disconnected from the ebb and flow of the game while watching it on TV.
He's not put out by it at all, though. He's self-deprecation at its finest, and I admire that.
"You have a good attitude about it all," I say. "It's impressive. I hope I'm as gracious when my career starts winding down, and that's not too far off."
"I knew it was coming," he says with a shrug. "Known it since I started in this league thirteen years ago."
The bartender comes back with my beer and Ryker's burger, and I order up the same. After he leaves, I turn to Ryker, curious to learn more about him. "So are you married?"
"Married, but in the process of a divorce," he says with a grim smile.
"Irreconcilable differences?"
"I guess that's a way to look at it. I wanted to sleep with my wife, she wanted to sleep with a different man. I couldn't reconcile myself to those differences," he says drily as he doctors up his burger, and I can't help but laugh.
"Damn, man," I say sympathetically. "I'm sorry."
"It's all good," he says. "We drifted apart long before this happened. Should have happened sooner, but you get caught up with pregnancies and kids, and next thing you know...you're staring at a stranger."
I pick up my beer and take a sip, considering this. No doubt Gina and I drifted apart a bit after Ben was born. We just sort of thought that was the natural way of things, children coming between the parents' bond. I have to wonder...would we have continued drifting? Would either of us have looked at another person and wondered if they held something better? I want to think a resounding no, but I've had so many doubts and insecurities about what we really had that I just can't know for sure. That saddens me greatly.
"Tell me about your kids," I ask Ryker, and the man's face lights up brighter than Rockefeller Center at Christmas.
"Two girls. Violet's six and Ruby is four," he says with fondness. "They're with their mom back in Boston."
"That's tough," I say. "Will she have primary custody?"
Ryker shrugs. "Not sure yet. We were going to try to work out a joint share. She keeps them during the season and I'd have them in the summer, but not sure that's going to work out."
"Why's that?" I ask, and then turn to acknowledge the bartender who brings my burger over.
As I pull the bun off and load it up with ketchup and mustard, Ryker says, "Well, the man that my wife was sleeping with also happened to be a teammate of mine on the Eagles."
"What the fuck?" I say in surprise as I slap the bun back on my burger.
"Yup. One of my much younger teammates. He's fucking nineteen years old," Ryker says, shaking his head with a grimace.
"That's cougarific," I mutter.
"Tell me about it. Don't get me wrong...Hensley, my soon-to-be ex-wife, has it going on in the looks department. She's hot as fuck, but come on...she's thirty-one with two little girls and this fucker still gets acne."
I snicker and pick up my burger to take a bite. That is some whacked shit.
"The worst part is she now wants to travel with him when he's on the road. She can't do that with the girls because they're in school. So she called me the other day and wanted to discuss the possibility of me taking them full-time," Ryker says, and then picks up a french fry off his plate to wave at me. "I'd kill to have the girls permanently with me, but fuck...I travel too. What am I supposed to do with them when I'm gone?"
"A nanny," I tell him pointedly.
"Is that what you do for your boy?" Ryker asks, and when I blink at him in surprise, he says, "I had heard about the accident...league grapevine and all. I'm really sorry about that, Zack."
I nod and give him a smile to let him know it's okay. "Yeah...well, I hired a nanny to watch Ben when I'm not able to and she's been working out great so far. I can get you the name of the service my sister used to find her."
"That would be awesome," Ryker says gratefully. "It may be moot. I mean, maybe Hensley will come to her senses and realize the girls are more important than her chasing around a young piece of ass."
"Dude...that's just some fucked-up shit," I say, shaking my head as I drag a french fry through some ketchup. "Tell me you stomped the guy's ass."
"Let's just say that he was on the receiving end of my unhappiness when I found out," he says darkly. "You could also say that little incident may have precipitated my trade from the team."
"What?" I ask sharply, eyeing him in disbelief. "The Eagles traded a veteran goalie with three Cups and four Vezinas because you clocked one of the other players?"
"Not just any player," Ryker says with a dark glint in his eye. "Patric Sutter."
I whistle low and shake my head. "Your wife slept with the number-one draft pick last year? Rumored to be potentially the greatest player the league has ever seen?"
"Little fucker," Ryker growls. "He's lucky I only broke his nose."
Leaning over, I slap Ryker on the shoulder with a laugh. "Brick...dude...I thought my life was fucked up, but you actually make me feel better about myself."
We both chuckle over that and chow down on our burgers for a few blessed moments of silence. When we finish, we push our plates away and order up two more beers. I have to say, this guy is completely chill and super easygoing. It's actually not a chore to talk to him...not the way it's been for me lately when it comes to interacting with people.
"If you don't mind me asking," Ryker says once we have our new beers, "how hard is it...being a single parent?"
I tap my finger against the edge of my beer bottle for a moment, considering the question. "In some ways, it's scary as hell. Having all the responsibility on your shoulders, not having a partner to help you make important decisions. But in other ways...it's kind of nice. I mean...after Gina died, Ben and I grew even tighter. We had no choice because we only had each other."
"I have the feeling that if Hensley goes through with this asinine idea of following that little dickhead around, she's not going to be very involved with the girls."
"Well, best advice I can give to you is go with your gut on things," I tell him simply. "Trust your parenting skills. You may not get it right all the time, but you will most of the time."
"Maybe this is completely doable," Ryker muses. "If I can find a good nanny like you have...this could totally work."
"Sure it can," I tell him confidently. Seeing firsthand just how well it is working out for me and Ben, I see no problem in encouraging him on this path. Of course, no guarantee he'll find someone as awesome as Kate, but maybe he will.
And just thinking about her has my mind now running off in a different direction. As I glance at my watch, I know she's getting Ben ready for bed. I had planned to call and check in soon, so I might as well do it now.
"I'm going to make a quick call to Ben," I say to Ryker.
"Take your time, man," he says with a smile.
I dial Kate's cellphone, mainly because I know she has it on her and wherever she is, so too will Ben be.
She answers in a haughty voice. "He who seeks the most wonderful nanny in the world, speak and you shall be recognized."
Shaking my head with a smile, I gaze down at my beer bottle and have a deep longing for home. "Most wonderful nanny in the world?"
"If you insist on calling me that," she says tartly, "I will not stand in your way."
"God, you're weird."
She rewards me with a husky laugh. Not a sweet giggle that she normally delivers, but one that is low and promising. It immediately makes me think dirty thoughts about her, and I do not need to be sporting wood in this bar.
Clearing my throat, I ask, "Ben available?"
"What do I look like?" she asks
impudently. "His social secretary?"
But before I can even say anything, she's pulled the phone away and I hear her say softly--indicating that Ben is right beside her, "Hey...Bilbo Booty Butt...your daddy's on the phone."
"Daddy," Ben squeals into the phone. "I miss you so much."
And, yeah...I'm definitely starting to like him calling me "Daddy."
"Miss you too, little man," I tell him softly. "So what did you do today?"
"Kate and I went to the library, then grocery shopping. We got a fake rat to hide in your bed," he rambles on, and I hear Kate yell in the background, "Secrets Ben. We have secrets."
"Oh, that was 'posed to be a secret," he says, and giggles. "And I just finished playing Chutes and Ladders with Sutton."
"You mean Kate," I correct him.
"No, Sutton. She's here. And Olivia too," he says.
"Oh," I say, absolutely shocked and confused that they would be at my home. "Okay...well, are you getting ready for bed?"
"Yup," he says. "Kate's getting my bath ready."
"All right, buddy. Let me talk to Kate and then I'm going to have her put you on Facetime just before you get into bed and we'll read a book together, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," he says, and then he's gone and Kate's back on the phone.
"Before you ask, Sutton and Olivia invited themselves over. I agreed and we ate dinner together, played games with Ben, and once he goes to sleep, we're going to drink a little wine," she says all in one breath of air. "And before you worry, I only intend to have one glass, as is Sutton, since she's driving, but Olivia said she might have more than one since Garrett isn't here to say otherwise. Any other questions?"
I blink repeatedly, staring at my beer bottle and willing it to give me some type of smartass response to tell her. I come up pitifully short and look to Ryker. No answers on his face either.
"No other questions," I say quietly, still with no clear answers as to why Sutton and Olivia are hanging with Kate. But that's a bear I'm not ready to tangle with right now. "Call me when Ben's getting in bed so I can Facetime with him a bit. I'm just finishing up dinner and will be back in my hotel room before long."
"You got it, Kemosabe," she quips. "Be about twenty minutes. Later."
And she disconnects the call.
I lay my phone on the bar and pick up my beer, kicking it back and chugging down the last bit. When I set it down, Ryker says, "Having another?"
"Nah," I tell him as I get up and fish some cash out of my wallet. "Got to get back up to the room so I can talk with Ben in a little bit. But, dude...enjoyed the talk."
And I did. I can tell Ryker will be a good friend. Maybe even better than Alex and Garrett because we have something in common. We're both single men that have lost our women.
"Yeah, me too," Ryker says as he holds a finger up to the bartender to order another beer. "Catch up with you tomorrow."
Chapter 18
Kate
I stand at the large window overlooking Broadway, dazzled by the lit billboards, flashing lights, and swarms of people still walking the New York City streets at almost midnight. So weird. Just this morning I was in Raleigh and now I'm in the Big Apple. I've never been here before and I'm overwhelmed and intimidated by it all.
This was completely spur-of-the-moment.
At least I think it was.
Zack came home from his road trip to California on Wednesday afternoon. I went up to my room, allowing Zack and Ben to have some alone time. Zack ended up ordering a pizza, and I came down to eat with them briefly. But when they both went into the living room to watch a movie together afterward, I decided to go back up to my room and give them some more space. Daddy and son needed time together.
I stayed up late that night. I read a romance book and tried to stay interested in it.
I waited for Zack to come to my room.
I assumed that he would come to my room.
There was just something about the connection we had made that led me to believe that sex was definitely not a onetime-only thing. While we had talked a few times over the phone while he was in California, and we talked this afternoon when he got back, there were never any direct conversations, looks, or even touches that gave me any solid indication that we would continue to be intimate. It was just a gut instinct I was going on. That gut instinct had everything to do with the fact that when Zack and I were together, he opened himself up to experience new feelings and I know it affected him deeply.
I know it affected him, because I then got "the speech"...that this could go no further. He felt compelled with the need to put me in my place. He established boundaries. He made sure that I would have no expectations. He didn't do any of that to protect me, he did it to protect himself.
And I understood that.
Had it not been for that little "speech," I would be having doubts right now. But the mere fact that he felt the need to protect himself made it crystal clear to me that he intended to push forward with this sexual relationship.
And Zack did indeed come into my room that night. It was close to midnight and I had just about given up.
"I wasn't sure you'd be awake," Zack said as he opened the door and leaned in the upper half of his body.
"And I wasn't sure you were coming," I replied.
"Ben and I fell asleep during the movie. I just put him in his bed."
Zack stood there for a moment, not making a move. I sensed uncertainty within him, but I waited him out. He needed to want to do this.
"I got you something," he said, and then stepped into my room, closing the door behind him. My eyes went to his hand and what was clearly a jersey clutched within it. He walked to the bed even as I was swinging my legs out of it to stand up. His eyes roamed over my body, as I was wearing the same white tank top and tiny shorts that I knew he appreciated. Uncertainty left his eyes and was replaced by hot need. "I know you said I couldn't buy you any clothes, but I figured you'd allow this exception."
He handed the jersey to me and I stretched it out so I could see the back of it: GRANTHAM #57.
I looked back up to him. "You got me a jersey?"
"Figured if you and Ben were going to come to the games and root me on, you needed to have one."
I didn't know what to say. I was totally surprised and completely confused. Why was he continuing to make little gestures toward me that showed thoughtfulness? That showed he cared?
Before I could even give him a word of thanks, his hands came out and wrapped around me tightly and his mouth went to work on mine. He let out a low moan of satisfaction when I pushed in tight against his body--dropping the jersey to the floor--and the next thing I know I was on the bed and Zack was on top of me.
We had sex again.
It was just as fantastic as it was the first time.
I had another amazing orgasm.
Zack once again operated on pure urgency. There was very little foreplay, but then again, it wasn't really needed. The minute he kissed me, I had gone wet with need, and the first time I put my hand down to palm his erection, it was already swollen hard.
It was fast. It was fantastic.
When we were done, Zack braced himself on his arms, hovering above me. His face was satiated, but serious.
"You and Ben are coming to New York with me tomorrow," Zack said out of the blue.
"What?" I asked in astonishment.
"I missed him this past week. I'm getting ready to hit the road again for two days and I want him with me."
And just like that, I was slated to travel to New York City with Zack and Ben.
Zack upgraded his normal room that the Cold Fury would pay for and got a suite. He and Ben stayed in one of the rooms, and I stayed in the other. There was a nice-sized living room between the two bedrooms, as well as a small kitchen. Zack also hired a car service to take Ben and me to and from the game, as he said there was no way in hell he wanted us to brave New York City cabs or the subway system.
After the game was over, Ben and
I got back to the hotel long before Zack was scheduled to arrive because he would have to ride to the hotel with the team on a bus. Since we were the visiting team, there was no family lounge within which Ben and I could wait for him. Thus, we returned to the hotel, and Ben was so exhausted, he fell asleep immediately.
I hear the sound of the electronic key card sliding in the door and my body tenses to face Zack. I find myself walking a tightrope with him. When we're in the bright light of day, we are employee and boss. We behave in a certain way...at arm's length, and all of our actions are done in deference to Ben. At night, however, everything changes and it takes a moment for me to be able to transition from nerdy nanny to tempting seductress.
It's confusing at best, demoralizing at worst.
Turning from the window, I clasp my hands in front of me with nervousness. We've been together twice...both times Zack made the first move by coming into my room.
I want him to make a move now, and the wonder of what he will do causes tremors of worry to course through me.
Zack sets the key card on a small counter that separates the kitchen from the living room. "Hey," he says softly, taking off his winter coat and throwing it over the back of the couch.
"Hey," I tell him right back. "You were great tonight."
And he was. Two points and, more important, the Cold Fury clinched their division. They were going to be in the playoffs even if they lost the last three games of the regular season. But the Cold Fury wanted more. If they win the next three games, including one at home next week against Pittsburgh, they will take the top spot in the conference over Pittsburgh and get the number-one seed in the playoffs. That's crucial.
Zack smiles in acknowledgment and takes off his suit jacket. It hits the back of the couch, coming to rest on top of his coat. He walks around the couch while unbuttoning the long sleeves of his dress shirt, and the act of watching him do this causes my nerves to fire and my breath to hitch.
He watches me watching him. His eyes do a slow crawl over my body and he sinks down onto the couch, pushing up his shirtsleeves and then propping one arm on the back cushion. "You didn't wear the jersey I bought you."
He doesn't sound hurt or offended in any way. Just an offhanded remark, so I go ahead and decide to be honest with him. "Um...actually, it's too big."