"Cool. Look at this hat." Tommy had somehow already managed to get outfitted like a real swashbuckler.
The only thing I could find was a sword.
The girls came out in their dresses.
"Wow," Tommy and I both said.
"Zack, why aren't you dressed?" Even dressed like Alice, I could still tell Zoey meant business.
"I can't find anything that fits."
We all dug around for several minutes, trying to find something that fit me, before Sunny put her hands up and said, "Time to move to plan B."
"What's plan B?" I asked and bit my lip. "A giant mouse costume?"
"Nope." Sunny held up a small green leotard.
"What?" I put up my hands. "No way."
"It's perfect. We'll add this green tutu." Sunny tossed them to me. "And there's a pair of wings over here. All we need is a wig."
"Oh, there's lots of wigs in the changing area." Zoey started clapping. "Zack, you'll be so cute as Tinker Bell!"
"No way. There's gotta be something else I can wear." I desperately dug around in the clothes.
"Zack, we've already searched everywhere." Sunny picked up a pair of wings.
"This is not happening."
"You won't be needing that sword, then." Tommy smiled.
"Not one word about this." I threw the sword (in the scabbard) at Tommy. "Not one word."
"Come on. Sunny and I will help you with the hair and stuff." Each girl grabbed an arm and started dragging me to the dressing room.
*
I think it was almost as traumatic as when my parents split. It was certainly more embarrassing. I stepped out of the dressing room. Tommy covered his mouth, doing his best not to laugh.
"Ignore him, Zack. You're so pretty. I think I'm jealous," Zoey said.
"Just want I always hoped for," I said. "Pretty."
"You even let them put makeup on you!" Tommy was rolling around in a pile of clothes with his hands over his mouth to keep from laughing.
I put my backpack over my wings, trying to keep what little dignity I had left.
"Don't worry. Once this is over, it will be like it never happened," Sunny said.
"Unless I take a picture." Zoey pulled out her phone.
"Put that away." I tried to look really serious. "If you take a photo, I might change my policy about hitting girls."
"Oh, a girl fight," yelled Tommy.
Zoey just smirked.
Chapter 14 – Autopia Madness
Of course Tommy knew where all the employees parked. Dressed as Tinker Bell, I was so embarrassed, Zoey had to push me out of the car. Plus, I was really uncomfortable. But by the time we walked through the employee parking lot, I had started to get the hang of high heels. "I don't know why girls are always complaining about heels."
"Try saying that again in about four hours." Sunny was holding Walt's head in an oversized bag.
"Oh, no. Look." I pointed to the tram. It was the same driver that we'd tram-jacked earlier in the day. His arms and one leg were covered in bandages.
"Don't worry. He won't recognize us," Zoey said as we walked over. "We're in disguise."
"I can't believe he's still working after that fall," Tommy added.
"That's Night for you," Sunny said, hopping on the tram. "Treats everyone like robots."
Sure enough, the driver didn’t notice us. He didn’t even get out or bother looking back before taking off. I think he might have been having a bad day.
The tram dropped us off at an employee entrance. We were all pretty freaked out about sneaking back into the park.
"Everyone, act natural," Sunny said as we approached the security gate.
"Act natural? I'm wearing a tutu and heels!"
"Shh…" Zoey said. "Don't worry. You're pretty as a flower."
I was about to tell Zoey to shut her big mouth, when a security guard noticed us and shouted, "Hey, youse. I need to check your IDs."
"Don't look at him," Sunny whispered.
"It's your purple hair," Tommy said under his breath. "Disney princesses don't have purple hair."
"It's only highlighted."
"Besides, they do in this dimension," Zoey said. "I love it, by the way. It's so daring—how do you keep it straight?"
"It's so much work."
"Can we cut the hair talk and focus on sneaking into the park?" I said.
"Sure, Zack. Just throw yours in a bun, and you're good to go," Zoey said. "Some of us have to work at it."
Ignoring the guard, we kept walking toward the entrance, but he waved at us. "Hey, I need to check your IDs."
"They checked them on the way in." Sunny smiled at him.
For a second I thought we were safe, but he answered, "I—I'm sorry, miss! I'm required to double-check!" And he started over toward us.
"Get ready to run," she whispered, then said, "I'm sorry; we're late for our performance. Gotta run."
"Run? In these heels?" I asked, with real panic in my voice.
Two more guards joined him, and they hurried toward us.
"Go," Sunny said.
I broke both the heels off my shoes, but we made it into the park, ending up right between Toontown and Tomorrowland. The crowd was thin, and we couldn't lose the guards running after us.
"We should split up," Sunny suggested.
"You and Zoey take Walt and head to the mountain," Tommy said. "I've got an idea. Tink, you're with me." Tommy grabbed me by the hand.
Zoey and Sunny headed left toward the Pizza Port.
"Look, Mommy," said some little girl. "Tinker Bell's boyfriend is a pirate."
I ripped my hand out of Tommy's. "Dude, hands to yourself."
"Just hurry up." He hopped over a short wrought-iron fence and ran right onto the Autopia track.
I followed him over, snagging my tutu on the fence. "Oh, no. I've torn my dress." My face burned with embarrassment.
But Tommy wasn't paying attention. He was too busy pushing an eight-year-old girl out of her car.
"Zack, lift it off the track." Tommy was opening the back and playing with the engine. The girl stood on the grass next to the car, staring at us with wide eyes. I hoped she wouldn't start crying.
I managed to lift the front of the car off the rail that kept it on the track.
"Okay," Tommy said. "Help me lift the back end."
Even with two of us, the back was much heavier, and we strained to get it over the rail.
Tommy gaped at the car. "I've always wanted to do this." He smiled, then said, "Hop in. I'm driving."
I jumped in as two security guards leapt over the railing; it looked as though they were calling for backup.
"I never get to drive," I said as we pulled away.
"Driving is for boys. Remember, Tink?"
A fence ran around the Autopia track, so Tommy had to drive down the ride's exit to get out. The guards ran after us, but Tommy had messed with that speed-limiting governor thing, and the car flew.
"Stop those two," one of the security guards yelled to a teenaged guy who was working the ride. Since we were the only car driving off of the track, we were easy to spot.
I felt bad, but the guy was reaching out to grab us, so I pretty much had no choice but to slug him with my backpack as we went by. I don't think I hurt him too bad.
Tommy drove out the exit and headed toward the middle of the park.
"The Matterhorn is the other way." I pointed behind us.
"We're the diversion, so the girls can get to the lab," Tommy said. "They've got Mr. Disney."
"Then how are we ever going to get back?" As I spoke, several more security guards joined in the chase.
"If we can't circle back, then we'll ride the zip line across the park," Tommy said, as if it was no big deal.
Chapter 15 – Auto Versus Churro
"Zip line? What zip line?" There wasn't a ride with a zip line.
"In Sleeping Beauty's Castle." Guests were jumping and diving out of our way as Tommy raced around the park??
?a few hollered nasty things at us.
"What are you talking about?"
"There's a zip line that runs from Sleeping Beauty's Castle all the way to the Matterhorn." He acted as if it was common knowledge. "It will take us right inside the mountain."
"That doesn't sound exactly safe."
"It's safe; there's even a harness. They use it to fly Tinker Bell over the park during the fireworks."
"I guess I'm dressed right, then."
"We're almost to the castle. Have we lost 'em?" Tommy turned around to check—just as a churro cart rolled in front of us.
"Watch out!" I screamed.
Tommy tried to steer around the churro cart, but we were going way too fast. The car plowed into the cart. Five-dollar churros exploded like fireworks.
Tommy and I flew into the air, along with the car. It smacked into a bronze statue that sat in the middle of a square.
Fortunately, we landed in a flower bed. "I guess these wings don't really work," I said, feeling a little woozy.
"Oh, no. Oh, no." Tommy was seriously panicked.
"What, did you hit your head?" I grabbed him by the arm and shook. "Are you hurt?"
"No, it's the statue. I think I just broke the statue of Walt Disney standing with The Mouse."
I examined the statue. "No, it's okay. They're still there. See?" I pointed to the statue of Walt holding the hand of his beloved mouse.
"Then what did we hit?" Tommy turned to our left. "We knocked something down."
Laying in the flower bed a few feet from us was a big, dented, bronze statue.
Tommy recognized it before I did. "Oh, thank goodness. It's just a statue of Mr. Night." Tommy started breathing again.
"What kind of huge ego does it take to put a statue of yourself up alongside Walt Disney?" I asked.
"I bet he'll be furious when he sees we knocked it down."
Coming out of the crowd, flanked by two security guards, was Mr. Night. "I think he already has."
"That's them," he bellowed. "Quick! Stop those kids."
"Run!" I screamed and followed Tommy toward Frontierland.
We ran through the crowd as Mr. Night shrieked, "Call out the Animatrons!"
"Oh, great. The animatrons. Just what we need."
"Hurry, follow me, Tink."
We started into Frontierland. Tommy had us make a quick left into an alley.
"Where are we? Is this place even open to guests?"
"It's a shortcut from Adventureland to Frontierland," he said, between breaths. "It's open to the public, but it's kind of a secret."
I had to admit his obscure Disney knowledge was coming in handy. "Do you think the security guards know about it?"
"Yeah, but they won't think we do. If we keep to back ways, we might be okay." Tommy went left into Adventureland. "Didn't one of those security guards look familiar?"
It was really packed in this part of the park. The crowds and the exotic music made it feel like a real Persian bazaar.
"Where we headed?" I asked as the sun began setting behind some fake trees that blocked the view of a parking garage.
"The Adventureland Train Station," he said. "We can take it to It's a Small World, and from there, it's a straight shot to either the Matterhorn or the castle."
"If we make it. I bet by now, they've downloaded our photos off the surveillance cameras. It won't be long before every robot in the park is looking for us."
"Then we'll have to avoid the characters, too." Tommy ducked under a rope that blocked off a pair of stairs.
"What's this?" I asked, following him.
"It used to be the entrance for the Disney Gallery, but they turned it into an exclusive hotel room."
"It's a hotel room inside the park?"
"Yep, but just one room and only for super rich corporate clients. Regular people can't book it."
"That stinks," I said. "How are we going to get in?"
"We aren't. We're just using the stairs to avoid the Pirates of the Caribbean."
Below us, two swashbuckling robots were standing at the entrance to the pirates ride. They were swinging their swords playfully while singing a sea chantey, something about the ride being down.
"Looks like Pirates is closed. Maybe that means Zoey and Sunny still have Walt's head."
"Hope so. But if Mr. Night heads back to the Matterhorn, he’ll probably beat us there." Tommy started down the far side of the staircase.
It only took us a minute or two to reach the Adventureland Train Station.
"Hear the telegraphy machine?" Tommy pointed to the station's ticket booth. "It's tapping out Walt's opening day speech in Morse Code."
I wasn't paying attention to him. It was a good thing, too, or I might have missed them. "Tommy, stop. The Seven Dwarfs are in front of the station."
"Bet they're looking for us. We'll have to go another way."
"We can't go back," I said. "The security guards are probably right behind us."
We started running toward Critter Country.
"Look. The Haunted Mansion—it's open," I said.
Tommy moaned. "Only one ride in the entire park that's open, and it has to be the scariest."
"Maybe they're getting the rides back up one at a time?"
"Or maybe they've captured Zoey and Sunny."
A way ahead of us, by Splash Mountain, in the middle of the path stood robotic Br'er Rabbit and Br'er Fox. They were shaking hands with guests and posing for pictures, but they never looked down; their heads just turned back and forth, scanning people as they walked past.
"We've gotta head back." I grabbed Tommy's arm.
"Can't go back, either." Tommy was looking behind us.
I turned. Standing not more than thirty feet away were the two security guards.
One of them was larger than the other. I thought, Man, he's big. Huge broad shoulders, bulging biceps, and that mustache—wait, no. It couldn't be…
It is.
The head of security was none other than: "Susie Jo Sikes!"
"It can't be," Tommy said.
Sure, she had grown—in at least three dimensions—but her face still looked the same, except thicker, meaner, and maybe a bit more facial hair.
"Quick! They haven't seen us." Tommy ran toward the haunted mansion.
"It's the only ride running; the line's packed," I said.
"I know a back way in." Tommy went past a gate marked Cast Members Only and up along the far side of the haunted mansion building.
"I thought you were afraid of this ride."
"Afraid, maybe—but I'm petrified of a three-hundred-pound Susie Jo."
"Yeah, I get that."
We quickly walked around the side of the mansion following a cement walkway.
Along the walkway were pedestals with old, worn statues of animals: a dog, a cat, even a frog. "What are those?" I asked.
"That's the original Pet Cemetery. It's closed to guests," Tommy said, then opened a door along the side of the mansion.
We were in the foyer of The Haunted Mansion, with its airy organ music and flickering lights. I'd ridden this ride a lot, but I'd never noticed that there was a side door until Tommy pushed me through it.
Tommy and I elbowed our way across the hall and into the famous stretching room.
"Over here." Tommy waved to me across the room. "See? There's the hidden panel that opens to the main ride."
"Kindly drag your bodies to the dead center of the room," said one of the cast members in a ridiculously low (and fake) voice before closing the door behind us.
We were packed in the room, and something tugged at my tutu. I looked down. "Miss Tinkwer Bell, may I have your autograph?" Two big brown eyes stared up at me through the dim light, and despite the urge to tell the little girl to get lost, I signed her stupid autograph book and smiled as I handed it back.
"Thank wou."
If you've never been to the park, well, your parents must not really love you. But also, you need to know that the ride is div
ided into two sections. First, there's a walk-through part, where you get packed into a tiny room that seems to stretch and get taller before your eyes. But it's really just paintings on rollers that unroll as you ride an elevator down to the main section. Once the hidden doors on the elevator open, you walk through a little section, with scary portraits hanging on one wall and a coffin along the other that leads to the real ride.
"Get ready to run when the doors open," Tommy whispered. "We have to be the first ones on for my plan to work."
"And just what is your plan?"
Before he could tell me, hidden speakers boomed, "Welcome, foolish mortals…" The lights went down, and I felt five tiny fingers wrap around my pinky. The ride went through its stretchy picture thing, which is really only scary because you know any second the lights are going to go out and you'll be in the dark, stuffed into a small room with a hundred complete strangers pressed up against you. A moment later, the doors in front of us opened up.
Tommy ran and I tried to follow, but someone still had my little finger. "Tinker Bell has to go now, sweetheart," I said as I pried the little girl from my pinky.
As I ran after Tommy, a high-pitched voice squealed, "Mommy, Tinkwer Bell is a boy!" I hope I didn't scar her for life.
"No running, please," said a guy dressed like an undertaker, standing at the front of the line, looking sort of familiar, but he was definitely bored with his job.
There was no one else in line, but the geek running the ride still made us wait for the other guests to catch up. I kept glancing at Tommy. Even though he knew everything about the ride, he'd never been on it and was looking around with wild amazement and a bit of fear.
"Okay, guys, take the first doombuggy." The guy pointed to the moving ride vehicle next to us.
"Good. There's no one in front of us," Tommy whispered, his voice shaky.
"It's okay. It's really not that scary," I assured him.
"Who said I'm scared, Tink?"
He was lucky I knew he was covering up for being frightened out of his wits. Besides, I didn't want to risk messing up my wig—which, thanks to Sunny and Zoey's expert use of bobby pins, was still stuck in place.
We entered the séance room: a big, dark, circular area where all the doombuggies turn and face a table with a floating witch's head. I got to admit, it was a little freaky, because all the doombuggies ahead of us sat empty, like coffins with invisible, ghostly riders.